What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't

People-pleasing is all about being heavily lopsided in pleasing others as a way of gaining their approval & maintaining relationships. People-pleasing is of course on a continuum, at work in a subordinate role & to fit in socially it is very useful. Less useful are those people-pleasers who end up erasing their authentic self in relationships. People-pleasers have to learn to make conflict & disagreement bearable because this is normal. Stop & consider that conflict increases intimacy & your relationships will be less superficial.

Exploring the complexities of sex and sexual desire in long-term relationships, including fluctuating interest, understanding female anatomy, educating children, and enhancing women's libido. Emphasizing the importance of communication and self-forgiveness in maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship.

Everybody manipulates to get what they want, even 3 year olds. Manipulation is part of our defense system. Manipulation are ways to win, to have power & control. There are caring & acceptable ways in trying to win games or a politician trying to win votes. Negative manipulations are all about avoiding vulnerablity & having power over others to win. There is always a choice to manipulate with caring or fighting dirty.

Exploring how individualism impacts relationships, emphasizing self-awareness & kindness. Discussing the importance of sacrificing for the US, balancing logic with relationships, and moving beyond individualism for collaboration. Understanding angry pursuit, core negative images, repair, and compassionate curiosity in relationships.

Three out of four couples experience significant conflict with their in-laws. In-laws can help young couples or derail them on the path to relationship success. The biggest reasons for tension include in-laws giving unwanted opinions, partners taking their parents' side, and disagreements over how to discipline grandchildren.

Dating is a lot of work! It is all too easy to end up discouraged & want to give up because someone else has once again not followed through & just disappeared. Family & friends often don’t appreciate how painful & difficult the process of dating can be. There is so much pressure to find the right relationship that it can be hard to look for signs the relationship is a healthy one.

What we want to focus on is, do I have too much anger? Do I get angry too easily? When I get angry, do I stay angry too long? Do I do destructive things when I get angry? So, rather than the anger itself, what we tend to focus on, is my anger making me unhappy? Is it making other people unhappy? Am I doing destructive or hurtful things when I get angry?

A collection of wisdom on making relationships work over the decades. You’ve heard me say often “Love is wanting to be a better person for your partner.” So partnerships grow us into better versions of ourselves. There is purpose to being in relationships & it’s not about having an audience to applaud you. It’s about having faith that you need to listen to hard truths about yourself from someone you love. It’s not about taking the easy way out to stay comfortable. To be uncomfortable is the only path to growing up.

Everybody deals with insecurity & it has a huge negative impact on relationships. The focus for those who are insecure is what’s wrong with my partner? Secure attachment, is not about playing games, you’re not trying to win or have power over the other person. It’s not a perfect situation. Secure attachment means you’re able to navigate emotionally. It can’t be about relying on the other person to do this for you. 

In intercultural & in interracial relationships as well, you don't always know what you're getting yourself into. Often, it takes several years, several challenges, a lot of conflict within couples to really figure out what it is that seems to be the issue or why it even is an issue... Both individuals can maintain their cultural identities through negotiation, & also own their awareness of what their own cultural identities mean to them.