Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast Season I: Episode 16 When Grown Kids Disappoint Us
Today we speak with Jane Adams, PhD and author of the book, When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us, Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving them Anyways and Getting on with Our Lives."
In addition to being an author (of several books) , Jane is a "post-parent" coach. And that is what our podcast is all about. She also has a blog that she updates regularly on Psychology Today. Our dreams for our children begin as soon as they are placed in our arms - "give them a chance to grow up" Jane says, "before you make a judgement."
She writes on her website:
"Being a parent doesn’t end – it lasts as long as you do. I’m a social psychologist who’s been studying how we handle our kids’ transitions from youth to adulthood – on time, late or still not there yet. From Sex and the Single Parent to I’m Still Your Mother and When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us, I’ve been interviewing, researching and coaching parents who want their grown kids to be happy and successful in life but want a mutual, loving and authentic relationship with them even more.
Whether you’re a baby boomer or a GenX er, if your kids have moved out or boomeranged back in, and even if the ties that bind are frayed and worn, they’re still what keeps you together."
And that's what we talk about today. Here are some of the topics we cover - but there is a whole lot more!
- Are we entitled to reasonable expectations of our kids?
- Why we feel guilty about being disappointed. It is not about us - it is about them.
- How can we not worry when we watch a child drop out of school, live on the edge with no real goals for the future?
- Whose story is it anyway? When they mess up, is it really about us?
- How not to blame ourselves when things don't go as planned
- Addicted, depressed or dependent - detour or final destination - and when do parents give up - or can you?
- She talks about parents of adult children - they either brag or lie!
- Why these emerging adult years cause such worry? Will they be latched on to us forever - will they ever be independent.
- So, if you are disappointed - how do you let go of their problems, love them anyway and get on with your life?
Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.
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