Embracing Intensity

Building Self-Advocacy This week on Embracing Intensity, we share our talk with Dr. Matt Zakreski on self-advocacy skills. Self-advocacy is an important skill that can help you take charge of your own life and move toward greater freedom, fulfillment, and happiness. In this episode, we’ll explore the concept of self-advocacy and how it can help us feel more empowered in our own daily life. The goal of self-advocacy is to actively advocate on your own behalf to get your needs met. To be a strong self-advocate, you have to have a clear understanding of your own needs. This is important because it will determine your goals and how you will achieve them. If you have a goal in mind, you need to have a plan to get there.  The first step to positive change is to know what you are good at and what you are not good at. Explore how you can use your strengths to your advantage, and use your weaknesses as opportunities for growth.  When you’re trying to make a change, bringing in allies is powerful because it can give you insight into the world that you don’t have. They can help you see things that you wouldn’t have thought about. Gifted and neurodivergent folks often feel like they have to go it alone in their adult life. Self advocates use their support system such as colleagues, service providers, family members, or peer support. They aren’t afraid to ask for help! Setting the Stage! It is very important to set the stage and prepare yourself for the conversation ahead of time so that you can be as successful as possible. The best way to do that is to set aside time to prepare and to have all of your notes and your ideas and your facts ready. This way you will be able to focus and be more effective during the conversation. Also, consider doing it at a time and in a place where you can expect to have success. Set up a good place and time to talk about your needs, but give enough context of what you’d like to discuss so the other person doesn’t assume the worst.  Before we start with self-advocacy, we also need to consider the person we are advocating to and understand that their strengths and challenges might not be the same as ours. We need to be specific and tangible and help them take ownership and buy into the solution. By taking on a leadership role in the conversation we can help guide its direction. In order to give yourself the best chance possible to succeed, you have to be prepared to be flexible and let go of rigid expectations. If you are getting resistance from your boss or others, it’s a good idea to ask yourself, what do I need to do to get to the thing I want? Let them play a meaningful role in shaping what you need to do next. What new things can you try to improve the lives of people you’re working with? What employment opportunities might forward your career? Supporting Long Term Success It is also helpful to consider the benefits to everyone and make it a win-win. Explore how you both get the most out of the situation, help build and strengthen relationships and improve the lives of others. Getting what you want in the moment may not pay off in the long run if it means burning a bridge. Communicating clearly and assertively can help get our own needs met without compromising the needs of others. It’s important to be specific with your plan for following up or life might get in the way. Self-Advocacy is a lifelong process of constantly setting and re-setting boundaries. This process helps you to move forward in a positive way, towards being more successful as a self-advocate. Join us to learn more about self-advocacy with Dr. Matt! In this episode Good self-advocates get super clear on what they need. Tips for playing to your strengths, using your weaknesses as opportunities for growth, and taking steps to overcome them. Exploring your resources, connecting with allies, and recognizing the kind of help that’s available. The importance of timing and coming prepared to set yourself up for success. Setting clear goals to improve our own lives and the lives of others. Developing meta-communication and self-determination skills. How flexibility can help us get what we need in the long run. Meeting in the middle to set up a win-win solution. Getting buy-in and setting everyone up for success. Communicating assertively instead of passively or aggressively. The importance of specific, tangible, and direct communication. Setting a clear plan to follow up for success. Resources: Matt’s website Embracing Intensity Course Membership Join our Community & Check out our calendar of upcoming events! * Transcript Available on EmbracingIntensity.com *

I am so thrilled to get to share Dr. Kimberly Douglass’ talk on Decolonizing Neurodivergence! From Violence to Love Do you ever wonder why we get into loops on social media platforms when we talk about neurodivergence? We have convinced ourselves this conversation is just about validating each other and understanding the traits of various conditions. The very definition of what it means to be neurodivergent is rooted in colonialist thinking and behavior. It’s clear to me: we don’t want to talk about the hard changes we have to make to ourselves, to our self-image; the hard changes we should demand from our society. We keep the conversation at the level of defining a problem; defining ourselves as the problem. We are willing to be the problem as long as we don’t have to challenge ourselves, other people, our families, our employers, our communities, our worlds. You are not a problem!!! Write this down: YOU ARE THE WAY!!! But, you know we talk about neurodivergence in ways that allow the powerful to hold on to their power. We are more comfortable with this than risking being disliked, having things taken from us or feeling powerful inside our own skin. Even the word power makes us uncomfortable. These are the ways we have been taught. This is colonization.Regardless of what you have been taught, YOU are the way to transformation for yourself and for others. With guidance on how to think about neurodivergence, we can help see yourself just as you are! YOU are the way to this new understanding…. for yourself, for your team, for your community. Let’s discuss here on my weekly blog: bit.ly/decolonizingndblog. About Kimberly: Dr Kimberly Douglass is the full-time owner of Kimberly Douglass, PhD, LLC. Dr Douglass and her team are designing a world in which neurodivergent people feel they belong. The team fuses disability advocacy with design thinking. Douglass’ team designs digital and paper content, such as courses, ebooks, journals, workbooks and the Neurodivergently Thinking cards. Also, the team offers premium 1 to 1 coaching services. Dr Douglass’ signature product is her Decolonizing Neurodivergence course. Dr Douglass and her team design tools that validate the neurodivergent experience. The team’s content and services challenge everyday processes that marginalize and shame neurodivergent people. Dr Douglass became a full-time business owner after working as staff, peer-reviewed researcher, faculty and administrator in higher education for over 17 years. She began the advocacy work over 12 years ago, when she became the chief advocate for her Son who is neurodivergent. She has since gotten more in touch with her own neurodivergence. Dr Douglass is married to Dean Tate and lives in Tennessee. Douglasskimberlylynn@gmail.com In this episode, Kimberly Shares: Her thoughts on growing up neurodivergent and breaking from the system. Moving from seeking validation to examining systems. Some common threads of neurodivergence. How we are living in a culture of consumption. Why no one wins under the current capitalist paradigm. Creating an agenda to make change. Why neurodivergence often comes with trauma. Examining how do we know what we think we know? The focus on compliance in our schools. Why we accept less, and deserve ease & flow. What neurodivergence Brings to the table. Supporting each other & building relationships. Examining our own systems we live in. Moving away from defensiveness & denial to make positive change. The elements of white supremacy culture. How you can support Kimberly’s work! Resources: Transcript Available on Embracing Intensity's Website Support Kimberly’s work and receive the first Decolonizing Neurodivergence Book! Join our Community & Check out our calendar of upcoming events! Access our Course and Content Membership including our past Guest Call Library

Taking a little pause to focus on moving & back end stuff.

Today’s episode is a recording of our talk with Leela Sinha on the intersection of neurodivergence and gender. This is definitely not an “inside-the-box” topic. You can find the full discussion in the Embracing Intensity community at community@embracingintensity.com.   Show Highlights: The overlap between autism and gender diversity How neurodivergence is defined as a very broad umbrella term for the different ways that people’s brains function Why the definition of queerness has changed over time but is still used as an umbrella term The overlap between queerness and neurodivergence How growing up with a different sense of known reality will cause attitudes and moves of self-protection How deconstruction occurs in society and feels “right” to stigmatized people Why identifying as non-binary or trans has become trendy as people have become more aware of their options for exploration Challenges in the non-binary gender spaces because of bias even in inclusion views How a fully nourishing environment helps neurodivergent kids understand their options and feel safe to express themselves How the progression occurs in media representation for queer representation and non-binary representation How pathologizing neurodivergence or queerness can affect a person’s ability to access resources and care Why accessibility is often not accounted for in the help and support spaces   Resources:   Connect with our community: community@embracingintensity.com  Connect with Leela Sinha:   Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, and www.leelasinha.com    

We all have our “beyond our wildest imagination” dreams that we never realistically hope to achieve. This is not true for today’s guest. She truly is living her dream in a place she never thought possible, and she’s teaching others to reach for the unimaginable also. Join us to learn more! Sadie Smiley created Passive Income Pathways, where she gives expert advice about online businesses and how passive income can help achieve your wildest goals. She pushes people to learn how to make full-time money with part-time work, teaching them to “create, sell, kick ass, and repeat.”   Show Highlights: Why Sadie is intensely passionate about helping people make money beyond their wildest dreams The key to Sadie’s success: networking with others with different superpowers as a trade-off for the things she doesn’t love to do How Sadie’s personal brand of intensity in being “too much” means that she submerges herself 100% into whatever she does Why a time audit color code can be a game-changer for entrepreneurs How to charge your “happy price” and feel good about it How Sadie, with ADHD and autism, was a gifted student with good grades who had problems following rules How Sadie helps clients make money, no matter what barriers they have How Sadie learned where she was “masking” herself and learned to feel loved, cared for, and respected through the love of her husband How Sadie’s intensity has felt out of control many times because of her neurodiversity and personality issues, but she has learned to “grow through” the intensity How Sadie uses her fire for good in channeling her intensity into coaching and helping others How Sadie feels safe in her life now and doesn’t worry about doing things wrong “according to the experts” Why showing up consistently for her family, clients, and readers has helped Sadie manifest everything she has achieved How to focus on something small that is within your control when you feel the “shame spiral” Why Sadie loves helping others identify their passions and interests to give them what they need Sadie’s parting advice: “Work hard on showing up authentically and with consistency. Do something every day to move your business forward, and success will be the only option. Picture your wildest, craziest dream–and then work backward from it to show up every day to make it happen.”   Resources: Connect with Sadie at  www.sadiesmiley.com or here to learn about the Passive Income Pathways membership program. Visit www.embracingintensity.com/community for more information and to learn about future events!

Today’s episode is a recording from last fall about time management from a neurodivergent perspective. We are joined on the guest call by Emily Roach-Griffin, who is ADHD and gifted, and her insights resonate soundly with many of us. She is a business coach and speaker at BizBFF who loves helping business owners and those with an entrepreneurial spirit to build businesses and lives they love. Join us to hear Emily’s nuggets of wisdom about practical time management strategies!   Show Highlights: Journaling prompts about what’s most difficult about time management Why time management should be thought of as “task management” Why we need to unravel and untether ourselves from much of our traditional thinking about productivity and self-worth The importance of a toolbox of strategies, realizing that different tools may be effective on different days: Tools to help with “time blindness” and time awareness, like a timer and to-do list Tools to help with being on time, like an app  Tools to help with tasks, like breaking large tasks into “baby tasks” Tools to help prioritize tasks, like containers How Emily has “game-ified” her household tasks to change her perspective Why time management is NOT about getting more done in less time How to use a check-in system with your energy level to determine what is possible Why avoiding certain tasks might be our attempts to conceal our pain Resources: Connect with Emily: Biz BFF and Facebook Why Bother: Discover the Desire for What’s Next by Jennifer Louden Visit www.community.embracingintensity.com to find the library of all EI guest calls and to RSVP to future events!  

Today’s show carries a timely message for those of us who returned to work or school after the anxiety-ridden shutdown of the pandemic. As we try to move forward, many of us still face anxiety and burnout. My guest’s message of tapping into your intuition and doing things outside the box is relevant to almost everyone. Join us to learn more!   Cam Werley-Gonzales is an intuitive, living visionary, gifted embodiment expert, and intuitive unschooling catalyst. She is the owner of the Cambria Institute, a company that celebrates learning and living fully outside the proverbial education “box.” With over 25 years as an expert educator, it is Cam’s deepest conviction that while learners can engage with some success in typical schools, they are optimally served by alternate learning pathways, most notably “unschooling.” The Cambria Institute supports gifted families to embody their giftedness in all areas of life. The truth is that we get to learn, friend, work, love, parent, hobby, and enjoy all the things that come along with this intense and massively phenomenal gifted life with ease and alignment, uniquely in our own way.    Show Highlights:   Why Cam is intensely passionate about unschooling and her family’s unconventional life of travel and location independence as digital nomads How Cam opened an alternative-style brick and mortar school in Pasadena in 2019–right before the pandemic chaos began Why the Cambria Curated Community (CCC) was formed as a community of unschooling families How Cam’s personal brand of intensity means big feelings and big emotions–all the time How Cam’s intensity affected her in childhood with the need to hide her true self and be a people-pleaser in her family How Cam learned “to play the school game” really well as a kid but was traumatized, in part because of Pragmatic Language Impairment Differences in Pragmatic Language Impairment (PLI) and autism How Cam noticed communication differences the most in relationship with her spouse, who comes from a different cultural background How Cam learned to tone down and tune herself out in her professional career as a teacher and just follow what she was told to do How Cam’s intensity got out of control when she was homeschooling her oldest son How Cam uses her fire for good to help families learn unschooling and live intuitively How unschooling is defined: “Trusting that each person will intuitively be drawn to learn all the things they need to learn in their lifetime to tap into who they are as individuals so that their learning caters directly to them. The focus is on self-direction in learning.” How our intuition relates to our authenticity as a unique person and promotes emotional intelligence How Cam harnesses the power of her intensity by tuning into her happiness and joy with her life, family, and work Why Cam adopted the personal habit of giving herself the gift of “slow mornings”  How Cam helps others use their own fire by teaching people to tap into their true intuition and authenticity

Today’s episode is the Embracing Intensity Community Call with guest speaker Alexandra Loves. The topic is Drama vs. Passion, which is highly relevant to intense people. I’m excited to share this with you! You can find the full discussion at www.community.embracingintensity.com. As I’m working hard to finish out this school year, I am busy behind the scenes with some great projects planned for this coming summer and fall, and I’ll be sharing more about those later. Enjoy the call with Alexandra!   Show Highlights: How Alexandra defines the concept of drama vs. passion: “Passion is an intense desire or emotion sourced from within from a loving place. Drama is a chaotic, ungrounded emotional desire that comes from a place of fear and is sourced from ‘out there’.” A personal example of a conversation Alexandra had recently with someone about their passion–but it felt manipulative  What it feels like when someone says, “You are being dramatic.” How Alexandra has learned to look for clarity and mutual trust in relationships Why your passions are worth protecting with high standards and boundaries How to deal with intense emotions and discern between drama and passion Resources: Connect with Alexandra and claim a free download, Unstuck: Remedy for Internal Toxicity: www.alexandraloves.com.  Find her Woke Wisdom Podcast.  Join our community: www.community.embracingintensity.com  

Imposter syndrome is something that most people have felt at some point or another. Intense people may feel this in magnified ways, as the world tells them they are not welcome as they are. Join us on this guest call to learn more! Kate Arms is a return guest to the show, and I’m thrilled to welcome her back for this guest call. Kate is a classic overthinker, high achiever, and multipotentiality who exudes intensity. Her career has spanned being a lawyer, arts administrator, coach for gifted and twice-exceptional adults and parents of gifted and twice-exceptional kids, and an Agile Coach in a high-tech company. She is the author of several books and has experience in coaching, leadership development, and psychology. Kate is here to help us understand imposter syndrome and how to reduce our suffering within it by building more connections.    Show Highlights:   Kate defines imposter syndrome as “a group of symptoms clustered together to make us feel like we don’t belong” How symptoms can include anxiety, hypervigilance self-consciousness, self-sabotage, perfectionism, and a sense of hiding who you really are How these symptoms pair with suffering to make us feel awful and ashamed How symptom relief and root-cause relief work together Why imposter syndrome boils down to belonging, connection, and a feeling of, “They won’t want me if they know who I really am.” How we are programmed (especially intense people) to think we are not welcome as we are because of childhood shaming, being told to “tone down,” and being too much or too sensitive How the “mismatch” occurs and how to address it How the process of learning happens when we start out blissfully ignorant The difference between identity and character vs. skills and experiences Why we must to learn to be comfortable in being ourselves–even if it makes others uncomfortable Why it’s hard to risk having the courage to overwhelm others with who we really are How we can build our sense of belonging through building our community How feeling connection with at least three people in your group will foster your feeling of belonging   Resources: Hear the follow-up conversation with Kate:  Community.embracingintensity.com 

Today’s show focuses on the twice-exceptional experience. As with so many people in this line of work, my guest looks to provide for students and families the help and support that he needed–and didn’t have as he grew up. Join us to learn more!   Barry Gelston is the president of GHF, Gifted Home Education Forum. They do amazing work with gifted and twice-exceptional families. Barry is an educator through “Mr. Gelston’s One Room Schoolhouse,” an online homeschool program focused on providing individualized educational services for gifted and 2E learners. In this episode, we enjoyed discussing how being 2E ourselves led us to the work of helping and supporting 2E families.    Show Highlights: Why Barry is intensely passionate about making a difference by being a positive activist who loves his family and tries hard to be a good person in the world How Barry’s personal brand of intensity shows up with constant focus and rumination about one topic at a time and being aware of sensory overload How Barry grew up totally dysregulated as an underachiever with social and emotional issues from being in a divorced family How Barry approached his problems with his attempt at executive functioning skills to become a good student and make more of his life What Barry would say to the adults in his life “back then” Why Barry’s work today revolves around what he needed as a 2E child How Barry learned to overcome his reading struggles and dyslexia to become a voracious reader Why wonderful things are happening in strengths-based approaches with 2E students How Barry’s cultural identity formed largely around growing up in a Jewish family in Queens Why Barry always felt like he had to tone himself down or tune himself out as he grew up and learned the art of conversation How Barry’s intensity felt out of control in early adulthood because of social pressures How Barry uses his fire for good through teaching and his work, trying to fix for others what he wishes would have been fixed for him How mindfulness, meditation, self-centering, and 2E awareness have helped Barry harness the power of his intensity How creating systems and structures has helped with executive functioning for Barry–and how he uses it to help students How Barry helps others use their own fire through connecting and learning from each other   Resources: Connect with Barry:  GHF Learners and Mr. Gelston's One Room Schoolhouse