Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

Exploring the complexities of emotional living, the discussion highlights the beauty of vulnerability and connection with oneself, others, and God. Surrendering to our true nature is presented as a pathway to reclaiming our passion for life. The importance of emotional safety in loving relationships is emphasized, alongside the journey men must take to understand and nurture a woman's heart. The conversation also challenges traditional masculinity, advocating for gentleness and authenticity in relationships, fostering deeper connections and mutual respect.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Primary Need to Belong and Matter A woman and a man each have the same need to belong and matter.  Each person is equally responsible for affirming the need to belong and matter of the other person.   Belonging and Mattering differ for a Woman and a Man  Their need to belong and matter is met in different ways. A woman’s need to belong and matter is primarily met through security. A man’s need to belong and matter is primarily met through appreciation.   A Woman Needs to Feel Secure in order to Appreciate a Man While each person is equally responsible, the man’s initiation of security is crucial to create a healthy relationship. For the man to experience appreciation, the woman must first experience security.   Feeling Chosen Creates Security in a Woman The woman’s primary security need is met through knowing, feeling, and having faith in experiencing herself as chosen. She is chosen above all other women.  She has confidence in knowing it, feeling it, and having faith in the future related to it.  To be chosen is to know that she has: A Redeemer: a man who can relate to her, grasp her needs, desire the full expression of how God created her, and treat her with gentleness, availability, and vulnerability. Episode #64   A Protector: a man who can create a place of safety and stability that is based on her trust in his integrity, allowing her to focus on being able to love without fear or demand.  A Provider: a man who can provide for her the necessities that quell the fear of her essential needs not being attended to.   This order is very important: It establishes a foundation of what a woman needs most.   It expresses a man’s trustworthiness, his capability of relational intimacy, and his integrity. He is known as one who “says what he means and means what he says,” with an inner-focus on bringing his best to who he loves. He has a sense of his own dignity and self-respect.   This description is not about perfection; it is about growth and focus for a man. He cannot be more than perfectly imperfect. He can, though, live inspired to be the man God created him to be, by remaining dependent on God, and by relying on “growth-aid” from other men.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Delve into the heart's role as the core of life, shaping our thoughts and emotions. Discover how emotional security is crucial for women and appreciation for men in relationships. Engage in a lighthearted moment about misunderstandings that reveals the importance of empathy. Explore gender dynamics around belonging and connection, and the need for emotional availability in fostering deeper relationships. The conversation highlights trust and vulnerability as essential ingredients for healthy connections.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    We just concluded a podcast series called, “The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life.”   Although the series applies equally to women, I focused on men for three reasons: Men have a history of losing their focus as leaders, and not recognizing their importance to each other, their marriages, families, and society. There is a great need for men to be “response able” with their power, to avoid forms of being controlling and demanding and/or quitting when things become stressful. There is a need for men to continue to develop the capacities to live with integrity and passion, because society inherently depends upon the character of men to be vibrant.   Good men are essential and crucial to marriages, families, community and society. If good men don’t rise, bad men multiply and societies crumble.    “The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life,” also presented a picture of the man that a woman needs and hopes will come into her life.    Every woman (who wishes to be with a man) seeks to: Be cared for by a man who can care. Be rendered secure by a man who is secure. Be protected by a man who will advocate for what is right. Be understood as a feeling creature, as a man knows himself as a feeling creature. Know that a man will give himself to a cause greater than her, without neglecting her.   Women and Men have to face certain realities in life: We are all works in progress. “Clumsy” or imperfect is as good as we will ever become. We are all like giraffes running on ice, as parents, spouses, children, leaders, etc. We have to live life on life’s terms. We will have to learn how to struggle, deal with feelings, be in need, face loss and in spite of everything, love! We have to face that everything in life is about practice. Medical doctors are referred to as “practicing medicine,” just as lawyers practice law. We are all practicing daily, as parents, spouses, and people in general. We have to face that it really does take a lifetime to learn how to live. We never arrive at a place while we are living to say, “I know longer have to struggle with being human in an imperfect world.” Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    A man will step into the future, often armed with nothing more than his own vision, because he trusts that the future is where God lives. He steps into the mystery of the future with hope, fear, and faith.   Hope is the inextinguishable flame of life in all of us.   Fear is the feeling that lets us seek out and ask for help with life’s struggles and questions.   Faith is the connection to God; and trust that our hope is not foolish, and our fear will be heard. Faith is “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)   Movement #1, “The Order of Love,” is the foundation for the other 11 movements. Episode 50    Movement #1 places the man in need of God, who created him and loves him. He is second, and he draws his strength, courage, and caregiving from God. One cannot give what he/she does not have. A man is created to deliver love to others, starting with his spouse and children (if he has them).   A man who trusts God will step into the future with hope, fear, and faith because he trusts that God wants to “grow” or develop him into all that he is created to become. He has also witnessed the experiences of God’s presence in his life.   Movement 12 can take us in many directions; however, we will focus only on two: The Beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-10) show us the growth process of God. A process called Johari’s Window show us what we need in order to grow.   The Beatitudes present us with a series of growth processes. Each “step” evolves into the next growth experience.    I wrote the book The Perfect Loss: A Different Kind of Happiness about the growth processes given to us in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5:3-10.   Two remarkable things about the paradox of the Beatitudes:   Jesus says that “Blessed” are those who surrender to and submit to a painful growth process.  The gift of the first Beatitude and the gift of the last one is the same gift, implying that a person has grown, much like an acorn grows into an oak tree.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    To download my Free Resources, go to chipdodd.com. Download The Discipline of Restoring, and more, to continue the journey of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well. A leader needs inner strength and inner resources. I offer these resources to help people succeed.   A Man Knows He is God’s Masterpiece: Every man is created to lead and needs inner-strength to do so; he needs to know how to get the strength he needs to fulfill his leadership responsibilities. Every man needs God and others to succeed. For his own personal fulfillment, every man needs to attend to his tasks, mission, and/or callings—all synonyms. A “job well-done” is gratifying. Every man (and woman) is created to live fully, love deeply, and lead well lives that others can benefit from long after the man has finished his career. The greatest treasure of a man’s life is the value he leaves behind. Every man needs to recognize his importance and dependency upon the God who created him. A man has inherent God-created worth, and he is created to be in need.   What stops a leader from succeeding? Usually, he does not know his value, and he does not know his neediness; therefore, he doesn’t develop the inner strength and inner resources to “stay the course” of his mission.    We are God-created; we need to depend upon Him and how he created us.    God created us to live with heart.    God created us as emotional and spiritual creatures, created to live fully through relationship with ourselves, others, and Him, as talked about in The Voice of the Heart and Needs of the Heart, by Chip Dodd.   Addiction takes us away from the heart of how we are created, because addiction is all about “avoiding” and “silencing” the heart.    Four powerful scriptures speak to our worth, our dependency on God who created us, and the importance of the heart: Ephesians 2:10. Psalm 139:13-16. Proverbs 4:23. Psalm 8.   Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”   The word “workmanship” testifies to God creating us specifically.    The DNA of the human being is 99.9% identical to all other human beings. We are created 99.9% the same emotionally and spiritually, as well as biologically and physiologically. We have also been gifted with a .01% uniqueness.   Click here to continue to read the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    For a man to lead any organization, family, mission, or task, he needs to trust what he knows. In addition, he needs to be aware of what he doesn’t know so that he can grow into becoming all he is created to be.    This man seeks out the abilities of others so that he can accomplish his responsibilities.    No one knows everything, and therefore, we all need others’ abilities.   Four Categories of Practicing Appropriate Authority: Every man is a leader if he loves someone, and/or has a goal or mission in life. Therefore, he has authority, which is more about a responsibility than a form of power. A leader definitely needs certain skills to accomplish his responsibilities; just as important, a leader needs to be a competent human being. A leader truly needs to know what he doesn’t do well and know his limitations, so that he can reach out to others who have the abilities he needs in order to fulfill his responsibilities. A leader needs to be responsible with the power that is inherent in leadership. The power of delegation. The power of truth-telling. The power of delivering consequences.   Authority comes from the word author, which means that you have been given the ability and responsibility to communicate your assigned “mission.”   There are two kinds of authority Healthy authority is invitational. It grows trust and confidence in the “followers” because they know two things about their leader. They believe he desires their good or benefit, and they know that he is as much a servant of the “mission” as they themselves are. For example, the president of the United States’ mission is to serve the Constitution. The truest leader knows that he is serving God as the top authority. Healthy authority invites the full participation of heart, mind, and abilities of a person. Unhealthy authority is subordinating. It is about exercising power over someone. It is inherently threatening because it focuses on “lock-step” obedience even more than the development of a team that can accomplish a mission. Unhealthy authority focuses on “obedient” performance over the full of investment of a person’s presence of heart, mind, and abilities. Heart doesn’t matter too much in an unhealthy authority system, only abilities.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    A man keeps no secrets: He does not hide behind a cloak of pretending or darkness.  He does not isolate his heart from those who matter to him.  He does not dwell in places that he would not let others know about who matter to him. Secrets are things a man hides for fear that he will be rejected, censured, judged, or stopped.  Secrets are ways a man hides his heart’s pain from others by finding ways to numb his heart, through addiction, affairs, depression, isolation, “false loyalties,” and pretense.  A man needs to know that he is needy. He needs to be able to communicate his feelings and needs, while also being able to trust “waiting” for them to be met.   A man who lives without secrets will still sin, make mistakes, and have regrets.    However, he practices a lifestyle of rigorous honesty because he admits his sins, mistakes, and regrets.    This man remains transparent by telling the truths of his heart to the right people who will respect his struggles and vulnerabilities.   A man who keeps no secrets is usually a competent human being who is: Curious, wanting to know about others, and allowing others to know about him. Courageous, fully participating in living with his whole heart. Compassionate, being able to identify with others’ pain because he knows his own pain.   The skills of a competent human being are separate from the skills one develops as a surgeon or plumber.   A competent human being values intimacy and integrity more than he values his skills. His worth is connected to “who he is” more than “what he does.”   We are as sick as the secrets we keep. Secrets are powerful because they are “counterfeit” experiences of feeling connected without the vulnerability that comes with being connected in genuine relationship. For example, alcohol gives a person a sense of connection without being in genuine relationship, as do all forms of addiction substances and processes.   Keeping secrets make us sick because it requires great energy to be emotionally defensive and guarded.    A man with secrets has to be emotionally guarded by being vigilant and controlling in order to prevent his secrets from being discovered or “exposed.”    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    What is an “RE-“ God?  “RE-“ is a prefix that means to do again or make anew. Our God is an “RE-“ God because He offers Himself to us again and again through refreshment, renewal, restoration, repair, recreation, redemption, etc.    A man trusts an “RE-” God: A man who fully participates in life with his whole heart will pour himself out into life daily. Because all of us are limited in our strength and resources, we need to be re-stored, re-plenished, re-deemed, re-created, re-enlivened, re-freshed, and more.  We have a God who attends to us is in daily life; therefore, we must face and participate in the rhythms of daily life for our daily sustenance.  A man needs to know how to attend to his limits and needs so that he is ready to step into the next day with renewed strength and resources. A man needs to develop a rhythm of renewal so that he can give his heart, head, and hands to whatever he is “called” or assigned to do.   To live consistently in Movement #8, a man must begin by remembering his proper place.    In Episode #51, “The Order of Love,” explains the importance of a man submitting to God as the greatest resource of strength, courage, and wisdom that he can possibly have. “The Order of Love,” defines the foundation for all the other Movements of a man’s life.   A Mistaken Belief: Many men are taught to believe that they are permitted to “rest” or “replenish” only when they are finished with their mission. They drive themselves very hard and live on “when/then” thinking:  “When I get all this done, then I will be able to finally stop, and relax, eat, drink and be merry.”   This thinking is based on the idea that I can finally get away from stress, worry, and pain if I just work hard enough.  However, a man cannot escape the realities of life because there is no such place as “away.” We have to contend with feelings and needs our whole lives. WE need to experience “RE-” from God daily.    In Luke 12:16-21, Jesus shares a parable about a man trying to “get enough” so that I will no longer have to live with concerns, cares, stresses, or worries. Sadly, there is no such place that we can “get to” where we will no longer have to struggle.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

The discussion dives deep into what it means for a man to understand worth in both life and death. It emphasizes the importance of pursuing passions that align with genuine purpose, encouraging meaningful commitments beyond societal norms. Lists of responsibilities as protectors and providers highlight the significance of emotional honesty in relationships. The concept of loyalty and commitment is explored, suggesting that a strong culture can inspire dedication over financial incentives. Ultimately, true fulfillment comes from nurturing relationships and embracing impactful missions.