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The Jordan Harbinger Show

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Sep 17, 2021 • 52min

562: Old Ex-Con Mister Eloped with My Young Sister | Feedback Friday

Your family helped a 62-year-old convict who was "wrongfully convicted" of the statutory rape of his stepdaughter get back on his feet -- until he went off and eloped with your 23-year-old sister. Now that conviction seems like it might not have been so wrongful after all, and you're wondering how you can protect your sister if he's just been on the hunt for another victim. We'll try to help find answers to this and more here on Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/562 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Why did our advice to the job negotiator in episode 553 seem counter to our usual stance on negotiation? How can you make sure your 23-year-old sister is safe now that she's eloped with a 62-year-old ex-con? You're vaccinated and set to be the maid of honor at a wedding, but you're uneasy because the groom's family doesn't even believe in COVID -- and will be taking zero precautions to protect themselves and others (in spite of the recent surge in delta variant deaths). How do you express your concerns to the bride-to-be without losing your lifelong friend? You're a busy stay-at-home mom and newly full-time student trying to stay focused, but your husband has gotten in the habit of calling you from work -- sometimes for an hour at a time. Is there a nice way to convey that when he's working, you're working, too, and he should reserve these calls for emergencies? Your teen daughter suffered a brain injury that has left her with daily headaches, nausea, dizziness, and head fog. Now she's under pressure to apply to colleges, but she's angry and behaving like a victim instead of doing the necessary work to regain her cognitive performance. How can you help her make progress instead of enabling her inaction? You're eager to start your own business as a wedding coordinator after hiring one for your own wedding and realizing your company vastly underpays you. Is there a protocol for asking this person for advice even though they would technically be your competition? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at
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Sep 16, 2021 • 55min

561: Charles Duhigg | The Secrets of Being Smarter Faster Better

Charles Duhigg (@cduhigg) is a Pulitzer prize-winning reporter at The New York Times and author of Smarter Faster Better: The Secrets of Being Productive in Life and Business and The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. [Note: This is a previously broadcast episode from the vault that we felt deserved a fresh listen!] What We Discuss with Charles Duhigg: What’s the difference between what we think and how we think? Learn more about the science of motivation and what makes us tick. Compare the internal vs. external locus of control. What is cognitive tunneling and when does it affect us? Discover how we can use mental models to avoid it. Find out how to increase creativity even when we hit a block. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/561 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
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Sep 14, 2021 • 1h 23min

560: Dan Carlin | Apocalyptic Moments in Hardcore History

Dan Carlin (@hardcorehistory) is the host of the wildly popular Hardcore History and Common Sense podcasts, and author of The End Is Always Near: Apocalyptic Moments, from the Bronze Age Collapse to Nuclear Near Misses. What We Discuss with Dan Carlin: Do tough times make for tougher people? How do we define what "tough" means? Will war ever become obsolete, or will we always need to be prepared to engage in military force on some level? Why do the people who are best qualified to lead rarely get elected, and how does this hurt us all (even if "our" candidate wins)? How denying the cultivation of skills, talent, and opportunity to the poorest members of the population underserves society as a whole. Is a de-escalation of our current political polarization possible, or have we passed the point of no return? And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/560 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
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Sep 10, 2021 • 54min

559: How to Say Yes to Post-Traumatic Success | Feedback Friday

How do you find your way back to high achievement when coping with the aftermath of extreme trauma keeps you low? We'll try to find an answer to this and more here on Feedback Friday! We'll try to find an answer to this and more here on Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/559 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: How do you find your way back to the hallowed halls of high achievement when the trauma you're trying to work through is doing its best to keep you low? [Thanks to clinical psychologist Dr. Erin Margolis for helping us with this one!] How do you break off a friendship with someone who's way more into it than you are without hurting their feelings? [Many thanks to From Start-Up to Grown-Up author Alisa Cohn for helping us answer this!] How can you get your lyin' and cheatin' ex-spouse to change their no-good behavior for the sake of your angelic offspring? You recently finished the novel you've been working on for five years and discovered along the way that writing it was a process you enjoyed far more than your day job. Should you dive in and become a full-time, professional writer, or just keep at it as an inspiring hobby? Your mom has been diagnosed as seriously mentally ill (SMI) and in treatment for half your life. Her psychiatrist of the past 17 years doesn't seem to be doing much to help -- in fact, her behavior's only gotten worse. As her medical power of attorney, you're considering a court order for a new mental health evaluation, but she lives in another state and you don't know where to begin. What can you do? [Once again, thanks to Corbin Payne (aka C-Payne) for helping us with this one!] Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi. Sign...
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Sep 9, 2021 • 48min

558: Jack Schafer | Flipping the Like Switch Part Two.

Jack Schafer (@jackschafer) is a retired FBI special agent, current assistant professor at Western Illinois University, and co-author of The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over. [This is part two of a two-part episode. Catch up with part one here!] What We Discuss with Jack Schafer: How undercover cops get made just by the way they look at people. The spotlight effect: why we all overestimate how much other people notice about us, and how we can use this to our advantage when trying to spot a lie (or not get caught in a lie ourselves). What Jack has to gain by making minor mistakes deliberately when he's teaching a class. What people are really telling us when they're angry, and how we can stealthily defuse them before they go off. If you make people feel good about themselves, they will seek to be around you to get those feelings again. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/558 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
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Sep 7, 2021 • 1h

557: Jack Schafer | Flipping the Like Switch Part One

Jack Schafer (@jackschafer) is a retired FBI special agent, current assistant professor at Western Illinois University, and co-author of The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over. [This is part one of a two-part episode. Keep an eye out for part two later this week!] What We Discuss with Jack Schafer: Why happy people make terrible spy recruits. How the Friendship Formula (Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity) can be used to build rapport in every human interaction. How to "name it and claim it" when manipulative techniques are being used against you to withstand and resist their effects. How to recognize friend and foe signals in others and make sure you're not inadvertently broadcasting the signals that mark you as an easy target for manipulation. What's really going on when someone grabs food from your plate without asking, or takes their sweet time getting out of the parking spot you're clearly waiting for. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/557 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
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Sep 3, 2021 • 55min

556: How Can I Expunge the Family Sponge? | Feedback Friday

You live in an extended family situation and the only contribution one member makes to the collective is drinking, smoking pot, eating your food, stealing your old phones to pawn, and making messes they can't be bothered to clean up. Since they're not liable to move away from free room and board of their own volition, is there anything you can do to expunge the family sponge and restore sanity to the homestead? We'll try to find a solution to this and more here on Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/556 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: When one member of your extended family is allowed to live in the house rent-free while eating your food, making messes, and contributing nothing, what can you do to expunge this family sponge? After numerous disappointments trying to conceive a baby through natural and scientifically enhanced means, you can't help but wonder if you're just ignoring something the universe is trying to tell you. Your in-laws' free-range cats have fleas, and now, after a recent visit, your home is infested with them. How can you fix this problem without making it seem like an attack on your wife's family? Your brother has been working with/hanging out with d-bag bros for so long that he's become one. You know deep down he's a great, thoughtful, and grounded person, but you're worried you may never see this side of him again. How can you nudge him away from this wretched d-baggery? You've been working hard at your high-paying, high-stress job through vacations and holidays for years that you think you may be burning out. In your 30s with unfulfilled career ambitions, would it be imprudent to take a gap year off to go traveling -- an almost guaranteed remedy for the depression you've been feeling? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi. Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course!
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Sep 2, 2021 • 53min

555: Jessica Tracy | Why Pride is the Deadly Sin of Success

Jessica Tracy (@ProfJessTracy) is a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, where she also directs the Emotion & Self Lab. She is the author of Take Pride: Why the Deadliest Sin Holds the Secret to Human Success. [Note: This is a previously broadcast episode from the vault that we felt deserved a fresh listen!]  What We Discuss with Jessica Tracy: Pride is a universal human emotion and a force that can be harnessed to help humans succeed — it’s a key ingredient to confidence. Understand the difference between hubristic and authentic pride — why you should seek out one but try to minimize the other. Learn how pride intersects with grit. Identify pride to gain an advantage in shifting your own behavior and knowing how to react to others. Discover how the statuses of dominance and prestige are affected by pride. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/555 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
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Aug 31, 2021 • 1h 14min

554: Laurie Santos | Practical Lessons from The Happiness Lab

Laurie Santos (@lauriesantos) is a professor of psychology at Yale University, instructor of Coursera's The Science of Well-Being course (adapted from her popular Psychology and the Good Life course at Yale), and host of The Happiness Lab podcast. What We Discuss with Laurie Santos: Happiness is actually a set of skills we can learn and master as opposed to some ideal state of being. While there's no denying that genetics and circumstances play a role in happiness, the good news is that we're in control of developing the mindset and behavior to mobilize it. The mechanisms by which people become happy (or miserable), and some tools we can use to to hack our own happiness. The bad news: we outgrow the rush of the happiest days of our lives; the good news: we outgrow the anguish from the worst days of our lives. Why Olympic bronze medalists are often happier than silver medalists. And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/554 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
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Aug 27, 2021 • 56min

553: Is Friend's Fiancé Despotic or Simply Erotic? | Feedback Friday

Your best friend speaks glowingly about her fiancé, but she lives far away and your recent communications have only taken place by text and telephone. The thing is, this fiancé seems to be ever-present and listening in the background whenever she's in contact, and she let it slip that he's fantasized about seeing her lick from a dog's dish. You're worried he might be controlling every aspect of her life, but she doesn't seem to be distressed. Could what you perceive to be tyrannical oversight just be part of a consensual power dynamic they've established in their relationship? We'll try to find answers to this and more here on Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/553 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Why are height and salary correlated? [Thanks to Scott Galloway for this one!] Is your best friend really being controlled by a domineering fiancé, or is this just a consensually kinky aspect of their relationship? Your ex-husband swapped out libido-killing medication (that treated his anxiety and depression, but contributed to your divorce) for cannabis and junk food. This seems to leave him with a loss of appetite, but how can you find reliable information to confirm what's really going on and help him out of his funk? Should you file an ethics complaint against your neighbor who's trying to sabotage your home sale -- after refusing your initial, generous offer to sell to them first?  [Once again, thanks to Corbin Payne for helping us with this one!] How do you know when it's time to stop negotiating and accept the terms of a job offer without feeling like you've left some unknown variable on the table? You now make even more money in 10 hours or less per week than you did in 70 hours working for someone else. But how can you dispel the anxiety and guilt you feel because your supportive partner is still grinding out 60-hour workweeks? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at

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