Relationship Coaching School Podcast

Curtis asks, “In your expertise, do you perceive that attachment wounds and attachment styles are healed and transformed during partnership or outside of that? I’m curious to hear your thoughts because I’ve been doing a bit of research and finding different takes on it…” Another listener wonders if these phrases signal a lack of personal responsibility in a codependent relationship: “‘I can only feel okay when she (or he) is feeling okay,’ ‘I feel I need to make her (or him) happy,’ and ‘Happy wife, happy life’; how would an attachment framework view codependency?”.  Ellen and Jayson address how we can heal our attachment wounds/adapt our attachment styles, highlight how we impact one another, and discuss the importance of finding common ground to propel the relationship forward. Stay tuned to the end for your action steps.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Annie Lalla brings the heat in this magnificent episode chock-full of hacks, insights, self-empowerment, love, and wisdom. Damn, can this woman spin some distinctions and reframe common challenges many of us face with simple, detailed examples of ways we can work to transform ourselves and our relationships into the magic we long for. It’s a must-listen-to (probably two or three times), and if you’re a note-taker, you’re going to want to grab your journal. This one is a doozie. Useful Links: Annie Lalla's Website Annie's “True Love” Test Facebook - Jayson Gaddis Fan Page U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720-704-4852 https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

How can you be there for your partner when you need them to be there for you? How do you take care of your needs with a struggling partner who needs your support? Can you relate to sometimes having a hard time connecting with your partner—or having a hard time empathizing with them?  Please tune in to hear Jayson and Ellen share what it’s like to struggle with conflict during a stressful time. Their recent experience helps put struggle into a psychological/relational context to aid understanding and compassion for you and your partner.

As you were growing up, your parents/culture/church/community/friends influenced your values and the positive and negative experiences you had. In this week’s episode, learn a bit about Jayson’s Compass Exercise (featured in Chapter 8 of his book), a strategy to determine your values and the direction you’re headed in life. If you want to succeed with your New Year’s resolutions or your goals this year, tune in. Useful Links: Read the transcript for this episode https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Taber asks, “I’m an anxiously attached person and it’s become clear to me that it doesn’t work for me that my partner talks to another woman every day, behind my back. I have found proof that he has crossed the line with her before, and with anxious attachment I am not in a healthy enough place to accept him continuing friendship with this person. I’m welcoming advice on how to set this boundary for myself without just ending the relationship, and I certainly don’t want to give an ultimatum. I’m new to this and need to set my mind free.”  Lestie wonders, “What do you simply accept in a relationship in the other, as opposed to trying to change it? I.e., one of you is clean, the other is messy, one is punctual, other is never on time…  I’m having difficulty knowing what to and what not to address. I know Gottmans says 69% of issues in relationships aren’t resolved and it’s more about how you communicate about them than trying to change them, and where to draw the line? Some of these issues really bother me. I also tend to fall into the fixing role and can be a perfectionist, and I’m not wanting to do that in my relationship.” Angela asks, “Why do men view emotional development work as weak? I’m trying to put more insight into understanding this concept in society. I do understand society has had some old idealism about masculinity, not being in touch with emotions, and not being able to be as vulnerable because it’s seen as weakness, but I’d love to understand the depth of this and what’s really going on.”  Join Ellen and Jayson’s in-depth chat as they talk through your questions in this Ask me Anything episode unpacking boundaries, insecure attachment dynamics, acceptance, and the systemic effect that is at play with men and their emotional landscape.    Useful Links: Read the Episode 429's transcript here  https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Did you know how impactful our facial expressions and tone of voice are on our partner’s sense of safety? Have you ever wondered why you struggle to learn something new when you are stressed?  Do you wonder why you are (or your partner is) so damn sensitive? Well, there’s a scientific reason for all of this and in this week’s episode, Jayson interviews the man who developed the polyvagal theory. He’s a real pioneer and someone who cares a lot about you feeling safe—in life and in your relationships. Dr. Stephen Porges is about to give you a big download on the reasons you might not feel safe and what you can do about it. Bottom line? We cover the neuroscience of safe relationships and how to create them. Useful Links: www.stephenporges.com https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Nicole asks, “I found your interview with (Dan) Savage to be highly enlightening and incredibly emotional. As a married straight woman in a monogamous relationship with children, I felt very triggered by the concept of ‘enough’. Am I enough? I am constantly struggling to feel like I am enough of anything, and I feel like your podcast has started to help me feel settled into an idea that monogamy and marriage can provide enough for both partners, if it is viewed as a journey and a goal. This interview ripped open some pretty deep and vulnerable wounds surrounding being enough.”  Erica wonders, “I’ve been married to my husband for nine years and together for fourteen. Even in the beginning of our relationship the sex wasn’t as frequent as I’d have liked, so I had to. Now we’re married and I feel like the sissue is in the different sex drives continues to bother me. I just need to need more sex than he does. He knows that I wish he’d initiate sex more, and we’ve gone to many years of therapy. I fear this will never get better. Is it foolish to think my husband could change? Is it possible for men to become more assertive or change how often they need sex? I’m afraid to get divorced as we have a seven year old son, but I think i’m coming to terms with the fact that this issue isn’t going away as I continue to resent not feeling desired.” Tune in to hear Jayson unpack these poignant questions from fellow listeners. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Shavani asks, “Most times conflicts drain us of mental energy and time, even with both partners’ willingness to work through it. For me, conflict often takes hours of constant talking, fighting, and finally resolving. This is especially tough when work is involved that requires preparation and clarity. How do we work through conflict in a way that doesn’t impact other parts of our lives that are important for our personal growth and well-being?”  Kim wonders, “Have you ever covered sexual frequency in a marriage? He wants it WAY more because that’s how he thinks of connection, and I don’t want it nearly enough because he won’t open up, let me in, and connect on a deeper emotional level, so there is a constant struggle.”  Lilian is curious: “I have a dear friend that means well but always plays devil’s advocate when I come to her with a painful experience or when I need support. She says it’s because she’s a Libra. Where’s the line of calling your friend out on their B.S., and holding space for them with empathy in moments when they are experiencing pain?” Join Ellen and Jayson as they unpack listener questions regarding unresolved conflicts, sexual desire differences, and challenging friendships.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

“Any advice to get over a fear of dependency?” Amy wants to know. “Is it possible for one partner to be dependent, and the other to be independent? Does that change over time? What can I do when I get triggered by his independence?” asks @twopopcorn. “Therapists always say, ‘You’re responsible for meeting your own needs’...How do you allow yourself to depend on someone and also not expect someone to give you what you need?” Jean is curious about.  Join Jayson and Ellen for this follow-up AMA episode (inspired by Episode 423: Dependent, Independent, Interdependent) where they answer listener questions on dependency. Useful Links: Download the transcript of episode 425 here "Loneliness, Social Isolation, and Living Alone with Julianne Holt-Lundstad - Episode 301 (TRS Podcast) https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Want some help understanding what the opposite sex thinks and feels about being partners, parents, cohabitating, careers, etc.? Care to learn how to structure leadership equitably with your partner? Can you identify with stereotypical gender roles—specifically with couples who are also parents? Curious to learn why some men resist or devalue hands-on parenting? Join Jayson and Ellen as they unpack how gender roles play into your most intimate relationship, how they relate to our cultural landscape, and how to structure leadership/relate to each other as partners and co-parents. Useful Links: Download the transcript of episode 424 here https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com