Relationship Coaching School Podcast

Imagine you're 12 years old, at home watching tv, ears pricked up as you hear your dad pulling into the driveway. Every part of your nervous system listening to the revving of the engine, the slam of the car door, the keys in the front door. All these things might be the difference between being greeted cheerfully, being ignored, or being beaten. It doesn't take long to become an expert at knowing what's coming. The levels of sensitivity we develop to these dynamics as kids has a direct impact on what we get triggered by, how we get triggered, whether we fight, run or freeze. Sadly, many people never get the chance to undo & heal the hurt of abuse and neglect from their childhood, so many of us suffer with emotional blocks, blindspots and triggers for the rest of our lives. Christian Pankhurst is doing the work to help us heal those wounds. In this episode, we talk about some practical steps to help you take control of the emotional triggers & untangle our shame through, what Christian calls 'Heart Intelligence' (or Heart IQ™) Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES Christian’s story [8:00] Growing up with a violent father [17:00]  How to accelerate your self-awareness with ‘circle work’ [19:00]  The dangers of the dysfunctional, disconnected masculine [21:00]  A tip for men on tracking their experience for increased self awareness [25:00]  The critical difference between ‘Triggered’ and ‘Non-Triggered’ energy [30:00]  A reframing question that can turn your pain into productive forward motion [34:00]

QUESTION:Going into my 10th month of a relationship. 2 week break up (his initiation), came back back asking to work it out, showing up strong, committed and communicative. There is only one problem..no sex. He got distant before the break up (last few weeks)...and I asked about it then. He said it was a "him" thing. I realize we need a conversation....but before I do..I need objective insight.He does not touch me in any sexual ways. He holds my hand...and snuggles with me at night, even in his sleep.I am fairly attractive...so don't chalk it up to that. But...this feels so bad and awkward. Has anyone else had this?He has never been aggressive or overly sexual with me, but now it is non existent. I feel like this is an NNN but I do not want to leave a relationship over sex....but...have considered.Any suggestions or thoughts? SHOWNOTES Can you be in long-term, fulfilling relationship without sex? [4:00] How can having kids change your sex-life for the better? [5:00] Why some couples choose a sex-less marriage [6:00] The most common reason couples don't have sex [8:00]

The feeling of being lost and purposeless in life has a big impact on our relationships.  Men and women have a deep need to not only connect with each other, but connect to a bigger meaning in their life. Satyen Raja is an expert at helping us develop the higher levels of purpose & evolution in our lives - and this affects everything from our work, our relationships with our partners & kids, our fitness and our level of satisfaction with our lives. His '4 freedoms' is an extremely useful exercise to helping you keep your eye on your highest self - especially if we're suffering in feeling lost and without direction. This episode, largely geared toward the men, will challenge you and give you a toolkit that dramatically increase your relationship and life satisfaction if you apply them - listen carefully for the exercises and grab a notebook, because these ones are important. SHOW NOTES How to create a relationship where both partners are learning from and inspiring one another [13:00] Satyen's number one thing he's learned as a man in relationship to his wife [15:00] Men & women triggering each other & how to deal with both [17:00] How men can listen better in conflict without being a 'doormat' [18:00] A martial arts technique to calm down when you're triggered [19:00] The "4 freedoms"  for accelerated evolution and higher purpose [22:00] A 10min exercise men can do to bring more presence to their partner [30:00] How to move toward more meaning in life [43:00] Satyen's "Accelerated Evolution" trauma-release technique [49:00] Satyen's advice for men who are stuck or lost in life  [61:00]

Is there a difference between therapy and coaching? In this episode, I explore the main differences and what matters more than anything else when trying to find a good therapist or coach to help you through your relationship challenges. SHOWNOTES Where should you go for relationship advice? [2:00] The difference between a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and a psychotherapist [4:00] Why do some coaches charge more than therapists? [10:00] Good coaching vs bad coaching [11:00] How bad therapy can keep you stuck [13:00] When should you go to a therapist and when should you go to a coach? [16:00]

There are two giant ways we screw up our relationships. One is by breaking agreements. The other is by never having agreements to begin with.   Broken agreements can be great opportunities to open a dialogue with our partner about our needs, renegotiate our agreements if they no longer make sense, or even draw a hard boundary around what we will and won’t tolerate.   But what happens when we never have agreements to begin with? Expecting our partner to do, be and act a certain way without clearly communicating is a recipe for an almost certain 'sh*t hitting the fan’ fight.   In this conversation with Christine Hassler, we dive into the world of agreements, communication and what she calls ‘expectation hangovers’.   Make sure to listen carefully for the three ways that we fall prey to toxic (and easily preventable) expectations that can blow up in our faces when left unchecked - in our relationships and in our lives. Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES Christine’s story [7:00] How beliefs ingrained early in childhood can show up as physiological symptoms later [10:00] What depression can tell us about suppressed or repressed emotions [10:00] What Christine calls “Journey Mates” (and why not all break-ups are a bad thing) [12:00] Exercises for self-compassion and self-awareness [17:00] The difference between Agreements and Expectations [23:00] How to handle broken agreements in relationship [25:00] How to handle it when your partner doesn’t meet your expectations [25:00] What is an “Expectation Hangover”? [26:00] What we DON’T want to do when dealing with an Expectation Hangover [28:00]

Dealing with a partner who is triggered can be difficult - especially if they respond negatively to your help. Maybe you’ve been here before: your partner is upset about something, you do your best to give them some encouraging words or to calm them down, but no matter what you do, your partner’s gets more and more upset (or worse... now upset with you for trying to help). If you’ve ever been in this situation before and want to know how to prevent it, this episode is for you. QUESTION:How do we re-parent our partner, and meet them in regressive child-like states when they are triggered without infantilizing them? I find when I go into nurturing mode when my partner is triggered, he often responds with aggression, I think in part because it feels emasculating or patronizing, or possibly because he doesn’t feel lovable in those moments. - Caitlin SHOWNOTES Caitlin’s question [4:00] Why do men get triggered when you try to help them? [5:00] How to take care of your man without him feeling emasculated [6:00] Learning how to help each other when you’re triggered [7:00] What to do when your partner responds to your support with aggression [10:00]

A major shift is happening with the way we educate young adults about relationships and sex.  Despite what we hear in the media about the 'hookup culture,' the majority of young adults are very interested in learning about relationships and long-term partnerships. Alexandra Solomon is paving the way in the academic world, educating both students and adults in the all-important long-term relationship game.  If you're a parent or a teacher, this is a great episode to listen to.  You'll get a sense of what the important topics, conversations and areas that young adults are wanting to know about when it comes to relationships. SHOWNOTES Alexandra's story [3:00] Exploring the lessons you learned in childhood [13:00] How to talk to students about sex and relationships [18:00] Teaching young adults to shift from 'performance-based' sex to connection-based sex [20:00]

Do you have a friend or partner telling you to listen to this podcast?  Don't know where to start and feel pressured to get 'up to speed'?  This episode is for you. SHOWNOTES Should you listen to this podcast? [1:00] Why you SHOULD be skeptical [2:00] How to show your partner that you care about the relationship in your own way [5:00]

There’s been a surge in alternative, traditional methods to healing our deepest wounds. One of the main approaches that has gained popularity here in America is the use of the traditional South American brew, Ayahuasca, in guided ceremonies. Dr Gabor Maté, renowned addiction expert, and writer, is back for a second conversation to discuss the benefits & cautions to using Ayahuasca. In this conversation, we also discuss many natural (non-medicinal) methods to healing trauma through the power of present-moment awareness practices, safe relationships and creating space for healing. Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES Where Western medicine succeeds & fails [11:00] What traditional rituals can teach us about healing [13:00] How Ayahuasca works and why it’s used [16:00] Finding the roots of our trauma [29:00] Dealing with trauma using present-moment awareness [32:00] Why we need to create space in our lives for healing and rest [38:00]

How often do you find yourself wanting to ask for something in your relationship - more communication, more time & attention, more touch - only to find yourself holding back out of fear? Expressing (or confessing) our needs can feel scary and edgy.  If it's a 'non-negotiable need' it's easy to feel like you're threatening the relationship with an ultimatum: "I need this or I'm out". S0 do you hold back, hoping your partner will come around on their own (and getting more resentful when they don't)? Or do you bring your needs to the table and cross your fingers, hoping it all goes well? This episode will teach you how to get your needs met, without feeling  you're making a threat to the relationship. QUESTION  You speak of stating and sticking by your Non-Negotiable Needs, but you also say to never threaten to walk away from the relationship. So how do you stick up for yourself and your NNN's without the threat of walking away hanging around in the background -- isn't it implied that you'll be leaving if your NNN's aren't met? I am missing how to do this properly. THANK YOU for your help and for clearing this up! -Jessica SHOWNOTES Does having needs make you ‘needy’? [1:00] Communicating your needs to your partner in a non-threatening way [3:00] When your needs aren’t compatible with your partner’s [6:00] Getting your needs met without threatening the relationship [7:00] When you have a need for more communication and connection than he can give you [8:00] Your action step [9:30]