Sober Curious

Jen Elizabeth is a sober mom, writer, sexual abuse survivor, and harm reduction specialist. She works with the Sidewalk Project, an organization that works to empower unhoused communities around the world, and is also a host at the Sober Mom Squad, a community and space to discuss all things motherhood, without the mommy juice. I invited Jen on to talk about the meaning of harm reduction and why she is so passionate about this approach to treating substance abuse. She is very outspoken about why she believes the war on drugs is not working for anybody, and why we need to shift the focus to addressing the unresolved trauma that she believes is the root of all problematic drug use – and all houselessness. She also shares her own experience of living on the street – and how learning to advocate for herself is what led to her work in advocating for others who don’t have the capacity to stand up for themselves.This interview is raw and moving and real and I hope you find it as eye-opening as I did. In the episode we discuss: -The definition of “harm reduction” when it comes to treating drug and alcohol misuse.-Why alcohol is an example of “safe supply” (and the meaning of this term).-Why being sober does not make us superior.-The argument for decriminalization of all substances – and why drugs are winning the war on drugs.-Why she stopped posting “before and after” pics and how she honors the person she was before she got sober.-Why some lives are viewed as more valuable than others in our society.-Why living in close proximity to houseless communities makes us so uncomfortable.-Her personal experience of living on the streets.-Why she believes that everybody experiencing substance abuse is a trauma survivor.-Why the way we speak about people who are struggling is part of the solution.-How sobriety helps her engage more deeply with her healing work – and the practices that work for her.-Why she believes everybody should be trauma informed.-Why there’s no such thing as being a perfect mom – and how to accept ourselves and our kids exactly as we are.Discover more about Jen's work with The Sidewalk Project and Sober Mom Squad and follow her on Instagram @resurrektion_of _ meBig thanks to Athletic Brewing for partnering on this episode. Place an order today at athleticbrewing.com and get free shipping on two six packs or more. New customers can also get 20% off their entire order with code RUBY20. Limited to one use per customer

My guests this week are Clementine Morrigan and Jay, co-hosts of the F***ing Cancelled podcast – which examines the phenomenon of cancel culture through the lens of 12-step recovery and trauma-informed reparative justice. This is the last show of the current season + it’s safe to say I’ve been feeling quite nervous about airing it!! After all, criticizing cancel culture, or even siding with other people who do, is a sure-fire way to get cancelled. But what I value about Clementine and Jay’s approach, is what they bring to it from their 12-step work – which puts a big emphasis on “keeping your side of the street clean.” This means living in integrity, taking responsibility for any past actions that may have caused harm and making the necessary amends. Which is the goal of many a cancellation, but this often gets lost in the fear-based feeding frenzies that we see erupting online - where the erasure of a specific individual can become a placeholder for the sustained and sensitive work of looking at why certain attitudes and behaviors persists and how this can be addressed at a systemic level. In the episode we discuss:-The contrast between culture of shame and blame in some online social justice movements and the reparative amends-making of the 12-step program.-Living in fear of being “found-out” for past bad behavior.-How getting sober helps us live in integrity – and be the moral judge of our own behavior.-What they term “the nexus” – and how it has enabled the rise of cancel culture. -The addictive nature of social media and online mob mentality – and what makes us susceptible to this.-Why yelling at each other on the internet is not how we enact social change in the real world.-Why cancel culture mimics the dynamics of an abusive relationship.-How to build nervous system resilience so that we can engage in the difficult conversations that are necessary for progress.-Why our political work should not be part of our personal brand – something we use to get more follows and likes (and sponsorship dollars).-Why cancel culture is an outlet for an overwhelming sense of injustice, betrayal, and powerlessness about the state of the wider world.-Why it’s impossible to change what somebody thinks by coercion – and how to model the change we want to see.-The parallels between getting sober and opting out of cancel culture.Listen to the F***ing Cancelled podcast on iTunes and Spotify, subscribe on Patreon, and follow @clementinemorrigan on Instagram. You can also learn more about Clementine and her writing HERE.Big thanks to Three Spirit for partnering on this episode. Order online at www.threespiritdrinks.com and use the code SOBERCURIOUS to get 15% off.

My guest this week is author and philanthropist Sarah Wilson. These days, Sarah is perhaps best known for her New York Times bestselling book on anxiety, First, We Make the Beast Beautiful. But we first met in a previous life, when she was primarily known for being the woman behind I Quit Sugar – which spawned 11 cookbooks and a whole ethos on how to kick sugar addition.Many people experience a surge in sugar cravings after they quit drinking, and so we get deep into what is up with that. But the majority of our interview focusses on Sarah’s new book, This One Wild and Precious Life, which basically details what happened after she sold her business, gave all the money to charity, and embarked on a quest to get to the bottom of our disconnection epidemic – which many would argue is really the root of all our addictions.The book is a beautiful, inspiring, call to personal activism: what she calls our “appointment with life.” Given that the desire to remove alcohol so often stems from a sense that there is something missing from our life or something more out there waiting for us, I think anybody is sober curious will be able to relate. In the episode we discuss: -The clusterfuck of factors threatening this one “wild and precious life” in 2021.-Why our personal and collective crises are an invitation to our appointments with life.-What makes both sugar and alcohol so addictive – and why we often replace booze with sugar when we quit.-The toxic effect both substances have on our body.-How to fill the emotional void when we remove these substances.-Sarah’s philosophy on where anxiety comes from, and how this feeds our addictions.-Why getting out of our heads and finding ways to be of service the world is a “cure” for anxiety.-Why walking and other vigorous forms of exercise dial down anxiety. -How we can “hike it out” even when we don’t have easy access to nature.-The spiritual value of self-sacrifice – and the damage done by consuming too much “spiritualism lite.”-Why spirituality and politics have to go hand-in-hand. -The meaning of the term “group soul” and how we can turn attune to this to foster connection.Learn more about Sarah and her work HERE, get your copy of  This One Wild and Precious Life HERE, check out here new podcast WILD, and follow her on IG @_sarahwilson_Big thank you to Three Spirit for partnering on this episode! You can order directly at www.threespiritdrinks.com - and get 15% off your order with the code SOBERCURIOUS

My guest this week is Hakeem Allen, founder of the Anti-Racist Social Club, and we discuss why sober curiosity and anti-racism work go hand-in-hand. Hakeem’s organization aims to help people have more open, constructive, and, dare I say, fun, conversations about race, so that white people in particular can learn about what it really means to be a good ally. Now, I know I talk about race a lot on this podcast – and conversations like these might seem a little out of place here. But in my experience, the process of un-brainwashing ourselves about booze is very similar to the process of un-learning deeply in-grained racial prejudice – something we are all being called to in this era of momentous social change. In fact, we also discuss how racism is like the twin pandemic that we are fighting as a collective - and, as with COVID, the more we can all work together, the better.Having quit drinking two years ago, Hakeem also has some great insights and advice about dating sober – especially in the pandemic, when people are having to get even more creative about how to meet people and connect. In the episode we discuss: -The backstory to him setting up the Anti-Racist Social Club.-Why he’s on a mission to make talking about racism fun - by removing the guilt and the shame.-Why anti-racism work is good for our mental health.-How the process of recovering from racism mirrors the process of recovering from substance abuse.-How substance abuse disproportionately impacts black and brown communities.-Why we all do better when we all do better. -Hakeem’s sober curious journey – and how one Dry Jan led to him quitting completely (even though he never had a “rock bottom”).-Why we often have to justify not putting poison (alcohol) in our bodies to others.-Replacing having a drink to cope with hard times with seeking ways to feel connection.-His approach to dating sober and how to make other people comfortable with your choice.-Why social justice work is not an “us-versus-them” equation.Learn more about Hakeem and his work HERE and follow @theantiracistsocial.club on Instagram.Big thanks to Sapiens for partnering on this episode. Purchase their delicious 0.0% alcohol wine at Sapiensbeverage.com and get 10% off your order with the code SOBERCURIOUS.

My guest this week is Shauna Cummins – a professional hypnotist and author of new book, Wishcraft. I have worked personally with Shauna several times over the years, and not only has her work been hugely helpful for managing anxiety and burnout, the theory behind it completely fascinates me. We often have a negative view of hypnosis, thinking of it as being some sort of mind control, when actually it’s a way of taking back control of our own imagination to help ourselves get unstuck – one of the reasons it can be so helpful when addressing issues with addiction. In our conversation, we do an in-depth break down how this works, as well as discussing ways to access the well of inner resources that can help us get through the most challenging times – without having to reach outside of ourselves. In the episode we discuss:-Why hypnosis can be helpful for addressing addiction – and why you have to want it to work.-How to tap our own inner resources and help ourselves make the changes we want.-Using self-hypnosis to access inner healing states.-Why we spend most of our modern lives in a state of “trance” (and how social media capitalizes on this)-Teaching herself to regulate her nervous system as a child.-The difference between “fantasy” and “imagination”—and how the former becomes addictive.-The “inner drug store” we can access when we learn how to manage our emotions and thoughts.-Becoming conscious to the ways advertising and political propaganda use hypnosis and mind-control against us.-The spectrum of susceptibility – and how this applies to substance abuse.-“Pre-gaming” with self-hypnosis to help resist getting sucked into groupthink around drinking.-Treating the addicted mind like a little child … and becoming your own loving inner parent.Learn more about Shauna Cummins and her work HERE and order your copy of Wishcraft: A Guide to Manifesting a Positive Future HERE.Big thanks to Sapiens for partnering on this episode. Purchase their delicious 0.0% alcohol wine at Sapiensbeverage.com and get 10% off your order with the code SOBERCURIOUS.

My guest this week is Carolyn Collado – the healer and educator behind Recovery for the Revolution. Carolyn is on a mission to make recovery accessible to all—meaning, they are devoted to spreading the message that all people, including and especially people of color, disabled people, and trans, non-binary, and queer people, are worthy of the care, autonomy, love, good health, pleasure, and joy that are essential for addressing issues of substance abuse.For Carolyn, recovery – meaning, a remembering and honoring of who we are underneath all of our traumas and numbing behaviors – is an essential part in enacting revolution. A message that could not feel more timely right now. No matter our identity, we’re all being asked to get hyper present and real about how we got to this place – and in this episode we discuss why this requires both sober thinking and deep, active listening. Thank you for showing up for this. In the episode we discuss:-Their definition of both “recovery” and “revolution” - and why we can’t have one without the other.-Incorporating the stories of our ancestors into our recovery today.-Forgotten generational tools for healing and connection.-What it means to “move at the pace of safety” in our personal and collective healing.-Drinking keeping us compliant in systems of oppression.-Using alcohol to let go of perfectionism - and then seeking to control their drinking.-Binge drinking as a way to suppress their queerness - and seek sexual validation from white men.-Their experiences in AA as a non-binary person of color.-Embarking on a path of deeper spiritual work as part of a more holistic recovery.-The opportunity for us in recovering all of our senses – including our sense of injustice.-Carolyn and I also discuss the books Love & Rage and Radical Dharma.Sign up for Carolyn's newsletter, check out the Intro to Decolonized Recovery webinar, and look for other updates for Recovery for the Revolution HERE. Follow on IG @recoveryfortherevolution. Support Carolyn's work at Patreon, and using Venmo @recovery-for-the-revolution, PayPal, and Cashapp at $recoverycoin.Big thanks to Sapiens for partnering on this episode. Purchase their delicious 0.0% alcohol wine at Sapiensbeverage.com and get 10% off your order with the code SOBERCURIOUS.

My guest this week is professional intuitive and psychic medium Natalie Miles. Natalie is best-known for her brilliant podcast, So You Think You’re Intuitive, and she and I have connected very deeply over the past year, as I helped her create and publish her debut book, You Are Intuitive, with my self-publishing imprint, Numinous Books.During this process, I came to realize that intuition – that is, our own innate knowing about the choices that are the right for us—is integral to being Sober Curious. Ultimately this path is about learning to trust and take actions based on our own lived experience with alcohol and other substances, versus going with the societal messaging and peer pressure about how we “should” be engaging with them, what is “normal” or safe consumption versus substance abuse, and what addictive behavior even looks like.I invited Natalie on the podcast to talk about all of this, as well as provide tips and guidance for accessing our intuition day-to-day. We also discuss why we’re so obsessed with trying to predict and control future outcomes, and how drinking can make us feel more “tapped in” even when it is actually robbing us of our agency and personal power. In this episode we discuss:-How to tell the difference between intuition, ego, and fear.-How past experiences—including past traumas—unconsciously influence both our choices in the now and our future outcomes.-Using alcohol and other substances to shut down the anxiety of our ego/fear voice.-Letting go of our need to control our emotional state and attach to future outcomes.-Using substances to connect to our intuition—and how alcohol and weed can trick you into feeling more connected.-Giving our power away to booze—and why often trust alcohol more than we trust ourselves.-Natalie’s journey getting sober curious and how this coincided with her becoming a professional intuitive.-The difference between “letting go” and “surrender.”-Different ways we can access ourselves on a daily basis—and what is means to practice “energetic self-sovereignty.” -Why it’s so hard to make “intuitive” choices when it comes to our drinking.-Natalie’s experiences of dating sober during the pandemic.Discover more about Natalie Miles and work and get your copy of You Are IntuItive HERE.Thanks to Damrak Virgin for partnering on this episode. Get $5 off your Amazon order with the code SOBERCURIOUS through the end of Jan 2021.

My guest this week is Marcos Salazar, whose organization For All Drinks is the official partner of the Dry January initiative in the United States. Marcos is doing incredible work to promote living alcohol-free, first and foremost by creating a platform that brings together all the amazing booze-free beverage options in one place.But he is also deeply committed to helping enact social change, and his both his training in psychology and his background in the non-profit space, mean he has tons of insights into the wider impact of people across the board beginning to question our drinking—as we become more intentional with our choices and our work in the world.He also has some fascinating things to say about how drinking affects our mental and emotional wellbeing—what he describes as our “psychological immune system”—as well as how to talk to loved ones about their drinking. In this episode we discuss:-The intersection of alcohol abuse, entrepreneurship, and workaholism.-How the Sober Curious movement is both reflecting and seeding social change.-Why non-drinkers are “othered”—and why this reflects how quickly we exclude those with different needs to the dominant group.-How alcohol-free options and lifestyles can be made more accessible.-Why it’s impossible to live a fully “intentional” life while you’re drinking regularly.-How alcohol and other stressors impact your “psychological immune system”—and what we can do to boost this instead.-How quitting drinking helps us taking back control of our time, our attention, and our energy.-How COVID has resulted in more of us experiencing “learned helplessness”—and how we can help ourselves by focusing on our wellbeing.-The importance of “intentionality” when changing our habits in the long-term.-Why having a drink is not the same as having a break (and why our brain gets confused about this).-His partner commenting on his drinking being the catalyst to him getting Sober Curious (and how to talk to loved ones about their drinking).Check out the For All Drinks HERE and visit DryJanuaryFestival.com for details of upcoming workshops and online events. You can also follow @foralldrinks on IG.Big thanks to Ghia for partnering on this episode. Order online at drinkghia.com and get 20% off with the code SOBERCURIOUS through end of Jan 2021.

Toni and I know each other from our days working as lifestyle journalists in the UK, an environment where heavy drinking was often expected, and a pretty-much constant stream of free alcohol was considered to be one of the perks of the job. It was after Toni went freelance a few years ago, that she suffered a real crisis of identity, and was able to see how her drinking was part of maintaining the persona she thought was integral to her success.She has since gone on to become evangelical about the power of self-help in changing our limiting beliefs about ourselves and the world and working to unwind the habits, including drinking, that are holding us back, and in this episode we talk about the concept of sober curiosity as a form of self-help in and of itself.She’s also been a huge inspiration to me, and is featured in my new book, The Sober Curious Reset, for having the best come-back ever for when somebody asks why you’re not drinking: which is simply to throw it back at them and ask, why ARE you? In this episode we discuss:-Choosing a career where free drinks were seen as a perk of the job.-Becoming addicted to working in a high-pressure environment – as this didn’t allow for any time to think and feel deeply.-The myth of the work-hard-play-hard lifestyle.-How her drinking spiraled after she quit her job to go freelance.-Confronting her cognitive dissonance about being a heavy drinker working in the wellness space.-Integrating her “party girl” persona with being a non-drinker.-Using drinking and hangovers as a way to avoid confronting her lack of self-esteem and purpose.-Finding self-help as a way to help make sense of her identity crisis – and the first book that set her off on this path.-Why quitting drinking – even if it’s not forever – is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.-Why she chose to take 100 days of booze to start her Sober Curious journey and what she discovered in the process.-What she does on Friday nights instead of drinking.-Her top “quit-lit” choices – and how these titles have helped her.Discover more about Toni and her work and become part of the Shelf Help book club HERE and find her on Instagram @shelfhelp.clubThanks to Damrak Virgin for partnering on this episode. You can download a PDF of Mindful Cocktails from Damrak HERE and get $5 off your Damrak Virgin Amazon order through end of Jan 2021 with the code SOBERCURIOUS

My guest this week is food writer and all-around cool girl Julia Bainbridge, whose new book Good Drinks puts a whole new spin on just how “good” alcohol-free drinks can be. She also came to this project from a personal place – having been questioning her own drinking for the past several years, and she shares where she is currently at on this path and how the pandemic has influenced her relationship with booze. We also discuss Julia’s podcast, The Lonely Hour, which is a deep dive into what some have termed the “loneliness epidemic” – and how our current social recession is impacting our drinking choices. In this episode we discuss:-Why it’s time to rethink what we mean when we say let’s “get a drink” -Why the term “mocktail” is a thing of the past, and what industry-professionals are calling these drinks instead-What makes a really good af drink.-Her experience as a grey-area drinker and where she believes she falls on the scale of alcohol misuse.-How she has come to define “problem drinking” for herself.-How her mother’s issues with alcohol have influenced her choices today.-Why she uses the term “alcohol-free” versus “sober” to describe her not drinking.-Getting extra support for her stay alcohol-free during COVID.-The psychology of drinking alone vs. drinking in groups to mask social anxiety.-The difference between loneliness, isolation, and solitude - and what they can teach us.-The value of a simple, quiet life. Get your copy of Julia's book, Good Drinks, HERE, and follow her on Instagram @juliabainbridge.Thanks to Damrak Virgin for partnering on this episode. You can download a PDF of Mindful Cocktails from Damrak HERE and get $5 off your Damrak Virgin Amazon order through end of Jan 2021 with the code SOBERCURIOUSYou can also get your copy of The Sober Curious Reset: Change the Way You Drink in 100 Days or Less HERE.