Understanding Your Attachment Style to Help Strengthen Your Relationship

We all long to know that we matter to the ones we love. We have an innate need for emotional contact and security, and these attachment needs are healthy and adaptive.  

But at times, we question if we are important to our partners or if we matter.

When our attachment figures - our partners - are not reliably accessible and supportive, the ability to securely attach is undermined. Insecurity develops when there are repeated experiences of nonattunement and noncontingent communication, and our partners are repeatedly unavailable and rejecting. How we ask for our needs will depend on our attachment style. When we do not feel secure, we must find other ways to cope with this stress.

How can we cope when we struggle with insecurity? This is exactly what I talk about in this episode. I sit with Elizabeth Earnshaw, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Gottman Therapist. She owns A Better Life Therapy in Philadelphia, PA where she and her colleagues have supported hundreds of couples. Elizabeth also writes and speaks on relationships. She shares many of her insights on her Instagram account, @lizlistens, and within her membership program Love Lessons 365.

In this episode, we discuss:

• 4:54 - What is attachment theory
• 14:37 - How can someone who is more anxiously attached become more secure?
• 18;40 - What does avoidant attachment look like?
• 23:12 - What is key for the development of secure attachment?
• 31:48 - How to train your body in those tough disagreements
• 37:39 - A conversation around “We marry our unfinished business”
• 42:07 - Strategies for next steps

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