Embracing Intensity

Imposter syndrome is something that most people have felt at some point or another. Intense people may feel this in magnified ways, as the world tells them they are not welcome as they are. Join us on this guest call to learn more! Kate Arms is a return guest to the show, and I’m thrilled to welcome her back for this guest call. Kate is a classic overthinker, high achiever, and multipotentiality who exudes intensity. Her career has spanned being a lawyer, arts administrator, coach for gifted and twice-exceptional adults and parents of gifted and twice-exceptional kids, and an Agile Coach in a high-tech company. She is the author of several books and has experience in coaching, leadership development, and psychology. Kate is here to help us understand imposter syndrome and how to reduce our suffering within it by building more connections.    Show Highlights:   Kate defines imposter syndrome as “a group of symptoms clustered together to make us feel like we don’t belong” How symptoms can include anxiety, hypervigilance self-consciousness, self-sabotage, perfectionism, and a sense of hiding who you really are How these symptoms pair with suffering to make us feel awful and ashamed How symptom relief and root-cause relief work together Why imposter syndrome boils down to belonging, connection, and a feeling of, “They won’t want me if they know who I really am.” How we are programmed (especially intense people) to think we are not welcome as we are because of childhood shaming, being told to “tone down,” and being too much or too sensitive How the “mismatch” occurs and how to address it How the process of learning happens when we start out blissfully ignorant The difference between identity and character vs. skills and experiences Why we must to learn to be comfortable in being ourselves–even if it makes others uncomfortable Why it’s hard to risk having the courage to overwhelm others with who we really are How we can build our sense of belonging through building our community How feeling connection with at least three people in your group will foster your feeling of belonging   Resources: Hear the follow-up conversation with Kate:  Community.embracingintensity.com 

Today’s show focuses on the twice-exceptional experience. As with so many people in this line of work, my guest looks to provide for students and families the help and support that he needed–and didn’t have as he grew up. Join us to learn more!   Barry Gelston is the president of GHF, Gifted Home Education Forum. They do amazing work with gifted and twice-exceptional families. Barry is an educator through “Mr. Gelston’s One Room Schoolhouse,” an online homeschool program focused on providing individualized educational services for gifted and 2E learners. In this episode, we enjoyed discussing how being 2E ourselves led us to the work of helping and supporting 2E families.    Show Highlights: Why Barry is intensely passionate about making a difference by being a positive activist who loves his family and tries hard to be a good person in the world How Barry’s personal brand of intensity shows up with constant focus and rumination about one topic at a time and being aware of sensory overload How Barry grew up totally dysregulated as an underachiever with social and emotional issues from being in a divorced family How Barry approached his problems with his attempt at executive functioning skills to become a good student and make more of his life What Barry would say to the adults in his life “back then” Why Barry’s work today revolves around what he needed as a 2E child How Barry learned to overcome his reading struggles and dyslexia to become a voracious reader Why wonderful things are happening in strengths-based approaches with 2E students How Barry’s cultural identity formed largely around growing up in a Jewish family in Queens Why Barry always felt like he had to tone himself down or tune himself out as he grew up and learned the art of conversation How Barry’s intensity felt out of control in early adulthood because of social pressures How Barry uses his fire for good through teaching and his work, trying to fix for others what he wishes would have been fixed for him How mindfulness, meditation, self-centering, and 2E awareness have helped Barry harness the power of his intensity How creating systems and structures has helped with executive functioning for Barry–and how he uses it to help students How Barry helps others use their own fire through connecting and learning from each other   Resources: Connect with Barry:  GHF Learners and Mr. Gelston's One Room Schoolhouse  

Chris Wells, a therapist and researcher, discusses overexcitability, giftedness, autism, and ADHD. She shares her personal journey of self-identification and embracing twice-exceptionality. Wells explains how overexcitability provides a liberating framework for understanding neurodivergence and the interconnected nature of conditions like autism and ADHD. The podcast delves into the struggles of gifted adults, the importance of diagnosis and support, and the evolving understanding of overexcitability in psychiatric discourse.

Today’s show introduces you to a difference-maker in the world of neurodivergence. Her collective endeavors to advocate for kids, parents, and families are truly making a difference. Join us to learn more! Debbie Reber is an author, speaker, and parenting activist. In 2016, she founded Tilt Parenting, a website, top podcast, and online community aimed at helping parents raise differently wired kids from a place of confidence, connection, and joy. Debbie’s most recent book is Differently Wired: A Parent's Guide to Raising an Atypical Child with Confidence and Hope.   In this episode: Get to know Debbie, who lives in Brooklyn with her husband and 17-year-old neurodivergent child; they lived in the Netherlands for several years prior to moving back to the US Why Debbie is intensely passionate about learning, being curious about everything, writing, helping kids and families, and running How Debbie’s personal brand of intensity comes through in her inability to stop doing things and not being able to stop or rest How Debbie grew up as a misunderstood child and class clown who channeled her energy into sports because it was the one area in which she was competent How Debbie, as a high school student, worked just hard enough to get by and didn’t care about applying herself How cultural factors affected Debbie: her family didn’t prioritize academics and didn’t teach her to value herself; there were strict religious rules that she wasn’t allowed to question How Debbie’s best friend’s family w ere the ones who introduced her to museums, travel, and a world outside her small Pennsylvania town How Debbie learned to tone herself down during her college years because she wanted to be perceived in a certain way to achieve her “means to an end” Why Debbie felt close to burnout during COVID and learned to prioritize what’s really important to her How she has learned to enjoy her life more and not work so much How Debbie uses her fire and drive to help people and make a difference How making things sparks her and fulfills her How Debbie has learned to be really organized from her beginning with poor executive functioning skills and is constantly hacking her own systems and processes Why Debbie’s discipline around exercise and fitness is the key to mental and emotional health for her How Debbie helps others use their fire by helping them create the lives they want Why Debbie began Tilt Parenting almost six years ago because there were so few resources for parents of neurodivergent kids How more and more adults talking about their neurodivergence is helping to “fuel the movement   Connect with Debbie: www.tiltparenting.com Visit this site for Debbie’s podcast, multiple resources, and more  www.debbiereber.co Find Debbie on Facebook and Instagram.   Books by Debbie mentioned in this episode: Differently Wired: A Parent’s Guide to Raising an Atypical Child with Confidence and Hope Doable: The Girls’ Guide to Accomplishing Just About Anything Run for Your Life: A Book for Beginning Women Runners    

Welcome to 2022! In today’s solo episode, I’m reviewing some of our most downloaded episodes from 2021 and sharing our upcoming guest speaker series and topics already scheduled for this year. It’s going to be a great year, so come along for the ride with me! Show Highlights: The countdown of our top ten most downloaded episodes from 2021: #10: Ep. 231 Intuitive Flow with Kari Betton Our July Guest Call was on Intuitive Flow and Creativity. Kari is a coach and mentor for highly sensitive and twice-exceptional people, and she has a passion for helping them find their innate sense of intuitive flow. #9: Ep. 239 Perspectives in Giftedness with Gail Post Being gifted can complicate many situations in life. It is wonderful to know that empathetic and supportive professionals are dedicating their lives to advocacy for these individuals. Learn more with psychotherapist Gail Post. #8: Ep. 229 Thinking Patterns I have seen a lot of posts about the overlap and similarities between ADHD and Autism, and it got me thinking about some observations I’d made both personally and professionally testing neurodivergent kids over the years. I also asked for feedback from neurodivergent people on social media about the patterns they related to most. #7: Ep. 235 Playing with Your Inner Critic with Jeff Harry This show allows you to listen to our recent group call with Jeff Harry of Rediscover Your Play. Jeff provides tips, insights, and interactive exercises to learn more about “Playing With Your Inner Critic.” Find the full discussion in the Embracing Intensity Community. #6: Ep. 202 Chipping Away at Societal Conditioning with Julia R. Wild This show focuses on highly sensitive people. My guest loves helping HSPs uncover the layers of conditioning put on them by society and bloom in their uniqueness. Julia R. Wild is a bestselling author, spiritual teacher, and trauma educator with a Master’s degree in psychology. She is also a writing, creativity, and life coach. #5: Ep. 207 “But I’m Not Really THAT Smart” I’ve heard a lot more comments lately along the lines of, “I relate to your work, but I’m not really gifted.” In this episode, I discuss why gifted folks might not recognize their own gifts, along with some resources to explore if you suspect that you might be gifted. #4: Ep. 236 Gifted and 2E Assessment This solo episode is about a topic that I’ve thought about for a long time, so I’m happy to bring it to you. We will discuss getting an assessment as a gifted or twice-exceptional adult, so I hope you find my thoughts and tips helpful. #3: Ep. 208 Coaching and Mentoring Neurodivergent Adults with Dr. Kimberly Douglass I found this guest in the most unusual place: TikTok! I first noticed her work with gifted and twice-exceptional people, and I knew I had to have her on the show. Dr. Kimberly Douglass is president and CEO of Remote Learning Solutions. #2: Ep. 226 Asynchronous Development in Gifted Adults with Tiff Choumm Our June Guest Call was on Asynchronous Development in Gifted Adults. Asynchronous development is a hallmark of the gifted experience, when we may have developed far ahead of our peers in some areas and have fallen behind in others. This can continue into adulthood, especially for those who are also twice-exceptional, and it can impact many aspects of our life experiences. Find the full discussion in the Embracing Intensity Community. #1: Ep. 205 Twice Exceptionality–When Giftedness Meets ADHD Last year, I participated in an event called Camp ADHD, where folks around the world shared talks and discussion on topics related to ADHD. I spoke about twice-exceptionality, specifically as it relates to ADHD, and the topic seemed to resonate with many, so I decided to share my talk on twice-exceptionality on the podcast as well. I’m super excited to announce our 2022 guest speakers and general topics! (Specific details are subject to change.) You can find the schedule listed in the events calendar on the Embracing Intensity Community, and it will soon be on the 2E Connection and Embracing Intensity website calendars! January 22–Leela Sinha, from Ep. 7: The Intersection of Queerness and Neurodivergence February 19–Alexandra Loves, from Ep. 67: Passion vs. Drama March 19–Boontarika Sripom, from Ep. 177: Play April 16–Cosette “CoCo” Leary, from Ep. 181: Building Confidence and Resilience May 21–Aileen Kelleher, from Ep. 241: Perfectionism June 18–Mara McLoughlin, from Ep. 230: Neurodivergent Social Connection August 20–Dr. Kimberly Douglass, from Ep. 208: Navigating Systems as a Neurodivergent September 17–Dr. Matt Zakreski, from Ep. 240: Self-Advocacy October 15–Nadja Careghetti, from Ep. 198: Tidying Up Your Brain (Marie Kondo-Style) November 19–Julia Wild, from Ep. 202: How to Heal Resources: Find more information at community@embracingintensity.com.

Today’s guest has wonderful Instagram posts, many of them covering her work with twice-exceptional adults. I’m a fan of hers, and she’s a fan of the podcast, so it’s exciting to introduce her to the Embracing Intensity audience!   Aileen Kelleher is a licensed clinical social worker, therapist, and coach. Her therapy practice in Chicago specializes in helping gifted and twice-exceptional children build social-emotional skills, self-compassion, and confidence to recover from anxiety, depression, and other mental health difficulties. Her international coaching practice focuses on helping gifted and 2E women harness their talents to help them find fulfillment and fun in their personal, professional, and social lives.   Show Highlights:   Why Aileen is intensely passionate about working with 2E people and sharing tools and resources How Aileen’s personal brand of intensity manifests in her passion and her ability to embrace conflict and argumentative engagement; she appears intimidating to others and feels emotions deeply Growing up, Aileen experienced bullying from her peers that put her “on guard” with anxiety and fear where there was the capacity for negative emotions; she also had an early sense of social justice How Aileen identifies now as a 2E person who has anxiety, depression, and some ADHD characteristics In school, Aileen was a student who was eager to please her teachers and experienced solid support from her mother; she struggled to fit in and be accepted with peers How, as she grew older, she began challenging authority, rebelling, and calling out injustice How being from a large, Irish Catholic family trained her to use direct bluntness that not everyone accepts How Aileen learned to tone herself down and tune herself out by escaping in reading books and watching TV; in later life, she numbed herself through substance abuse to “check out” from reality How Aileen experienced her out-of-control intensity through raging at people as a young person and now uses writing, exercise, and art as ways to maintain control How Aileen has learned not to be “the biggest voice” in the room but to lift up and make room for the voices of others in community and collaboration How Aileen uses her fire for good by being helpful and learning all that she can about what she feels passionate about; she has also learned to admit her mistakes and keep going How Aileen helps other 2E adults find meaning, joy, and purpose in their lives How relationships with family and friends have helped Aileen learn to reach out for help and trust herself Why Aileen likes helping others define and find their personal values How ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) helps gifted kids figure out what they care about beyond simply proving how smart they are Parting words from Aileen: “You are OK just the way you are, even if you feel like you don’t belong in a certain situation. That doesn’t mean that there is something fundamentally wrong with you, and it’s OK to ask for help if you need it. Gifted and 2E can have full and satisfied lives, and the fact that we are different shouldn’t stop us from pursuing what we want--and what everyone else gets to have.” Resources:   Find Aileen on Instagram or at www.coaching4gifted.com. Her work with kids is at www.aileenkelleher.com.   

Continuing our top 2019 reruns. This has been one of our top episodes from it’s very start! 2019 was our first year of guest speakers, and we took a break for 2020 but had a great run in 2021. I’m super excited about our upcoming 2022 series especially because all of my top choices got back to me right away and agreed to speak. I’m still waiting on a few scheduling clarifications, but I’m pleased to announce that Jan. 22 we will have Leela Sinha, author of “You’re Not Too Much” talk about the Intersection of Queerness and Neurodivergence, and Feb 19th we’ll have Alexandra Loves talk about Passion vs. Drama! Get on our mailing list for updates and log in information at www.embracingintensity.com. You can support the continued growth of these free calls by joining our community at community.embracingintensity.com or supporting Embracing Intensity on Patreon! Navigating relationships successfully can be one of the most challenging things we ever do. The intensity and outside-the-box nature of twice-exceptionality (gifted plus disability), adds in a whole new layer of challenge. In this episode, Dr. Melanie Hayes shares both the joys and the hurdles of twice exceptional relationships.   In this episode: Common issues in all relationships. Additional challenges for twice-exceptional people. Meeting our unmet needs in relationships. A recipe for twice-exceptional people to connect with who they really are and have fulfilling lives.  Links: Embracing Intensity Community Support Embracing Intensity on Patreon

Continuing our top 2019 reruns. One of my most popular topics is twice exceptionality, especially as it relates to ADHD. This is what prompted my work in sharing stories of twice exceptionality on YouTube and my upcoming 2E Comics. I’ll be launching a Kickstarter in the new year to help fund support with illustration so I can make it happen with my limited time! Coincidentally, this episode features input from Brendan Mahan of ADHD Essentials, and he just shared his most recent episode with me on twice exceptionality this week! Go listen to “Giftedness is Not Achievement w/ Aurora Remember Holtzman on ADHD Essentials! I've been asked a lot about twice-exceptionality recently and especially on how to identify ADHD when giftedness is also involved. In this episode: Characteristics observed in people who are both gifted and ADHD. Characteristics that may be common with giftedness, but are even more extreme when ADHD is thrown in. Assessment patterns I've observed with kids with ADHD. Links: Embracing Intensity Community Brendan Mahan's ADHD Essentials

Continuing the tradition of reruns for the month of December, and this month I'll be sharing some of my top episodes from 2019. The top guest episode was on Positive Disintegration w/ Chris Wells, and she has a new podcast on the topic that just came out recently! You can find the discussion recording and her latest talk on Overexitabilities in the Embracing Intensity Community. Kazmiers Dabrowski was an early proponent of what we now call the neurodiversity movement. He asserted that what was viewed as "neuroses" were not an illness, but in fact a sign of high developmental potential! His theory of Positive Disintegration views the importance of falling apart, or disintegrating, before integrating into a higher whole. This week, Chris Wells, Director of Qualitative Research at the Gifted Development Center, dives deeper into Dabrowski's life, what led to his theory and how it applies to us in the current day.  In this episode: How Dabrowski's theory relates to the current neurodiversity movement. How his own life experiences and trauma impacted his theory. The importance of values. The three factors of developmental potential. How dynamisms, or the forces that drive our actions, serve as a catalyst to higher development. Links: Chris' New Podcast on Positive Disintegration! Finding Treasure In Ruins Blog Post Embracing Intensity Community Gifted Development Center

I first met today’s guest when he enthusiastically shared some of my animated shorts on 2E experiences. We have followed each other, and I’m a big fan of his advocacy work. Join us to learn more!   Dr. Matt Zakreski is a psychologist who works with gifted and twice-exceptional folks. We have connected over social media, and I’m excited to talk to him today and introduce him to the Embracing Intensity audience.   Show Highlights:   How Matt is intensely passionate about his experience as a “grown-up gifted kid,” helping people through therapy and training, ultimate Frisbee, craft beer, Bruce Springsteen, and comic books Why Matt’s personal brand of intensity means that he wants things to be “this way,” and has a tough time when they aren’t; he wants to know expectations ahead of time How Matt learned to embrace his giftedness later in his school years and had to find his people in the arts Why Matt speaks the language of caring and wants to be around people who care about something How even with ADHD and giftedness, Matt appreciates authenticity in himself and others In his school experience, Matt realized how to “flex” his gifts in language arts but struggled in STEM classes How Matt advises families to learn from his mistakes to “work smart, not hard” How Matt felt responsibility and a lot of expectations as the oldest child in his family How Matt felt the divide in high school between living in the sports world as an athlete and the arts world  How Matt tried to tone himself down and embrace his leadership style of being second in command How Matt felt his intensity out of control significantly when he was bullied in 8th grade How Matt uses his fire for good by helping kids learn to lift others up instead of tearing others down Why getting in touch with his emotional world and being vulnerable have helped Matt harness the power of his intensity Personal habits that have helped Matt use his fire positively are taking time daily for long walks, podcasts, and music How Matt helps others use their fire by helping them be their best selves Why it’s energizing to make time for yourself  Parting words from Matt: “If you are too much for some people, then those are not your people. Do something for you, and do your version of it. Have the confidence to put your own spin on what self-care looks like for you. We have to value putting ourselves in inspiring and charging situations instead of draining ones. You are worth putting yourself first.” Resources:   www.drmattzakreski.com   Find Matt on Facebook.