Relationship Coaching School Podcast

On this week’s episode we speak with relationship coach, author, TedX speaker, and host of the Man Alive podcast, Shana James about her newly released book, Honest Sex. We explore the intersection of sex, spirituality, authentic relating, and creativity, and she offers her expanded definition of sex: Tune in to learn about co-creating a deepened honesty to enhance sexual and relational connection/gratification. Timestamps: 0:59 - Guest introduction 2:07 - Interview 5:56 - Sexual creativity 15:07 - Fast food sex 23:05 - When should parents talk to kids about sex? 29:54 - Dealing with sexual differences 36:00 - Exercises for couples Useful Links: Shana’s website New book: Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive (get chapter 6 for free) Podcast: Man Alive Podcast Instagram: @shanajames Facebook: @truesuccessformen TRS Podcast episode 348: Men, Pleasure, and Power with Shana James TRS Podcast episode 258: How Does a Woman Help a Man Open Up and Do His Inner Work? with Shana James  TRS Podcast episode 110: The Healing Power of Touch with Betty Martin TEDx Talk: What 1000 Men's Tears Reveal About the Crisis Between Men and Women How To Play The Three Minute Game Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Masterclass Library  

Jayson and Ellen discuss relationship skills we should learn (e.g. face reading, empathy, conflict resolution). There's no doubt that we have the capacity to have good relationships, because we know we're innately capable of being loving parents, partners, and positive citizens - that's what we're meant to be as humans - but cultivating our relational capacities is actually a developmental achievement and essential ingredient for health and wellness. Timestamps: 0:00 - Intro 1:46 - Relationship as a skill 14:38 - Why is a growth mindset important? 23:07 - Therapy clients vs. coaching clients 31:54 - Action step Useful Links: Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50"

On this week's podcast, we are joined by Daniel Maté.  In addition to co-writing recent New York Times bestseller The Myth of Normal with his father, Dr. Gabor Maté, Daniel is a composer, lyricist, playwright, podcaster, artist, musician, and mental chiropractor - a current day renaissance man.   Hear about how Daniel relates to his father, his experience growing up with Maté privilege, and how he contextualizes the complexities of the parent-child relationship psychologically while providing us with insightful reframes that speak to how we relate to our parents as adults. A few quotes from the book we feel compelled to share with you in hopes of inspiring you to read/listen to the book: “Trauma, until we work it through, keeps us stuck in the past, robbing us of the present moment’s riches, limiting who we can be.” “What joys have you denied yourself out of a belief that you don’t deserve them, or out of a conditioned fear that they’ll be snatched away?” “Whether we realize it or not, it is our woundedness, or how we cope with it, that dictates much of our behavior, shapes our social habits, and informs our ways of thinking about the world.” “Time after time it was the “nice” people, the ones who compulsively put other’s expectations and needs ahead of their own and who repressed their so-called negative emotions, who showed up with chronic illness in my family practice, or who came under my care at the hospital palliative ward I directed.” “Chronic rage, by contrast, floods the system with stress hormones long past the allotted time. Over the long term, such a hormonal surplus, whatever may have instigated it, can make us anxious or depressed; suppress immunity; promote inflammation; narrow blood vessels, promoting vascular disease throughout the body;” “It doesn’t matter whether we can point to other people who seem more traumatized than we are, for there is no comparing suffering. Nor is it appropriate to use our own trauma as a way of placing ourselves above others—“You haven’t suffered like I have”—or as a cudgel to beat back others’ legitimate grievances when we behave destructively. We each carry our wounds in our own way; there is neither sense nor value in gauging them against those of others.” “Like our other needs, meaning is an inherent expectation. Its denial has dire consequences. Far from a purely psychological need, our hormones and nervous systems clock its presence or absence. As a medical study in 2020 found, the "presence [of] and search for meaning in life are important for health and well-being." Simply put, the more meaningful you find your life, the better your measures of mental and physical health are likely to be.   Order The Myth of Normal:Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture by Dr. Gabor Maté & Daniel Maté here. Timestamps: 0:00 - Intro 2:41 - Daniel describes what he does 6:31 - Reawakening the inner artist 15:48 - Adult parent-child dynamics 34:21 - Special offers 35:34 - The Myth of Normal book 1:09:32 - Special offers Useful Links: Instagram @danielbmaté Daniel Mate's mental chiro website Dr. Gabor Maté’s website Instagram @gabormatéMD Order The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture by Dr. Gabor Maté & Daniel Maté here Listen to Daniel read The Myth of Normal on Audible Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720 704 4850 Apply to Relationship Coach Training  

April from Austin asks, “You’re always talking about ‘doing the work’; what does that mean? Also, dealing with ‘inner child work,’ does this mean getting a therapist?” Lance wonders, “When does inner child work end? And how do we know when it’s finished?”Tune in for another Ask Me Anything episode where Jayson answers listener questions. Want to submit a question? Leave a comment in our Facebook Support Group or on Instagram @jaysongaddis or @therelationshipschool   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com read the transcript here

In this week’s episode, Jayson interviews Connor Beaton, author of Men’s Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage and Find Freedom. He is the founder of Man Talks, a speaker, a business coach, a lifestyle entrepreneur, a former opera singer, and a husband and father. This episode speaks to the problem that many men experience while practicing vulnerability. Useful Links: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ https://instagram.com/mantalks/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Curtis asks, “In your expertise, do you perceive that attachment wounds and attachment styles are healed and transformed during partnership or outside of that? I’m curious to hear your thoughts because I’ve been doing a bit of research and finding different takes on it…” Another listener wonders if these phrases signal a lack of personal responsibility in a codependent relationship: “‘I can only feel okay when she (or he) is feeling okay,’ ‘I feel I need to make her (or him) happy,’ and ‘Happy wife, happy life’; how would an attachment framework view codependency?”.  Ellen and Jayson address how we can heal our attachment wounds/adapt our attachment styles, highlight how we impact one another, and discuss the importance of finding common ground to propel the relationship forward. Stay tuned to the end for your action steps.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Annie Lalla brings the heat in this magnificent episode chock-full of hacks, insights, self-empowerment, love, and wisdom. Damn, can this woman spin some distinctions and reframe common challenges many of us face with simple, detailed examples of ways we can work to transform ourselves and our relationships into the magic we long for. It’s a must-listen-to (probably two or three times), and if you’re a note-taker, you’re going to want to grab your journal. This one is a doozie. Useful Links: Annie Lalla's Website Annie's “True Love” Test Facebook - Jayson Gaddis Fan Page U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720-704-4852 https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

How can you be there for your partner when you need them to be there for you? How do you take care of your needs with a struggling partner who needs your support? Can you relate to sometimes having a hard time connecting with your partner—or having a hard time empathizing with them?  Please tune in to hear Jayson and Ellen share what it’s like to struggle with conflict during a stressful time. Their recent experience helps put struggle into a psychological/relational context to aid understanding and compassion for you and your partner.

As you were growing up, your parents/culture/church/community/friends influenced your values and the positive and negative experiences you had. In this week’s episode, learn a bit about Jayson’s Compass Exercise (featured in Chapter 8 of his book), a strategy to determine your values and the direction you’re headed in life. If you want to succeed with your New Year’s resolutions or your goals this year, tune in. Useful Links: Read the transcript for this episode https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Taber asks, “I’m an anxiously attached person and it’s become clear to me that it doesn’t work for me that my partner talks to another woman every day, behind my back. I have found proof that he has crossed the line with her before, and with anxious attachment I am not in a healthy enough place to accept him continuing friendship with this person. I’m welcoming advice on how to set this boundary for myself without just ending the relationship, and I certainly don’t want to give an ultimatum. I’m new to this and need to set my mind free.”  Lestie wonders, “What do you simply accept in a relationship in the other, as opposed to trying to change it? I.e., one of you is clean, the other is messy, one is punctual, other is never on time…  I’m having difficulty knowing what to and what not to address. I know Gottmans says 69% of issues in relationships aren’t resolved and it’s more about how you communicate about them than trying to change them, and where to draw the line? Some of these issues really bother me. I also tend to fall into the fixing role and can be a perfectionist, and I’m not wanting to do that in my relationship.” Angela asks, “Why do men view emotional development work as weak? I’m trying to put more insight into understanding this concept in society. I do understand society has had some old idealism about masculinity, not being in touch with emotions, and not being able to be as vulnerable because it’s seen as weakness, but I’d love to understand the depth of this and what’s really going on.”  Join Ellen and Jayson’s in-depth chat as they talk through your questions in this Ask me Anything episode unpacking boundaries, insecure attachment dynamics, acceptance, and the systemic effect that is at play with men and their emotional landscape.    Useful Links: Read the Episode 429's transcript here  https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/