Dear Dr. Tracy

So many women and mothers show up in my office struggling with high expectations and perfectionism. The challenge? Life is not perfect. You are not meant to be perfect. There will be mistakes. It is not possible to be the perfect caregiver, partner and individual.  And even more so? It’s a trait that society places on us.And it’s not healthy.Join me as I speak with Dr. Jen Douglas, a clinical assistant professor at Stanford University, licensed psychologist, and mental wellness speaker. She focuses on helping individuals overcome anxiety, perfectionism and trauma which may be holding them back from living their lives in the most full and authentic way.In this episode, we discuss: 13:47 - What is perfectionism and how does it show up for people? 22:23 - Why do I strive for it? 34:37 - What is the connection between burnout and perfectionism? 48:09 - Overcoming the all or nothing thinking 53:13 - What you can start doing now to help perfectionism To find our more about Dr. Jen Douglas, visit her on Instagram or check out her Freedom from Perfectionism course. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One of the biggest struggles being seen with dealing with COVID19?The uncertainty. What does this look like tomorrow? Next month? This winter? So it's no wonder that 85% of the women I polled said they were stressed out and experiencing burnout. Today, I sit with Dr. Julie Beaulac to talk about how we can calm the F*#$ down by re-tuning our nervous systems. And ultimately, if we can retune our nervous systems, we can master burnout. Dr. Beaulac is a registered psychologist and consultant based in Ottawa, Canada. She is also a mindfulness and yoga teacher and an enthusiast of all things movement and in nature. She works with individuals, groups, and organizations to become more engaged, productive, and happier in their lives. In this episode, we discuss: 13;01 - What is leading us to burn out? 18:19 - What happens inside of us when we experience chronic stress?  21:14 - Explaining polyvagal theory 28:42 - How to hack our vagus nerve 37:47 - Quick and easy ways to retune and calm your nervous system Grab Dr. Beaulac’s free guide to the 5 QUICK and EASY things you can do right now to find calm. Click here to download. Looking for more to tackle burnout? Dr. Beaulac and I have a special BLACK FRIDAY SALE for our e-course Beyond Burnout. Save $100 off with promo code F2020 (because it’s just that kind of year). You can overcome burnout. Click here for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Take a moment and reflect on the year of 2020.  Sidenote. It’s already November 3rd! Did you get all of the projects completed that you wanted to? Make all of the moves you planned to? Start that new workout routine, begin to eat healthier, and find extra time in the day to be with your friends and family? Let’s be honest, the answer is probably “no.”  And you are not alone in that.  In today’s episode we slow down and talk about the stress of 2020 and how, as a female, this affects your body. And we need to be aware of this!  Join me and Dr. Sarah Vadeboncoeur as we dive into how the stress of 2020 is affecting your hormones, your sex drive and so many other systems in your body.Dr. Sarah Vadeboncoeur helps women reboot their thyroid for energy they can count on. She is the owner of Docere Naturopathic Clinic located in the heart of Little Italy in Ottawa and has been working for the past decade to help women who are suffering from fatigue, thyroid conditions and hormone imbalances. Her mission is to help women get back to a healthy, happy, feel-good life. Dr. Sarah believes health is the result of creating new habits, one small step at a time. She helps make lifestyle changes feel possible and enjoyable and she truly believes that coffee, chocolate and wine can be part of a healthy diet. In this episode, we discuss: 12:08 - What stress is doing to women in 2020 16:57 - The bodily systems that are impacted by stress 23:45 - The drive to thrive and push to measure our worth 38:04 - Why tuning into your cycle is so important in the overall management of your health and stress 39:34 - The different phases of your cycle 1:00:15 - Top tip for managing stress today Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We all long to know that we matter to the ones we love. We have an innate need for emotional contact and security, and these attachment needs are healthy and adaptive.  But at times, we question if we are important to our partners or if we matter.When our attachment figures - our partners - are not reliably accessible and supportive, the ability to securely attach is undermined. Insecurity develops when there are repeated experiences of nonattunement and noncontingent communication, and our partners are repeatedly unavailable and rejecting. How we ask for our needs will depend on our attachment style. When we do not feel secure, we must find other ways to cope with this stress.How can we cope when we struggle with insecurity? This is exactly what I talk about in this episode. I sit with Elizabeth Earnshaw, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Gottman Therapist. She owns A Better Life Therapy in Philadelphia, PA where she and her colleagues have supported hundreds of couples. Elizabeth also writes and speaks on relationships. She shares many of her insights on her Instagram account, @lizlistens, and within her membership program Love Lessons 365.In this episode, we discuss: 4:54 - What is attachment theory 14:37 - How can someone who is more anxiously attached become more secure? 18;40 - What does avoidant attachment look like? 23:12 - What is key for the development of secure attachment? 31:48 - How to train your body in those tough disagreements 37:39 - A conversation around “We marry our unfinished business” 42:07 - Strategies for next steps Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We all have triggers.Our partners all have triggers.And they are not always the same things.Building a relationship that brings an understanding of each other’s triggers, strengths and differences is complicated.When we bring compassion, understanding, kindness and accountability into our relationships, our love and connection blossoms.In this episode, Michaela Thomas, clinical psychologist, couples therapist and founder of the private psychology practice The Thomas Connection, and I discuss build compassion for healthy and strong relationships:7:23 - The Fire Triangle of Relationships22:59 - The 3 Parts of Compassion29:12 - Motherhood & Compassion33:13 - Defining Compassion & Mindfulness46:07 - What you can do in your relationship to start using compassionLinks From This Episode:Michaela Thomas on IGPause*Purpose*Play Group on FacebookThe Thomas ConnectionThe Lasting Connection Book Now Available Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In June of this year, I was asked to speak at a conference on imposter syndrome for women in business. Being one of my goals for the year, I was super excited and quickly said yes.Then, a feeling crept in.This feeling of “who are you to speak in front of all those women?” and “do you really have anything to share that they already don’t know?”Have you been there before? When you start feeling like an imposter and that you are not qualified or worthy of that opportunity?That’s what Amanda Tobe, an Industrial Organizational Psychologist from Toronto, Canada, and I are diving into on the podcast today: Imposter Syndrome. Whether this is a new term for you, or an old familiar face, Amanda shares how to move beyond imposter syndrome that may be holding you back: 7:10 - Amanda’s personal experience with Imposter Syndrome 8:58 - What is Imposter Syndrome? 12:21 - How your core beliefs support Imposter Syndrome 21:14 - Imposter Syndrome and Self Sabotaging 22:19 - The 3R’s to help you overcome Imposter Syndrome 37:07 - Growth Mindsets and the Key Factors 41:32 - How you can use fear in a positive way Links from this episode:Free E-Book: Leading Through Crisis and Transition: A COVID19 toolkit to help you lead with strength, intention, and graceBook: Own your Greatness: Overcome Impostor Syndrome, Beat Self-Doubt and Succeed in Life (by authors Lisa Orbé-Austin and Richard Orbé-AustinBook: Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We know that women and mothers carry a higher mental load than their partners. It isn’t just completing the household and childcare tasks, it is also the mental and emotional work that it takes to remember to do these tasks.The mental load became even more evident to me after my second child was born. It wasn’t just going to the doctor appointments for check ups, it was remembering to schedule them. It wasn’t just showing up for the birthday parties, it was buying the gifts and remembering to RSVP.In this episode, Dr. Morgan Cutlip, relationship coach and owner of My Love Thinks, and I discuss the mental load: 5:05 - Our own stories of addressing the mental load in our relationships 8:19 - Taking the invisible and making it visible 16:28 - How women tend to self-sabotage addressing the mental load 29:28 - Dealing with the guilt that shows up when we start to change 39:09 - How to address this with our partners  To find out more about Dr. Cutlip, you can visit her blog here, check out her course for couples on coping with the mental load, and be sure to follow her on Instagram. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When I returned to work after my second maternity leave, I was doing it all.Eight clients back to back.An hour commute home.Nursing my daughter.Building a website. Creating a podcast.The list goes on. I was feeling exhausted. I was often dizzy and short of breath (despite looking after regular meals, water intake, and sleep). And then my body started screaming at me, telling me that I needed to stop. This. Was. Burnout. If you have experienced burnout, or think you might be experiencing it, you are not alone. In this episode, I speak with Mallory Rowan, coach and speaker, and a recovered woman from burnout, about moving towards living your life and business in alignment with what matters most to you:  9:26 - Mallory’s experience with burnout 13:01 - Signs and symptoms of burnout 18:39 - How to start recovering from burnout 26:49 - The mindsets that put us at risk for burnout 30:41 - Mallory’s non-negotiables for managing self-care 44:26 - Strategies to help live a meaningful life For Mallory’s free guide to help you master your Instagram bio, click here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Overwhelmed.Can you relate to this feeling? Overwhelmed with the number of things you need to get done. From cleaning the house, homeschooling your kids, organizing meals, working, maintaining friendships, and connecting with your partner - the list goes on.But what would happen if you took a pause? Took a deliberate moment to rest through the day.In this episode, I connect with Allison Keating, founder of bWell Clinic in Ireland, about how we can move out of the mindset of being a perfect woman and giving ourselves the space to not always please, perform or be perfect.  Here are a few of the highlights:  5:32 - What does the ‘striving mode’ look like? 9:53 - The Pause  12:03 - Reflecting to determine where we learned our norms from 19:43 - What’s the impact on our relationships with our partners and children? 21:43 - Strategies to help you let go of the overwhelm 37:53 - Ways to start to nourish and replenish yourself Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Friendships are hard, particularly as adults. Many of us believe that the quality of our life is based on the number of people we can count on as friends. The more friends we have, the better off we are.So when we go through a friendship breakup, it's hard to understand that it’s not necessarily about the type of person we are, or the kind of life we live, but rather a part of any relationship and personal growth.To dive deeper into the world of friendships, I had the honour to speak with my good friend, Dr. Miriam Kirmayer. We spoke about:  How we relate friendships to success How can friendships change? What are changes appearing in our friendships through COVID How can we support our friendships through change How to give you friend feedback How to decide when you need to let go of a friendship Ways you can choose to end a friendship How do you mourn the loss of a friend and why do they hurt so badly? Want to learn more with us?Dr. Miriam Kirmayer and I have a special bonus. We were asked what it’s like to build friendships as therapists. So, we had a candid and unscripted conversation around what it’s like to make friends as a professional. If you are a professional, a therapist, or curious about friendships, head over to drtracyd.com/friends to download this bonus episode. To learn more about Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, visit her website or follow her on Instagram. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices