Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

This is part I of our double whammy holiday episodes.  Part 2 will drop on Friday - that's only two days from now.  Today we speak with Jane Isay.   She is the author of the book Walking on Eggshells, Navigating the Delicate Relationships between Adult Children and Parents. She is a New Yorker from birth and gets right to the point.Have you had enough togetherness during the holidays? "Shut the door," she says. How about when the kids come home, how to make them happy? "Give them the keys!"And, wait until you hear what she said about her son who was Chief of Staff for Chuck Schumer's first senatorial campaign.  And just as a hint - it references Al D'Amato!!!! But there is lots more. Jane's bio is extraordinary. She's been an editor for over forty years. She discovered Mary Pipher’s Reviving Ophelia, commissioned Patricia O’Connor’s bestselling Woe Is I and Rachel Simmons’ s Odd Girl Out, and edited such nonfiction classics as Praying for Sheetrock and Friday Night Lights. And of course she's written several books of her own, including Walking on Eggshells and her latest Unconditional Love. Jane's son is Dave Isay, the founder of StoryCorps. Here is a link to an interview for TED Talks he did with his mother. We hope you laugh out loud with this episode and love Jane as much as we did.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Today we speak with Jane Adams, PhD and author of the book, When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us, Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving them Anyways and Getting on with Our Lives."In addition to being an author (of several books) , Jane is a "post-parent" coach.  And that is what our podcast is all about.  She also has a blog that she updates regularly on Psychology Today. Our dreams for our children begin as soon as they are placed in our arms - "give them a chance to grow up" Jane says, "before you make a judgement."She writes on her website:  "Being a parent doesn’t end – it lasts as long as you do. I’m a social psychologist who’s been studying how we handle our kids’ transitions from youth to adulthood – on time, late or still not there yet. From Sex and the Single Parent to I’m Still Your Mother and When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us, I’ve been interviewing, researching and coaching parents who want their grown kids to be happy and successful in life but want a mutual, loving and authentic relationship with them even more. Whether you’re a baby boomer or a GenX er, if your kids have moved out or boomeranged back in, and even if the ties that bind are frayed and worn, they’re still what keeps you together."And that's what we talk about today.  Here are some of the topics we cover - but there is a whole lot more!Are we entitled to reasonable expectations of our kids?Why we feel guilty about being disappointed. It is not about us - it is about them.How can we not worry when we  watch a child drop out of school, live on the edge with no real goals for the future?  Whose story is it anyway?  When they mess up, is it really about us?How not to blame ourselves when things don't go as plannedAddicted, depressed or dependent - detour or final destination - and when do parents give up - or can you?She talks about parents of adult children - they either brag or lie!Why these emerging adult years cause such worry?  Will they be latched on to us forever - will they ever be independent. So, if you are disappointed  - how do you let go of their problems, love them anyway and get on with your life?Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

For parents of adult children, mental health disease is one of our most frightening thoughts.  We are hoping this episode will help us understand, support and accept this disease.  This is a fabulous episode.  Today we speak with Dr. Elizabeth Cookson (Beth) a psychiatrist who has over 35 years of experience.  A former president of the Colorado Psychiatric Society, she is Board Certified in General and Addiction Psychiatry. She has dealt with children and adults of all ages in public psychiatric settings.She is here so that all of us have a better understanding of mental health for both ourselves and our adult children. For over 15 years she worked as the Director of Psychiatry for the Colorado Coalition for Homeless.  Beth explains in laymen terms for all of us the stages of mental health disease, when to look for signs and how to help your child you suspect may be suffering.  We cover so many topics.We loved this episode and feel like Beth was a rockstar interviewee.  Here are links to the resources that Beth mentions in the episode:I'm Not Sick I Don't Need Help, by Xavier Amador, is the source of the LEAP approach (Listen - Empathize - Agree - Partner). More specifics can be found here.The Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act - passed in 2008, went into effect 7/1/14. The heritability statistics I Beth referred to are from REthink.  She says that their website has some of the clearest info and advice for families that she has seen.This blog by a therapist is Washington State has specifics about ways to access CRAFT The Gardener and the Carpenter by Alison GopnikThanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Special episode with new guest host:  Connie Fisher. Connie is usually behind the scenes doing our tech work, but today she joined Denise to talk to  Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo. They are the hosts of the #1 marriage podcasts on Apple podcasts called One Extraordinary Marriage.Does this sound like you?Are you and your partner out of sync since you are no longer parenting young children?As your empty nest impacted your marriage?Do you wish for the same level of connection and intimacy you once had?Do you need the emotional skills to stay connected with your partner?Do you fear the important things are falling through the cracks?Then this episode is for you!Links to other mentions in the podcast:The Vagina BibleThe Penis Book10  Questions to Amazing Sex with Your PartnerTony and Alisa's Favorite Sex ToyThanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Today we talk to Cameron Huddleston, an award-winning journalist who has been writing for over 20 years on personal finance.  US News and World Report named her one of the top finance experts to follow on Twitter.  Link to her Twitter feed.She just released an amazing book called, “Mom and Dad, We Need to Talk.”  The target for the book is our kids of course, but we switched the conversation with Cameron and called it - “Hey Adult Kids, We Need to Talk.”Here are some of the things we discuss:Why it is important to have a conversation with your adult kids now about estate planning (and estate planning is not just for rich people!).How to broach the subjects of estate planning and end-of-life planning  with your kids.The key legal documents that you need to have now, and how often to update them.Other important documents and information,  including passwords, car titles, bank accounts and more.  Here is a link to Cameron’s IN CASE OF EMERGENGY document - or you can also download it from her website. It could take you weeks to complete, but it is a starting point in understanding all that your adult children need to know NOW!  Even though you are healthy and really don’t think you will die or be injured soon, why it is so very important to be prepared.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

EPISODE NOTESJoining us today are Nyge Turner and Merk Nguyen, the hosts of the wildly popular podcast - Adult ISH. Produced by YR Media and Radiotopia from PRX, these two young adults have become prominent voices of their generation. This episode they discuss everything from mental health and work ethic to social media and their relationships with their parents. They also bring a bit of diversity to BITE YOUR TONGUE. Nyge is an African American and I found through some research that he always wanted to be Eddie Murphy.  Merk is Vietnamese, in fact her parents immigrated to the US from Vietnam soon after 1975.More about our guests:Angela "Merk" Nguyen, 24, is an LA-based podcast producer who is a self-described "cis sis with a knack for puns and alliterations." She got her start in audio through KUOW's RadioActive Youth Media and can #humblebrag about being on NPR airwaves as a teen. She also aspires to be the next SpongeBob ( really, ask about her voice acting dreams).Nygel Turner, 24, is an Oakland, California-based creator of Not Your Father’s Podcast and YouTube series Not Your Mama’s Kitchen. Nyge is the only person in Oakland who has never lost an argument. One day we’ll all see him own the red Jeep of his fantasies.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Grandparenting.  This episode is for anyone who is a grandparent, has a grandparent in their life - or might soon become a grandparent. Or you just love an exceptional interview with a fabulous guest!We welcome Julie Dolan Smith, one of the legendary Satellite Sisters.  With over 20-years in the radio/podcast industry, Julie has now taken on the alter ego of “Urban Nana.”  With 10 grandchildren and  years of experience, her wit and wisdom will make you laugh. and think.We explore with Julie many questions submitted by listeners:When should grandparents get involved in disciplining, or even just talking to their grandchildren about their bad or impolite behavior, if ever?  When does it become necessary to tell the parents about bad or unkind behavior from the grandchildren?When grandchildren are at their grandparents’ home,  being taken care of by the grandparents, whose rules have to be followed? What is your advice for the grandparent who lives far away from the grandchildren? How can they keep the connection alive?She sums things up very quickly with ONE piece of advice we all will want to tape to our foreheads.We hope you enjoy the episode.  To learn more about Julie and the Satellite Sisters, visit their website.  You can link to all of their podcast episodes, read the bios and learn why this podcast is really like “having coffee with a friend.”  Here is a quick link to their 20-year-history video.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

In this episode, we speak to two young adults -- Sarah and Dan.  Both of them are in their early 30s.  We work to uncover their thoughts about young adulthood and the role their parents played in their journey.Full disclosure --  both of these young adults, although from different parts of the country, are white and from middle to upper-middle-class families.  Our goal over the next year is to speak with more young adults, from many different backgrounds.  But this is a start.Both of them give us some solid advice on issues such as:Do they want to know if you do not approve of their significant other?How often should you call - or not?When did they feel like they were "adults," and what did it mean to them?What is the hardest part of being an adult?How do their families deal with finances and if they were ready for a fiancial education in their younger years?Did they have reckless years in their 20s and do they agree with our earlier interview with Dr. Larry Nelson?Stay- tuned for their final advice at the end of the episode.  It is worth waiting for.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

The emerging adult - now recognized as “the third stage of life.” Our guest today says that studying the emerging adult years (about age 19-29) is much like studying the preschool years — the preschool years set the stage for the teen years, and the emerging adult years set the stage for the future adulthood.  Today we talk with Dr. Larry Nelson, one of the world’s leading researchers on the emerging adult years. Dr. Nelson is the president of the Study of Emerging Adulthood (SSEA) and examines factors that contribute to flourishing or floundering during this time. He has published over 70 peer-reviewed journal articles and chapters in edited books on topics including conceptions of adulthood, social withdrawal, and the role of parents and culture in the transition to adulthood.Here are some things you will learn from today’s episode:Why is this period of life critical to setting the stage for the adult years?What role do parents play during this stage of life? What are the signals for the flourishing and/or floundering young adult?Why our generation might not have done it “right.”How this stage of life is dealt with in many other parts of the world, and how we can learn from them.…and moreTo learn more about the emerging adult and Dr. Nelson, here are some informative links:Society for the Study of Emerging AdulthoodFlourishing in Emerging Adulthood, book by Dr. NelsonDistinguishing Features of Emerging Adulthood: The Role of Self-Classification as an AdultWe are anxious to hear your thoughts once you have listened to the episode.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Welcome to our 8th episode!  Every time I listen to an episode, I think to myself, "everyone needs to listen to this. There are so many valuable nuggets of information for all of us in every episode."For this episode - I plead with everyone to listen and share it.  Many of us think we are progressive and accepting, but to step into someone's shoes helps us learn so much more.  This episode is NOT JUST FOR PARENTS of LGBTQ+ children, but for ALL OF US.  Let me know what you think. Today I speak with Levi Teachey, who is the Board President of PFLAG Denver, and Stacey Shigaya, who is the organization's Board Secretary. Levi shares his very personal journey as a trans man and Stacey shares her journey both as an ally within the LGBTQ+ community and with her daughter who is pansexual.We discuss both their stories and the rapidly changing landscape of this community.  Planned Parenthood writes: "Understanding the words, and the labels people use encourages respect and understanding."Please share the episode with friends and family who you think might benefit.  Stacey and Levi also shared these documents which I found very helpful:Glossary of Terms (https://pflag.org/glossary)Faith FAQs (https://pflag.org/faithfaq)Becoming a Trans Ally 101 (https://pflag.org/transally101recording)Finally, Levi ends each of his emails with this phrase -- "courage, kindness and lasting change," -- keep it handy!PFLAG is a national organization founded in 1972 by Jeanne Manford, who marched with her son, in a gay pride parade in New York, with a sign that read: "Parents of Gays Unite."  It has become one of the most important organizations building support for friends and families of the LGBTQ+ community.  Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.