My guest this week is Mark Brown. Ever since winning a region-wide poetry contest in fourth grade, coastal Virginia native Mark Brown, has been orbiting the world of writing. After graduating with a degree in film and settling down in Nashville, Tennessee, Mark found a niche creating healthcare-based video ads, but after a few years found that that kind of life didn't pair well with his life as a dedicated father. So, he decided to do a major change and apply his talents to the world of children's books, more specifically to the Zen Pig Universe. Mark wanted his son Noble to learn the life-changing power of values like gratitude, mindfulness, self-forgiveness way before he did. Quickly, Mark found that he wasn't alone. Zen Pig was a breakaway hit, helping parents articulate sometimes abstract concepts into easy-to-understand language, paired with beautiful minimalist art. The Zen Pig Universe continues to grow each year with 12 titles already available, and more releasing soon! In this episode, Mark and I discuss how mindfulness, gratitude, and self-forgiveness are superpowers for adults and kids. More than ever, we need these simple tools that help us stay in the moment. The Zen Pig books have taken these concepts and whittled them down to the most concise, acute gems that are accessible and useful for all ages.  Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Mark Brown & Making Mindfulness Accessible … 00:01:15 Children are Innately Present … 7:08 Zen Pigs for Any Age … 00:12:25 How to Be Present & Compound Effect of Mindfulness … 00:16:40 Inserting Gratitude … 00:24:50 Flipping Kids to a Positive Outlook with Enjoyable, Peaceful Content … 00:30:20 Future of Zen Pigs … 00:35:10 Zen Pigs and Free Resources … 38:30 Episode Wrap up … 39:35 Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

This weeks question is from Elena, “How do I talk to my child about my mental health issues? I struggle with depression and anxiety, both of which have been worse since the pandemic started. I know it impacts my child, but I am not sure how much to say, or whether to say anything at all. I don't want him to always be worried about me. I also don't want to give him problems by talking about these issues. I would love your thoughts on how to address it, if at all.”                                           The question of how to explain mental health to a child is a common one that I think a lot of parents wrestle with. In this episode, I will address when it is appropriate to talk about adult mental health issues with your children and how to approach the topic. There is no one way to approach this. The key is to address it in a developmentally appropriate way. Kids are very intuitive so ultimately you are helping them understand something they may already be perceiving. And in doing so they understand that parents have struggles too and it's ok to share your struggles with others. Throughout the episode, I provide several strategies to help guide you through this conversation.  You can submit a question by emailing us at support@drbeurkens.com with the subject line "Podcast Question." Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Discus Adult Mental Health with Children …00:02:20 Kids Inherently Know When Parents Struggle … 00:04:50 How to talk to kids about Adult Mental Health … 00:08:00 Tailor Language in a Developmentally-Appropriate Way… 00:11:54 Keys to Address No Matter the Age … 00:15:55 Open Door Communication … 00:20:05 Episode Wrap up … 00:24:40 Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

My guest this week is Raun K. Kaufman, Autism thought leader and co-creator of the Autism Crisis Turnaround Protocol, author of the book Autism Breakthrough, the former CEO of Autism Treatment Center of America, and an international lecturer and graduate of the Ivy League's Brown University with a degree in Biomedical Ethics. His articles have been featured in journals, he has been interviewed by national and international media, and in addition to his work with families and educators for almost 25 years. In this episode, Raun and I discuss ways we can support kids and young adults who are in what we might call crisis mode. Maybe they are struggling with extreme behaviors, explosive reactions, extreme overwhelm, and anxiety. They are not able to move forward in their lives as a result. And if you are parenting or working with someone in crisis, no doubt, you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and are struggling as well. While many of the examples we discuss apply to those on the Autism Spectrum, you’ll realize that these strategies can really be applied to anyone you interact with on a regular basis. Seeing the world from someone else's experience opens up a lot of potential for building trust and learning what might be triggering their neuro crash.  Learn more about Raun here. Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Raun's background ... 00:03:00 Crisis defined ... 00:11:00 Trust deficits ... 00:19:20 Seven main causes of crisis ... 00:22:00 Recognizing signals of stress ... 00:28:00 7 Causes of a neuro crash ... 00:31:30 Autism crisis lifeline ... 00:39:10 Where to learn more ... 00:45:40 Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

This weeks question is from Sarah, “I am struggling with how to handle nightly bedwetting with my six-year-old son. He was day-trained around three and a half years old, and that went quite well, but nighttime wetting has continued to happen. He'll go around 11:30pm, 3am, 6am. I tried for two months to transition him into a nighttime routine out of Pull-Ups, but it didn't work. He always would wake up soaked. I did all the tricks the doctors told me like bringing into the bathroom before bed, no drinks before bed, etc. I left him in Pull-Ups for two years and did notice that if he didn't have a bowel movement before bed, he seemed to wet far heavier. I am trying again now because he said he wants to get out of Pull-Ups, but waking him several times each night makes us both exhausted. Trying not to make a big deal out of this and stress him out over being wet as I know he can't help it, but it is hard to keep up with the laundry. What other things can I do or rule out to help with this issue and to help get them out of Pull-Ups?" In this episode, I will address bedwetting—causes, ways to approach it, and ideas on how to resolve it so your child can stay dry at night.  You can submit a question by emailing us at support@drbeurkens.com with the subject line "Podcast Question." Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

My guest this week is Dr. James Greenblatt, he is a pioneer in the field of functional integrative medicine, a board-certified child and adult psychiatrist, and has treated patients since 1988. He received his medical degree and did his psychiatry residency at George Washington University and completed a Fellowship in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins Medical School. He currently serves as the Chief Medical Officer at Walden Behavioral Care and an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine and Dartmouth College. Dr. Greenblatt has lectured internationally on the scientific evidence for nutritional interventions in psychiatry and mental illness. He is the author of seven books, and his latest book Answers To Anorexia is released right now, and we are excited about that. He is also the founder of Psychiatry Redefined, which is a really innovative educational platform dedicated to the transformation of psychiatry, and they offer online courses, webinars, and even fellowships for professionals. In this episode, Dr. Greenblatt and I discuss his new book, Answers to Anorexia. Anorexia nervosa is on the rise, especially in young children, and the relapse and suicide rates are among the highest for psychiatric illnesses. We discuss warning signs, underlying causes, and effective treatment approaches. Anorexia Affects All Age Groups  Anorexia nervosa is the most life-threatening of the psychiatric illnesses (highest rate of suicide) Early intervention and treatment is critical Increasing rates, especially in preteens and younger, but seen in all genders and races Often starts in adolescence   What is Anorexia Nervosa? Listed as one of the eating disorders; as a psychiatric diagnosis Symptoms include distorted body image along with restrictive eating/weight loss The brain plays tricks on the body, where there is a complete distortion of reality Scientists now can articulate that this is a brain-based illness, that the neurophysiological changes are different in those with anorexia however, this has not been translated into clinical care Caregivers and professionals need to focus on a more empathic collaborative treatment model   Early Warning Signs & Risk Factors Very high genetic component, whether it is a parent or an aunt/uncle One of the most dramatic, well-proven risk factors is going on a vegan/vegetarian diet in puberty, certainly pre-puberty Any change in diet is usually the onset Literature showing that a vegan diet in adolescence with a genetic vulnerability is a very high risk for an eating disorder, poorer outcomes, and a higher relapse rate The restricting of those (animal-based) foods, which are particularly high in nutrients such as zinc and vitamin B12, are critical for puberty and one of the core deficiencies in anorexia nervosa   Treatments Historically Have Been Ineffective Massive lack of proper training about eating disorders and nutrition for practitioners For anorexia nervosa, there are no approved medications So every practitioner is making an educated guess as to what would be helpful for medication and/or therapy Dr. Greenblatt’s thesis is it's a brain-based illness due to malnutrition, and without that nutritional repletion, therapy is often ineffective High relapse rate especially since typically patients are released with no ongoing care Lack of treatment centers puts a large time, financial, and stress burden on families to have to travel further Insurance companies limit treatment The highest risk of suicide of any psychiatric illnesses Not a lot of research as to why, but Dr Greenblatt’s theory is the relationship between depleted levels of essential fatty acids (EPA and DHA) and brain function Low levels of those nutrients are associated with a higher risk of suicide    Proper Treatment and Prevention First, need to address the (chronic) malnutrition and genetic vulnerability as a first red flag as well as changes in diet in early adolescence All nutritional deficiencies of major nutrients affect brain function and brain distortion Forcing a patient to eat during in inpatient care to stabilize weight while not addressing a nutrient-dense diet is not an effective solution   Key Nutrients Needed for Recovery Zinc, especially during puberty Low zinc is related to loss of appetite and taste, poor digestion, depression, and sleep problems Other essential nutrients: B vitamins, amino acids, and fatty acids Treatment centers are not necessarily providing nutrient-dense foods or additional supplementation Magnesium is one of the most common nutrient deficiencies in the U.S., and particularly in those with anxiety, mental health, sleep, or constipation Nutrient testing is not always helpful/accurately providing the full picture as most nutrients are found in multiple parts of the body, not just blood   Where to Start for Support Schedule a nutritional augmentation consultation Try in the fields of functional or integrative medicine as they are typically trained across multiple disciplines and are either well-versed in nutrition or work closely with nutritional professionals Early interventions with personalized care/therapy and dietitian are critical Psychotherapy, so that children and adolescents are feeling valued and heard Using food as a therapeutic approach along with targeted supplementation and nutrients; nutrition as being profoundly important in even some of these most severe clinical presentations. Consider any underlying medical contributors such as undiagnosed celiac, PANDAS, etc. Stay curious and keep asking good questions Genetic testing can be helpful   Answers to Anorexia Book: Answers to Anorexia An overview of the lack of a current effective model and a proposal around a nutritional repletion model Available on Amazon.com and jamesgreenblattmd.com For clinicians, therapists, nurse practitioners, and psychiatrists there is an educational platform (psychiatryredefined.org) with hundreds of hours of content for functional medicine for mental health and functional psychiatry where they can learn a model to dig deeper Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

This week’s question is from Amy, “I need help understanding the purpose of carpet time in the elementary school setting. My son has ADHD and sensory processing disorder and struggles with carpet time, because he has to sit close to other kids, and he can't move because it's such tight quarters. I have been fighting for him to be able to sit elsewhere during carpet time since preschool, but the teachers just aren't willing to budge. Is carpet time something that is taught to people studying elementary education as being extremely important or something? I just don't get the point of it, if it makes it so the child can't listen and learn. Any suggestions are welcome.” In this episode, I will discuss the best ways to work with teachers and administrators when you need to make accommodation requests for your child. There are many reasons that accommodations go unmet in the classroom and it’s important to be aware of what might be going on. Taking an empathetic and collaborative approach is best.  As the parent, you have the right to continue to advocate for your child and go up the chain of command once you’ve established that the teacher is unwilling to cooperate after a collaborative conversation. There are collaborative ways to maximize learning opportunities that benefit the entire classroom, the school administrators need to be willing to work that out with you. Ultimately if they are unwilling to meet a reasonable request it may be time to move on to another school.  You can submit a question by emailing us at support@drbeurkens.com with the subject line "Podcast Question." Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com   Is Carpet Time Essential? It is not necessary or educationally valuable for a child to have to sit in a group on the carpet during any kind of instructional activity A child is not going to suffer in their childhood or in their adulthood if they sit somewhere else and aren't with the crowd on the carpet Trying to force kids to sit and receive instruction in ways that are not productive for them, such as carpet time, is actually far more harmful than making some accommodations   Teachers Denying Accommodations (During Carpet Time) First identify what the goal of carpet/circle time is: is the goal to learn to sit on a carpet for a set period of time (of course not!) or is it a skill/learning/direction objective?  This may sound ridiculous, but adults can be stubborn with their teaching approaches   We should be wide open to any type of seating arrangement that is going to allow a particular child to benefit from the instruction and achieve the goal of what is happening during that time (e.g., teaching a skill, receiving direction, etc.) Ask the teacher or the adults involved: “Help me understand what is the actual goal of this activity/this lesson/this time during the day?”   Acknowledge Control Issues May be a Factor  A sensitive subject, but when a teacher or staff member absolutely refuses to make basic accommodations, it often is related to the adult having issues with control  From the educator side (and as parents), it may be triggering past experiences such as not being heard or disrespected In the teacher’s mind they are likely thinking “I told you to do this, therefore, it's important that you do it and not create problems, not do something different than what you were told, not need something else. You have to do this because you have to learn to do what you're told even when you don't want to, and even when it actually doesn't work for you” Consciously or subconsciously, when the students comply, it reduces teachers anxiety and helps them feel more comfortable and in control It requires that we, as adults, get past our own issues of control, anxiety about what would happen if we deviate from the “norm”, and check in with why we are resisting the willingness to consider an accommodation—is it a past trigger and does the rigidity benefit the child and the classroom? Have empathy for educators, just as we have similar experiences at home parenting, but also have accountability to make changes   Are the Educators Being Micromanaged? Are administrators or others higher up very critical to what’s happening in the classroom? We need to respect individual teachers' abilities to make decisions in the best interest of students and not micromanage or have policies being made by those far removed from the classroom  Recognize the overwhelm that teachers and classroom staff face due to the really big systems-level issues/politics and the under-supporting of education in this country and this absolutely affects their demeanor   Supporting the Child and Teacher  Ask “How can we best accomplish this/maximize learning ability for all the kids in this setting?” Kids need to learn to follow instructions, they need to learn to respect their teachers and other adults and to engage with them in appropriate ways, but we need to make sure that the instruction and the demands and the requirements are appropriate and workable for the kids as well In these situations, it’s important for educators to approach these topics through the eyes and perspective of the kids For example, carpet time could be problematic for children who need movement to learn, have sensory processing issues and the carpet is bothersome, they may have joint issues, etc.   Specific Steps for Parents Approach it with a collaborative mindset Start with the adult or teacher that is involved first. Schedule a meeting or send an email sharing your observations, concerns, questions If it cannot be resolved, then it is appropriate to go to the administrator in that building: principal, counselor etc., or If you have a child who has a section 504 accommodation plan or an IEP use those processes to have your concerns heard Make your requests known in written form and continue up the chain of command in the school or district to make your concerns heard and have your child's needs met In the end, parents have choices, if nothing is working, a different educational setting or different situation altogether may be best to meet their child's needs and reduce the stress/difficulty that they are constantly having to deal with at the school

My guest this week is Campbell Will, a physical therapist and breathwork specialist from Australia, who works around the world, introducing people to the power of the breath. He's worked in a variety of clinical settings, from the ICU to the sporting field, from young to old and everyone in between. His passion is teaching the principles of breathwork, and how it can be used in all situations to better regulate the body, the mind, and emotions. In this episode, Campbell and I discuss the benefits of breathwork, why it’s important to our health, how it can help children, and specific breathing techniques you can try right now. Most of us take breathing for granted since it just sort of happens on its own. What most people don’t realize is the way you breathe determines your physiological state. There are some easy-to-try breathing exercises in this episode that I encourage parents to practice with their children! The sooner children learn to use their breath to regulate their response to stress, the better off they will be in life. Learn more about Campbell here. Understanding how to use your breath is your best tool It's free It's nearly instantaneous You don't need any equipment You don't need any special know-how   Why breathwork is an important tool for our health Breath is really the remote control of what's going on in our autonomic nervous system Breathing is both automatic and under conscious control Mostly, breathing is unconscious throughout the day When you think about the breath and try breathing in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth, you have brought the breath under conscious control By taking your breathing under control you can grab ahold of that autonomic process and direct the nervous system in the direction that you want to go   Breaking down breathing Sympathetic nervous system = fight or flight As soon as we breathe with our mouth, we are more in the sympathetic As soon as we breathe high into our chest or shoulders, it's going to be more of a sympathetic trigger For example - a panic attack is very inhale-dominant, it's in and out of the mouth, it's high in the chest, and it's fast Parasympathetic = rest, repair, recover, digest Breathing through the nose, down into the lower part of the chest and diaphragm or belly breathing helps put you in a parasympathetic state Breathing slowly and emphasizing the exhale also helps put you in a parasympathetic state These two systems kind of work in opposition. We are never both at the same time   Difference between stress physiology and psychology Managing your psychological stress symptoms without addressing the physiological symptoms will not yield much of a result You have to pay attention to and wrangle in your physiological state in order to fully calm yourself to a parasympathetic state   Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide We have to have the presence of carbon dioxide that allows the oxygen to move from the red blood cell into the cell of the body, where it then goes to the mitochondria and produces energy While nose breathing is preferred, some people may experience discomfort with having a little more carbon dioxide present in the body, that’s the feeling of not enough air or feeling like there’s not enough oxygen  Oxygen level is actually going up and you are making more oxygen available. It's just that your chemo senses are a little bit sensitive   How to help kids breath better  Try this exercise - “Take a sip of water, and then see if you can walk around the house or do some laps around the yard” this can help them get into the habit of “Hey, I can breathe”  If there’s an immediate need to swallow the water, that shows that there's a little bit of a sensitivity there  Pop the tip of the tongue behind the top teeth, this will encourage them to seal the lips A tip for retraining a child to breathe through their nose instead of their mouth at night - place a very thin strip of micropore tape vertically across the lips. NOT taping the mouth closed but just the very front of the lips Try BOX breathing -  breathe in for a count of three, hold the breath for a count of three, breathe out for a count of three, and hold the breath for a count of three Practice breathing softly Practice an extended exhale by having them blow a mobile to make the hanging parts move or blowing a balloon or feather across a table Try a double inhale with a prolonged exhale Breathing comfortably full in through the nose, pause for a moment, and then sneak another breath in, and then a long easy exhale   Follow Campbell Website Instagram - @breathbodytherapy Facebook Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

This weeks question is from Neerja, “Can you help me with how to handle negative thoughts about my child? I'm getting very frustrated and tired of dealing with his challenges. I often think negatively about him and really hate myself for doing that. Any suggestions as to how to deal with this?” In this episode, I will address how to deal with the shame and guilt parents experience when they have negative thoughts about their children. First off, please know you are not alone. Second, the strategies in this episode will help you deal with those feelings better and may even prevent them from happening at all. You can submit a question by emailing us at support@drbeurkens.com with the subject line "Podcast Question." Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com   Parents Have a Wide Range of Thoughts About their Kids It is completely normal to have negative thoughts about your child with regard to things they are doing or the challenges you are dealing with, especially if the child has extra challenges Difficult behaviors are exhausting and can feel frustrating and unfair You are not a bad or unloving parent for feeling these things sometimes about your child, even if those feelings are really uncomfortable feelings like anger It's real life, and it's much healthier to acknowledge it than it is to try to deny it because the feelings and the things that we are willing to acknowledge become the things that we are able to work with/improve ourselves   Separate Your Child from the Behaviors & Challenges  Your child and their behavior/challenges are 2 different things If you step back and reflect, typically parents are not actually having negative thoughts and feelings about the child themselves A mantra that works well around this for us to remind ourselves as parents is, "I love my child, but sometimes I don't like him or his behavior very much."   Constant Negative Feelings & Time to Recharge If negative feelings coming up when you have to deal with your child, when you have to face certain things during the day, or it is happening frequently, that is a sign to us as adults that we need to have more opportunities to take breaks from our kids When we notice that those frustrated, angry, sort of impatient thoughts and feelings are coming up, we are having a lot of this negativity around our kids, that's our brain waving little flags, saying, "Hey, we need to be taking more of a break here." Be intentional about stepping away and recharging your batteries It may mean leaving the house, but for many, it could be letting them watch a show, placing them in their room to play alone, or putting them to bed a little earlier so you can have time for yourself Get creative about it. Don't shut down to the idea and say "Well, that's not possible”, It absolutely can be done. We need to make sure that we are not letting our cup get too full with that frustration and negativity; finding an opportunity to let some of that drain out so that we can keep that cup from overflowing on a regular basis It's good for us and it's good for our kids   Intentional Stops in the Day Be intentional several times a day. Just stopping, putting your hand on your own heart, taking a few deep breaths and remind yourself out loud or in your head mantras such as:  “He's a good kid and having a hard time.” Or “I’m a good parent. I'm doing the best that I can” Spotlighting the positives throughout the day, both for your child and for yourself Our brains are Velcro for negative things and it's a lot harder to be aware and focus on the positive things, particularly with our kids Try daily journaling, make a running list on your phone, or sharing positives at mealtime as a family as well Kids hold onto “bad” too, so it is very beneficial to have them participate   When You Feel Beyond Frustrated When parents are feeling things aren’t improving with all their efforts, try looking for different or additional support and approaches Too often the focus becomes that the problem is the child rather than the need to look for different systems, tools, strategies, or professionals.  What is best for one child or family may not work for another—Seek alternatives Perhaps the true underlying causes of their challenges have not been addressed Resource:  “Digging Deeper Workshop” at  drnicoleworkshops.com  Helps parents have a better picture of what areas are probably contributing to the symptoms and the challenges a child is experiencing, so that parents can seek out the right kinds of interventions, approaches, and treatments    Recognizing Our Emotions as a Parent Honestly check in with yourself to see how your ability is to regulate your own emotions and behaviors Kids are only one part of your life Do you have the tools and strategies to support your mental health or issues you need to address? All parents struggle at times with negative thoughts or questioning their ability as a parent—acknowledge when this occurs, don’t be ashamed, and seek out support/a support group, etc. As parents, when we are feeling like we've got our feet underneath us more/a bit more together/managing ourselves and our inner and outer worlds just more effectively, that goes a long way to helping us have a more balanced or better outlook on what's going on with our kids and the challenges that we face each day with them

My guests this week are Cindy Muchnick and Jen Curtis. Here is a little bit about each of their backgrounds. Cindy Muchnick is a graduate of Stanford University and has been working in education for the past 25 plus years as a former assistant director of college admission, high school teacher, educational consultant, and author of five other education-related books. She speaks professionally to parents, students, teachers, and business groups on topics around study skills, the adolescent journey, college admission, and now the Parents Compass Movement. Jen Curtis earned a BA from UCLA and an MSW from USC and has been an educational consultant and professional speaker for the past 12 years. As the owner of FutureWise Consulting, she has worked with hundreds of students on every aspect of the college admission process. She's particularly passionate about empowering teens to approach life with intention and educating parents about navigating their parent compass.   In this episode, we are talking about preparing kids for life beyond high school, particularly if they're thinking about college or some sort of post-secondary training. But even if they aren't, you are going to get a lot of great tips and ideas around how to support kids in this phase of life. We’ll also be answering questions like how can we as parents best prepare our kids for education in life beyond high school? How can we help them strike the balance of realistic but also ambitious goals? And how can we manage ourselves and our feelings so that we're not pushing them into something that might not be the best path for them? Perhaps the most important message here is to start empowering your kids at a young age to speak for themselves, advocate for themselves and express their own individual interests. Learn more about Cindy and Jen here. Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com   Parents should STOP doing this … Speak over their kids, answer for their kids, and not let their kids have their own opinions This mostly happens unintentionally  Going straight to administrators or teachers, before letting kids advocate for themselves Protecting kids from feeling emotions, disappointments, failures Putting your own interests and opinions for what they “should” be doing first  Doing all the planning and organizing   Where parents have the opportunity to do better You have the opportunity as the parent of a younger child to be aware of and think about how you want to nurture their independence and individuality It’s not too late for any parent to start empowering their children, young adults or even grown adults We have a lot of opportunities in the growing up years to put these things into practice with being aware of how much we're inserting ourselves, versus allowing our kids to have a voice, being aware of how much we might be rescuing in a way that isn't going to lead them well When we don't focus on who the child uniquely is, often we're inserting our own biases into who we want them to be, and it really kind of can get in the way of us parenting authentically   Micromanaging your kids  Two categories of older kids, young adults who experience micromanaging by their parents or caretaker One is the category who don't need that, but the parents think they do and are doing it anyway, or the parents are doing it out of their own need to be needed  Two is the category of young people where parents are continuing to insert themselves and do that because if they didn't, their young adult kids truly don't have the skills to manage and deal with many aspects of their life Parents may need to step back and find ways outside of the higher education environment for their kids to develop life skills so that they can be successful there Basic food skills like cooking, grocery shopping and nutrition Basic financial skills Basic laundry skills Basic skills around organization and planning Social awareness Social skills   Alternatives to a 4yr. College Community college Workforce  Gap years Military Internships Research Volunteer opportunities all over the world to find ways to give back.  Immersive experiences to learn languages or to learn instruments Give time to a religious cause Apprenticeships for students who want to learn a skill like woodworking, hairstyling, or creative arts   Ways to show your child you believe in them Let your kids advocate for their grades and even go speak to their teachers Let your kids pay for things Let your kids speak up about how they are feeling at the doctor Let them take charge and make decisions when planning big life events like college or a trip, etc. Let them talk first, let them self advocate first, and then you can fill in the blanks if need be Give your kids the freedom to have their space Have freedom to be creative on their own walls with what inspires them Instilling in kids from early on that “You are capable, of course you can choose what you would want to put on your walls. I trust that you can have an opinion about that and figure that out.” Show them we like who they are and we're trying to understand who they are, and to ask those questions that allow them to share their interests with us    Follow Cindy and Jen  Website The Parent Compass Book Instagram Facebook LinkedIn

This weeks question is from Meg, “I am needing advice for how to handle nutrition and eating with my 13-year-old daughter. She's got anxiety and attention issues, and we've known for a long time that food impacts her symptoms. When she was younger, it was easier to control what she ate. Now that she's older, it's become more of a power struggle. She's eating and drinking all kinds of things that are causing problems for her, and I worry about her weight as well. We just seem to be arguing about it all the time at home, and I'm not sure how to get her to listen. Any advice?" In this episode, I will address how parents can help kids make healthier food choices.  It all starts with how you are communicating with your child or teen. If the trust and good communication aspects aren't there, it's likely nothing will change. When you listen to one another and build trust, they usually respond by being more open to change. Modeling what you hope to see in your kids and teens is very effective. Kids notice what we do. And finally, in this episode, I will provide specific strategies on how to raise healthy eaters at any age. You can submit a question by emailing us at support@drbeurkens.com with the subject line "Podcast Question." Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com   The Controllable Aspects of Kids’ Diets  Focus on what we can control as caregivers such as the food we purchase and bring home Try to stay factual, neutral, and not let our emotions or future-oriented thinking, fears, anxieties take over Kids, even in their teen years, can struggle with regulating their emotions, especially for intense/or sensitive topics such as food When caregivers are neutral rather than in an agitated state, the information is more likely to get in, even if the child doesn't acknowledge it in the moment   Modeling Healthy Food Habits is the Most Impactful Be aware of what your child is hearing and internalizing from adults, peers, and on social media/TV about food, eating, fitting in, body image, etc. Be mindful of how you act and speak about your own body, weight, food choices, etc. Focus on what you can control by modeling Not having a conversation with them about it when we're doing this Not trying to force them to eat what we're eating -We're simply being a model of how to make those decisions and how we're thinking about those things (ex. when I eat X, I notice I feel Y) Staying away from black and white thinking around “good vs bad” foods It can create anxiety, stress, and power struggles   Weight Concerns and Kids It is critical that we avoid talking about food and eating as related to weight for any child, especially teens This can set them up for dysfunctional thoughts and feelings around food and around their bodies (ex. diet culture and restriction) Instead, focus on food as providing information, fuel, and building blocks for our brains and bodies, and the physical and mental health components/effects   Are you Really Listening to Your Kids? Important to acknowledge and empathize with how they feel, even when we don't agree with them ex. "Yeah, I get it, it feels frustrating. You know what? I remember feeling frustrated when I was your age, too. It's okay to feel that way, I get it." When an opportunity arises that they initiate, spotlight (in a productive way) the food-body connection involving any symptom struggles they might be experiencing (ex. they are complaining about acne but they have been eating a lot of sugar and fast food) Use that as an opportunity to listen, hear their frustrations, and what they're experiencing, and also help them make some connections with things, both in their eating and their lifestyle Casually make the observations and open up those conversations by raising possibilities  Not doing the thing that's going to shut it down right away, which is, "Well, of course, you're breaking out because XYZ” Instead, ask them what they think might be going on   What We Can Control with Their Food Parents need to focus on what is being brought into the home, groceries, availability/timing, where you choose to eat out, etc., and not micromanaging what goes on outside the home (exceptions for children with dietary requirements or special needs). Do not become the “food police” as they can make it much more likely that they are going to sneak food, not be open, not tell you what's going on, or develop anxiety and distrust around these things This can lead to massive power struggles and breakdowns in our relationship with our kids Remember parent roles are to provide the food and when the child’s role is to decide if they will eat and how much    Development and Appetite Shifts Infancy and adolescence are significant periods of growth and require more food Suggest that all families have foods readily available that kids can access at any time if they're hungry such as fruits and vegetables and nuts.    Cultivate Open Communication with Kids Be a safe place for them to bring questions, observations, concerns Keep putting things out there and let them know that you always want to answer any questions that they have, hear how they're feeling about things related to food, meals, etc. Remember being open to hearing and discussing doesn’t mean you necessarily agree  It’s about acknowledgment They really appreciate feeling respected in that way and feeling acknowledged   Better Brain and Behavior Diet Workshop for More Support I cover food, nutrition, eating approaches, tools, and strategies to implement as the parent, but also for the entire family There is an emphasis on eating to best support our kid's brains, which then helps to support their behavior, learning, mood, anxiety Feedback from current parents that having their older kids watch some of the videos is extremely helpful for them to hear it from somebody who is not their parent Visit drnicoleworkshops.com