Relationship Coaching School Podcast

Have you ever wondered why you struggle to learn something new when you are stressed? Do you wonder why you or your partner are so damn sensitive? Well, there's a scientific reason for all of this and in this week's episode, I interview the man who developed the polyvagal theory. He's a real pioneer and someone who cares a lot about you feeling safe, in life, and in your relationships. Stephen Porgess is about to give you a big download on why you might not feel safe and what you can do about it. Bottom line? We cover the neuroscience of safe relationships and how to create them. SHOWNOTES Why we need relationships to keep our nervous systems calm [16:00] How neuroscience understands ‘intimacy’ [21:00] Marriage before, during and after kids [25:00] What to do next time you feel yourself triggered and activated [29:00] How safety and creativity are linked [32:00] Using your tone of voice to facilitate more safety in your interactions [43:00] The surprising truth about our happiest childhood memories [55:00] Why you should never work anything out over the phone [57:00]

Is your sex drive different than your partner? This can lead to a lot of challenges. Unless, you keep things simple, lead with vulnerability and speak your needs. Listen here for more. QUESTION: Hi Jayson, this is Lillian, New Orleans. I’m reaching out to you today because I notice I’m having a really hard time asking for sex from my wife. We have a history of having kind of a wide libido gap and in recent years that’s smoothed out - we’re more compatible there now than we’ve been before - but I find myself in situations where if we’re away from each other for a long time, like say her work schedule is too loaded or something, I end up feeling kind of estranged from her and there’s some part of me that feels like connecting physically and even sexually would be grounding for me in some way. I don’t know if that’s a thing, but I do know that even if that’s not a thing, I’m concerned about my inability to ask. I’m wondering if you have anything to say about it? Thankyou for your hard work, thanks Jayson. SHOWNOTES If you’re scared to ask your partner for sex [2:00] How ‘leading with vulnerability’ can help open the dialogue [4:00] Why some couples go years without sex [7:00]  

Mandy - Smart Couple Facebook Page Feeling connected. First of all, can we explore the meaning of that in depth? To me it's hard to define and hard to ask for and hard to get though my partner really tries. It's a feeling I get that my partner and I are connected. lol. Not helping. We're connected when we're both open to one another, present, affectionate, compassionate. Is it too much or unrealistic to want the goal to be in that heart centered connected space "all" the time? Not literally all the time but you know, like a majority. I could get that feeling from a 2 minute interaction everyday I think. That doesn't seem unrealistic but please tell me if it is. Seems like for a lot of couples men get connected through sex and women can feel connected through sex but prefer to feel connected before being sexually intimate. That's me. Why is that? How to handle when neither is getting what they need? Sex or heart connection. How can I go about being down for sex without a heart connection. How could a man move toward being more heart connected without sex? How do I explain my need to someone who this is all brand new to? SHOWNOTES Is it unrealistic to want to feel connected all the time? [6:00] When life stress gets in the way of your connection at home [11:00] Why ‘islands’ need more connection than you might think [18:00] Learning how to reconnect after you lose connection [21:00] What you can learn from sports teams and musicians about connection[27:00]  

QUESTIONS: I was listening to Episode 12 with Dr Keith Witt and was really intrigued about the role that shame plays in conflict and in relationship. Specifically in parenting as well as in long term partnership. I would love to hear more of your thoughts on that. Boyfriend and I are on a break at this moment. The anger I have from my ex is so bad… shame and blame a lot, how can I handle this situation for the future?  Boyfriend has some serious issues with his family and whenever an issue arises he disconnects and becomes distant. I try to be patient and understanding but it does become hurtful.  How do I handle this the best way? What do I do when my husband gives his friend’s wife more attention than he does me? I recently lost my 20 year relationship with my best friend as I called her out & shamed her in a loving way regarding the things she said about a new love. Her response to this was “I threw things back in her face.”  She then ghosted me for 6 months until I confronted her. Turns out she can’t see, call or text me anymore.  Would you say this is her out of integrity with herself and therefore blocked me and wants nothing to do with me?  My fiancé and I are in the midst of a 3-day fight. Should we keep working through it or take a break? SHOWNOTES The difference between guilt and shame [5:00] Seeing shame as your ally [6:00] When it’s ok to shame, and when it’s not [8:00] Understanding how our emotions are giving us feedback [13:00]

Are you dealing with narcissism in your relationship? How do you really know? What are the signs and more importantly, what's going on with you that has you with someone you are labeling as "narcissistic?" In this episode I dive into these questions and more with my friends Jeff and Rachel, both very skilled psychotherapists who understand narcissism and how it can impact your relationship. SHOWNOTES How narcissists relate to their sense of ‘self’ differently [13:00] Understanding how people get their narcissistic supply [17:00] The need for an idealized self-image [20:00] How narcissists counter-intuitively depend on everyone else [23:00] Getting their world [29:00] How to get through to a narcissist [32:00] What happens when partners complain from a place of helplessness [41:00] Being willing to lose a bad relationship [43:00]

Why settle for scraps in your relationship and be with someone who doesn't treat you with the utmost respect, even during the hardest of times? Well, there's often one reason...Listen in as I challenge you to ask for more. SHOWNOTESQUESTIONS: I’ve been in a relationship. We bought a home together, we’ve split up and I find myself continuing to go back and unable to let go.  How do you know it’s time to work or walk away? [4:00]  My husband doesn’t want divorce and he has had an affair - but he’s neither choosing me nor choosing the affair. What should I do? [6:00] My partner distances himself due to stress and finances for the last two years and puts the relationship on the backburner instead of finding strength in it, is that a sign I’m not being a good support? [7:00] My teenage daughter is currently not respecting my need for time out. She knows it’s important but still having a hard time in the moment and ends up saying hurtful things. Any other tools we could use? [13:00] When to wait in a relationship [5:00]  Your two options when your partner is having an affair [6:00] If your partner is stressed and distances himself [7:00] Why people settle for ‘scraps’ in relationship [8:00] If you’re always ‘the giver’ in relationship [12:00] Learning to soften if you’re a Type-A personality [13:00]

Our culture as 'sexually jammed up' [11:00] The Request - Offer - Invitation method and what we can do to loosen ourselves up [16:00] Betty’s ‘Waking Up The Hands’ exercise and how to test your ‘pleasure capacity’ [18:00] The single biggest factor in the quality of your touch [25:00] What to do when someone asks you what you want but you don’t know [39:00] How to ask for what you want [40:00]

If you are a more "masculine" woman, chances are you'll find yourself with a more "feminine" man. Is this a problem? Not at all. In fact, if you understand basic polarity principles, this can work to your advantage. Unless of course, you want to keep blaming your partner. There is something simpler you can do. Listen for more info...   QUESTION: Can you speak to male/female polarity dynamics? Particularly when the female partner tends to have more of a masculine energy in the relationship - in terms of being type-A, taking action, wanting to get things done - while the male partner has more of a passive, laid back, feminine energy.As the female partner with the more masculine energy, I find this dynamic really frustrating and wonder if it means I’ll be signing up for life where I will be doing most of the heavy lifting around all the practical dynamics of daily life?I was wondering if this dynamic would be too difficult to sustain in a satisfactory way, although we are both growth-oriented, so that part is not a concern. Why we get triggered by our opposites [3:00] You go first (don’t wait for your partner to change) [4:00] Learning to own what you’ve disowned for a better relationship [8:00]

What is co-regulation and how do I feel safe in my relationship? In this episode my guest Bonnie Badenoch goes deep into the co-regulatory nervous system. We discuss the importance of interpersonal neurobiology and how we can regulate each other. She covers the myth and limitations of self-regulation and what we must learn instead. Bonnie is a psychotherapist and healer devoted to helping people feel safe in their own skin. We cover a lot of ground in this one, and I recommend going slow and maybe even listening twice. The myth of 'self-regulation' [13:00] What happens when we're co-disregulated [15:00] How we can feel safe by using a third person [20:00] Why co-regulation is so vital to our sense of safety and security [25:00] If you think your partner is  in their 'left-brain' too often, they might be experiencing this type of acute pain [36:00] The little-known third branch of the autonomic nervous system [41:00] How feeling helpless can mimic death in the body [46:00] jaysongaddis.com/attachment

What does marriage really mean? [3:00] Are 50 year relationships realistic? [7:00] Using marriage as a vehicle for your own personal growth [11:00] jaysongaddis.com/10a