Sober Curious

The term "codependent" was originally coined to describe the partners of active alcoholics. The thinking being that these people – usually women – were literally dependent on their alcoholic husbands for their livelihoods, and were therefore forced to endure the fallout from their addictions, be it violence and emotional abuse, or financial issues.Nina’s book shows how this dynamic has both endured and evolved over the decades, and anybody who has been in a close relationship with somebody engaged in substance abuse, will see so much of themselves in her story—a story which we don’t hear often enough. In this episode we discuss: -The ripple-effect of addiction and how it impacts our families, friendships, and other relationships.-Nina’s definition of codependency, and how we lose ourselves trying to fix or help others.-Codependency as another expression of alcoholism.-The gendering of codependency being rooted in women’s historical material dependency on men.-Sobriety as a feminist issue.-Focusing on another person’s problems as a way of bypassing your own.-How love addiction can mirror the feelings and experiences of addiction to substances.-Nina’s experiences of the 12-step program in Al-Anon.-“People pleasing” and how always being there for others stops us even knowing what WE want.-The healthiest way to help people who are struggling with substance abuse.-The meaning of the term “emotional incest” – and its role in codependent family dynamics.-Finding peace with her guilt about exposing her kids to her former partner’s drug abuse. Get your copy of Good Morning Destroyer of Men's Souls by Nina Renata Aron HERE.This episode is supported by Lyres non-alcoholic spirits. Visit lyres.co/sobercurious and subscribe for 15% off.Thanks also to Monument—personalized online support to change your drinking. Visit joinmonument.com for plans and pricing.

Ruby talks to author, teacher and activist Lama Rod Owens about his new book, Love and Rage, which offers a new perspective on anger as a powerful tool for liberation—and an emotion that is deeply interwoven with the subject of substance abuse.Considering all that we have to be angry about in the world today, this subject and this book feels incredibly relevant. Especially as unprocessed anger can lead to depression and self-harm when turned inward against ourselves. In this episode we discuss: -Lama Rod’s definition of anger—and how it can be a tool for liberation-How to use anger in a constructive and restorative way-How alcohol and anger are intertwined – as we use it to numb our frustration or to express pent up anger-Practices for moving through anger to help us process it in a healthy way-Anger as a fuel for activism – and how to infuse our ongoing social justice work with the energy of love-How fear of anger prevents difficult yet necessary conversations from happening-The emotional labor of managing our own reactivity – and the violent reactions of others-Why we are living through “apocalypse” – and sobriety as its own version of this-The importance of working with complexity and understanding that the path forward lies beyond the binary-Why comfort is the antithesis of progress and positive changeGet your copy of Love and Rage HERE and  visit Lamarod.com or follow @lamarodowens on Instagram for upcoming talks, events, and retreats.This episode is supported by Lyres non-alcoholic spirits. Visit lyres.co/sobercurious and subscribe for 15% off.Thanks also to Monument—personalized online support to change your drinking. Visit joinmonument.com for plans and pricing.

Pastor Ron Buford is the founder of Racists Anonymous, which is a 12-step program for "recovering" from internalized racism. Like COVID-19, Pastor Ron sees racism as a sickness which has infected society – which impacts each of us as individuals – and which must be fully eradicated for the overall wellbeing of society. He believes that the first step to creating systemic change lies in taking personal accountability by admitting that we are powerless over racism, followed by us humbly submitting ourselves to the kind of conscious, engaged, and sustained effort provided by the 12-step process.In this episode we  discuss: -Pastor Ron’s definition of racism, which extends to any discrimination based on a person’s external identity-Why racism is a “disease” that can infect anybody – including people of color -Why admitting we are “powerless” over racism is the first step to healing from it-How the 12-step program can provide a safe framework for confronting racist thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors -How the Buddhist practice of mindfulness can help us to interrogate painful truths -Racism being a virus (like COVID-19) like that must be fully eradicated for the overall health of our society-How the Black Lives Matter movement has been the backdrop to a collective—and ongoing—“Step 4” around racism, as we take our personal moral inventories around race-Why change must happen on a personal level before it can happen on a systemic level-Why an ability to own one’s own racism shows a willingness to change it-Anti-racism work as part of our human evolution in the continuum of creationRacists Anonymous aim to get 250 meetings started globally this year. If you’re interested in attending you can visit rainternational.org for more details. This episode is supported by Lyres non-alcoholic spirits. Visit lyres.com/sobercurious and subscribe for 15% off.Thanks also to Monument—personalized online support to change your drinking. Visit joinmonument.com for plans and pricing.

Seedlip founder Ben Branson created a whole new category when he launched the world's first distilled non-alcoholic spirits in 2015—one that not only provided those abstaining with something new to drink, but which has also done so much to normalize the choice not to drink. Regardless of your reasons for going alcohol free.Since then, the "no-and-low" category has exploded, with so many alcohol-free options on the market helping people make the conscious choice not to drink. In this episode we discuss:-The Sober Curious movement taking root thanks to the information age.-What it means to be a conscious consumer – and how to make responsible choices in all areas of our lives.-Why alcohol is not a match for life in the modern world, where our time and energy are our most valuable resources. -Why the goal is to make it “normal” not to drink – as opposed to sexy, aspirational, or cool.-The radical position of identifying as a normal drinker … with a drinking problem.-How to live in the discomfort of being “in between” two truths.-What informs Ben’s drinking choices now, as a figurehead in the alcohol-free space.-The best places in the world to get an alcohol-free cocktail.-Valuing the whole experience of a social event and the art of connection.-The advent of “rage rooms” – and other ways to process difficult feelings in the Now Age.-What Ben sees as the future of booze.Learn more about Seedlip at seedlipdrinks.com where you can get 20% off your online order with the code SOBERCURIOUS. You can also follow @seedlipsocial on Instagram for recipes, events, and more.

Changing how you drink can shine a light on how you eat. This week's guest is Victoria Moran, an author, activist, podcaster, and producer, who has been a pioneer of veganism since her first book on the subject was published in 1985—and I invited her on the show to talk about what she sees as the common ground between being sober curious and veg-curious.With a history of compulsive eating, which she got sober from with Over Eaters Anonymous, Victoria is also a non-drinker—having decided at age 19 she didn’t want to risk becoming addicted to alcohol. In this episode we discuss: -The power of having an accountability buddy when making or breaking a habit.-Being a vegan pioneer for 37 years – and the similarities between the meat-free and alcohol-free movements.-Veganism as a celebration of life – and the role of animals in our ecosystem.-Victoria’s history as a compulsive eater – and her recovery with Over Eaters Anonymous.-Her decision aged 18 never to start smoking or drinking.-How to host a sober vegan party (for meat-eating drinkers).-Emotional conditioning versus rational thinking when it comes to our addictions to food and drink.-Thinking about veganism as a “good karma” diet.-The science that makes cheese as addictive as cocaine – and what makes some foods more addictive than others.-Living a life of integrity and “spiritual fitness” - and her definition of both.-The long-term health impact of our lifestyle choices.Discover more about Victoria and her work HERE follow her on Instagram HERE and check out her Main Street Vegan podcast.This episode is supported by Seedlip. Visit Seedlipdrinks.com and use the code SOBERCURIOUS for 20% off your online order and follow @seedlipsocial on Instagram.

Writer, actor, and model Yrsa Daley-Ward is best known for her emotionally raw poems about mental health, sexuality, love, grief ... and addiction. Having used alcohol and other substances to make life feel "larger," she talks to Ruby about finding an even fuller sense of self in her subsequent sobriety. In this episode we discuss: -Using alcohol and other substances to make life feel larger.-The British drinking culture as an escape from tradition and repression.-Being brought up in a strict religious family by her grandparents – and learning that her birth father had died of liver cancer.-Discovering alcohol aged 14 and using it to feel more confident as the only black girl in a white, working class town.-Storytelling as a way to explore the darker parts of ourselves and to feel less alone.-The role of substance abuse in the archetype of the tortured artist.-Saving the feelings you’re trying to manage with alcohol up for the next day.-Quitting drinking to prove to herself that she didn’t need alcohol to be confidence, funny, and creative.-Different theories about what happens when we “black out" from booze.-Seeing our drinking histories as all part of a process of self-discovery.-Finding community and togetherness in the 12-step program – and all the things that make up her sobriety tool kit.Discover more about Yrsa and her work HERE and follow her on Instagram @yrsadaleyward.This episode was created in partnership with Seedlip. Use the code SOBERCURIOUS at Seedlipdrinks.com for 20% off your online order and follow @seedlipsocial for recipes and more.

Aaron Rose is an activist, coach and spiritual guide, who's mission is to help create a world "where we all thrive as ourselves." Positioning optimism as a key component of meaningful and progressive social change, Aaron credits his sobriety with helping him hone this message.Originally recorded as the US goes into week 3 of lockdown in response to the coronavirus pandemic, Aaron's work has never felt more relevant or needed. In this episode we discuss:-How to re-train yourself to expect the best.-Why like attracts like, making optimism an essential part of bringing about positive change.-Aaron’s background as a Facebook “comment crusader” – and what made him change his approach to social justice.-The subconscious programing that only knows how to feel hurt, hopeless, or under attack – and how we can begin to re-write this.-How to separate our feelings from the story we are telling ourselves and what we believe about the world.-Learning to feel and process painful feelings so that they are no longer running the show.-His sobriety as part of an overall awakening and raising of consciousness.-The meaning and practice of “shadow work” and its role in healing our wounded parts.-Rediscovering prayer on his own terms – having rejected his repressive Catholic up-bringing.-Cultivating your own authentic frequency so you’re less susceptible to external influences and agendas.Learn more about Aaron Rose and his work HERE and follow him on Instagram @aaronxrose. You can also access his "Future World" meditation HERE.Ruby also mention's Charles Eisenstein's must-read essay on the pandemic —you can find that HERE.This episode was created in  partnership with Seedlip, the world's first non-alcoholic spirit. Visit seedlipdrinks.com/us and use the code SOBERCURIOUS for 20% off your online order.

What makes us feel like we belong? Ruby talks to author and mystic Toko-pa Turner about "belonging" as a skill that we practice when we are able to welcome home parts of ourselves that we have cut off in order to "fit in." Given than many of us drink to feel a sense of belonging in our intimate relationships, our careers, and our wider social lives, Toko-pa's teachings are extremely relevant to the Sober Curious path—especially a at time when a period of self-isolation in response to the coronavirus epidemic has many of us questioning what really matters, and who we even are without the distractions of our everyday lives. In this episode we discuss: -Our lack of belonging as a part of our core collective wounding.-The meaning of belonging, why we feel outside of it, and why so few of us feel like we belong.-What’s behind the epidemic of loneliness and alienation in our culture.-The competencies of belonging – and how we can relearn this skill.-Exile from the self as the root of our addictions.-Drinking to fit in – when we feel like parts of ourselves won’t be accepted.-Recovery as a journey of recovering and re-integrating the lost parts of ourselves.-The “difficult and harrowing project” of welcoming all of our pain and wounding back.-Quitting drinking as one of the “initiations by exiles” that can re-claim an authentic sense of self.-The power we gain back when we sacrifice, or “give up,” alcohol and the false belonging of the drinking culture.-Dreamwork as a way to give context to the troubling events and emotions we experience in our waking lives.-Toko-pa's own journey addressing her problem drinking in her 20s.Learn more about Toko-pa and her work HERE and download her Dream Drops digital course HERE. You can get your copy of Belonging HERE.This episode was created in partnership with Seedlip. Use the code SOBERCURIOUS for 20% off your online order at seedlipdrinks.com and follow @seedlipsocial on Instagram.

Peter Grayson is Executive Director of BIGVISION NYC, a community that supports young adults in their recovery with free events online and throughout New York City. I invited him on the pod to get into the nitty-gritty of some questions relating to addiction, recovery, and being Sober Curious that come up consistently—and which I don't always feel qualified to answer myself. Pete has also been a pioneering voice in the field of holistic recovery, and has over 10 years experience working in out-patient rehab centers and one-to-one with individuals navigating their recovery. in this episode we discuss:-The difference between addiction, dependency, and substance abuse.-Why the most important thing is to consider the “why” beneath the “what” – the reasons somebody is using a substance the way they do.-What predisposes a person to problematic substance use.-Why the future of addressing addiction lies in prevention and early intervention.-The role of stigma in how we talk about and treat addiction.-Why simply asking yourself: “Is something off in my life?” is the first step to identifying if your drinking has become a problem.-How to talk to loved ones about their substance use.-The role of substance abuse in relationships.-Why 12-step programs work for some people and not for others.-The cornerstone of a sustainable shift in all maladaptive behaviors.Learn more about BIGVISION and their work at BigVision.nyc and check out their online offerings and meet-ups you can access from anywhere HERE. You can also follow them in Instagram @bigvisionnycThis episode was created in partnership with Seedlip. Follow them on Instagram @seedlipsocial and get 20% of your online order at Seedliipdrinks.com with the code SOBERCURIOUS.

Psychiatrist Will Siu is a leading voice in the realm of psychedelic therapies, said to be especially effective in addressing addictions of all kinds. In this interview, he responds to the question about whether these substances are appropriate for somebody who is living a “sober” life, as well as discussing the trending topic of microdosing—the practice of imbibing minute amounts of psychedelics, and which is said to help with everything from social anxiety, to productivity, and creativity.In this episode we discuss:-The definition of microdosing.-Why the term mainly applies to psychedelics—and not necessarily substances like cannabis and MDMA.-The intention behind using substances this way; whether for healing, for creativity, or to improve focus and productivity.-The potential for microdosing to replace alcohol as a social lubricant.-Why it’s very difficult to become “addicted” to psychedelics or microdosing.-Whether this practice is compatible with living a sober curious life.-The legalities of microdosing in different parts of the world and how this is changing.-The value of peer-to-peer therapy and how to be vulnerable and authentic with one another.-How guided psychedelic experiences can help people heal from addiction.-The risks of drinking versus the risks of psychedelics.-The importance of community and interdependence for our mental health.Learn more about Will Siu and his work HERE and follow him on Instagram @will.siu.md. You can also listen to our previous podcast on Psychedelics and Sobriety HERE. Will's portrait: @noamekhausThis episode was created in partnership with Seedlip. Discover more at Seedlipdrinks.com/us and follow along @seedlipsocial.