Your Secret Is Safe With Me

Have you ever felt responsible for your partner’s feelings? When they’re reacting to something you’ve done, it can be hard not to feel like it’s your job to make them feel better. But, guess what: someone else’s emotions are not under your control—nor should they be. According to Dr. Marie Murphy, taking responsibility for your feelings, and your feelings alone, is an essential step in building a healthy relationship—or dealing with the aftermath of an affair. As she says, there is only one path to freedom, and it involves taking ownership of your individual emotions, behavior, and business. In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with John Corcoran of Rise25 to talk about the reality of infidelity. Together, they discuss the different emotions you may feel as a result of being cheated on, what to let go of in pursuit of a healthier relationship, and why your partner’s feelings aren’t your responsibility—but being considerate is. Keep listening.

We’ve all seen the movies: someone suspects they’re being cheated on, so they call a private investigator to follow their partner in a high-speed chase that ends in a dramatic scene. However, the reality is just a bit different. Art Tilis, a private investigator and the Owner of Foglight Investigations, has received many calls from clients who believe their partner is having an affair. According to Art, the investigation process is a bit different from what we’ve seen on television and the big screen—but he has still experienced his fair share of climactic scenes, pun intended. Join Dr. Marie Murphy in this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me as she sits down with Art Tilis, a private investigator and the Owner of Foglight Investigations. Together, they talk about Art’s process for investigating a suspected cheater, some of the more interesting cases he’s had, and his advice for if you suspect your partner may be having an affair. Stay tuned.

When it comes to infidelity, there are a lot of different thoughts that may run through someone’s mind. Why did this happen? Did I do something wrong? And, importantly: what do we do now? The response to infidelity looks different for everyone. While some couples may choose to work it out, others may look to divorce—which, in many cases, involves the discussion of custody agreements, property division, spousal support, and more. In today’s episode, Dr. Marie Murphy is joined by Rodrigo Dias, a family law attorney, to discuss the first steps to take if the path you’re on is leading toward divorce.  Tune in to today’s episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me as Dr. Marie Murphy talks to Rodrigo Dias, Partner at Greene Taubman Dias Chernus Simborg & Dominguez LLP, about the best practices for handling a divorce following an affair. Together, they discuss your legal rights if your partner finds out about your infidelity, how to have healthy conversations about custody, and the lessons to learn from the cases that have come through Rodrigo’s office. Keep listening!

There’s a lot of black and white thinking when it comes to the way we regard infidelity as a society. You’re either cheating or you’re not; you’re either right or you’re wrong; you’re either good or you’re bad. In Suzannah Weiss’s case, however, she was largely operating in the gray. As a sex and relationship writer, Suzannah went through her own experience of cheating, for lack of a better word, on her boyfriend of three years. After getting a better idea of what she does and doesn’t want from a partnership, they parted ways amicably—but it took some time, tension, and self-reflection to get there. Join Dr. Marie Murphy as she sits down with sex and relationship writer Suzannah Weiss in this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me. Together, they talk about Suzannah’s personal experience with infidelity, the different kinds of intimacy a relationship can—and sometimes can’t—have, and why she never told her ex that she was cheating. Keep listening!

Depending on who you’re talking to, polyamory can be a bad word. Many people believe that entering a poly relationship is an excuse to have your cake and eat it too, a way to exert control over a significant other, or a loophole to avoid breaking up. Magenta Brooks is here to tell you that polyamory—and more specifically, ethical non-monogamy—is none of those things. With honest communication and vulnerability, it can be a relationship dynamic that fully and authentically serves everyone involved. In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy talks to Magenta Brooks, a relationship coach who specializes in polyamory, about the ins and outs of ethical non-monogamy. Together, they discuss the various alternatives to monogamy, the indications that you prefer—or are curious—about polyamory, and the crucial importance of developing honest and vulnerable communication styles. Keep listening.

Why are you married? Did you fall in love with another person and come to a decision to share your lives together with official documentation? Did you feel happy? Or, did you feel pressured, like you had no other choice? To date, marriage is still seen as the most legitimate form a relationship can take. Coupled with surmounting societal pressure to “settle down” once you reach a certain age, it can be hard to consider that there may be other options—especially if you feel like marriage, or even monogamy, aren’t right for you. In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with John Corcoran of Rise25 to talk about common myths around infidelity—and why they’re wrong. They discuss the social context around marriage, two big myths about extramarital affairs, and why it’s important to ask yourself honest questions when it comes to the kind of life you want to live. Keep listening for more insight into marriage and why you should stop thinking in black and white.

Guilt. Shame. Embarrassment. These are often the first few words that come to mind when we talk about affairs. What you might not know, however, is that affairs involve a complexity of emotions, including confusion, anxiety, and yes, even excitement. Recognizing and processing what you’re feeling during an affair requires some real work and hard confrontations. But, if you’re honest with yourself and avoid taking tempting shortcuts, you can make it to the other side with the most important emotion still intact: your happiness. Join Dr. Marie Murphy on this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me as she sits down with John Corcoran, the Co-founder of Rise25, to talk about how to deal with the complex emotions that come with affairs. Together, they discuss the different steps you should follow if you’re having an affair, the importance of confronting your deepest truths, and how everyone—even you—is imperfect. Stay tuned!

So, you’re in a monogamous relationship and you’ve been seeing someone outside of it. Or, perhaps you’ve found out that your partner has another relationship that you knew nothing about. The question remains the same: how do you talk about it? For nonviolent communication specialist Joyce Swaving, honest communication is key. But to ensure that you’re communicating safely and effectively, it’s important to practice nonviolence during these difficult conversations with your partner. Joyce’s advice? Enter the dialogue with the intention of having kindness and empathy, try to stay nonreactive, and always honor the other person’s right to say “no.” In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with Joyce Swaving, a nonviolent communication specialist, to talk about navigating difficult conversations with your partner. They discuss the principles of nonviolent communication, the steps you can follow to have a productive and respectful conversation, and the benefits of being honest and vulnerable with your partner. Keep listening to discover how to make nonviolent communication a daily practice in your relationships!

The college degree, the 9-5 office job, the white picket fence, and, most importantly, the loving spouse and 2.5 children: once you’ve achieved these, you have it all! Or, do you? Whether we’re aware of it or not, we’ve been taught that there’s a right way to do life—especially when it comes to our romantic relationships. In our culture, we’re told that to have a healthy love life, we must have one partner who serves all of our needs. Without any deviations, this relationship should end in marriage and a few children; till death do us part. In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with Dr. Devon Smith, an Associate Professor of Sociology at Palomar College, to break down the cultural norms around love and marriage. Together, they talk about the history of marriage and romantic relationships, the different ways we’ve been taught to prioritize one model of love, and the importance of breaking down these stereotypes to reach a style of love that works for you. Keep listening.

Think about the last time you were in a difficult situation. How did you maneuver it? Were you ultimately able to choose how to move forward? And most importantly: was the decision you made in your own best interest? There’s a lot that goes into our decision-making process—probably more than we realize. When you’re operating in the gray area of what’s “right” and what’s “wrong,” it can be hard to separate how the choices you make will be perceived from how they will actually make you feel. In these situations, Dr. Marie Murphy has one question for you: how good can you stand it? On this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with John Corcoran, the Co-founder of Rise25, to talk about making decisions. They discuss how the lack of a gray area between “good” and “bad” can get in the way of making healthy choices for yourself. Dr. Murphy also shares her process for helping her clients through tough decision-making and her tips for how to choose what’s right for you—regardless of what anyone else thinks. Keep listening.