What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't

Divorce often happens in year 6 to 10. research finds year 8 to be ordinary. In the 50s, it was called “The Seven Year Itch’. If your relationship is struggling in these years, it is an ordinary development. The essence of real love is wanting to be a better person. When someone turns their back on doing the work of change and growth, that's what repair of a relationship requires, then they are unwilling to do the work of real love.

Life is chock full of choices. There are choices that are self defeating or even self destructive. Then there are choices that are life generating. It’s our choices that make up our life. It’s our choices that make the difference in having success in our relationships. Some choices don’t feel like choices because they are entrenched bad habits that usually comfort us in some way. Even when we feel we don’t have a choice, we do.

Many relationships begin because one person is grabbing onto someone else to feel ok. Everybody wants to be loved, but the solution to this, is the age old wisdom that you have to love yourself first. Taking responsibility for our own choices & learning to accept both the good & the bad within all of us is key to self-esteem.

So often in relationships we are quick to focus our unhappiness on our partner. It’s their fault things don’t get better, right? It’s way too easy to blame others & not look at ourselves. This episode takes a look at what YOU can do, whether or not your partner is interested in improvements.

Dig down underneath the resentments to communicate or begin the dead-end path to bitterness. Everybody has a choice about which direction to go in. We avoid the “risk” of asking real questions, so we can stay in the safe zone of not dealing with someone else. We have our imaginary conversations, we decide we know how it will turn out & we bail. Authentic conversation requires real effort in real life.

Trauma deeply challenges our sense of safety and security in the world, which often has an impact on relationships. It’s natural for those who have suffered trauma to feel that building close relationships is frightening because they don’t want to experience more hurt. Someone who is coping with trauma may feel disconnected from themselves as well as their partner.

Responding is harder to do because it is more complicated than just defensively reacting. Respecting your partner is all about responding & reacting is only all about you. This episode will help you think about how to  improve responding to your partner. 

Erectile Dysfunction impacts relationships & couples don’t know how to talk about it & don’t have enough information about it, so this episode is all about correcting this problem. The Cleveland Clinic reports 1 in 10 men will experience ED in their lifetime & only 25% of men with ED receive treatment.

Money & sex are the two things couples argue most about. Most couples don't want to talk about it because they fight. Budgets are like diets, they don't work. Learn here how to think about a spending plan. Instead of beating yourselves up for your past attempts at trying to talk about money, try acknowledging where each of you come from in terms of your family histories without judgment.   

Everybody buries themselves in piles of doubt & insecurities that clutter up our lives & our relationships. Some of us cover things up better than others, but no one escapes obsessing about their fears & doubts. Facing your anxieties & insecurities by decontaminating your brain is achievable. Listen & learn how to do it!