You Have Permission

Around Christmas, we often rebroadcast a favorite episode. This year, we’re revisiting an episode about nurturant versus authoritarian religion, one of my personal favorites and a listener favorite too. It’s especially relevant now as many of us reflect on family dynamics over the holidays—parenting, upbringing, and how we think about God. The episode is both practical and theoretical, with insights for parents and anyone thinking about their own childhood.Original Show Notes:John Sanders joins me to drop one of the single most helpful distinctions I have ever heard in discussions of religion and culture. His identification and explanation of Nurturant and Authoritative approaches to religion, politics, parenting, and more has been kicking around my head daily for 6 weeks now. You should not skip this episode. And you should probably support indie publishers and buy his book Embracing Prodigals___________________________________________Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKochFaith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankochEmail about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.comYHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.htmlJoin Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Over breakfast in San Diego, I sat down with returning guest Kristen Tideman to analyze the 2024 presidential election through fresh eyes. Drawing from a 15-speaker mega-panel Kristen had just attended at the American Academy of Religion conference, we explored several alternative frameworks for understanding the election results. We discussed the concept of "vibes-based voting" using David French's curling analogy, which suggests voter sentiment (like a curling stone) can only be marginally influenced by campaigns. This led us to examine how feelings about the economy, nostalgia, and desire for change played a bigger role than explicit policy positions. We challenged the prevailing white Christian nationalism narrative by looking at immigrant voting patterns, and explored Trump's appeal as an "avatar of hope" for voters frustrated with cultural constraints. In the Patron-only second half, we delved into identity politics, anti-elite sentiment, and potential voting reforms. While more political coverage surely lies ahead, this conversation helped foster greater understanding of how we arrived at these results.Kristen's Company Website | tidycocreative.comHighlights04:20 The Impact of Politics on Daily Life09:42 What is “Vibes-Based Voting?”16:10 Beyond White Christian Nationalism25:14 Trump as an Avatar of Hope34:11 The Role of Identity in Politics___________________________________________Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKochFaith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankochEmail about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.comYHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.htmlJoin Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I speak with Kristian Smith, a fifth-generation Baptist preacher doing groundbreaking work at the intersection of Black church traditions and progressive theology. While many white religious deconstruction journeys (including my own) focus primarily on intellectual and theological questions, Kristian explains how Black church deconstruction involves much deeper communal and embodied dimensions. The Black church has historically served as more than just a religious institution—it's been the heart of Black community life and one of the few spaces where Black Americans could gather with true autonomy. Kristian offers a fascinating framework that separates spirituality from theology, arguing that while Black church spirituality (including its emotional expressiveness, music, and communal experience) has direct links to African spiritual traditions, its theology was largely borrowed from white evangelicalism. His work focuses on preserving these life-giving cultural and spiritual elements while developing new theological frameworks that better serve people's full humanity. Our conversation opened my eyes to the unique dynamics within Black Christian communities and the diverse ways people experience faith transitions, particularly when religious identity is deeply intertwined with cultural preservation and community belonging.Kristian's Instagram | @kristiansmith Kristian's Podcast | Holy Smokes: Cigars and Spirituality Highlights09:05 The Emotional Weight of Leaving the Black Church18:06 The Disconnect Between Black and White Deconstruction Spaces30:00 Progressive Theology and the Black Church44:56 The Vision for a Progressive Black Church52:36 Navigating Leadership Dynamics in Multicultural Spaces___________________________________________Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKochFaith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankochEmail about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.comYHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.htmlJoin Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jon Ogden, co-founder of Uplift Kids, discusses the journey of spiritual parenting aimed at preventing religious trauma. He shares insights on combining internal guidance, modern science, and ancient wisdom to nurture children's spiritual growth. Jon emphasizes the importance of allowing kids to navigate their own spiritual paths rather than imposing adult understandings. The conversation also touches on post-secularism and the rising trends of youth feeling meaningless, urging families to create open discussions around spirituality.

For our 300th episode, Josh, Tony and I get together for another Generation Gap Culture Hour. We reflect on our recent Beer Camp adventures (including an unexpected AirBnb mystery guest) before diving into cultural analysis of the Tyson-Paul fight and our changing relationships with political media consumption. We explore how each of us is processing post-election coverage differently — from my focus on constructive analysis to Josh abandoning his NPR habits to Tony's insights from conversations with his adult children. The discussion highlights the privilege of academic distance while examining how to balance staying informed with mental health. The Patron-only second half includes deeper dives into progressive Christianity, academic discourse, and Joe Rogan's shifting stance on spirituality.Highlights:06:14 Would You Rather: Podcasting Dilemmas14:56 Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul: A Cultural Commentary20:52 Concluding Thoughts and Future Directions38:50 Political Perspectives and Siloed Views___________________________________________Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKochFaith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankochEmail about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.comYHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.htmlJoin Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Writer Sarah Southern joins me to share her deconstruction journey from fundamentalism to freedom. Sarah shares how her initial process was paralyzed by the infinite stakes of questioning faith, until wonder—particularly through Colorado's mountains—offered an unexpected path forward. Drawing on Abraham Heschel's wisdom about wonder as the foundation of religious experience, Sarah found that direct encounters with natural beauty provided a way to remain spiritually engaged while processing religious trauma. Rather than requiring doctrinal certainty, this approach created space for authentic exploration through direct experience of the sacred. For Patrons, our conversation continues with Sarah's travels to Salzburg and Japan, exploring how different cultural and religious traditions can expand our spiritual horizons even further.Sarah's Instagram | sarahbsouthernSarah's Substack | @sarahsouthernSarah's Article | Embracing ViolenceHighlights:02:01 Navigating Deconstruction and Crises of Belief05:50 The Impact of Fear and Violence in Faith10:05 Cultural Evolution and Human Connection15:55 Traveling Through Faith and Diversity22:07 The Balance of Wonder and Fear in Faith25:58 Finding Beauty in New LandscapesDan's New Substack | Religion on the Mind___________________________________________Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKochFaith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankochEmail about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.comYHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.htmlJoin Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/Artwork by sprungle. co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're back with another comedian episode of YHP, this time featuring Tom Fell, whose brilliant social media videos skewer corporate speak and existential themes with painful accuracy. Our conversation centers on psychedelics and consciousness, where Tom demonstrates what I'd call "materialist wonder" - particularly in his story about encountering a whale shortly after taking mushrooms. Rather than viewing it through a supernatural or New Age lens, Tom finds deeper meaning in understanding the scientific factors that make this coincidence possible. This approach, which sees wonder in natural causes rather than divine intervention, reflects the same balance found in his comedy: a critical yet playful perspective that serves as a pressure release valve for processing life's profound and absurd aspects. And yes, we laugh a lot!Tom's Linktree | linktr.ee/tomfellHighlights:09:11 Truth in Comedy: The Power of Humor29:58 Existential Themes in Comedy42:16 Navigating Drug Culture and Personal Choices53:18 The Intersection of Science and Spirituality01:05:10 Spirituality Beyond Religion: Personal RevelationsDan's New Substack | Religion on the Mind___________________________________________Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKochFaith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankochEmail about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.comYHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.htmlJoin Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/Artwork by sprungle. co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The You Have Permission team of Dan Koch, Josh Gilbert and Joy Vetterlein sit down to process the election a day later. Dan puts on his therapy hat and offers some general coping mechanisms and how to deal with the catastrophizing thoughts blue voters might have around a Trump presidency. We also discuss listener comments and questions, and talk through what we’re learning and taking away from the experience. Listen if you could use some friends to process with and find a bit of hope, but skip this one if you’re looking for detailed political analysis or if you just need to stay in your anger a little longer.Sharon McMahon's Podcast | Here's Where It Gets InterestingRobert Wright's Election Video | Nervous About the Election? Watch This.The NonZero Substack | NonZero NewsletterDan's New Substack | Religion on the Mind___________________________________________Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKochFaith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankochEmail about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.comYHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.htmlJoin Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/Artwork by sprungle. co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Take a break from election coverage and enjoy this thoughtful conversation with Brandan Robertson, a pastor in Queens, NY, about "Christian agnosticism" and navigating faith with intellectual honesty. We explore how embracing uncertainty about religious claims can actually deepen rather than diminish faith, moving beyond the rigid certainty of our evangelical backgrounds toward a more nuanced approach. We share our experiences of finding value in Christian traditions while holding space for doubt, and discuss how this approach resonates with both religious and non-religious people alike. The conversation expands to cover selective Christianity, religious commitment, trends in progressive faith communities, and even Joel Osteen's effective use of simple religious messaging. It’s a refreshing perspective on how faith can remain relevant and authentic in an increasingly complex world!Brandon's Website | brandanrobertson.comHighlights:02:43 Christian Agnosticism: Embracing Mystery and Wonder25:51 The Limits of Human Knowledge and Religious Pragmatism33:08 The Tension Between Deconstruction and Faith54:11 Challenges in Building Lasting Change in Progressive Religious MovementsDan's New Substack | Religion on the Mind___________________________________________Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKochFaith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankochEmail about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.comYHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.htmlJoin Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/Artwork by sprungle. co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I'm joined by frequent podcast collaborators Josh Gilbert and Kristen Tideman to discuss "The Iron Claw" (2023), a film that chronicles the tragic story of the Von Erich wrestling family during the territorial wrestling era of the 1980s. At its core, the film explores how patriarch Fritz Von Erich projects his unrealized wrestling ambitions onto his sons through conditional love and emotional suppression while his sons form intense bonds supporting each other through their shared pursuit of wrestling excellence. We share our personal reactions to the film's heavy themes and explore our own boundaries with difficult content. For our Patron-only segment, we dive deep into the film's haunting afterlife scene, leading to vulnerable conversations about faith, mortality, family tragedy, and questions of legacy. I even talk about crying! Like all impactful films, "The Iron Claw" opened up avenues of conversation we might not have reached otherwise, revealing how this portrait of a family trapped in cycles of ambition, loyalty, and tragedy resonates with our own experiences.Highlights:12:40 Personal Reflections on Film and Emotional Impact20:05 The Intersection of Film and Personal Experience30:12 The Movie Method: A Therapeutic Approach to FilmMovie | The Iron ClawEpisode with Jenny Hamelton | Using Movies in Therapy (#265)Jenny's Website | jennyhamiltoncounselling.wordpress.comThe Movies Could Be Good For You Article | https://theconversation.com/watching-movies-could-be-good-for-your-mental-health-214325Dan's New Substack | Religion on the Mind___________________________________________Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKochFaith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/Edited by Josh Gilbert (joshgilbertmedia.com -- he is accepting more work!)Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankochEmail about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.comYHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.htmlJoin Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/Artwork by sprungle. co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices