Relationship Coaching School Podcast

Arielle Ford explores the ups and downs of marriage, what to do with a new age nice guy, and how to rekindle the spark after stuckness. This week's guest got married at age 44, and realized she sucked at listening and didn't know anything about partnership. And now she teaches people all over the world the about the power of attraction, soul mates, and love. SHOWNOTES Talking vs communicating [6:00] The purpose of marriage [8:00] Shocking facts about divorce [12:00] Women: How to fill up your oxytocin tanks [17:00] Men: How to rebuild testosterone [18:00] Do both partners need to be into growth and development? [21:00] Stepping back into your feminine after being in work-mode [27:00] How to have a difficult conversation in a positive way [33:00] How to lighten the mood when you’re triggered [38:00]  

2:30 Defining emotional abuse 4:45 It Takes Two 5:30 Do you feel safe in your own home? 6:10 It's more complicated than 'just leave.' 7:00 How are you a part of your own abuse cycle? 7:35 Self-reflection and taking responsibility

What does your intention have to do with creating a great relationship? According to my guest, everything. If you are single, what vibe are you putting out into the world to attract a mate? If you are partnered, what vibe are you putting into your relationship? This week's guest has so much to say about upgrading your story and your intention and how that can impact how fulfilled you are in your relationship (or future relationship). She also has some practical tips on how to do exactly that.  If you are trying to "call in the one", or just trying to deepen with the one you have already, this interview is going to help you a ton! SHOWNOTES Why do some women have a pattern of dating unavailable men? [11:00] The power of setting intentions [14:00] Self-limiting beliefs and 'stories' we tell ourselves [21:00] Clearing up 'the power of thoughts' for skeptics [23:00] A guided exercise with Katherine for finding your 'false self' [29:00] How to talk to your inner child [34:00] What to do when you're really stuck in your own story [45:00] Katherine's go-to move for when she's triggered [49:00]

QUESTION When my boyfriend gets triggered and shares his thoughts and feelings with me, how do I not take it personal and get defensive? I feel like this creates a barrier between us when he is trying to reach out and I want to be with him in this moment. But I feel attacked even though I know he's not attacking me - I can hear my shitty defensive tone of voice and feel my body language change. I also can't get my thoughts clear enough to have a mature conversation with him, I'm all caught up in my own BS, it's pathetic! How do I get past this and be present with him? Kim - Fairfax VA SHOWNOTES Question from Kim [1:00] Zeroing in on what makes us defensive [3:00] Working out what you need when you're feeling defensive [5:00] What to do when you're too triggered to think clearly [7:00]

If you want to understand the long term cost of not repairing a rupture, Dan Siegel, who coined the term interpersonal neurobiology, is about to illuminate your mind.  We discuss how we human beings operate when our "minds" and hearts come together, trauma, and how to fight off disease with presence.  This episode is powerful. It's for the science nerds and relationship geeks who want to better understand the human nervous system, mindfulness, and even trauma. SHOWNOTES The 3 facets of the mind [15:00] Where does the mind live? [18:00] What do relationships and the body share in common? [20:00] How you can strengthen your mind through "monitoring and modifying" [27:00] Hyperarousal vs hypo-arousal [31:00] The 4 F’s of a reactive state [32:00] Coming back from reactivity [37:00] What are the long-term costs of not repairing ruptures to relationship? [42:00] How presence helps fight off disease [48:00] The importance of developing an "internal compass" [60:00]

Quote from the Smart Couple Quote Book Stop wasting time with people who don’t support your fullness. Stop apologizing for who you are. Do not spend another day dimming your light because someone’s uncomfortable. Some people you know will always be uncomfortable with your way and will always judge you. Let them go and keep being you as you are. SHOWNOTES A quote from The Smart Couple Quote Book [7:00] Outgrowing people on your path to growth and development [8:00] Surrounding yourself by growth-oriented people [10:00]

Boundaries are essential in a partnership and Terri Cole knows a lot about them. We talk about getting sober, parenting her inner child, what it takes to have your marriage as a top priority and what women can do to balance being independently strong with interdependently connected. This podcast interview is fun and full of gems. SHOWNOTES Terri’s story [10:00] The 3 questions you need to ask yourself when you get triggered [21:00] What is ‘transference’ and how to we ‘repeat realities’? [23:00] How you can become more knowledgeable about your internal experience [26:00] Why is it important to do inner-child work? [27:00] What is a ‘Downloaded Love Blue-Print’, and how does it affect every relationship we have? [32:00] Examples of language you can use to support your partner when they’re triggered [42:00] 1 simple boundary everybody needs [49:00] Consequences vs threats [55:00]

QUESTION: It seems like my husband wants me to change things, and that there are things I want him to change... Is that the same things as wanting him to grow, just in different terms? I’ve heard you say that people can’t change their partners, but you have said that the goal should be to grow. I’m wondering what the difference is. How do you accept that your partner isn’t going to change, but then strive or agree to grow? - Natalie, Denver SHOWNOTES Is it okay to want your partner to change? [2:00] Reasonable vs. unreasonable requests [3:00] Reframing change from a growth-oriented mindset [4:00] Requests that make your partner feel judged [6:00] When is it better to move on than to try to change someone? [8:00]

This couple learned how to get stronger through postpartum depression and conflict. Listen how they navigated a big personal crisis and how they helped each other get through it. Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES Denise & TJ's story [11:00] Experiencing spirituality through your partner [13:00] What happens when both partners in a relationship tend to 'take charge'? [18:00] Challenges that come up when you move in together [20:00] Dealing with constant conflict with no resolution [24:00] Dropping the story of 'I don't need anyone else' and finding value in relationship [33:00] How to use experience to be more resourced each time you're in conflict with your partner [37:00] How exploring plant medicines helped Denise & TJ on their journey [38:00] 1 lesson Denise & TJ learnt through The Relationship School ® that impacted them the most [45:00] How to use conflict to understand your partner better [50:00]

QUESTION: I understand that men generally will put career and providing at the top of their priority list, while relationships might hover near the bottom. Relationship is a top priority for me, so how do I get to the place where i’m ok with not being at the top of the list for my guy? How do I not take it personally? Do I need to be looking for someone who’ll put our relationship at the top of their list and make me a priority - or is that a childhood fantasy?  - Vanessa from Santa Monica SHOWNOTES Vanessa's question [1:00] Understanding what it takes for a fulfilling relationship  [2:00] When two people in a relationship have different values [3:00] How you can express your hurt to your partner without getting 'blamey' [4:00] Should you learn to be okay with not being a priority to your partner? [5:00]