The Good Enough Mother

In today’s podcast conversation with Kat River, we explore the question of ‘how can we disrupt our ideas of what motherhood means, to redefine it for ourselves, through our creativity?’ Kat is a retreat facilitator, former couples coach, and speaker who talks about her transition from maiden to mother, drawing on tools of creativity to honour and traverse self transformation through becoming a mother. Kat shares her insights on how motherhood has encouraged her to deepen and change her relationship to her work, her creativity, her relationships, and her identity. This involves navigating boundaries and priorities, examining inner fears and beliefs around a loss of independence and taking 'time out', and learning how to facilitate opportunities for our life and work focusses to evolve, change and shift. We reflect on how the postpartum period has the potential to be an invitation for deeper self knowledge, the importance of self-witnessing and honouring ourselves in a transitional time, and how it can be a training ground for our lives. We also look at relationships and codependency, fulfilment, and navigating the unexpected sides of motherhood with ‘leaps of faith’; relinquishing a sense of perceived control, while also recognising the structural and contextual challenges mothers also face. This is a conversation that speaks to the possibilities of exploring a life of integration between mother, woman, and creator, and allowing fluidity in how we see ourselves and the world. Kat River lives in the Noosa hinterland with her husband Tully & two year old son Rafi. Kat is a multicreative expressionist, and hosts a slow podcast "Mother Maker" centered towards mother creatives, mother entrepreneurs, mother mystics and intuitive motherhood. Those who are finding their own harmony (And often not harmony) between motherhood, and creative/work/career pursuits. She supports mother creatives in their magnificence through Mother Maker, as it evolves from a podcast, to events, retreats and a festival to cultivate community and reimagining the modern village of motherhood... though above all else, navigating the slow days of motherhood, and raising a little wildling. You can find Kat on her instagram: @the.kat.river and turn on post notifications if you want to keep up with everything she shares. Her podcast is "Mother Maker" and available on spotify, Apple Podcasts & Anchor. Email is Hellokatriver@gmail.com

This podcast episode is an unpacking and discussion of the recent Netflix production The Lost Daughter, based on the novel of the same name by the pseudonymous Italian novelist Elena Ferrante and directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal. The film explores the textured, complex, nuanced, challenging parts of the mothering experience and positioning of motherhood culturally. The themes explored shine a light on the shadow side of being a mother, the boundaries of maternal ‘transgressions’, and the experience of maternal ambivalence. To reflect on the film, I’m joined in conversation by Julianne Boutaleb, a passionate and highly experienced perinatal psychologist who has worked for over 15 years in the NHS and private practice with parents and parents-to-be and their babies. Julianne and I discuss the importance of this film in exploring the complex and raw portrayal of motherhood on our screens, something we so rarely see examined in such a demanding and articulate way. We look at mothering and the experience of maternal violence, peacemaking and repair, and explore the gap between the idealised version of motherhood versus what is real. We ask and explore questions such as - what do we do with the loss of the imagined future we had before having our children? What are ‘maternal transgressions’ of the ‘bad mother’ and who defines these? Who decides which are acceptable and which ones aren't? What stories and rules have we internalised as mothers, and where have these come from? What standards are we holding ourselves to as mothers? We look at the possibility of self-erasure and self-surveillance, and explore why it could be helpful to start with the basic premise that we are never going to always meet our child's emotional needs, and why perhaps that's not our job. This is a powerful episode full of interesting discussion on the cultural, social and deeply personal experience of mothering and the sacrifice, tension and fierce love involved. Acknowledging that this film can raise challenging, fraught, and sometimes painful responses in viewers, if you find aspects of this podcast conversation raises difficult feelings for you, please reach out for support. Support lines Australia - https://www.panda.org.au/ - 1300 726 306 UK - https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/ - 0808 1961 776 USA - https://www.postpartum.net/ - Text “Help” to 800-944-4773 (EN) Podcast notes: Cultured magazine: ‘In the lost daughter mums are people too’ - Mariah Kreutter. https://www.culturedmag.com/article/2022/01/13/in-emthe-lost-daughter-em-moms-are-people-too The Guardian: ‘How The Lost Daughter confronts one of our most enduring cultural taboos’ - Adrian Horton https://www.theguardian.com/film/2022/jan/05/the-lost-daughter-elena-ferrante-maggie-gyllenhaal-motherhood Winnicott’s theory of A Good Enough Mother Sara Ruddick; Feminist philosopher and the author of Maternal Thinking: Toward a Politics of Peace Foucault and Jeremy Bentham’s panopticon Melanie Klein; Austrian-British author and psychoanalyst known for her work in child analysis.

This episode is designed to be a little tonic; a moment of presence and space to breathe. I am talking with Sophie Burch (aka The Mamma Coach). Sophie is a mother, an author, founder and leader of the Beyond Birth Collective, an executive director and trainer for Perinatal Mental Health Training CIC, hypnobirthing practitioner, baby massage teacher, holistic and pregnancy massage therapist, and more. Sophie is on a mission to bring mental health awareness and emotional wellbeing practices into the lives of all parents, and in this episode she gives us some amazing strategies, tools and perspectives to really support us in our everyday experience of mothering. Sophie takes us through a beautiful process that can be used at any time which can create a sense of safety and calm. She also shares what to do when self-care feels like just another thing we have to add onto our to-do lists, and some ways we can tend to our nervous systems. You’ll hear about what Sophie has observed in mothers within her work, and the massive load they’re carrying. We look at what modern parenting means to us, and the significant shift in consciousness she has perceived recently. Sophie shares the one wish that she has for all parents in the world right now, and the importance of fostering self-connection and agency in our lives. . . . Connect with Sophie: https://themammacoach.com/about https://www.instagram.com/themammacoach/ Sophie's book, 'Beyond Birth: A Mindful Guide to Early Parenting': https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08VYBPNKL?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860 Sophie's Mental Wellbeing Practitioner Certified Training: https://themammacoach.com/beyond-birth-sign-up

In this episode I share 5 different ways that my understanding of the social construction of motherhood helped me to step into my power as a single mother. I wanted to share this episode as a lived-reality example of how theory, concepts, and understandings can come to unveil new possibilities for how we lead and live our lives as mothers. I talk about the nuclear family and how it is held up as an 'ideal' in our society, the pulling down of facades, how the 'family' is socially constructed and our capacity to create fluidity in what the 'family' means, and the opportunity in unpacking social scripts that we inherit about what it means to be a mother. In the episode I mention the Council for Single Mothers and their Children - https://www.csmc.org.au/ and the 3min animation of The Fish Tank of Motherhood Model - https://drsophiebrock.com/thefishtankofmotherhood

A behind the scenes insight into my creation of The Motherhood Studies course, and an insight into the 2022 round of the program. Program starts June 20th, enrolment closes June 16th. If you'd like to talk through any questions you have before joining, book a discovery call here - https://calendly.com/motherhoodstudies/certification-consult-calls If there are no times left please feel free to email your query to info@drsophiebrock.com To enrol head to - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

In this conversation with Fiona you’ll hear us both talk about our personal experiences of mothering our children and some of the challenges we’ve experienced (and continue to experience). Fiona shares how understanding information about temperament, sensory preferences, and connection-based, relationship-building parenting ‘tools’, can transform how we see our children - and ourselves. You’ll hear us discuss*: - How to contextualise and understand our experiences of parenting, to support us in trying to see the world through our children’s eyes - What the 'goodness of fit' is and why it matters in our parenting - How to recognise quirks in your child as temperamental tendencies, temperament traits or sensitivity traits - Meeting our children not only where they’re at, but also as who they are - How to understand who your children are, with all of their temperament traits and sensory preferences - The importance of how we perceive our children and why this really matters in how we parent them - Why separation based techniques don’t necessarily work for children - Giving yourself permission as a parent to hold that bigger, holistic focus in parenting in mind as we navigate day-to-day challenges - Why it’s more common than you think that parents feel resentment towards their child or baby - What attuning to our children actually means Founder of Mama Matters, Fiona is a Social Worker turned Infant Sleep Specialist. She provides attachment-centred, real-life parenting and sleep support to responsive parents and their renegade babies and kids. She is passionate about busting through the mistruths of the mainstream sleep industry and empowering parents to parent in alignment with their values, with evidence-based, biologically normal sleep advice and relationship-centred approaches to optimising sleep and wellbeing for families. Connect with Fiona further - www.mamamatters.com.au www.instagram.com/mamamatters.au/ hello@mamamatters.com.au Podcast: Mama Chatters Explore Fiona’s offerings: www.mamamatters.com.au/workwithme . . . The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification 2022 begins June 20th. Enrolment is currently open, closing June 16th. Learn more and here - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/ . . . *explicit language in this episode

I'm often asked this question and in the spirit of relaunching the podcast felt it might be helpful to share the path I've taken to becoming a Motherhood Studies Sociologist - essentially a social scientist whose focus is Mothers and Motherhood. This episode is another personal share where I talk about: - how I first discovered Motherhood Studies - what it was like researching this area before I was a Mother myself - why I came to be interested in my subject matter - tracing back to my own family experience - my journey of finishing my studies, becoming pregnant, going through a divorce and reorienting my career focus to lead me to what I do today I hope this episode offers you some insight into my journey and leads you to reflect on your own evolving journey of your 'self' in the context of your broader relationships, life experiences, and motherhood. . . . If you'd like to join me for the Introduction to Motherhood Studies Webinar Wednesday June 1st 8.30pm AEST, register to reserve your place. If you can't attend live you will receive a replay to watch in your own time. https://drsophiebrock.com/introductiontomotherhoodstudies Content covered: - What is Motherhood Studies? - Where did Motherhood Studies come from? - Why you likely haven’t heard more about Motherhood Studies yet - What some of the key Motherhood Studies teachings are from a sociological perspective - The ‘missing pieces’ and gaps in current knowledge and practice - An overview of Sophie’s conceptual frameworks and theoretical contributions - How Motherhood Studies informed theory can help you and your clients

Hello and welcome back, or welcome for the first time! In this episode I share: - where things have been for me as a mother, creator and business owner over the last 6 months or so - why I took a step back from podcast recording - what my purpose is in relaunching the podcast All of my work is focused on examining the social structures and cultural narratives of Motherhood that individual mothers live within, and as a mother who lives within the very society and culture I'm critiquing, I'm of course subject to its challenges! Also being a business owner, entrepreneur, and independent academic, brings with it experiences where I'm navigating what I call the 'care/career conundrum' in a way that allows me flexibility but also sometimes a lack of stability as a consequence of the 'piecing together of the puzzle'. This navigation is also in the context of my experience as a single mother, and some health challenges my daughter has experienced recently. I talk through some of these challenges in the context of my own personal experiences as both a mother and professional. . . . Join the waitlist for the 2022 round of The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification beginning June 20th - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

What have we been led to believe about the ‘mummy wars’ and how do they relate to patriarchal motherhood and ‘the perfect mother myth’? These are the questions I address in this episode of the podcast, where I offer a new lens through which to understand ‘mummy wars’. This is with an intention of helping you develop an ‘antenna’ as a cultural assessor, where you can pick up, observe, get curious about, and assess instances where you see the ‘mummy wars’ either playing out OR being referred to. I describe the mummy wars as both a symptom of AND a product of patriarchal Motherhood – creating environments where we come to judge ourselves and each other. The sense of ‘competition’ that is spoken about in motherhood is also a reflection of the social narratives around competition and comparison between women – and mothers especially. I suggest that this priming into focusing on other mothers (and judging ourselves) is part of what dilutes our power and potential for changing the broader culture and systems that impact Mothers. I explain how and why the ‘mummy wars’ can only be sustained and produced if ‘boxes’ and categories of ‘types of mothers’ exist. Sometimes labels can be helpful tools to allow us to find a sense of belonging within community, and build identity. But sometimes the very tools we draw on to build our sense of identity and connection within motherhood, can shift into constraining limits. A deconstruction of the ‘mummy wars’ actually means reconstructing what it means to be a mother in our society and culture and reclaiming the fluidity and ever-changing nature of our identity. . . . I refer to my concepts of The Fish-Tank of Motherhood Model©, The Good Mother Bad Mother Binary© and The Care/Career Conundrum© Find graphics and information on all of these here: https://drsophiebrock.com/conceptualmodels

Anyone who has had children or cared for children knows that they contribute to the creation of housework! But the work that goes into the domestic sphere of housework, is different from the work that goes into care-giving and mothering. The two are connected, but conflating them as meaning the same thing, leads to huge pressures and ‘shoulds’ in Motherhood. This leads to feelings of guilt, comparison, inadequacy and overwhelm. Conflating housework and mothering can also invisibilise the nurturance, love, maternal thinking, and emotional labour that goes into raising children. I explain some of the reasons why I think the two are conflated - by talking about the 'public' and 'private' spheres of 'work' and 'home'. When mothering is devalued, and how ‘on top of’ the housework we are is connected with our value and worthiness as women and mothers – we can become trapped in never-ending cycles of never feeling ‘enough’. While unpacking these connections, I also explain why I caution against denigrating housework and seeing domestic labour as ‘lesser than’ other forms of work. I explain why I think the conflation of housework and mothering-work is a function of patriarchal Motherhood and the perfect mother myth, and call for us individually and collectively to begin breaking this association and reclaiming our power, our worth, and our value. . . . Watch 3min animation on Sophie's one-of-a-kind sociological model for understanding Motherhood - https://drsophiebrock.com/thefishtankofmotherhood