Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

"Discipleship isn’t about perfection—it’s about intimacy with Jesus. He is drawn to our weakness, not our strength." - Jake Khym   Summary In this deeply insightful episode, Jake and Heather Khym explore one of the greatest challenges facing Catholics today: true discipleship. They share how the heart of a disciple embraces God as a good Father who desires intimacy over perfection. You'll hear powerful wisdom on parenting—letting go of the lie that we must “save” our children—and embracing our need for God. The Khyms also unpack how to navigate emotional overwhelm by slowing down and seeing ourselves through God’s eyes. Learn practical tools to build empathy and connection in marriage, like listening without judgment, advice, or blame. Finally, discover why we all need spiritual community throughout every stage of life. This episode is packed with grace, truth, and encouragement—don’t miss it!   Key Takeaways The most significant challenge among Catholics today is discipleship. The heart of a disciple believes that God is a good Father. Jesus is not looking for us to be perfect or do everything right; instead, He desires intimacy with us.  He is drawn to our weakness.  Parents need to be aware of the heresy that we are our children’s saviors.  We are not. They need God more than they need us.  When we are overwhelmed by our emotions, we need first to slow down.  Then see ourselves as God sees us.  In building connection and empathy with our spouses, ask them to share with us their story, and then we need to hear that story without JAB - no judgment, advice, or blame.  We all tend to be self-reliant, and that is why we need community at every stage, every season in our lives.    Couple Discussion Questions On your next date night, take some time to hear the story of your spouse. This may be something that you think about ahead of time and prepare for.  Sharing hearts and vulnerability in this way is key to a deeper relationship.  How can we work at seeing ourselves and each other with the eyes of the Father?  How can we see as God sees?    

“If we want our children to be happy and successful, if we want them to reach their highest potential in self-transcendence, then the most important thing we can do is replace screens with activities that turn their focus outward.” —Clare Morell Summary It’s no secret that addictive digital technologies like smartphones and social media apps are harming a generation of kids socially, mentally, and even physically. But a workable solution seems elusive. After all, don’t kids need phones, and won’t they be vulnerable or socially isolated without them? In this interview with Clare Morell, author of The Tech Exit, we discuss the lies parents have been sold about parental controls, screen-time limits, and even the effectiveness of screens in the classroom. There is another way!  If you need a shot in the arm to make the break from tech, listen in and see how digital technology is anything but necessary for children to live happy, healthy, and socially full lives.     Key Takeaways Putting limits on something immediately implies harm. Why are we choosing to expose our children to something that is harmful?  Dopamine that is released when a child uses screens affects the brain like a drug and produces cravings, not satisfaction.   Since screens have been in our schools, math and reading scores have hit an all time low.   Replace screen time with responsibilities and tasks, as well as hobbies and play.  Screens make us all feel like we don’t need other people.  It decreases community inherently,  Life is not about being constantly amused and entertained.  We all need time for reflection, activity, and boredom.     Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the screen time use in our home right now?  Are we happy with our own screen time?  How can we be better?  How have screens affected our family life?  What do we want to change about this?    Resources thetechexit.com  clare.morell.substack.com Messy Family Guide to Tech:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/  

Summary Parenting teens can feel like navigating a storm. Emotions run high and mistakes are inevitable. In this updated reflection on our original 2017 episode, we dive into the art of disciplining teenagers not just to manage behavior, but to raise mature disciples of Christ. We share what we've learned from parenting our ten kids, what it means to move from control to connection, and how to maintain strong relationships during the most challenging years. Whether you're in the thick of adolescence or preparing for it, this episode offers encouragement, clarity, and practical tools. Topics include: • Building trust and fostering independence • Avoiding the trap of control or punishment • Communicating values in a way teens can hear • Creating rules that actually work Couple Discussion Questions In what ways do we tend to default to control instead of connection when our teens challenge us? How can we help each other start with our own hearts before reacting to difficult teen behavior? What opportunities can we create this week to invest in one-on-one connection with our teen(s)? Are there any household rules we need to revisit or simplify to better serve our teens’ growth? What does it mean to us to parent for Christian maturity rather than just obedience?  

“The two great commandments name the three loves – loving God, loving neighbor, and loving yourself. All three loves are necessary and central to our Faith.  All three.” - Dr. Peter Malinowski   Summary How can I learn to truly love my family?  The reality is that the degree to which you love yourself will be the maximum that you can love your family.  Ordered self-love is not an optional thing – it’s essential.  This is especially true for spouses and parents because their love is tied intimately to the full flourishing of others, namely, their children!  We are made in God’s image and likeness, which means that, like the Trinity, we are constantly in relationship with others and even with ourselves.  Learning to love ourselves directly affects how well we can love others.  Listen in for advice from Dr. Peter Malinowski, Catholic psychologist and teacher in the field of therapy using Internal Family Systems.  This podcast is essential to learn how to love your spouse and children well, by first learning to love yourself.     Key Takeaways We are made in the image and likeness of God, which means that like the Trinity, we have the capacity for relationship within ourselves. The primary human relationship that we have is with ourselves, then others.  90% of conflicts with your spouse are a reaction to unresolved issues from the past, not what is happening in the present.   The “innermost self” is the core of the person, who we really are.  Our “parts” are small personalities inside of us who battle within us.    Couple Discussion Questions How can you begin to see each other the way that God sees you?  Think about a conflict you had recently.  Ask your spouse, “Tell be about why you felt the way you did.” and be open to learning more.    Resources To find a therapist:  www.soulsandhearts.com/therapists Interior Integration for Catholics podcast:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/interior-integration-for-catholics/id1503898046 Epidode 157 to 159 for an overview of IFS To learn more: https://www.soulsandhearts.com/

Summary:  Listen in as we respond to Catholic parents seeking guidance on navigating sensitive family issues through faith. One parent is concerned about supporting her 11-year-old daughter who expressed same-sex attraction after speaking with her bisexual sister. Another couple is figuring out how to explain same-sex relationships to their young children with both compassion and clarity about Church teaching. A mother balancing part-time parish work and parenting feels overwhelmed by her toddler’s distress and behavior changes. Others seek advice on newborn sleep training and resisting parenting product marketing. They all value faithful, practical support in raising children with love, discipline, and Catholic values amid modern challenges and we did our best to respond to them from our own experience - always giving principles but encouraging them to make their own choices.     References:  Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First 3 Years Matters   https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143109294?linkCode=ssc&tag=onamzmessypar-20&creativeASIN=0143109294&asc_item-id=amzn1.ideas.26NWEBLKG2VH&ref_=aip_sf_list_spv_ons_d_asin Age Appropriate:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-048-age-appropriateness/ The Art of Raising Humans:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/mpf-326-the-art-of-raising-humans/ Key Takeaways When a child is coming to sexual maturity around 11-13 it is a very sensitive time of development and parents need to be very careful about the messages those kids are receiving at that time.  How we respond emotionally to alternative lifestyles is a powerful example to our children of how to love people who don’t share our values Kids, especially toddlers, have no idea how to express their emotions so we have to recognize what they are going through, even if it's not the ideal situation, and respond to it.  The key to babies sleeping is routines!  And getting them to a point when they are almost asleep, but not quite asleep.  Give them support to fall asleep independently and little by little they will be able to do it!  Every parent needs to take in the different philosophies of parenting and do what works for them!  As children grow, you will respond to them differently - sometimes with more directives, and sometimes with more conversations.  It all depends on their stage of development!  

Dr. Sean and Nicole Tobin, a dynamic couple dedicated to nurturing families in the Holy Spirit's power, share invaluable insights. They emphasize the need for divine guidance in parenting, revealing how the Holy Spirit can transform family dynamics. Discussing the importance of prayer, they offer practical ways to integrate spirituality into everyday life. Personal stories highlight children’s ability to develop a genuine faith. The Tobins inspire parents to embrace their role as spiritual leaders, fostering a vibrant family environment filled with love and compassion.

“We need to give God room to show up. Often we try to fix and solve everything without waiting for God to act” - Jonathan and Amanda Texiera   Summary The number one conflict in marriages, statistically, is money.  How we spend our money reflects our values, but also our belief in the providence of God.  Do we truly believe that God cares about all of our life, including our financial needs?  How much are we truly trusting in Him and His provision and not just giving in to panic and fear?  In this podcast, we invited our friends Jonathan and Amanda Texiera of Wallet Win to give us some encouragement to give our entire lives over to God and believe that He cares for us completely.  They give spiritual principles, but also practical advice for families to reject fear and embrace trust.     Key Takeaways Remind yourselves of what God has done in your lives and invite God into your money, he wants to be part of your life Give God room to show up - we try to fix and solve everything without waiting for God to act Create financial oneness in our marriage Live as financial disciples - play the long game   Couple Discussion Questions Look at the fruits of panic and trusting providence.  How have you experienced these?  List the ways that God has provided for you.  Where can you trust him more?    Resources https://walletwin.com/  

"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed." - G.K. Chesterton   Summary Movies shape more than behavior — they form the imagination, the moral compass, and the heart. Catholic parents are not merely protecting innocence; they are cultivating virtue and wonder. In this episode, we explore how stories shape our children, how to choose wisely, and how to use movies as part of a rich Catholic family culture. Jesus used stories to teach. So do we.   Key Takeaways   Here are four filters that parents can use to decide what movies to watch with their children:   Content – Surface-level: language, nudity, violence, disrespect. Different for every family.  Talk about this with spouse May change as the kids get older Context / Theme–  Does it glorify sin, or does it show redemption? Does this movie affirm the dignity of the human person? What’s the movie saying about truth, identity, family, and faith? Does it honor the sacrificial nature of love? Does it support the family or undermine it? Is faith treated with reverence, or ridicule? Beauty Is it ugly?is does it nourish the soul and imagination? Is this edifying? Does it educate, challenge, or cause me to grow and bear good fruit? Character Arc – Are the heroes virtuous? Are sinners redeemed? Remember: It's not enough to avoid what is harmful. We must actively seek what is holy, good, and true. 🧰 Trusted Tools for Parents: IMDB parents guide - use this to search by adding your movie title https://www.imdb.com/title/tt26743210/parentalguide/ Common Sense Media — secular, but useful for content breakdowns. MovieGuide — faith-based reviews of current films. Catholic News Service Movie Reviews — Catholic perspective with theological commentary. Your Own Conscience — Don’t ignore the check in your spirit as a parent.  

Motherhood fundamentally reshapes a woman's brain, giving her a unique ability to manage numerous tasks simultaneously. This can be empowering but also overwhelming, especially during stressful times. The hosts discuss the concept of 'mental load,' emphasizing the need for men to share these responsibilities without falling into comparison. They explore how couples can support each other, appreciate differences, and foster open communication. Ultimately, they advocate for gratitude and shared roles to create a balanced family dynamic.

“True power is not dependent upon the invented honors of earth.  True power is that which guides, shapes, carves, and claims the souls of men.  And the souls of men are most often won and lost at the feet of mothers.” - Kimberly Ells   Summary Does it feel like its harder to be a parent today than ever before? There are powers arrayed against the family - powers in secular philosophies, modern politics, and even our education system.  The roots of these forces are deep and have been growing for years, but we are just now seeing their ugly fruit.  We would like you to take some time to comprehend how these philosophies have affected your understanding of the roles of mothers, fathers, children, and the family as a social unit.  This podcast was inspired by and draws from The Invincible Family by Kimberly Ells. The world needs parents more than ever!  We hope this conversation inspires you to double down on being an intentional, and therefore, invincible family.   Key Takeaways   What is the ultimate goal of socialism, feminism, and sexual radicalism?  To separate children from their parents by deceiving parents into giving up their rights to their children.  Satan wants us to feel quaint, small, and insignificant.  But the reality is that if we are going to change this world, we need to believe that what we are doing is mighty and important, and IRREPLACEABLE.  Children are the future. Every revolutionary wants to control the children.  Whoever controls the children controls the society.  So the parent/child bond needs to be broken for secular forces to control our children.  First, it started with Dad.  Now they are working on unseating moms, taking her out of the home, denigrating having children, and being a mother.   The best thing you can give your child is not education - the best you can give your child is YOU. Women cannot do everything men can do.  And confident women are perfectly fine with this fact.