Ask Kati Anything

This week licensed therapist, Kati Morton discusses how to know if we are doing therapy “right” and why it can feel so unstructured at times. She then dives into why we can want certain people to worry about us, how isolation can help us and also hurt us, and the effects of having a narcissistic mother and being the eldest daughter. Ask Kati Anything ep. 248 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT Audience questions: 1. I just started therapy at my university, but whenever I think about what I discussed with my therapist and replay the whole conversation after each session, I always wonder whether I'm doing it right. It just feels kind of messy and I feel like I'm all over the place when talking to my therapist. I have never experienced therapy before and I don't know what it's like, so I really don't know if it's going the way it's supposed to. It also feels like I'm... 00:38 2. Why do I want certain people to worry about me? I always have a person, usually it’s only one person at a time, that I get super obsessed with and that I think about 24/7. This is not in a romantic way, it could be but not necessarily. They are all I think about, and I crave their attention a lot, and I also get really jealous when they spend time with other people and I am super sensitive to how they treat me. They can make me feel super happy or really sad. I also want them to worry about me, I think because I ... 08:20 3. Can you please talk about how traumatized ppl use self isolation as a coping mechanism, but that sometimes becomes a negative cornerstone of their personality making connection harder…. Also could you share some tips as to how traumatized individuals can begin updating that personality trait to become engaged and open to the world. 14:07 4. My question contains a lot of context so please bear with me and I'm sorry in advance for the essay. I've been struggling A LOT for the past two years with binge eating, anxiety, depression, and dissociation. After a previous attempt to seek therapy, which didn’t go well (because I was 16 and my mom freaked out and was so stigmatized and when I also talked about it to one of my closest friends and my friend suggested that I go to therapy, my mom happened to read at the texts and told me "see, now your friend thinks you're crazy!"), but anyway, I finally took the step to seek therapy as I've turned 18 and started university and I had 2 sessions so far, and it's all started after my prof encouraged me to go down that path and honestly, she is the sweetest person ever and she is the only... 19:45 PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) SOCIAL X https://twitter.com/KatiMorton TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@katimorton Instagram https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Patreon https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about why we can sometimes think we are in love with our therapist, ways we can get unstuck in life, and what to do with our passive suicidal thoughts. She also talks about feeling safe after surviving a trauma, and how to deal with transference and attachment in therapy. Ask Kati Anything ep. 247 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT Audience questions: 1. Kati I am in love with my therapist. I know you will probably say that transference is happening but I feel so madly in love with her. Everything about her is perfect and she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I feel like no one I’ll meet will ever even come close to how amazing she is and how much I feel for her. How do I stop having romantic feelings for my therapist? 00:00:32 2. Could you please talk about how one can get unstuck in life? I feel like I am reliving the same day over and over again, and not growing/evolving anymore. I’m so used to just watching life on the sidelines, like a movie, as opposed to actively participating in it. For reference, I do suffer from depression and I’m on medication for it. Thank you so much for everything that you do! 00:09:28 3. Hi, could you talk a bit more about passive suicidal thoughts. I almost got run over by a truck when crossing the street (he stopped in time at the end). I basically didn’t care, no shock, nothing. I just thought „ first of all, embarrassing, second of all this death would have been very welcome, sadly he stopped in time“. I went about my day as usual thinking about how chill I reacted not even caring if I would have died or not. I do have a past when it comes to suicidal thoughts and depression. 00:16:06 4. What does it mean to 'feel safe'? I have CPTSD and am hypervigilant. I get relaxation induced anxiety. I have tried following steps for reducing this but they often ask you to 'visualise somewhere you feel safe' or 'someone you feel safe with'. What does 'feel safe' mean? Is it a feeling in the body, or is it just the absence of overt fear? Or is it just an expression for some concept, like saying something is an 'act of god'? I expect my issue has the same root cause as my inability to feel happy / positive emotions. 00:20:29 5. What happens if transference and extreme attachment is not worked through in therapy and then therapy ends? This has happened for me and I am so overwhelmed by my emotions 24/7. I know how to work on attachment stuff by myself now from your videos but I just don’t know how to get closure if that makes sense. I miss her so much and it takes everything in me not to text her. Therapy ended a few months ago and I still miss her like crazy and I am so sad about it. Will that ever get better? Also can you feel “worse” in a way if you don’t work through issues (e.g transference) that came up in therapy? 00:24:44 6. In your opinion is this important to get a proper diagnosis? I was in therapy but I’ve never received a proper diagnosis. In my country only psychiatrists are allowed to diagnose you. I think I have quiet BPD among other mental illnesses and... 00:32:12 #podcast #psychology #katimorton PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) Youtube https://www.youtube.com/katimorton X https://twitter.com/KatiMorton TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@katimorton Instagram https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Patreon https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com

This week we talk about sitting with our feelings and dealing with anxious thoughts, why self-harm is often talked about only in relation to teens, and why we can suddenly have suicidal thoughts. Then we get into whether or not we can do inner child work by ourselves, how to get ourselves to realize things aren’t as bad as they seem, and if therapy can be harmful. Ask Kati Anything ep.246 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT Audience questions: 1. I have learned how to feel my feelings and emotions in therapy, and I also realized that before that I used to not allow myself to really feel my feelings. I have bad anxiety and a lot of times my thoughts spiral out of control and then I end up worrying about all kinds of things and feel so much more anxious. I have realized if I don’t give in to all my thoughts, I feel a lot less anxious but is this avoiding feeling my feelings? Shouldn’t I be able to sit with my fears and uncomfortable feelings without pushing them away or avoiding to think about them? 2. Why is self injury usually talked about in relation to teens? I feel like I rarely hear it talked about as a coping mechanism for adults. Is it something that is more concerning if an adult does it? I am 37 years old and I have cptsd, adhd, anxiety and depression and have been in therapy for 5 years. I have been good at refraining from self injury but when things get too overwhelming it still is my first go to thought and unfortunately sometimes the way I cope (for example the outcome of the US election). My therapist is aware but I have a lot of shame because it feels “childish”. What are your thoughts? 3. So a few weeks ago I got this sudden urge to write a goodbye letter. I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts on and off, but that idea has never really come up until now. Would you know why this suddenly happened? Should I be concerned? What should I do? I haven’t written anything down on paper yet, but a draft is being formulated in my head and the urge is still present. 4. How can I do inner child work by myself (therapy ended) when I dissociate 24/7? I remember you said you can’t process trauma when you are dissociating. When I was in therapy I was also dissociating in basically every session. When I try to do inner child work or journal for example, I sometimes feel it’s not so helpful because I feel so disconnected from it and I am not actually feeling what I am writing. 5. What are effective methods of realizing things aren’t as bad as they seem? I would also like to see a video about lost time that comes with depression and other disorders, and how to deal with and prevent losing so much time. 6. Can therapy be “harmful“? I sometimes feel like therapy makes my thoughts spiral more. I am very self aware and analyze everything about my thoughts and behaviors constantly, and therapy has made this so much worse. I love therapy and learning more about myself and analyzing where everything came from etc. but I also feel like I am very obsessive with it and it occupies my mind 24/7 and as a result I feel worse. I also feel like I consume too much psychological content but I find it so interesting. PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) SOCIAL X https://twitter.com/KatiMorton TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@katimorton Instagram https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Patreon https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com

This week we are talking all about getting a diagnosis. Why we might want one, why we might not agree when we finally get one, and my thoughts on self-diagnosis. We will talk about assessments and what it means to get a proper diagnosis. Finally, we will dig into labels as a whole and whether or not they can be stigmatizing. Ask Kati Anything ep. 245 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT Audience questions: 1. Why do I feel the need to diagnose myself or “pathologize” myself with a name for a mental illness/disorder? If I discover a diagnosis I could potentially have, I do sooo much research on it (almost to the point of it being obsessive because it’s all I can think about). I really want to have the diagnosis, but why? Why do I have to put a name to it? I feel like I need to be “sick” in order to be seen and for my experience to be valid. My mom (who is a therapist) doesn’t like that I do this because she says labels don’t help me move forward and it becomes my whole identity. And she says that... 00:37 2. What are the pros and cons of having a label or diagnosis for a mental illness? I know it can be validating but can it ever be detrimental? Like for example, even though I KNOW I struggle with social anxiety, I really want to be professionally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. To me it feels like a way to prove my suffering to the world but I also am worried that I will... 10:51 3. I sincerely wanted to know Kati, do labels not cripple people further? Where it almost becomes an excuse for people to act in certain ways with little accountability. So instead it should be more of behavioral patterns we acknowledge with the intent of trying to assist people in a more CBT approach? I hope I’m making sense, thank you!! 18:30 4. Hi Kati, I've been wondering for a long time how to get diagnoses for a bunch of stuff since my family is quite opposed to the idea of me being autistic, or having ADHD, and other stuff they don't even know about like a dissociative disorder, OCD, and a possible eating disorder. Do I just have to wait until I become an adult if I can't get support in my home? Thanks for the podcast, it's so informative and, in my opinion, enjoyable! 22:28 5. Hey Kati! Is it possible to be DID/osdd without knowing, even if you don't remember any significant trauma? Thanks! 26:57 6. Hi Kati, I’m someone who has had undiagnosed ASD until this year. I’m having trouble accepting this new identity. How can people learn to accept this? What do people do with it? 31:17 MAIN YOUTUBE CHANNEL www.youtube.com/Katimorton PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) SOCIAL X https://twitter.com/KatiMorton TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@katimorton Instagram https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Patreon https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com #podcast #psychology #katimorton

Explore the complex emotions of loneliness and the impact of social isolation. The discussion reveals how past trauma can shape feelings of worthlessness and why therapy is essential for understanding these experiences. Learn strategies to build meaningful relationships and nurture a diverse social network. Tips on emotional maturity, recognizing feelings, and the importance of self-compassion are also shared, providing insights on how to cultivate genuine happiness and evaluate friendships.

This week we discuss not getting better in therapy, when we should give up, and if it’s up to us to know what we want to work on in therapy. We will also talk about depression and how to come to terms with it, and how to know if we are burnt out. Ask Kati Anything ep. 243 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT Audience questions: 1. I think I realize why I’m not getting better in therapy. I’ve been going to therapy for almost 10 years on and off. I don’t want to get better. I want someone to save me. Some people may argue that now that you’re an adult you have to save yourself. I’m tired of saving myself. I’ve been saving myself since I was eight years old. I am 29 years old now and struggle with so much self harm including addiction, and disordered eating. I just want someone to scoop me up and save me. How do I stop this mentality? I feel like I’m too old to be doing some of these things to myself. 00:36 2. My counselor told me ‘I can’t really help you if you don’t bring anything to our sessions’. I have already explained that when I come into a session and she says, ‘what do you want to talk about today?’ It stresses me out and I don’t know what to say, so a couple of weeks ago I wrote a list of stuff that is the biggest issues I have and stuff that I am finding the most difficult to deal with at the moment and I gave it to her and we went through that for a session so she has an idea of the stuff I want to work on but she continues to ask every week ‘what do you want to talk about today?’ 16:23 3. How to deal with (come to terms with, accept) depression? How do I get over feeling so useless, unable to function as an adult??? 19:32 4. I’ve been in therapy for 3+ years now and I don’t know it’s getting any better. I’ve been diagnosed with MDD and although functioning, I can’t seem to find joy in my everyday life. I’ve also spoken to my therapist about it and even told her about my want to stop therapy because I feel like I’m wasting her time. My therapist assured me I’m not wasting her time, and also gently persisted about continuing therapy since therapy is the only consistency right now that doesn’t malfunction (note: every other consistent routine doesn’t seem to stick even if I tried). What can I do to get out of the rut? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks for all that you do. 24:12 5. Hey Kati, could you possibly talk about burnout? What could it look like? Would someone with depression already be more susceptible to burnout? And why might it be so hard to admit it and get help? I think I am either completely burnt out or close to it. I work a lot of overtime and can’t just take a break because I don’t have anyone to cover my position (head/only full time chef and kitchen manager at a residential school) I organize the whole week of meals for out students and to be able to take my “normal” days off, it requires so much extra work. I don’t know how to stand up for myself, how to rest when I do have small bits of time and even on my days off there are usually texts or calls to answer from work. I’m leaving my job in 6 months but that feels like a long time to just try and hang on. Any information, help or advice would be so appreciated. Thank you for everything. 27:37 6. Why do the Pollyannas keep telling me "it gets better" when it's painfully obvious that it only gets worse? 38:06 PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) SOCIAL X https://twitter.com/KatiMorton TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@katimorton Instagram https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Patreon https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com

Child-on-child abuse raises pressing questions about its long-term impact. Kati delves into whether victims may become abusers themselves and how trauma processing can be complex and daunting. She tackles the line between innocent exploration and harmful behavior in children. Additionally, the podcast explores reparenting and the challenges of connecting with therapists. Listeners also learn why discussing traumatic experiences multiple times can be a vital part of healing.

Explore the complexities of compulsions and intrusive thoughts in mental health. Learn how these thoughts can manifest in dreams, leading to feelings of shame and confusion. Discover the nuances of harm OCD and its relation to self-harm behaviors. Gain insights into effective coping strategies to manage anxiety and intrusive thoughts. The conversation reveals the importance of understanding emotions and seeking therapeutic support to break free from negative cycles.

This week licensed therapist, Kati Morton talks about therapy and how to get comfortable sharing with our therapist. She also discusses honesty in therapy, its importance, and how we can find the courage to share what we are going through. She then explains how to know when we need to see a therapist versus talking to our friends and family, and finally she digs into therapy ending, why it would happen and how we can cope with it. Ask Kati Anything ep. 240 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT Audience questions: 1. Hi Kati, what can therapists do to try to help their patients get comfortable enough to share about traumas they have never verbalized before to anyone (even themselves)? What tips do you have for therapists and what tips do you have for patients in that situation? 01:01 2. Do you have any advice for someone who is trying to open up/be honest in therapy but genuinely doesn’t know how to say it? 10:45 3. I hope all is well with you. When should we seek support from a friend or family member as opposed to a therapist? I've had a couple of relevant diagnoses. First, I'm autistic, so understanding relationships can already be difficult. Second, I've been treated for borderline PD in the past. I mention this because when I'm in distress, it's often due to feeling abandoned because I haven't heard from my friends in a few days (or even a few hours). It feels inappropriate to reach out when the reason I'm feeling bad is that they've chosen not to reply yet... 12:26 4. How do I find the courage to talk about my OCD intrusive thoughts? The ones that make you question if you’re really a good person or not. I’m really struggling and I want to talk about them but I’m so worried that once she learns about them she’ll see me differently whether she shows it or not. 18:14 5. Hello! I’m currently in Appalachia which is an area most impacted by hurricane Helene. While I and my family are safe with minimal damage, so many people I love have lost so much or even everything. I’ve been in therapy for two years and have made significant progress, but with the recent tragedy, I feel as though I’m back at the beginning of processing trauma. I fear my therapist is going to decide I’m no longer worth the trouble because I’ve backtracked, and I’m afraid sharing that fear will only open the door for her to decide to share that she doesn’t think she’s helping me and we need to stop. For context, I have CPTSD and suffered some pretty significant emotional abuse and neglect as a child. I have a lot of fear of people leaving and often feel as though I’m... 20:40 6. How do I cope with my therapist eventually having to leave me when therapy ends? I feel like there is no way for it to happen without me being retraumatized. It makes me think there is literally no point to any of therapy. I’d rather have not gotten close to my therapist at all and I feel even more skeptical about getting close to other people now. I know there really isn’t a good answer. Living just means constant loss. My mother died when I was a baby My dad didn’t want me. I was taken in by family members and sexually abused throughout my whole childhood by their son. My single best friend of years moved away without a word. My sister moved away. Being born was a joke. Maybe this isn’t really a question. 25:50 #podcast #psychology #katimorton PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) SOCIAL X https://twitter.com/KatiMorton YouTube https://www.youtube.com/katimorton TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@katimortonInstagram https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Patreon https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com

This week we are talking about depersonalization, derealization, otherwise known as dissociation. We will also discuss DID or dissociative identity disorder, how we can build our sense of self, if we can love therapy too much, and why we can feel awkward after disclosing our self injury. Finally, we will talk about whether or not we can be so damaged that no amount of therapy can help us. Ask Kati Anything ep.239 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT Audience questions: 1. I struggle with persistent depersonalisation and derealisation. I tried a lot of things over the years (therapy, different mindfulness practices, temperature play, full body shakes, yoga, meditation, being aware of my body etc.) and nothing is working. I know it gets worse when I am overwhelmed or tired or hungry, but it’s nearly happening 24/7 even if I am happy and relaxed and on holidays for example. It doesn’t make sense to me. Sometimes it gets really bad, I think when I also start panicking. Then I feel like I can’t see properly and feel so far gone, that it feels super scary. I know dissociation is not scary and it’s my body’s way to protect me, but when it is so severe, it feels absolutely horrible. Do you have any tips for me? 01:14 2. I am a survivor of CSA and have CPTSD. I don’t think I have DID however, why do I have different “voices” that come out at different times in ways I cannot control? My friends say I have 2 different “voices” one is higher pitched and small, and the other is deeper and more grown-up. Some things can for sure trigger it like feeling afraid or ashamed but it doesn’t always trigger it. Sometimes I am... 17:26 3. How to build a sense of self when no sense (or only a weak sense) of self has ever existed. In this scenario there is no "rebuilding" of the self, because it never existed as a whole in the past. There's nothing to be rebuilt because it hasn't been built yet. Is there any relevant research that looks at outcomes for individuals who developed a sense of self for the very first time in adulthood... 21:57 4. I love therapy. I know it’s supposed to be difficult and a lot of people are “scared” to work on themselves in therapy but I absolutely love it. My therapist told me I am very analytical and symptom focused, I constantly analyze every small behavior about myself and I can’t seem to stop. I constantly need to make sense of everything. I also love the attention that she gives me and I love that she cares about me. I wish I could see her all day every day. Is it normal to love therapy this much? 25:41 5. I just recently told a friend about my self-harming and now I feel really awkward. I wanted to know, why do I feel so embarrassed when near this friend now? 30:59 6. I hope this makes sense to you. It is something I've been wondering about. Is it possible to be so severely damaged by your past that no matter how much therapy you got that you never really heal? Because after all the therapy I got I still have so many trigger points. Is it because I've been traumatized over and over? Is it because of all sorts of abuse over and over? Am I not supposed to get over it by now? 33:30 #podcast #psychology #katimorton PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) SOCIAL YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/katimorton X https://twitter.com/KatiMorton TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@katimortonInstagram https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Patreon https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com