Relationship Coaching School Podcast

Love. This word is one of the most commonly misunderstood words in the English language. In this podcast I give my definition of what true love really is. Here I cover the 3 stages of love in a relationship. Before age 30, I never got past stage 1. I think by looking at your own experience you too, will see that it’s time to update your definition of love.  SHOWNOTES The difference between love and infatuation. [3:30] The truth about love songs on the radio. [5:45] What are the three stages of love? [6:37] The huge gifts and power in a long-term relationship. [10:50] Two action steps to get started today [12:40]  

Here I cover 2 types of boundaries. Both are important to learn and practice on a regular basis in your relationship. I also build upon last week’s episode (with Lisa Dion jaysongaddis.com/podcast40). Boundaries separate the classic co-dependent couple from the the smart couple and believe it or not, generate a more fulfilling type of closeness. SHOWNOTES The childhood dynamic that affects our relationships today. [3:27] One powerful reality-check question to ask yourself. [5:34] An example of when betraying yourself hurts both you and the relationship. [7:45] The two types of boundaries [11:05] How boundaries help weed out people in your life that aren’t a fit for the real you. [12:30]

Boundaries are by far one of the most important tools in intimate relationships. How much do you struggle to say no says a lot about how much you value yourself. You must get boundaries if you want to go the distance in a relationship. SHOWNOTES The huge breakthrough insight about boundaries that Lisa shared with Jayson [5:13] The four things our brain is always scanning for to determine there is a threat or challenge [7:24] What is Lisa’s definition of a boundary? [13:20] Jayson and Lisa demonstrate how to set a boundary [16:33] The big fear we all carry in ourselves [20:05] The weakness many of us have in receiving a boundary request [22:02] What are the most common feedback signs our body tells us? [25:50] The three types of boundaries [30:56] Jayson issues a boundary challenge [43:04]

Is love earned or given to you? In this podcast, I explore what happens when people say “Can’t you just love me as I am?” and then hope for a great relationship. And I also talk about the best practice to do every day if you want a thriving relationship that works, not just one you stumble through.  

In this podcast, I interview Decker Cunov, a leader who has deeply impacted how I show up personally and professionally. For over 10 years, he's been one of the pioneers in a fast-growing transformational practice known as "Circling." As usual Decker packs a punch in his own funky style. Pay special attention to our dynamic near the end. SHOWNOTES Why does Decker care about relationships so much? [4:17] What was it like growing up as a sensitive kid. [7:15] What IS “circling”? [11:36] How circling is and isn’t like meditation. [15:05] Why does circling matter in relationships. [15:58] A quick way to play “intersubjective tennis” with your partner. [31:34] Decker breaks down the steps of circling. [23:35] What’s it like to “feel another person” in circling. [29:32] Some of the traps of circling. [33:15] Decker starts circling Jayson [43:36] Jayson’s big aha from circling [50:10] What Decker’s son said that blew him away [52:33] The one thing that Decker said that personally impacted Jayson [57:01]

In this podcast, I interview Satyen and Suzanne, both long-time students of David Deida. These two are super honest, loving individuals, and wow have they been through a lot! There share some very vulnerable details about how they navigated religion, affairs, and fighting. They give you concrete practical tools you can try right now with your partner. These guys live it! SHOWNOTES How did Satyen and Suzanne start caring about relationships? [3:07] Why did Satyen resist marriage? [5:40] What ingredient was the “it” factor for Suzanne’s attraction to Satyen? [6:24] What role did religion play in their relationship? [9:22] How did fighting about food bring them closer? [10:56] What impact did David Deida have on their connection? [13:08] How did they create a new template for their relationship? [14:46] The most challenging period of their relationship [16:42] One really important practice to heal from infidelity [19:54] Satyen and Suzanne demonstrate a powerful tool to express emotional pain to your partner [22:28] The often-missed key to understanding your partner [28:43] What is PCP and ISE and how do they create connection and turn-on? [30:50]

In this one, we answer your question, is polyamory for me? In this eye-opening episode, I interview six people who practice some form of polyamory and open relationships. They share their raw and realistic perspectives on both the potential benefits and challenges of choosing polyamorous relationships. They also help explain the numerous terms that can be confusing for a polyamory beginner. And be sure to listen to the very end where I reveal a big aha on what monogamists can learn from polyamorists! SHOWNOTES What is the difference between poly, open and swinging? [10:25] Why would anyone want to become polyamorous? [15:25] What is the same fear that shows up in both polyamorous and monogamous relationships? [25:45] What is a “second base party? [26:20] Does a primary partner always have to feel like they’re in first place? [28:20] How do you navigate polyamory and parenting? [29:16] What is “veto power” in a polyamorous relationship? [30:35] The pitfalls to avoid and keys to remember when starting out in polyamory? [32:34] The difference between a “primary” and a secondary”? [38:20] What is the personal growth opportunity in both polyamory and monogamy? [47:30] Why compersion is necessary in polyamory [53:40] What happens when you slow things down [58:40] How a Q-TIP can help you [60:20] Jayson’s big aha about polyamory [1:05:20]

In this fun and enlightening episode, I interview Gaby and Raj, two powerful relationship coaches and teachers with a unique perspective on marriage, conflict and personal growth. They are committed to spreading one message—if you are struggling to have a sense of play, peace or passion in your relationship, it’s not your fault (relationships can be seriously challenging!). And they share how resolving conflict doesn’t have to be so serious or significant. I love how artfully they weave lightness, humor and play into their work with couples. SHOWNOTES What did one guest say at their engagement party that gave them a reality check? [4:50] How did Gaby and Raj get into relationship work? [5:36] One key distinction on how to view struggles in a relationship [8:15] The two things that define a fight [10:10] Three words that can transform a fight in an instant [13:35] Introverted man and extroverted woman [16:50] How to reframe the things you don’t like about your partner [20:03] Why we attract our opposite in a partner [24:16] Does the behavior define the person? [24:55] What role does community play in a marriage? [25:15] What to say to each other before each meal. [34:28] Different versions of fights [38:40]  

If you are in a long-term relationship, you’re going get triggered, period. And how you show up in those moments will define whether you grow together or grow apart. In this episode, we dive into an effective process for navigating upset when you’re triggered and how to rock it so you honor yourself and your partner.  SHOWNOTES: What does it mean to be triggered? [1:50] Are you normal if you get triggered by your partner? [3:40] Better questions to ask when you’re triggered. [6:15] What to do when you’re triggered [6:55] The 4 step process for getting centered after a trigger [10:10] The best way to share with your partner after you’ve calmed down [16:40] Why you shouldn’t focus on getting them to change their behavior. [19:44] Review [21:07]

This week, I bring onto the podcast a long-time friend and relationship wizard Joshua Levin, to help me outline a potent relationship tool: sharing impact.  Like many relationship tools, sharing impact is a simple, yet difficult tool to use in relationship. WTF is sharing impact and how can it help you dramatically decrease drama in your relationship? Find out by listening in. This is the first episode in a series on “relationship tools.” This is a new format I’m trying out, so make sure to leave your comments and feedback below. Does this serve you? Do you want more episodes like this? Let me know! SHOWNOTES: Why does Joshua care about relationships? [5:40] Why do we need a tool like “sharing impact” in a long-term partnership? [9:00] What is “sharing impact”? [11:10] By contrast, what do many people do instead of sharing impact? [15:15] Josh shares a personal example of sharing impact [21:05] Jayson and Joshua trade impact back and forth [25:00] What happens after we share impact? [28:00] Josh encourages us to start with ______ [30:00] The difference between expression and communication [35:00]