Relationship Coaching School Podcast

Are you dealing with narcissism in your relationship? How do you really know? What are the signs and more importantly, what's going on with you that has you with someone you are labeling as "narcissistic?" In this episode I dive into these questions and more with my friends Jeff and Rachel, both very skilled psychotherapists who understand narcissism and how it can impact your relationship. SHOWNOTES How narcissists relate to their sense of ‘self’ differently [13:00] Understanding how people get their narcissistic supply [17:00] The need for an idealized self-image [20:00] How narcissists counter-intuitively depend on everyone else [23:00] Getting their world [29:00] How to get through to a narcissist [32:00] What happens when partners complain from a place of helplessness [41:00] Being willing to lose a bad relationship [43:00]

Why settle for scraps in your relationship and be with someone who doesn't treat you with the utmost respect, even during the hardest of times? Well, there's often one reason...Listen in as I challenge you to ask for more. SHOWNOTESQUESTIONS: I’ve been in a relationship. We bought a home together, we’ve split up and I find myself continuing to go back and unable to let go.  How do you know it’s time to work or walk away? [4:00]  My husband doesn’t want divorce and he has had an affair - but he’s neither choosing me nor choosing the affair. What should I do? [6:00] My partner distances himself due to stress and finances for the last two years and puts the relationship on the backburner instead of finding strength in it, is that a sign I’m not being a good support? [7:00] My teenage daughter is currently not respecting my need for time out. She knows it’s important but still having a hard time in the moment and ends up saying hurtful things. Any other tools we could use? [13:00] When to wait in a relationship [5:00]  Your two options when your partner is having an affair [6:00] If your partner is stressed and distances himself [7:00] Why people settle for ‘scraps’ in relationship [8:00] If you’re always ‘the giver’ in relationship [12:00] Learning to soften if you’re a Type-A personality [13:00]

Our culture as 'sexually jammed up' [11:00] The Request - Offer - Invitation method and what we can do to loosen ourselves up [16:00] Betty’s ‘Waking Up The Hands’ exercise and how to test your ‘pleasure capacity’ [18:00] The single biggest factor in the quality of your touch [25:00] What to do when someone asks you what you want but you don’t know [39:00] How to ask for what you want [40:00]

If you are a more "masculine" woman, chances are you'll find yourself with a more "feminine" man. Is this a problem? Not at all. In fact, if you understand basic polarity principles, this can work to your advantage. Unless of course, you want to keep blaming your partner. There is something simpler you can do. Listen for more info...   QUESTION: Can you speak to male/female polarity dynamics? Particularly when the female partner tends to have more of a masculine energy in the relationship - in terms of being type-A, taking action, wanting to get things done - while the male partner has more of a passive, laid back, feminine energy.As the female partner with the more masculine energy, I find this dynamic really frustrating and wonder if it means I’ll be signing up for life where I will be doing most of the heavy lifting around all the practical dynamics of daily life?I was wondering if this dynamic would be too difficult to sustain in a satisfactory way, although we are both growth-oriented, so that part is not a concern. Why we get triggered by our opposites [3:00] You go first (don’t wait for your partner to change) [4:00] Learning to own what you’ve disowned for a better relationship [8:00]

What is co-regulation and how do I feel safe in my relationship? In this episode my guest Bonnie Badenoch goes deep into the co-regulatory nervous system. We discuss the importance of interpersonal neurobiology and how we can regulate each other. She covers the myth and limitations of self-regulation and what we must learn instead. Bonnie is a psychotherapist and healer devoted to helping people feel safe in their own skin. We cover a lot of ground in this one, and I recommend going slow and maybe even listening twice. The myth of 'self-regulation' [13:00] What happens when we're co-disregulated [15:00] How we can feel safe by using a third person [20:00] Why co-regulation is so vital to our sense of safety and security [25:00] If you think your partner is  in their 'left-brain' too often, they might be experiencing this type of acute pain [36:00] The little-known third branch of the autonomic nervous system [41:00] How feeling helpless can mimic death in the body [46:00] jaysongaddis.com/attachment

What does marriage really mean? [3:00] Are 50 year relationships realistic? [7:00] Using marriage as a vehicle for your own personal growth [11:00] jaysongaddis.com/10a

SHOWNOTES How to work out your differences quickly [2:00] Understanding how our childhood coping mechanisms effect our relationships [5:00] An effective tool to rate your ability to handle conflict [6:00] The most essential decision to make to handle relationship issues [8:00]

Is it okay to go outside the marriage to get your sexual needs met? While this may seem like a straightforward answer, it's amazing to me how many folks ask this question who are having affairs. When is this okay and when is it not okay? Listen in for my opinions on the matter. Question: I’m finally reading Mating in Captivity and it appears that I have a successful life partnership with my husband who I love deeply and care about, but enjoy a better sexual match with another man. The other man is not gender specific in our intimacy, which I am happy with, and is very emotionally available, whereas my husband is not.  I’m feeling unhappy about the infidelity (sounds better than ‘cheating’) that the affair causes, but at the same time, don’t want it to end or my marriage to finish.  As selfish as this is, I’m ok with it.  What does it mean when we go outside the cultural confines to get our non-negotiable needs met? Are you justifying an affair with bullshit? [4:00] The definition of a successful life partnership [6:00] Learning to be our neurotic, weird, true selves in relationship [9:00] If you’re not getting your sexual needs met, here’s what to do [11:00]

Stan Tatkin returns and serves up another awesome dose of relationship advice through the lens of adult attachment. From how relationships impact your health, to helping your triggered or upset partner, to dealing with an avoidant partner, we cover a lot of ground as Stan answers 8 or so questions from you, the listener. This one is full of helpful tips to improve and enhance your connection over time. Why is the country feeling so much anxiety? [1:00] The effect that your ‘allostatic load’ has on your life [3:00] What chronic relationship stress can do to your health [5:00] How to not take things personally [8:00] Learning to ‘lead with relief’ to create a safer space for each other [12:00] A great way to handle your partner getting triggered [14:00] Why Carl Jung didn’t like taking patients under 35 [18:00] A rough guide to dealing with avoidant-types/islands [21:00] Should you force your teenager to make eye contact with you? [35:00] The power of ‘jointly attending’ with a resistant partner [37:00] ‘Parallel play’ and its hidden dangers [39:00] How to free up resources for higher development[42:00]

Question: Once someone cheats on you should you walk away completely and let go, or do you think going through something like this could strengthen a relationship and create a deeper bond? Not sure where to draw the boundaries.  When I found out about the cheating, I spent 3 hours trying to understand why. Am I being too understanding? I’d like to know what your thoughts are when it comes to getting back together with someone that cheated on you.  Any advice?  Spending $20 Billion on 'love' [3:00] What happens when it's high stakes and you're married with kids? [8:00] The surprising benefits to being cheated-on [9:00] How to re-establish trust after a boundary breach [12:00] Finding the opportunity in the crisis [14:00]