Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Remember that the Pitfalls are descending steps; one connects to the other with predictable effects.    Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”    The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others whom the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others.    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.  These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    # 5 Secrets sap the leader’s passion and purpose Once the leader’s true self is isolated, the “getaway” or “cure” is usually a closely held secret.       A secret is anything one withholds from appropriate people because they       fear rejection, judgment, censuring, or being controlled.    Secrets:  require a person to withhold emotional and spiritual struggles from the people who hunger to know them and care about them.  block the intimacy, or “into-me-see,” that is an essential part of human encouragement and fulfillment.  make a person sick because they are not connected to relationship with others.    At this point, a leader begins to survive in a cycle of work, performance, isolation, and secrets that increase toxic shame and guilt.    To dissipate the shame and guilt, the leader tries to work harder, perform better, which cycles into a repetition of isolation and secrets.    As the cycle continues, a leader will begin to experience symptoms of burnout, depression, excessive anxiety, addiction, and other forms of impairment.   Jesus says in John 10:10, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (NIV) To many leaders who are caught up in the swirl of Pitfall #5, this scripture reference seems like a long-lost illusion.    By Pitfall #5, the leader is far away from everything they had once hoped and believed.    Jesus also says in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” (NIV) This reference is a living, breathing experience for the leader. He or she is being robbed of every blessing they were created to experience in the passion, struggle, and joy of getting to do what they were created to do.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The Pitfalls of Leadership are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects.    Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”    The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others.    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    #4 To be an example to others, the true self is isolated   Leaders often put pressure on themselves to:  continually be of service to appear a certain way to always be an example—as expected by others   This demand for perfection sets up a leader to deny his/her own feelings and needs.    Denial does not stop needs, but instead arouses toxic shame when the leader has a need. Isolating the heart from being known from the inside-out leaves a leader hungry to get needs met and yet unable to need people to meet the needs.    An inanimate source of fulfillment can become the “getaway” or “cure” for the leader at this point. Therefore, counterfeit fulfillments for needs take the place of relational fulfillments.   Problems that trap leaders are so widespread and repeated that they are considered normal, but they are not.   The Pitfalls are not normal, but they are so abundantly common that we can easily relate to them, and often get trapped by them.  We must not confuse what most people consider as common, with what is normal.    The book Keeping Heart by Dr Chip Dodd is a series of meditative “pearls” on what true normal is.   In the description of Pitfall 3, “People Become Things,” the drive for perfection in the leader begins to emotionally and spiritually drain the leader because he/she is not addressing their need for replenishment. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The 5 Pitfalls are descending steps. One step connects to another with predictable effects.    Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one finds freedom from them.   People Become Things Leaders enter the world of doing good because they wish the pain of the world to be treated, bettered, or healed.    However, as the leader slips into the pitfalls:  the people that the leader wishes to serve become burdensome objects that have to be dealt with the people that the leader works with become objects that have to be manipulated his/her family members become burdensome objects of needs that have to be met the leader who originally planned to benefit others reaches a significant crisis point they must move into neediness as human beings or fade into despair as “human doings.”   The leader whose worth is trapped in work, and whose performance is valued more than their presence shows symptoms of people becoming things   They experience “feeling drained” of the passion or energy that had compelled them in the beginning.    Whether slowly or rapidly, the leader becomes restless, irritable, and discontent.   Indicators of restlessness and irritable can be overt or covert, but the symptoms are “known” to the leader, but not accurately taken responsibility for.    Compulsivity takes over for “being compelled.” Blame, projection onto others, and denial are hallmarks of the impaired leader at Pitfall #3.   *The family is usually affected first and foremost, before the signs are noted by others who the leader influences.   In the name of loyalty the family members begin to take on feelings of “self-blame” and toxic shame that comes with the leader’s self-negligence.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The Pitfalls are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects.    Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”    This descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others.    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    Pitfall #2: Performance Begins to be Valued More than One’s Presence: When a leader’s primary personal value is associated with performance, they become someone they are not—"human doings.”    To be present means to be able to present the truth of our inner selves as human beings to others.  Presence is the ability to speak the feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hopes of one’s own heart.    People who are actively present can be “in need” and be led.    Performers develop contempt for their neediness. They also eventually develop secret contempt and fear towards the needs of others because they see others as the ones who demand that they perform.    The “ease” of being one’s true self is lost in the “dis-ease” or stress of believing that one is only valuable for their performance.   People who are performers can be driven by anxiety A leader who believes that their performance matters more than their personal presence is actually driven by anxiety, more than they are compelled by inspiration or mission/calling.   These performers: compete and compare, more than they are called and compelled tragically believe that they are only measured by their last mistake, or the mistakes they haven’t made yet have pride and arrogance, rooted in toxic shame, can drive the leader away from being in need   A leader is expected to be effective and productive  A leader is expected to perform and meet the needs of those they are on mission to help, which is good. However, every leader needs a place to go where they can honestly share their own needs, without toxic shame, and where others can do the same.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click Here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    There are 5 Pitfalls of Leadership. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one finds freedom from them.    The 5 Pitfalls of Leadership Are Interconnected and Work in a Descending Order: One’s work becomes confused with one’s worth. One’s performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  In order to be an example to others, one isolates his/her true self. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    This episode will focus on Pitfall #1: One’s Work is Confused with One’s Worth.   Leaders can draw crowds, get things done, or set themselves apart from others through accomplishments or talents. This work can be good and true. However, a leader can confuse the crowds, the feedback, and accomplishments with his/her worth as a person.    Sadly, A leader’s sense of confidence and value can begin to go up or down based upon the applause they receive.    While pursuing one’s worth in the “workplace,” being a “Dad” or “Mom” loses its importance and sense of value/purpose.    This effect can happen to professionals, little league coaches, church volunteers, and PTA presidents.    A leader can easily forget that their worth comes from being human. Worth is inborn; we don’t lose it.    The crowd looks for what the leader can give. God and loved ones look for the heart of who the person is from the inside out.    Worth tied to the crowd can mean loss of recognition of worth as a person. Finding Methods of Prevention When leaders fall or fail, so often they are simply replaced to keep the mission or agenda going. That is not a bad thing related to the responsibilities of the mission; however, we need also to be curious enough about what created the fall or failure to find prevention methods that can reduce negative, even tragic, outcomes.    There is Always Hope If a leader doesn’t catch himself/herself in the early stages of Pitfall #1, it isn’t the end. Very often, the failure becomes a “doorway” into a new world of a new life, even a better life. This “better” life requires a recovery process with guides and helpers; otherwise, the negative process usually continues.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Leaders Have a Need for Help: Everyone, believe it or not, is created to lead. Everyone who cares about something and is investing themselves in what they care about is leading. Leaders find much fulfillment in serving others.  Whether it’s serving as a CEO or a parent, the most significant moments for leaders come when they are giving their gifts, abilities, passion, and creativity.  Leaders who pour out great energy doing what is fulfilling also need to refill.   *Leaders need to be able to receive restoration and replenishment so they can continue to serve well. They refill by being humble enough to know their limits, to recognize their needs, and to ask for help.    I have worked with leaders for more than thirty-five years. I have recognized five common pitfalls that block leaders from receiving the replenishment that is essential to lead well. These pitfalls can stymie a leader’s passion and purpose. As a result, the people the leader wishes to help ultimately do not receive what they need.   Pitfalls of Leadership Life is full of struggle, and the struggle is not preventable. Samuel Beckett wrote, “You are on earth. There is no cure for that.” Life’s struggles are inevitable, but the Pitfalls of Leadership are preventable.   The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.   These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    Everyone always wonders, “What happened to them? How did this self-destruction happen?”   These episodes on the “Pitfalls” are about preventing those questions from being asked. Whether you are a parent, a pastor, a plumber, or a pulmonologist, these episodes are for you.   These episodes are also about what to do when you find yourself in the “Pitfalls” or when the consequences have already impacted your life.   Hope in spite of the Pitfalls: The beauty of life and the beauty of God in our lives gives us the hope of: redemption recovery restoration   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

The hosts celebrate the conclusion of their insightful series, sharing gratitude for the meaningful discussions around understanding women's hearts. They emphasize the biblical term 'Ezer,' highlighting women's inherent strength beyond supportive roles. The importance of listening in relationships is underscored, as is the need for mutual trust and vulnerability to foster deeper connections. Personal anecdotes enrich the conversation, advocating for emotional depth and balanced partnerships, paving the way for transformative hope in understanding one another.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Origins of Understanding a Woman’s Heart In this podcast series we have been discussing the dynamics of a woman’s heart in relation to a man’s heart. The content we have discussed has come from education and research; Scriptural foundations; and even more, from the 1000s of individuals and couples whom I have worked with in a therapeutic setting.   Relationships are a matter of the heart, as much and more than they are an experience of the brain: A woman experiences herself as chosen through the security the man creates for her by being a Redeemer, Protector, and Provider, in that order. She can offer her dependency to the man in an authentic way if he brings these qualities. A man experiences himself as appreciated because he has brought his whole heart to the relationship, allowing vulnerability, availability, and gentleness to lead the internal life of the relationship.  In this way, the foundational needs of belonging and mattering are met through relationship.   The connected couple can build on the foundation of security and appreciation.    This couple will experience the future together, come what may, because their connection and commitment are based in the “pain tolerance” of the heart, not the “pain intolerance” of the brain. The brain seeks pleasure; the heart tolerates the pain of love.   Super Practical “Response-Abilities” After creating a foundation for understanding the emotional and spiritual needs of the relationship, the following reality needs to be grasped: A man’s primary job is “customer service”! A man is created to serve others, especially his family.    A man serves best when he does the following three actions consistently: TCB: A man needs to “take care of business.” He needs to pay the bills before the frills. He needs to attend to the place they live, and oversee the management of property and vocation. Stay on Mission: A man needs to stay focused on whatever calling, role, or position he has been assigned to fulfill. In this way, he reinforces his own self-respect and shows himself to be dependable and trustworthy. Do Not Overly Need a Woman: A man does not need to overly need a woman. He must not pressure his spouse to be his constant emotional support. He knows he needs to get his needs met from peers who have the same experiences that all true men risk experiencing. He knows what the woman cannot do for him. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Discover the dynamics of a woman's heart and how men can truly connect to it through qualities like protection and vulnerability. Humor and real-life anecdotes highlight the challenges of balancing parenthood with marital intimacy. The importance of listening and emotional availability shines through, emphasizing the need for open communication and support. Join in as the hosts explore the intricate dance of relationships, all while maintaining a focus on creating deep, lasting connections amid life’s chaos.

The discussion delves into the complexities of love and relationships, emphasizing the importance of emotional awareness and vulnerability. Listeners learn about distinct emotional needs in relationships, such as appreciation for men and security for women. The hosts share insights on the universal need for belonging, highlighting how heartfelt connections can triumph over transactional interactions. A poignant love story is explored, showcasing the power of resilience and vulnerability amidst challenges, making a compelling case for embracing one's heart.