Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

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4 snips
Oct 5, 2021 • 52min

12. "My husband won't talk about money with me"

Laura came to me frustrated about their bathroom. She wants to renovate it, but Greg isn’t interested. In fact, he doesn’t really want to talk about money at all.For Laura and Greg, life is “fine.” They’re running on cruise control, earning a good income, saving a little, and not investing in anything other than a house. But Laura wants more than a “fine” life.When Laura says this out loud, Greg’s response is: “Well, it depends, right?”Greg is resistant to change. He’s skeptical about investing, about renovating, about travel. When I ask him what he really wants to do, he has no idea. He won’t engage. How would you handle money in your relationship if your partner didn’t want to talk about it? What if your partner had lost the ability to dream and simply wanted to “play small?”Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Sep 28, 2021 • 40min

11. “My wife wants to quit her job but I’m worried about money”

Nicole and John have already won the money game. Combined, they bring in $650,000 a year. But it's not an even split. Nicole currently earns $150,000 and would like to leave her stable job to create a startup. John feels this gamble has not been discussed at length. They keep talking about “having the conversation,” but they never do.Both complain that they’re not feeling appreciated. John yearns for acts of service from Nicole. Nicole feels like her contribution is never enough. (You will frequently hear the lower earner talk repeatedly about “contributing” to the relationship.) Listen as this anxiety slowly bubbles to the surface. On John's side, the growing pile of money in his bank account is making him more paranoid than ever before. He worries he could lose it all -- like what happened when he was younger. The fear runs so deep, he doesn't even believe me when I use math to demonstrate they will be more than fine for the rest of their lives.On paper, Nicole and John have a rich life, but they're not fleshing it out together because of their fears, insecurities, and lack of communication. Listen in as I nudge them towards a Rich Life.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Sep 21, 2021 • 46min

10. “Money is overwhelming so we find instant gratification elsewhere”

Jacques and Jennifer are stuck in a money rut. They are trapped by their $40,000 debt. Jennifer feels overwhelmed with money talk, and Jaques doesn't want to say no to his wife. When he comes home from work, they’re both tired, so they order takeout, overspend...and repeat the cycle.This isn't a math problem. It runs way deeper into their money identity and sense of self. Jacques grew up in a poor household and was always told no, so he'll do anything not to feel that way again. As a stay-at-home mom, Jennifer feels the money is "his," so she finds control and comfort in food. Suddenly, all of these restaurant trips and takeout receipts are starting to make more sense. The relationship between food and finance is a tricky one to navigate. Then I ask about their Rich Life. Listen to how vague they are about their future financial goals. When you've got a large debt that seems insurmountable, it’s hard to look ahead.But I think there’s a way to get them to take ownership of their money.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Sep 14, 2021 • 43min

9. “I hid thousands of dollars of credit card debt from my husband”

Jordan wasn't raised to talk about money. She constantly saw her mom withhold money matters from her dad, and now, history is repeating itself. Jordan has hidden her debt from her husband, Dan, twice. He feels violated. This is not the kind of thing you do when you're saving for a down payment on a house and building a family. He needs the problem not to happen again.Before talking this out with me, neither realized they were on the verge of a relationship breakdown. Most people don't truly appreciate the consequences of their actions. They run away from their problems and shove important issues under the rug. Jordan thought she could fix this alone, but her mom wiped out her debt the first time around (it takes her a while to drop that bombshell), and she's still learning how to talk about finances openly after growing up with a money code of shame and secrets.Listen to their initial money visions. They're as imaginative as a cardboard box. There are lofty visions of "travel" and "a kid," but no specifics. Nothing to get excited about. No wonder why they aren't investing or saving together.Tune in to hear how I coax out the clues from them -- and offer them a vision of where to go next.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.
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8 snips
Sep 7, 2021 • 45min

8. “My wife is spending too much money”

Natalia prioritizes experiences over finances. She doesn’t want to miss out on life, so if she wants to visit her family, she doesn’t wait to check their budget -- she gets on a plane. Andres, on the other hand, worries about money. He remembers growing up without money and doesn't want to go back there again. He's pushing to save, invest, and anticipate what's coming around the corner – especially now that they have a son. They’ve both become used to only talking about money in the heat of the moment. Because of their different perspectives on money, they’ve adopted roles in their relationship: Natalia says she’s the overspender, while Andres is the worrier who tries to tamp down on spending.This is a classic push and pull role you see in so many couples. But as I dig in, you’ll discover some fascinating reasons behind the roles they’ve given themselves.Listen as I flip the switch on Andres's approach to the conversation he's having with Natalia. What if "we can't afford to go away" turned to "what trips would you like to plan for the future?" What if money planning was part of a planned conversation instead of a heated clash? What if talking about money was based on possibility instead of scarcity? Listen in to this conversation with Natalia and Andres.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.
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5 snips
Aug 31, 2021 • 48min

7. “My parents keep expecting us to pay for them”

Barry is a first-generation Pakistani immigrant. His wife, Maria, is also Pakistani and was born and raised in the United States. Cultural expectations are making it difficult to get aligned on their joint finances.Barry has grown up living under a set of unwritten cultural rules whereby the son is expected to take care of his parents financially. They’re paying for family dinners and charity donations right now, but Barry strongly suspects his parents are anticipating moving in with them after they retire. Maria has been biting her lip so far. She wants financial freedom, but knows she cannot change Barry. He must acknowledge – and possibly reprogram – the dialog around money between him and his family. Some of this episode will sound confusing if you’re listening to it from a Western perspective, but these cultural scripts that Barry grew up with are very real. (Imagine if I told you that it “might not make financial sense to purchase a house” – that rattles the Western cultural code many people grew up with, which is why they get so angry when I point it out!). It’s unsettling and uncomfortable to challenge. I know because I’ve been in the same situation as Barry, juggling different expectations from Indian parents.Barry needs to move from “convincing” his parents to fully owning his financial decisions and vocalizing that with love and firm boundaries. Listen to our conversation to hear what that looks like for them and how they plan to compromise between their financial goals and family expectations.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.
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Aug 24, 2021 • 47min

6. “We can’t afford to live in NYC, but my wife doesn’t want to leave the city”

Jessica grew up wealthy in New York City. She can't imagine her life anywhere that's not within walking distance to the coffee shop, the best schools, and her parents (who live two blocks away). Her husband, Nathaniel, is building his business and it’s been difficult getting it off the ground. For a while now, Jessica's been absorbing most finances and feels that the situation would improve if Nathaniel contributed just an extra $100 to living expenses. Jessica and Nathaniel struggle when it comes to communicating with each other. In fact, they spend 20 minutes answering my first question before I can get a word in. The truth is, They're both so fixated on telling their story, they do not realize that neither of them is listening. I hear anger, resentment, exhaustion… what do you hear?It takes a while to get to the numbers, but we start crunching after clearing some of the other issues. The results are extremely surprising.Sometimes, our attachment to the story we tell ourselves can cloud the reality in front of us. Moving is complicated, but it doesn't have to be a step back. Listen to see what to do when your financial reality doesn’t match the vision you had of your ideal life.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.
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Aug 17, 2021 • 38min

5. “I paid off $50,000 of debt, but I still feel guilty buying toothpaste”

Sheena has paid off a huge chunk of her student debt. Peter wants to plan a trip to Japan for their 10th anniversary and decorate their apartment, but Sheena’s first reaction is, “How will we afford it?” Money is one of the first things she thinks about. She thinks about it every day, even when buying toothpaste. Sheena is clearly terrified of money. She can’t even feel proud that last year mid-pandemic, she paid off $15,000 of her credit card debt! When I ask her how she’ll feel when her debt is paid off, she says “Better...I hope?” But I know it won’t happen unless she changes her money psychology.Sheena and Peter’s story is an example of how we can punish ourselves unnecessarily when we grapple with finances with an all-or-nothing approach. Sheena has created a financial cage in her own mind -- but she also has the keys to get out. Listen in to understand how just a few shifts to her money psychology -- and a surprising financial strategy -- will let her take control of her money.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.
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Aug 10, 2021 • 49min

4. “My wife didn’t know I had $450,000 of debt until yesterday”

John has a lot of debt. Wendy knew about the $450k he owed when they started their relationship, over ten years ago, but she only found out what the current number is the day before their call with me – and the number has gone up! She wants to help him pay it off but he refuses to allow it. John insists that everything is under control, but Wendy doesn’t believe him. He makes a plan, then sets it and forgets it. She needs to check the status and cross things off the list.Underneath all of the financial questions, there’s a deeper conflict: he wants another child. She doesn’t feel ready. Does money play a part in her reluctance?As you listen, notice that John and Wendy are calm, collected, and clearly love each other – even with $600,000 of debt! I’ve spoken to couples who were more stressed out about $20K of debt. They have the trust, but they need help to get clarity.Listen for their revelations and breakthroughs around money and building a Rich Life. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.
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7 snips
Aug 6, 2021 • 47min

3. “My husband is going broke, but he won’t let me help”

Calvin feels he needs to be the “man of the house” and pay for everything. There’s just one problem: He can’t afford it. Every month he’s in the red, leading him to be anxious around money.Chantha likes to spend money on nice things and feels Calvin is too cheap with his money. The two of them feel stuck because of their different views on money. And, to make things even more complicated, Calvin – by conventional definitions – is rich. He and Chanta bring in $250k a year, and based on their savings rate, they’re on track to become multimillionaires.As you listen, notice their backgrounds. What led Calvin to feel this way about money? What motivates a husband to take on such a burden and how can Chantha and Calvin find a middle ground of comfort where they can build a future together? Pay particularly close attention to our discussion around vacation at the end of the episode.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

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