Relationship Coaching School Podcast

This is a pretty charged issue. On the one hand, some people really believe divorce is one of the major culprits to kid’s problems. On the other hand, newer research suggests that kids are fine coming from divorced families, and in fact may even be more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges. If you really think divorce is going to mess up your kids, think again…Listen in, then weigh in with a comment below. SHOWNOTES: The erroneous assumption that comes along with divorce statistics [3:00] What is the real issue here? [8:10] The problem with divorce/marriage research [11:45] What I suggest you do if you are in a dead marriage [15:15] Relationship tools to use if you want to avoid divorce [17:20]

Co-dependency gets a bad rap in most circles. I used to shame it as well. Yet, as I’ve matured, I’ve come to see that there is a lot of value to be found in co-dependency, yet it’s important to know the difference between the more neurotic kind and the wisdom kind. In this episode I go into what co-dependency is, where it comes from, and how we can relate to it with grace and honesty in our long-term relationships. SHOWNOTES: How does Jayson define co-dependency? [1:30] Our two fundamental drives as human beings [3:40] The dance of authentic co-dependency [12:00] What’s cool about the drive to be authentic… [17:00]

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you…”  Maybe you’ve heard this one before, or even said it yourself to someone you were breaking up with? I know I have in past relationships. If you’ve used this statement, or been on the receiving end of it, you need to listen to this podcast. There’s much more to the story. Find out by listening in… SHOWNOTES: A common statement in relationship, but the real meaning behind it [1:50] A more honest statement to use instead [5:15] What is supposed to happen in a real relationship? [11:30] What happens when we don’t learn how to love [13:45]    

This episode was a lot of fun. Terry Real brings the heat for women and men using what he calls “fierce intimacy.” While this episode is for both men and women, it is largely geared toward women who are with a guy who’s not fully on board. He has some great advice for women, while at the same time challenges men to develop their relationship skills. I know you’ll dig this one. SHOWNOTES: Beginning of interview [4:30] Terry shares how he came to be interested in relationship work [5:00] What is “fierce intimacy”? [7:20] The difference between a good man and a great man [12:30] Advice for young millennial men [15:00] What Terry says to women who are frustrated with their men [19:30] A lot of men who wont do the work for themselves or for the marriage, will get it and rise to the occasion for the sake of… [23:00] 3 key steps for women to work with their shutdown men (this is very good) [26:00] Should women reward their man’s effort with sex? [32:45] The design flaw in the way most therapists do therapy [40:10] Parting comments [50:15]

If you’ve ever skied, surfed, or gone outdoor climbing, there’s a good chance you’ve experienced that elusive peak state of awareness referred to as “flow”. Time slows, thoughts disappear, your sense of self seems to merge with the present moment, and everything just…flows! The flow state brings high levels of creativity, learning and connection…all things that we want in our relationships. In this episode, I bring on flow expert Jamie Wheal to dig into an important question: How can we bring this peak state into our long-term partnerships? We also hear deeply personal, wisdom-packed stories from Jamie on the evolution of his partnership.  You’re going to enjoy this one. SHOWNOTES: Start of interview [0:40] What is the Flow Genome Project? [1:30] What’s the distinction between dopamine rushes, drug highs, and “flow”? [3:50] Is there a bridge between peak flow states and monogamous relationships? [7:20] What happens when sex is made into a dedicated practice, similar to exercise or flossing? [12:50] “Erotic Tonglen” [16:50] Shares from Jamie’s personal life [22:50] What happened to the sexual chemistry when Jamie had kids? [28:05] Is the bedroom a place of withholding or safety? [29:05] The unconscious bargain that Jamie started his marriage with, and had to drop to save the relationship [31:20] What Jamie learned about his relationship at Burning Man [33:00] False notions about enlightenment and soulmates [40:30] Parting Words from Jamie [43:40] There are 3 key components of Flow: 1. Rich Environments 2. Deep Embodiment 3. High Consequence  

In this episode, I’m joined by a panel of courageous men: Booster Blake, Jeffrey Platts, Adrial Dale, and Christopher Sunyata.  These men have all done work on themselves, and so are able to get honest and talk openly about their sexuality, their victories and challenges with intimacy, with relationship, and with their bodies in the bedroom.  I think you’ll appreciate the transparency of these men. SHOWNOTES: How has porn negatively or positively affected your sex life? [29:45] If you played with other boys when you were young, did you ever have any doubts that you were gay because you enjoyed it? [27:05] Did you ever have a sexual experience with a boy? [24:00] When did you first learn to masturbate, and what was it like? [17:30] The men briefly describe their relationships to their cock [13:00] Christopher introduces himself [10:10] Booster Blake introduces himself [8:45] Jeffrey introduces himself [7:35] Adrial introduces himself [6:50] Beginning of interview [6:45] Where do these men draw the line when it comes to fantasizing about other women? [37:30] What’s a victory, or celebratory moment, you’ve had with your cock? [42:00] What are your thoughts on working to transcend pornography?  [48:00] A listening woman asks: What is the best segue to bring up sexual topics when there is shame around the topic? [52:45] What kind of shame have men experienced that have been put on their cocks or their sexuality by women? [58:30] If the woman asks for something different in the bedroom, does a man take this personally and feel like he is not a good enough lover? [1:05:30] Final comments [1:12:45]

Most of the time, when we fight with a partner, we “bicker” or go in circles because we are missing what the fight is really about.  In this episode we examine the 3 things people fight about most.  It will be essential to listen to this so you know what the deeper layer of your fights are really about.  Why does this matter?  So you can get to the real issue and resolve it. SHOWNOTES: The 3 types of fights [6:40] Type 1: Security fight – “I don’t feel safe” [7:40] Type 2: Past resentments – Stuff you’ve never dealt with. [11:00] Type 3: Dealing with small, everyday stuff [14:00] Fight, Flight, Freeze – The 3 styles of dealing with conflict [24:40]

I really enjoyed this conversation with Zen teacher Diane Hamilton. She brings such a genuine willingness to move toward what’s uncomfortable in our relationships. We explore why she left the mormon church and how she got into zen practice. We also take a good look at parenting, marriage, and why it’s so paramount to be able to take our partner’s point of view. I know you’ll appreciate this dialogue. SHOWNOTES: A special guest kicks off the podcast [0:10] Beginning of the interview [5:20] Diane shares the arc of her life up to this point [6:00] Diane’s “genius zone”: Meditation and Mediation [10:00] Skill with conflict = comfort with difference [16:00] Diane shares about the relationship dynamic with her husband [19:30] Diane defines conflict: “Extreme difference that is fueled by emotion, and is very disruptive to the system” [21:00] Why is conflict “good news”? [22:10] The 3 styles of conflict [24:15] Avoidance Accommodation Aggression How Diane uses meditation to work with conflict [29:00] Diane demos mindfulness meditation [32:50] The yogic practice of hearing perspectives we don’t agree with [39:00] Bringing Zen and Integral into conflict [45:40]

In this episode I unpack 3 really important steps to removing the drama from your relationships. Drama can be a time suck, an energy drain, and can hurt your relationship even more. So, check this short episode out and notice if you are perpetuating drama, or doing your best to end it. SHOWNOTES: What does Jayson mean when he says drama? [2:00] 3 main ingredients to ending the drama [4:40] 1. Reframe it and see it as an opportunity rather than a problem [5:50] 2. Say NO to drama, by saying YES to conflict [7:00] 3. Learn the art and wisdom of understanding each other [13:50] What does it mean to validate someone else’s experience? [17:00]

Bruce was one of THE pivotal factors in helping me marry my wife before she slammed the door shut on me. Hear that story in this episode and why it’s so common for couples to struggle. Bruce offers a powerful frame for relationship and intimacy and makes the distinction between the developmental work we need to do, and the possibility that we are “already free” in relationship. Check it. SHOWNOTES: How Jayson met Bruce [1:15] “I give [Bruce] credit for saving my marriage” – Jayson [2:30] Start of interview [3:50] How does ambivalence factor into a long-term relationship? [6:15] The interplay of the basic energies of separation and connection [8:30] Intimacy vs. Closeness [12:30] Bruce’s core philosophy [15:30] Relationship is like riding a bicycle…it’s all about balance [17:15] A good first step for couples stuck in an adversarial relationship – The practice of personal responsibility  [21:31] Why it’s important to let go of claiming that your partner is the cause of your difficult emotions [23:50] Bruce shares about his marriage [26:00] Bruce shares his story of becoming a therapist [31:00] What is a “successful relationship”? [38:00] Bruce shares how parenting has impacted his relationships and his life [42:15] Having kids is a real good practice in how willing are we to let another person just be who they are. [45:40] Sexual intimacy in a long-term relationship [45:50] Approaching sexuality as a disciplined practice [50:30] Bruce talks about personal responsibility [54:40] Bruce shares about his new book Already Free – [1:00:00]