Relationship Coaching School Podcast

In this episode, I’m joined by a panel of courageous men: Booster Blake, Jeffrey Platts, Adrial Dale, and Christopher Sunyata.  These men have all done work on themselves, and so are able to get honest and talk openly about their sexuality, their victories and challenges with intimacy, with relationship, and with their bodies in the bedroom.  I think you’ll appreciate the transparency of these men. SHOWNOTES: How has porn negatively or positively affected your sex life? [29:45] If you played with other boys when you were young, did you ever have any doubts that you were gay because you enjoyed it? [27:05] Did you ever have a sexual experience with a boy? [24:00] When did you first learn to masturbate, and what was it like? [17:30] The men briefly describe their relationships to their cock [13:00] Christopher introduces himself [10:10] Booster Blake introduces himself [8:45] Jeffrey introduces himself [7:35] Adrial introduces himself [6:50] Beginning of interview [6:45] Where do these men draw the line when it comes to fantasizing about other women? [37:30] What’s a victory, or celebratory moment, you’ve had with your cock? [42:00] What are your thoughts on working to transcend pornography?  [48:00] A listening woman asks: What is the best segue to bring up sexual topics when there is shame around the topic? [52:45] What kind of shame have men experienced that have been put on their cocks or their sexuality by women? [58:30] If the woman asks for something different in the bedroom, does a man take this personally and feel like he is not a good enough lover? [1:05:30] Final comments [1:12:45]

Most of the time, when we fight with a partner, we “bicker” or go in circles because we are missing what the fight is really about.  In this episode we examine the 3 things people fight about most.  It will be essential to listen to this so you know what the deeper layer of your fights are really about.  Why does this matter?  So you can get to the real issue and resolve it. SHOWNOTES: The 3 types of fights [6:40] Type 1: Security fight – “I don’t feel safe” [7:40] Type 2: Past resentments – Stuff you’ve never dealt with. [11:00] Type 3: Dealing with small, everyday stuff [14:00] Fight, Flight, Freeze – The 3 styles of dealing with conflict [24:40]

I really enjoyed this conversation with Zen teacher Diane Hamilton. She brings such a genuine willingness to move toward what’s uncomfortable in our relationships. We explore why she left the mormon church and how she got into zen practice. We also take a good look at parenting, marriage, and why it’s so paramount to be able to take our partner’s point of view. I know you’ll appreciate this dialogue. SHOWNOTES: A special guest kicks off the podcast [0:10] Beginning of the interview [5:20] Diane shares the arc of her life up to this point [6:00] Diane’s “genius zone”: Meditation and Mediation [10:00] Skill with conflict = comfort with difference [16:00] Diane shares about the relationship dynamic with her husband [19:30] Diane defines conflict: “Extreme difference that is fueled by emotion, and is very disruptive to the system” [21:00] Why is conflict “good news”? [22:10] The 3 styles of conflict [24:15] Avoidance Accommodation Aggression How Diane uses meditation to work with conflict [29:00] Diane demos mindfulness meditation [32:50] The yogic practice of hearing perspectives we don’t agree with [39:00] Bringing Zen and Integral into conflict [45:40]

In this episode I unpack 3 really important steps to removing the drama from your relationships. Drama can be a time suck, an energy drain, and can hurt your relationship even more. So, check this short episode out and notice if you are perpetuating drama, or doing your best to end it. SHOWNOTES: What does Jayson mean when he says drama? [2:00] 3 main ingredients to ending the drama [4:40] 1. Reframe it and see it as an opportunity rather than a problem [5:50] 2. Say NO to drama, by saying YES to conflict [7:00] 3. Learn the art and wisdom of understanding each other [13:50] What does it mean to validate someone else’s experience? [17:00]

Bruce was one of THE pivotal factors in helping me marry my wife before she slammed the door shut on me. Hear that story in this episode and why it’s so common for couples to struggle. Bruce offers a powerful frame for relationship and intimacy and makes the distinction between the developmental work we need to do, and the possibility that we are “already free” in relationship. Check it. SHOWNOTES: How Jayson met Bruce [1:15] “I give [Bruce] credit for saving my marriage” – Jayson [2:30] Start of interview [3:50] How does ambivalence factor into a long-term relationship? [6:15] The interplay of the basic energies of separation and connection [8:30] Intimacy vs. Closeness [12:30] Bruce’s core philosophy [15:30] Relationship is like riding a bicycle…it’s all about balance [17:15] A good first step for couples stuck in an adversarial relationship – The practice of personal responsibility  [21:31] Why it’s important to let go of claiming that your partner is the cause of your difficult emotions [23:50] Bruce shares about his marriage [26:00] Bruce shares his story of becoming a therapist [31:00] What is a “successful relationship”? [38:00] Bruce shares how parenting has impacted his relationships and his life [42:15] Having kids is a real good practice in how willing are we to let another person just be who they are. [45:40] Sexual intimacy in a long-term relationship [45:50] Approaching sexuality as a disciplined practice [50:30] Bruce talks about personal responsibility [54:40] Bruce shares about his new book Already Free – [1:00:00]

I got a serious education in this interview with Christiane and Ren. I can get so focused on men’s issues that I lose sight of what’s occurring for women. So, needless to say, this episode was very helpful. Since I have a daughter, I’m particularly interested in how to raise her in a “good” way around her own sexuality. Sure, my wife’s got so much of that covered, but as her Dad, I’m eager to support her unfolding in the most beautiful way possible. So, thanks to these two women and the women who were brave enough to ask some tough questions of themselves and their sexuality. I’m learning and I’m grateful. SHOWNOTES: What lead Christiane into teaching sexuality [8:20] How Ren became a sexual educator – [9:30] What it was like for Ren to grow up in a household that was shame-free around sex – [10:30] Common sexual initiations for girls – [12:30] Sexual co-exploring between children; when is it ok? – [14:20] Why it’s important for parents to do their own work around sex – [17:20] Common roadblocks for a girl growing into her sexuality – [18:50] Sexual pain-points for women in long-term relationship [21:40] What is Erotic Intelligence? [24:40] Going into sexual wounds to heal them – [27:30] How men try to please women in the bedroom – [36:15] An example of a cop-out in the bedroom [39:55] What blocks us from knowing what we want in the bedroom- [44:25] Simple practices for women to move toward sovereignty – [50:55] The female orgasm – [58:50] Parting comments – [1:04:55] Q&A Section – [1:07:50] How do I heal the rift between my heart and my sex? What is the biggest obstacle for women to experience orgasm? How do I connect healthily to my sexuality in the midst of a busy life-style? And many more heartfelt questions

This is another great podcast, and our first one around sexuality, especially as it pertains to men (women’s sexuality coming in the next episode). David and I explore my own challenges and triumphs and what’s going on in the male mind when it comes to getting stuck around “performing” in the bedroom. You’ll dig it. SHOWNOTES: Intro to David Cates [1:16] Start of the interview [4:00] How Jayson reached out to David when he was struggling sexually [5:25] Men stuck in the “performance game” [8:05] Your Cock is a Barometer. Learn to trust it [9:04] What performance-based sex looks like  [14:45] A hallmark of fully mature sex [16:00] Where to start developing a mature sex life [18:58] Sexual pain is just a signal for attention [21:00] When porn becomes a problem [24:00] What to do when given the advice “just have sex” [27:55] Partner Intimacy Practice 31:30] How to do your deep breathing in the practice [38:33] How to touch each other in the practice [40:00] What about performance anxiety for women? [42:56] Finding the right pace – and getting unstuck from your habits [46:34] Rediscovering your heart in your sex life [49:00] Giving yourself permission to be who you are in the bedroom [54:00] The one thing a listener could take from David Cates [56:20]

Can plant medicine such as Ayahuasca help our marriages? In this episode I interview two very experienced guests who have both done over 500 ceremonies with this sacred medicine. We dive deep into this question, highlighting Ayahuasca’s strengths as a healing modality and where this medicine may fall short when it comes to interpersonal relationships. SHOWNOTES: Jayson’s early Ayahuasca experiences [2:30] Intro to Geoff Hanzlik [4:50] Intro to Richard Furr [5:45] Beginning of interview [6:50] Geoff shares how early depression lead him to Ayahuasca [8:40] Richard shares how he entered the Ayahuasca path [11:35] What exactly is Ayahuasca? [14:20] Potential dangers and downsides of Ayahuasca [17:35] Can this medicine “make you more sensitive”? [22:45] Is group processing needed before and after ceremonies?  [25:00] Bringing therapy into the conversation [26:00] The greatest thing the medicine taught Jayson [28:50] Does Ayahuasca help with our intimate relationships? [30:55] How would one use Ayahuasca to help their relationship life? [39:30] Richard helps those struggling to integrate their Ayahuasca experience [44:15] Inner depth healing vs. developing relational skills – [48:00] Ayahuasca is not a ‘quick fix’ [51:10] “This isn’t a ‘dabblers’ path” [54:50] Richard shares the dangers of pushing Ayahuasca on others [1:00:00] How are relational dynamics addressed in spiritual communities? [1:05:00]

In this episode Jayson fields a bunch of great questions from listeners like you. Here are a few of the edited questions: Do you work with people who are actively having an affair and want to continue it? How do I deal with a partner who refuses to do the work? What do I do when I fall out of love with my partner? How can I feel sexually empowered in a relationship when my partner lacks both the desire to have sex and the desire to talk about it? How do I deal with the loss of my partner? How do I tell someone what I need in a way that doesn’t shame them or make them wrong? How do I work through conflict when my partner is stuck in denial?

Can MDMA help our relationships if we do this in a legit way? I explore this question with Dr Vanderveer and we zero in on some key factors if you want to improve your marriage or relationship life using medicine such as MDMA. SHOWNOTES  Jayson shares his own experiences with MDMA – [1:50] The Low-Down on MDMA trials [4:55] Who is MDMA for? [6:20] What a MDMA-assisted psychotherapy session looks like [8:28] “There’s something really warm and cozy about that” [10:50] Why use MDMA? -Tapping into shared humanity. [13:22] Why does traditional therapy often fall short? [14:45] The importance of integration and structured therapy with MDMA [18:55] Jayson’s MDMA use in college [20:40] Learning to use MDMA safely [24:00] The “Quality”Problems that MDMA-assisted-therapy brings [35:55] Jayson’s experience of a facilitated MDMA session [38:05] Integrating these experiences into your relationships [40:30] “The context is everything” [44:15] State-Changes vs Trait-Changes [45:30] The future of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy [53:10]