The Good Enough Mother

What remains ‘under the surface’ in Motherhood and still so taboo to talk about directly? ‘Mom-rage’. Minna Dubin published two articles in The New York Times on maternal rage. In this conversation we reflect on Minna’s experience of publishing on this taboo topic, as well as her journey in writing a book about ‘mom rage’ due out in 2023 (available for pre-order in 2022 through her website below). Minna is a writer, workshop facilitator and occasional public artist, located in California. Her essays and reported stories on motherhood and identity have appeared in outlets like The New York Times, Parents, HuffPost, The Forward, Hobart, and The Philadelphia Inquirer. You can read Minna’s articles that we refer to in this episode here: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/15/parenting/mother-rage.html?module=editors-picks&action=click&region=2 https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/06/parenting/mom-rage-pandemic.html I ask Minna about her experience of writing a book about such a taboo topic, and she shares some insights from those she has interviewed. We reflect on the cycles of anger and guilt, shame spirals, factors that exacerbate maternal rage, the privilege that is drawn on in order to talk about this topic, how ‘speaking things into existence’ can make them seem more real, and why we are working to resist pathologization while still acknowledging the linking of maternal rage/anger with maternal mood disorders. . . . You can connect with Minna through her website and be sure to keep an eye out for the release of her book - http://minnadubin.com/ . . . Access Sophie’s free training on her sociological model of Motherhood here: https://drsophiebrock.com/freetraining Learn more about the certification beginning Sept 20th here: https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/ Access Sophie’s free training on the anger-guilt-trap cycle in Motherhood here: https://drsophiebrock.com/anger-guilt-trap . . . *Anger can be both normal, and a feature of a postnatal mood disorder such as postnatal depression or anxiety, please contact a health professional if you feel overwhelmed by maternal anger or rage. If you are experiencing anger or maternal rage that interferes with your daily life that you feel you cannot control, please make an appointment with your GP or trusted healthcare professional. Normalising the spectrum of emotions women as mothers feel does not equate with condoning aggression towards or neglect of children. . . . Support lines Australia - https://www.panda.org.au/ - 1300 726 306 UK - https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/ - 0808 1961 776 USA - https://www.postpartum.net/ - Text “Help” to 800-944-4773 (EN)

In this solo episode I reflect on my own journey of coming to Motherhood Studies and what is has meant to study Motherhood before coming a Mother myself. I share important distinctions between Motherhood the structure, Mothering the practice, and Mother the identity, and ponder on the ways our socialisation has set us up for a particular perspective on what it means to be a Mother and how this is perhaps connected to experiences of the ‘maternal’ being devalued socially and professionally. There is incredible power and potential in the practice of mothering and identity as a Mother, and we experience the complexity of our own matrescence journeys and rites of passage as Mothers. But these theories are distinct from (but connected to) the social institution of Motherhood that I critique, and that produces the perfect mother myth and its associated consequences. Making such distinctions allows us to be able to straddle the complexities and nuances that are so often necessary when discussing Motherhood, and supporting Mothers. In this episode I explore this claiming of space for the maternal, and reflect on the ways that Motherhood is simultaneously valorized and devalued, and how guilt is often a byproduct of our internalisation of patriarchal motherhood. . . . If you enjoyed this episode and would like to develop your lens as a ‘cultural assessor’ of Motherhood and explore more deeply the ways Motherhood is socially constructed, register for my upcoming free training. “The Fish-Tank of Motherhood Model” is a free training I’ll be running live on September 10th, 2021 at 8.30pm AEST (Sydney time). You can join me live on Zoom, or by registering you will also receive a replay of the training, available to watch for 7 days. Register for free training here: https://drsophiebrock.com/freetraining Find out more about The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification beginning September 20th here: https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies

We may recognise, acknowledge, and seek to explore biological, psychological, and sociological dimensions that are involved in the transition to motherhood and experience of being a mother – but what about the ‘environmental’? Our environment and our relationship to the natural world is a critical lens through which we can interpret, explore, and understand our experience of Motherhood. This conversation is with Dr Allison Davis, a researcher, writer, counselor, and educator of maternal mental health. With an ecofeminist-informed, strength-based developmental framework she helps mothers challenge and reenvision motherhood norms and practices in pursuit of personal and planetary wellness. She’s also affiliate faculty at Alliant University where she teaches in the Masters of Clinical Counseling Program. Allison explores ‘mother praxis’, which is the possibility of a dynamic interplay between the THEORY and the PRACTICE of mothering, and in this conversation we explore what it means to bring in the environment through eco-therapy as a way of thinking about motherhood, and supporting Mothers. Allison invites us to consider a new way of thinking about the ‘motherwound’ through our attachment to nature, and we reflect on the ways our children can open up possibility for our own ecological awakening. . . . Follow Allison @motherpraxis Want to explore whether you’re experiencing an ecological awakening, and learn more about the foundational mother wound? Then check out Dr Allison’s Free Mother Praxis Primer: www.motherpraxis.com/primer If you’d like to book in a session with Allison you can do so here: http://www.motherpraxis.com/support/ . . . For more information on the next round of Sophie’s Motherhood Studies Certification program head to: https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

In this episode I share my reflections on how the ‘perfect mother myth’ is linked to notions of productivity and worth, and add some nuance to the conversation about self-sacrifice in Motherhood. Sometimes, it can feel like there is a competition for busy-ness to try and prove how hard we are trying and how much it is we are carrying. At the same time though, there are tangible ways that make it feel like we can’t escape the weight of responsibilities, expectations, and demands that we face. It isn’t as easy as saying just ‘take a step back’. Sometime - if and when we do - there can be a lot of discomfort that arises, and in this episode I explore both what this can mean, where it comes from socially/culturally, and how we can use these experiences to open possibilities for rethinking what motherhood means. I offer a critique of individualism and explain some of the reasons why mothering work is so devalued in our society, as well as the ways our own internalization of martyrdom-motherhood can lead to feelings of resentment, anger and guilt. In this episode I rethink the common analogies we hear and use around filling of our ‘cups’ and placing of ‘oxygen masks’ on ourselves before others. This is with a view to disrupt some of the assumptions underlying what it means to be a ‘mother’ in our society, and challenge some of the beliefs we’ve internalized about our worth and value as women who mother. . . . Join The Liberated Motherhood Membership and get access to the members-only Liberated Motherhood podcast. Mini-episodes released every week. Current course: Transforming Martyrdom-Mothering https://drsophiebrock.com/liberatedmotherhood/

In this episode, Maha Al Musa, founder and creator of BellydanceBirth® and EmbodyBirthᵀᴹ shares her passion and advocacy for an expansion and reclaiming of what birth can mean, and how we as mothers experience and make meaning of our births. Maha is of Palestinian/Lebanese origin and draws on her cultural, ancestral, and mothering wisdom to teach her signature childbirth education and preparation programs for mothers-to-be and birth professionals. In the episode she shares part of her life story in being kidnapped as a baby and her connection to land and culture severed, and her amazing story of reconnection, right before she became a mother herself. Maha speaks about fear and patriarchy, the divisions that have been created between women when it comes to birth and motherhood, the rites of passage she has experienced through menopause and the powerful and revolutionary connections to be fostered between generations of women. . . . Maha is the author of Dance of the Womb: The Essential Guide to Belly Dance for Pregnancy and Birth book, endorsed by Dr Michel Odent, Sheila Kitzinger, Dr Sarah Buckley and the creator of the follow on BellydanceBirth® Practice Video Series (Dance of the Womb: A Gentle Guide to Belly Dance for Pregnancy and Birth). You can find her on Instagram @maha_al_musa Facebook at - https://www.facebook.com/mahaalmusabirthvisionary Maha’s website: mahaalmusa.com Online program: https://sales.mahaalmusa.com/embodybirth Virtual training: https://mahaalmusa.kartra.com/page/virtualtraining

“I know that women can remember the wholehearted ways of knowing carried deep in our bones to heal their own their own lives, and this work is the medicine needed to reweave the world.” Kamya O'Keeffe. This podcast episode traverses the the transitions we experience through motherhood, and their power and potential. While an emphasis on that initial transition into motherhood is so important, motherhood continues to be a portal through which we experience transitions as our children grow. In this conversation with Kamya O’Keeffe, we explore what these transitions can mean, the intergenerational connections between women and mothers, the cloak of invisibility that can be part of elderhood, and the dismantling of hierarchy between women as our site of power and connection. Kamya is a senior facilitator of Rites of Passage programmes and a mentor to women leaders. Kamya creates safety held rituals and circles through her presence and attention. She listens for the whispers and songs of the underground stream of our inner knowing, and she names the harmful cultural narratives and value systems at the source of our wounding, to disrupt the cycle of our mother wounds. She designs experiences that honour women with joy and celebration. . . . You can connect with Kamya O'Keeffee further through her Instagram at @kamyaokeeffe or find out more about the Rites of Passage programs on Facebook @theritesofpassageinstitute . . . Find out more about Sophie’s group The Liberated Motherhood Membership and join the July special of $149 for a 6 month membership bundle - https://drsophiebrock.com/liberatedmotherhood/

How do the pressures we experience both individually and contextually, shape the relationships we have with our partners, children, and ourselves, and what can we do to deepen our sense of connection? . . . This episode is with Michaela Thomas, an experienced Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection. She is also a speaker and author of The Lasting Connection, about developing compassion for yourself and your partner. Michaela has a special interest in perfectionism and parental mental health, and in this conversation we explore the interrelated ways that the pressures we experience and place on ourselves effect the relationship we have with our partners (if we’re partnered), ourselves, and our children. Michaela shares what she sees as being the biggest challenges of early parenthood for couples, and explains the differences between sacrifice and compromise, and how these can operate for new parents. We reflect on the disjuncture between our expectations of parenthood and the lived realities, and the tension between individual and structural responsibility for where we find ourselves, and how we move forward into change. Michaela shares her ‘pause, purpose, play’ model to help guide us into self-compassion and challenging the perfectionist pressures that pervade so many of the expectations of partnerships and parenthood. . . . You can find Michaela on Instagram @the_thomas_connection and Facebook @TheThomasConnection as well as on the podcast Pause Purpose Play with Michaela Thomas. You can purchase her book The Lasting Connection here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection is the link for the book, and my couples and see her couples course here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thecompassionatecouple

“We become mothers in the womb of society. A mother’s relationship with sex can’t be disentangled from how she feels about herself, how she feels about her partner, as well as how society impacts and constructs her worldview.” Sarah Forbes. This episode is with Sarah Forbes, a curator, sexual culturalist and author who has been dubbed a ‘sexpert supreme’ by Cosmopolitan Magazine. Sarah is trained as an anthropologist and spent a decade as the Curator of the Museum of Sex in New York, captured in her memoir ‘Sex in the Museum’. She is now working on her second book ‘Mama Sex’, an anthropological look at motherhood and sexuality. In this conversation Sarah explains how modern relationships and the mental load placed on mothers is representative of an anti-aphrodisiac cultural tsunami. This dive into motherhood and sexuality is framed by both individual questions of self and identity, as well as broader sociocultural and historical questions about how context shapes individual experiences. Sarah shares powerful insights into the potential that motherhood has as a pathway to sexual revolution. She speaks to the barriers and obstacles mothers face in their sexual fulfilment - leading to the ‘orgasm gap’ - and offers advice for how we can rebuild and strengthen our own relationship with our sexuality, without it having to be another thing on our to-do list. Head to Sarah’s website https://www.mamasexbook.com/ take the ‘Mama Sex’ quiz, and follow her at @mamasexbook and @curatorofsex

Our ongoing journey through Motherhood can involve a process of letting go as much as of new learning and growth. In this episode I reflect on the process of what it means to go on the journey of unpacking how we have internalised the ‘perfect mother myth’ and have been socialized into the expectations of what it means to be a ‘Mother’. The birth of a new awareness, and (re)creation of a new identity can feel alluring, exciting, liberating, and/or empowering. But it can also feel really unsettling, especially at first. This episode speaks to this experience and on how we can build new models of what it means to be a mother. I consider a model of ‘integrated’ motherhood, and invite you to reflect on some questions about your own sense of self and identity.

Maternal knowledge and the expertise we develop through the practice of mothering our children is often defined as being in the ‘private’ realm, while professionals are regarded as experts in the ‘public’ realm. When the two are brought together, there can be collision and challenge, and/or there can be the meeting of experience and expertise in a way that is powerful, transformative, and enriching for our children. This conversation about this meeting point, is with Emily Adler Mosqueda, M.S., CCC-SLP who is a bilingual and bicultural pediatric speech-language pathologist, associate clinical professor, and mother of two. Emily experienced postpartum depression late in her second postpartum, and has become an advocate teaching about parental mental health factors to her graduate speech-language pathology students. In this episode we reflect on the intersection of knowledge, experience, and authority, and the claiming of maternal authority and utilizing of professional expertise. Speaking of the experience of both being a mother, and working in supporting mothers, Emily also shares how the development of maternal thinking as mothers can inform and enrich our careers. Connect with Emily at emilyadlermosqueda.com and on Instagram @emily.adler.mosqueda and her account @postpartum365 where she shares peer-reviewed research on postpartum and Motherhood Studies topics in an effort to shift the cultural understanding of how long the postpartum time is, and how to centralize mothers in their mothering and experience of motherhood. Emily is also the author of the free children’s book My Big Feelings and The Big Bad Virus available at mybigfeelings.com in English and Spanish.