Sober Curious

In this episode, I’m in conversation with the wonderful Lazarus Letcher, a writer, scholar, and musician, who is currently pursuing a PhD in American Studies, with a focus on folklore, Black liberation, and queer and trans studies. Their work in the sober space focusses largely on intersectional approaches to addiction and recovery, which means taking into account how identity impacts substance use.While I was doing my research for this interview I looked into statistics around rates of substance abuse among different communities – which confirmed something that I had long suspected: that, as a rule, the more oppressed or marginalized a people are, the higher the rates of substance abuse disorder. For example, Native American communities have the highest rates for addiction in the US, with LGBTQIA+ communities having a 30% incidence of substance abuse versus around 9% in the general population. We get into all of this, as well as the work Lazarus is doing in an area called “Peace Studies” – a syllabus that looks at the work of grass roots and indigenous liberation movements throughout history and shows how disparate groups fighting for social and environmental justice are in fact all connected. In this episode we discuss:-Using alcohol to perform a toxic hyper-masculinity.-How 12-step fellowships are evolving to become more inclusive. -Why the LGBTQIA+ community has such high rates of substance abuse disorders.-The problem with the term “minority stress.”-Why we all do better when we all do better.-Racism and colonialism as a cause of addiction.-How they think about “decolonization” and how we can enact this in our individual lives.-Their work teaching “Peace Studies” – and what this means.-Why we deserve a world where we all get what we desire. -Staying sober to spite white supremacy and live their best life!Discover more about Lazarus Letcher and their work HERE and follow them on Instagram @l.nuzzles.

Lyres founder Mark Livings is shaking up the drinks industry with his crazy accurate alcohol-free versions of all the classic spirits. He shares his views on how the COVID pandemic is completely reshaping the hospitality industry, along with insights into how excessive alcohol consumption is conflated with an outdated model of masculinity, why he thinks Australia and the UK in particular have such a problem with binge drinking, and what he sees as the future of the booze business. In this episode we discuss:-His mission to replace the “threshold moment” of having a drink at the end of the day.-The Sober Curious movement being a natural result of the global wellness trend.-Hospitality being an industry where it’s easy to hide problem drinking.-Booze-free beverages being an important development for the drinks business as a whole.-Excess alcohol consumption being conflated with an old-school view of masculinity.-Having conflicted feelings about marketing alcoholic drinks.-The impact of increased exposure to different cultural ideas about alcohol consumption.-Why Australia, the UK, and other Anglo-Centric cultures in particular have such issues with binge-drinking. -How the trend for taking extended beaks from drinking is skewing drinking stats overall.-Non-alcoholic adult drinks providing people a form of “social camouflage” to experiment with sober curiosity.-Why we’re witnessing the tip of the iceberg when it comes to changing attitudes about alcohol and its role in our lives.-The hardest spirit to replicate and why.Sample Lyres for yourself when you visit Lyres.com/sobercurious where you can sign up for a special 15% discount and follow along @lyresspiritco.Thanks also to episode partners Curious Elixirs. Get one FREE bottle on orders of $50 or more at Curiouselixirs.com with the code RUBY and follow @curiouselixirs.

Serial entrepreneur Sophia Amoruso quit drinking several years ago as an experiment - and it completely changed the way she views booze, and in particular the role of alcohol in our working lives.  Like many of us, she used it as quick way to switch off and a counterbalance to overworking, as well as to feel more confident about herself and her networking abilities. In this episode we also discuss: -Drinking her way through the success of her twenties – and using booze to hide her imposter syndrome.-The role of alcohol in the workplace and when this becomes problematic.-Drinking to be the “cool boss” and the bad example this set for her team.-The role of alcohol in her relationships, and why her current partner wanted her to quit drinking.-The difference between a “concerned” partner being caring or controlling when they comment on your drinking.-Quitting drinking for a year as an experiment and her attitude to alcohol now.-How to build real confidence in business and in life.-Leaning heavily on food and TV during COVID.-How to be intentional about fostering connection in the workplace – without it revolving around booze.-What it means to have work-life balance in an always-on hustle culture.Be the first to learn more about what Sophia is doing next @sophiaamoruso and sign up for her newsletter at Sophiaamoruso.com.Big thanks to season sponsors Lyres. Visit Lyres.com/sobercurious to sign up for a special 15% discount and follow along @lyresspiritco.Thanks also to episode partners Curious Elixirs. Get one FREE bottle on orders of $50 or more at Curiouselixirs.com with the code RUBY and follow @curiouselixirs.

Quitting cannabis is rarely if ever addressed in sober circles. Like alcohol, cannabis use is very socially acceptable, but it’s also widely seen as pretty harmless, and is not even considered to be addictive. All of these factors make it difficult to spot when it’s become a problem – and many habitual smokers may see themselves in this very nuanced conversation with spiritual healer Brandon Alter, where we also discuss the deep healing that can happen when we really choose to show up for ourselves and for life. In this episode we discuss:-The medicinal properties of weed – and when medicinal use becomes habitual use.-The intrinsically personal nature of substance use and abuse.-Weed becoming legal making it easier for people to talk honestly about their experiences with it.-Reaching for things externally that we are not able to give ourselves on the inside.-When getting high goes from being an altered state to a person’s “normal.”-The spiritual energy of weed as plant medicine.-How, over time, seeking “instant zen” with marijuana atrophies our ambition and ability to take action in our lives.-Acceptance as an active choice you make.-Smoking as a way to survive the life he “thought” he wanted.-Quitting to step more fully onto his path as a spiritual healer.-The concept of “soul retrieval” as it relates to the process of recovery.-Working the 12-step program with a sober coach – and the most important part of the process.Discover more about Brandon and his work HERE and check out his podcast The Spiritual Gayz. Thanks to season sponsors Lyres - visit Lyres.com/sobercurious to sign up for a special 15% discount code and follow along @lyresspiritco on Instagram.Thanks also to episode partners Curious Elixirs. Visit curiouselixirs.com and use the code RUBY to get one free bottle with an order over $50.

Chekesha Kay Ellis is a recovery advocate and certified family recovery specialist, and New Jersey state lead for Mobilize Recovery. As she celebrates 10 years sobriety from opioid addiction, an addiction that also robber her of her hearing, she shares her experience of being a high-functioning addict, how she ultimately quit cold turkey, and the cornerstones of her subsequent self-directed recovery. In this episode we also discuss:-The commonalities between opioid abuse and alcohol abuse.-How easy it is for “legal” addictions to fly under the radar.-Chasing feeling good vs. using to self-medicate pain.-The role of both genetics and learned behavior when it comes to addiction running in families.-The physical side-effects of opioids abuse. -Habitual use of both opioids and alcohol just to feel “normal.”-The wake-up call that made Chekesha realize she had to quit—and why it took another year for her to get clean.-What she experienced in her month of going cold turkey—and what got her through.-What comes after the “pink cloud” moment of early sobriety.-The lack of access for deaf and disabled people in traditional recovery circles. -The premature birth of her son—and the challenges of being a deaf first-time mom.-Overcoming her challenges sober giving her a similar “high” to the drugs. -Why we have to change the stigma around addiction if we want to make it easier for people to get help.-How we view addiction and addicts differently through the lens of race.Follow Chekesha on Instagram @chekeshakay to learn more about her work.Thank you to podcast season sponsors Lyres—visit lyres.com/sobercurious to claim a special 15% discount code and follow along @lyresspiritco.Thanks also to Grüvi for partnering on this episode—stock up online at getgruvi.com and use the code SOBERCURIOUS for a one-time 20% discount.

Clinton Schultz, is an aboriginal psychologist and founder of the aboriginal-run alcohol-free brand, Sobah Beer. Clinton’s work sits at the intersection of sobriety, social justice, and psychology, and he and his wife Lozen created Sobah in part to raise cultural awareness and promote the Aboriginal arts, language and history. As well as his own journey to sobriety – which was sparked by his young son asking him if he would please stop drinking “silly drink” – we discuss why binge drinking and alcoholism are so prevalent in nations with a colonialist past, and how booze is often used to medicate unhealed intergenerational trauma.Other topics include: -Drinking to medicate unhealed wounds of his traumatic upbringing.-Alcohol being a way to conceal a lack of belonging that has pervaded Western society. -Why binge drinking and alcoholism are so prevalent in nations with a colonialist past—such as the UK, North America, Australia, and South Africa.-The pain of living with pent-up inter-generational trauma.-The problem with labels and how you can be a problem drinker without using the term “alcoholic.”-The need for more access to alternative healing modalities.-The aboriginal view of holistic wellbeing, and how mindfulness and meditation have their roots within indigenous cultures.-The difference between aboriginal psychology and Western psychology. -Quitting drinking as a healing path in and of itself.-The fact that life will always be stressful—the key is to find ways to manage it that work for us.-The reasons younger generations are choosing not to drink.-Clinton’s six “Principals of Law” for healing as individuals and as a society.Discover more about Clinton and his work HERE and follow @sobahbeverages on Instagram.Thanks to series sponsors Lyres. Visit lyres.com/sobercurious to get your 15% discount code and follow along @lyresspiritco for recipes and more.And Grüvi for supporting this episode. Use the code SOBERCURIOUS at getgruvi.com for a one-time 20% discount good through December 2020.

Light Watkins is a renowned author and meditation coach. As founder of the alcohol-free events series The Shine, he has also been a bit of a running buddy of Ruby's in terms of spearheading the “new sobriety” movement.We dive in by discussing the power and the potential of social media activism, and go on to talk about Light’s own sober journey – including how he consciously weaned himself off alcohol over a period of months, and how quitting drinking 20 years ago actually paved the way for him becoming a meditation teacher. We also discuss what it really means to be happy, and how current world events represent a collective rock bottom – offering us all the opportunity to “get sober” from toxic systems and beliefs. In this episode we also discuss:-How to respond to events versus react in ways that may inadvertently cause more harm.-The benefits of both meditation and sobriety for developing an “observer’s mind."-How to “get good” at meditation.-The different “qualities” of happiness that are available to us and how to experience them.-Light’s story of quitting drinking – and how this paved the way for his career as a yoga and meditation teacher.-The “pendulum” effect of going cold turkey – and how to wean yourself off alcohol.-A different way of thinking about moderation.-Quitting eating meat as the start of his  sober journey.-Sobriety and meditation as part of the path to paving a “new normal” when it comes to our definitions of success and happiness.Discover more about Light Watkins and his work HERE and follow him on Instagram @lightwatkins.This episode is supported by Lyres non-alcoholic spirits. Visit lyres.co/sobercurious and subscribe for 15% off.Thank you also to Grüvi non-alcoholic craft brewed beer and wines. Order online at getgruvi.com and use the code SOBERCURIOUS through December 2020 for a one-time 15% discount.

Alexandra describes "self-healing" as a process of learning how to accept and integrate our deepest fears and most painful wounds. Very relevant here as unexamined, and therefore unhealed, trauma is the root of so many of our addictions, as we often develop an unhealthy relationship with substances and other numbing behaviors in an attempt to ‘fix’ these hurting parts. We go to some pretty deep places in this conversation, which also touches on the healing potential of altered states – with and without the use of various sacred plant medicines. In this episode we discuss:-Why self-healing often means sexual healing.-The trauma done to each body seen as “weaker” in the dominant patriarchal paradigm.-The lasting imprint of child abuse—and how this is behind so many addictions, self-harming behaviors and chronic diseases.-The meaning and the process of shadow work, and how this helps us process trauma.-Why healing has to happen in the body as well as the mind.-How you can use breathwork to bring about altered states to aid the healing process – without the need of substances.-How we can become addicted to fixing ourselves – and how this is different from real healing.-Accepting the hard things that happened to us as part of the healing process.-Why pain and trauma are a normal part of human life, and why it’s so hard for us to accept this.-Using tabacco to self-soothe her nervous system as a teen.-Use vs. abuse of plants as medicine.-Sitting with discomfort as a way to expand our resilience and experience of being human.-Sobriety as its own self-healing journey.Learn more about Alexandra Roxo and her work HERE, follow her on Instagram, and get your copy of F*ck Like A Goddess HERE.This episode is supported by Lyres non-alcoholic spirits. Visit lyres.co/sobercurious and subscribe for 15% off.Thanks also to Athletic Brewing non-alcoholic craft beers. Free delivery on two 6-packs or more. 

Mishka is 10 years sober, and while he identifies as an alcoholic he is resolutely anti-program, anti-spirituality, and anti-self-help. His approach to quitting drinking is as boiled down as it gets: you decide you want to quit, and … you quit … while making lifestyle changes to support this choice. In his case, this also meant relearning how to be a man without the excessive drinking that had come to define his masculinity—a subject I have been wanting to address on this podcast for ages. In this episode we discuss: -Using excessive alcohol consumption to define himself as a man-Men performing an exaggerated hardness to cover up their vulnerability-Getting drunk to give himself permission to cry—and learning to cry sober-Discovering running as a way to access and process his emotions-Defining his own “sobriety”—and why he still uses psychedelics-Becoming agnostic after smoking DMT-How he finally found a definition of spirituality that works for him-The concept of “head nutrition”—and being careful about the information we consume-Making stuff as a way of making sense of the world-Moving to New York just so he could carry on drinking the way he did-The thought of quitting drinking being much scarier than quitting itself-Constantly feeling like shit becoming part of his identity-Figuring out he could still have fun, flirt, tell dirty jokes, and have sex as a sober personLearn more about Mishka and his work HERE and get your copy of Cold Turkey HERE.This episode is supported by Lyres non-alcoholic spirits. Visit lyres.co/sobercurious and subscribe for 15% off.Thanks also to Athletic Brewing non-alcoholic craft beers. Free delivery on two 6-packs or more.

Vasavi is a real force of nature, and she shares her story about using alcohol and cocaine to be all the things she thought other people wanted her to be—and how it was after getting sober that she finally discovered how to be herself. She was also diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD at age 20, and shares how, at the time, getting high was a way to explain away her manic and often self-destructive behaviors, which opens up a wider dialogue about substance use and mental health. In this episode we discuss:-Vasavi selling her soul to cigarettes, alcohol, cocaine, and people pleasing, in her desperation to fit in-Getting clear on who you are and what you want before you decide what to do with your life-Losing touch with her inner voice - and sense of self - in the depths of her addictions-The shame we feel around having needs, and asking for them to be met-Using alcohol and other drugs to feel more attractive-The danger of looking for validation and self-worth in social media-Why cocaine became her “thing” – and how she also used it to medicate her bipolar disorder and ADHD in college-How easy it is to be influenced by the company you keep – especially when you lack connection to yourself-Why being a “high-functioning” addict can make it harder to quit-Being rejected by her traditional Indian-American family following her divorce -Not allowing yourself to treat yourself like shit-Being diagnosed with bipolar at age 20 and why she chose to get off her medication after she got soberLearn more about Vasavi Kumar and her work HERE and follow her on Instagram @mynameisvasaviThis episode is supported by Lyres non-alcoholic spirits. Visit lyres.co/sobercurious and subscribe for 15% off.Thanks also to Athletic Brewing non-alcoholic craft beers. Free delivery on two 6-packs or more.