The Better Behavior Show with Dr. Nicole Beurkens

This weeks question is from Priscilla, “I have two daughters, ages 9 and 12, and both are begging to get an iPhone for Christmas this year. My husband and I have somewhat different opinions on this. I'm less comfortable with it than he is. I know there are lots of concerns with kids having their own phones, and honestly, it just feels like one more major thing that's going to be left for me to manage. I'm wondering your opinion on smartphones for kids and when is the right age to get them.”                                           In this episode, I will address age-appropriate smartphones.  At some point, all parents will have to deal with deciding when it is appropriate to buy a smartphone for their child.  Although there are no hard and fast rules for when it is appropriate, there are many things to consider. Let’s discuss the pros and cons of smartphones, criteria, and questions to help you decide when your child may be developmentally ready to handle the responsibilities of a phone, and once that is decided, how to set expectations, boundaries, and monitoring of the devices. You can submit a question by emailing us at support@drbeurkens.com with the subject line "Podcast Question." Episode Timestamps: Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Listener’s Question … 00:00:48 Benefits of Smartphones for Kids … 00:02:27 Negative Sides of Smartphones for Kids … 00:04:25 Age Appropriate Time for a Smartphone … 00:08:05 Checklist for Assessing Readiness of Your Child … 00:09:55 Developing Guidelines for Smartphone Usage … 00:19:50 Nighttime Rules for Phone Usage … 00:20:07 Being Open with Monitoring Apps and Expectations … 00:22:38 Better Behavior in a Digital World Workshop & Episode Wrap up… 00:24:57   Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

My guest this week is Robyn Gobbel In this episode, Robyn and I discuss how trauma impacts brain development and brain function in kids.  We talk about what trauma can mean, from big T to little t, how adoption is a traumatic experience through a child’s eyes, and the neuroscience of what trauma is doing to the brain. We also discuss looking past the “meaning” of the surfaced behavior(s) and how past traumas can impact all aspects of well-being: regulation, connection, health, and safety.  And of course, we wrap up with ways parents and caregivers can better regulate themselves, kids, and their families in these situations.  About the Guest: Robyn is a licensed clinical social worker who loves coffee, pink, and everything about the brain. Once, fairly recently, her teenager went ballistic on her for getting another glitter coffee mug in the mail. Robin loves cultivating deep, resonant connections with anyone who is up for it, and is especially fond of all the grownups in the world who love and care for kids impacted by trauma: Helpers, healers, educators, and parents. Her favorite thing is teaching anyone who will listen to harness the power of neuroscience so they can cultivate deep resonant connections. This would change the world if we could all do that: To be seen, to be with, feel and deeply know each other and ourselves. Robyn really believes that this can change everything. Episode Timestamps:   Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Introduction of Robyn Gobbel & Working in Childhood Trauma … 00:01:35 What Does Trauma All Include? … 00:06:30 Big T Trauma vs Little t Trauma … 00:09:30 Adoption Process as Traumatic in the Eyes of Kids … 00:12:42 How Trauma Impacts Behavior of Kids & Development … 00:17:09 Looking Deeper, Past the Surface Behaviors … 00:25:11 Trauma Affects Regulation, Connection, Health, & Safety … 00:26:50 Ability to Regulate and Impaired Regulatory Circuits … 00:28:00 The Power Professionals Hold … 00:35:23 Tangible Solutions for Parenting Kids with Trauma … 00:37:15 Are Consequences Appropriate for Bad Behavior? … 00:48:00 Resources for Parents & Professionals … 00:50:52 Episode Wrap Up … 00:53:15   Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

This weeks question is from Tiffany, “I’m really struggling with managing my two kids in the after-school time period. My nine-year-old has autism and his teachers tell me he does fine in school, but the minute he gets home, it's just one problem after another, it's like he's a different kid. My daughter is six, and also seems to get really worked up after she gets home from school. Maybe it's because of her brother. I'm not sure. I feel like I'm not doing a very good job managing them during this time. It’s creating a lot of stress for all of us. I just try to get through to the point where we can have dinner and they can go to bed. I don't get why they can have a good day at school and then come home and it's like this. Please help.”                                          In this episode, I will address a phenomenon called school-restraint collapse and the many things you can do about it. After school time can be tricky for everyone, I hear from parents all the time that kids have a great day at school, but the moment they get home, or in the car, it starts the cascade of endless meltdowns and fights. Why do they turn into a hot mess? We talk about how to work through this and more importantly, how to prevent it. You can submit a question by emailing us at support@drbeurkens.com with the subject line "Podcast Question."

My guest this week is Dr. Natasha Beck In this episode, Dr. Beck and I discuss some of the biggest offenders in terms of nutrition, food for kids, and how it impacts their brain function. As we are coming out of the pandemic, let’s take an honest look at our family’s physical and mental health–what simple changes can we implement to feel and perform at our best?  We start with the basics on how to realistically improve nutrition and lifestyle, including non-toxic living, so that every family is empowered to make healthy decisions.  About Dr. Beck: Dr. Natasha Beck is a parenting expert and founder of Dr. Organic Mommy, an online resource focused on pregnancy, parenting, and non-toxic living. She holds a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, specializing in Pediatric Neuro-psychology, and a Master's in Public Health specializing in Child and Family Health. She's also certified in leadership education and neurodevelopmental disabilities from Children's Hospital Los Angeles. From how to handle tantrums to mealtime difficulties to helping families live healthier lives, Dr. Organic Mommy aims to help every family make healthy decisions, drawing on her experience as a mom and a parenting expert. Her parenting expertise combines the use of Waldorf, Montessori, and RIE philosophies, all of which we have covered at various times on the show, tied into cognitive-behavioral and play therapy. When she's not working on Dr. Organic Mommy, Natasha is busy raising her three children, and she's got another, a fourth on the way, and her two fur babies with her husband, and serves on the board of various organizations.   Episode Timestamps: Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Introduction to Dr. Beck … 00:01:12 Dr. Beck’s Background—ADHD and Effects of Diet … 00:02:48 Biggest Knowledge Gaps on Food & Lifestyle … 00:05:23 2 Biggest Offenders in “Kids Food” … 00:07:28 Chronic Health Issues Associated with Sugars and Overconsumption … 12:47 Practical Ways to Reduce Sugar … 00:16:38 Taking Baby Steps to Decrease Sugar … 00:22:33 Best Kid-Friendly Snacks to Have On-Hand … 27:20 Should You Avoid Juice? … 00:31:19 Snacks are the Easiest to Transition to Start With … 00:36:45 Preservatives, Dyes, and Chemicals Hiding In Our Food … 00:38:58 Food Additives on the Gut, Oral, Brain, and Overall Health … 00:43:32 Social Toxins Can be Worse than Chemical Ones … 00:45:35 Episode Wrap up & Resources … 00:47:00   Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

This weeks question is from Marcus, “I need ideas for how to manage meltdowns with my son who is seven years old. He is autistic and also has a history of trauma and has been given lots of other labels too. When he gets upset, he literally melts down, and I really don't know how to calm him. He doesn't respond to things like offering a treat or threatening punishment, and I'm really not sure what to do to help.” In this episode, I will address how to effectively handle meltdowns, tantrums, and challenging behavior, which are tools all parents need! First, we need to understand what a meltdown really is and then we will dive into many strategies: starting with where parents and caretakers often go wrong, and how using a “bottom-up” approach is much more effective.  I will give you tips and suggestions for all aspects of the meltdown process, as well as helpful reminders for yourself and for when they are transitioning into a more regulated state.

My guest this week is Dr. Kim Swales In this episode, Dr. Kim and I have a candid conversation about all things life— We discuss tips on co-parenting and setting boundaries, partnerships, obligations, burnout, values, and so much more!  In a society that is on edge more than ever before, Dr. Kim shares powerful, wise, insights on how to gracefully navigate through the opposition we feel. Dr. Kim earned her PhD in Marriage and Family Communication with a concentration in counseling from Ohio University over 27 years ago. She then went on to do postdoctoral studies in counseling. Dr. Swales was formerly a researcher and college professor at the University of Houston, but is now in private practice as a parenting, marriage, relationship, and life coach. She has published research on gender communication, friendship, family, and marital communication, and relationship maintenance. She speaks to schools and organizations several times a year on parenting relationships and marriage. And on the personal side, she has been married for 25 years and has three children of her own, so she brings a real-life perspective, to her practice, and certainly to the things that we are going to talk about today. Timestamps: Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Dr. Kim Swales Introduction … 00:01:05 Communication & Getting on the Same Page with Your Partner … 00:05:35 Head & Assistant Coach Position Analogy in Parenting … 00:12:45 Sharing Responsibilities & Avoiding Burnout … 00:17:20 Signs Parents May Need Professional Communication Support …  00:20:08 Adjusting & Being Firm with Family Values, Time & Traditions … 00:29:05 How to Set Boundaries with School and Homework …00:32:47 Stop Getting Sucked into Everyone’s Everything … 00:38:35 Navigating Through an On-Edge Society … 00:42:08 Episode Wrap Up & Resources … 00:47:56   Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

This weeks question is from Izzy, “What are some nutrient-dense, and at least kind of kid-friendly foods I can try to incorporate into my child's diet? My three kids range from somewhat picky to super picky and we are working on getting comfortable with new foods. I would like to try to incorporate some new foods that have better nutrient density, any recommendations?” In this episode, I will address picky eaters and 7 of my top foods/food categories that I find are the most kid-friendly, nutrient-dense, readily available, and easy to prepare. First, I'm going to define "nutrient-dense foods" and why whole foods are essential in brain and body development. Then I will discuss each of the 7 foods/food categories, the nutrients they contain, and why they are good options.  You can submit a question by emailing us at support@drbeurkens.com with the subject line "Podcast Question." Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com Episode Timestamps: Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Listener’s Question … 00:01:12 What is Nutrient Density? … 00:02:12 Exposing Picky Eaters to Nutrient-Dense Foods … 6:02 7 Nutrient-Dense Foods, Starting with Blueberries … 00:08:35 Versatile and Nutrient-Packed Avocado … 00:12:50 Pumpkin Seeds as a Hero Food … 00:16:06 Getting in Animal Proteins with Kids … 00:18:32 Nutrients and Ways to Incorporate Dark Leafy Greens … 00:23:18 Variety of Nut Choices and Ways to Use Them … 00:24:05 Sweet Potatoes Have Endless Possibilities … 24:58 Episode Wrap up … 26:40  

My guest this week is Dr. Chris Winter In this episode, Dr. Chris and I discuss the importance of his new book, The Rested Child: Why Your Tired, Wired or Irritable Child May Have a Sleep Disorder and How To Help.  Learn more about the prevalence of sleep disorders in children, the detriment it has on life-long health, the frequency of dismissal in the medical community, and what it actually means to have disordered sleeping versus just a bad night of sleep. Most importantly, we discuss the warning signs in behavior and development that may be a signal to investigate sleep with your primary care providers and various sleep specialists.   Episode Timestamps: Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Introduction to Dr. Chris Winter … 00:01:28 Appreciating & Recognizing if You Sleep Well … 00:05:15 What is Considered a Sleep Disorder in Kids? … 00:13:30 What Should Our Kids’ Sleep Look Like? … 00:19:38 Clear Red Flags of Sleep Issues … 00:23:15 Neurodevelopmental Challenges and Sleep … 00:32:00 Investigating Sleep Issues with Care Providers & Sleep Specialists … 00:34:40 Options for Sleep Support … 00:43:45 Sleep Education & Lifestyle Habits … 00:48:30 Episode Wrap up & Resources … 00:50:40   Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens: Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

This weeks question is from Emma, “I’m struggling with my sixth-grade daughter who refuses to ask for help, even when it's obvious she needs it. This is becoming a major issue with school assignments as she is encountering some material she doesn't instantly understand. It's also an issue at home with various things, as she'll say she understands something and knows what to do, but then it becomes clear she actually doesn't. I have tried talking with her about it, I tried reassuring her that we all need help sometimes, and it's okay to ask, but beyond that, I'm just not sure what else to do. Any suggestions are welcome.”                          In this episode, I will address how to help kids when they are resistant to asking for help or have a low tolerance for making mistakes.  As adults, we can teach them how to overcome any uncomfortable feelings by modeling in ways that show them it is a normal part of life even as adults. I will give you many scenarios and tips to do just that in the home, at school, or in public settings.  You can submit a question by emailing us at support@drbeurkens.com with the subject line "Podcast Question."   Timestamps:  Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Listener’s Question … 00:00:50 Acknowledging Emotions Around Asking for Help … 00:01:50 Allow Kids to Sit with Their Feelings … 00:04:50 Normalizing Mistakes & the Associated Feelings … 00:06:15 Modeling Mistakes & Working Through Them … 00:08:36 Praising and Spotlight Efforts in Hard Things … 00:10:52 Start Practicing Mistakes When Stakes are Low … 00:12:40 Give the Opportunity for the Child to Be in the Helper Role … 00:15:43 Embarrassment Around Asking for Help … 00:17:44 Episode Wrap up … 00:19:35   Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com

My guest this week is Dr. Madiha Saeed In this episode, Dr. Madiha Saeed and I discuss why there has been an explosion of autoimmune diseases not only in adults but also in children. These diseases have a huge impact on the quality of life far beyond just the physical aspects that conventional medicine hasn’t been able to effectively address. There is hope!   We discuss how families can overcome and thrive with autoimmune diseases. Dr. Madiha, a mom of four, is living proof that declining health doesn’t have to be part of our life span. She shares incredibly helpful tips and effective strategies that any family can implement regardless of where they are in their health journey.  Episode Timestamps Episode Intro … 00:00:30 Dr. Madiha Saeed Introduction … 00:01:45 What is Autoimmunity? … 00:09:00 Why is Autoimmunity on the Rise? … 00:16:30 What is Holistic Parenting? … 00:22:45 A Holistic Approach to Restoring Balance … 00:27:38 Positivity is Powerful Medicine … 00:30:50 Food, Nutrition, and Autoimmunity … 00:32:45 Make Changes Fun, Not Overwhelming … 42:45 Resources for the Family … 00:47:15 Episode Wrap up … 00:49:18   Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens on... Instagram Facebook Drbeurkens.com