The Allender Center Podcast

We are thrilled to have Marcie Alvis Walker, the creator of the popular Instagram feed "Black Coffee With White Friends" and the author of the compelling memoir "Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays," as our special guest on this week's episode of the Allender Center Podcast. Hosting this insightful conversation are Rachael Clinton Chen and Linda Royster from the Allender Center. Marcie shares a bit about her process of writing her debut book, in which she beautifully shares her unique stories with candidness. She skillfully interlaces the tapestry of her cultural upbringing, along with her personal experiences grappling with various forms of racism, perfectionism, and the complex dynamics with her mother. Get ready to be inspired and moved as we hear a glimpse into her powerful narrative, and be sure to pick up her book "Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays," available wherever books are sold. About our guest: Marcie Alvis Walker is the creator of the popular Instagram feed Black Coffee with White Friends. She is also the creator of Black Eyed Bible Stories. Marcie is passionate about what it means to embrace intersectionality, diversity, and inclusion in our spiritual lives. She lives in Chicago with her husband, her college-aged kid Max, and their dog, Evie. Her new book, EVERYBODY COME ALIVE: A MEMOIR IN ESSAYS, is available wherever books are sold. Listener Resources: Check out Marcie Alvis Walker's book, Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir In Essays Learn about Allender Center's Racial Trauma & Healing offerings Enroll in the Healing the Wounded Heart online course from the Allender Center Read Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan Allender

"We're going to invite you as an audience to address the reality that we need to be mothered and we need to be fathered. Whether we have children, whether we have a partner. We need to be mothered and we need to be fathered. And equally, we need to mother and father," begins Dr. Dan Allender in this week's podcast episode, "The Eternality of Parenting." We all have a deep need to be loved and to belong. Our parents are meant to be the first people to meet this need, but they are not always able to do so perfectly. We all have wounds from our childhood, and these wounds can continue to shape our lives. As we grow into adulthood, our fundamental need for love and belonging remains constant, even as we develop the ability to care for others. Recognizing this truth allows us to delve into the profound intersection of being both a parent and a child, as we continue to navigate our personal journeys of growth and healing. Join Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen as they share personal stories of their experiences with being parented, parenting, and even grandparenting. Together, they delve into the profound concept of "The Eternality of Parenting" and its impact on our lives and relationships.

In relationships, there are conflicts that cannot be resolved with a clear "right" or "wrong." In fact, the Gottman Institute's research cites that nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable. Earlier this year, Dan and Becky Allender talked through unresolvable conflicts from their perspective of over four decades of marriage. Now, we're revisiting the topic with our other co-host, Rachael Clinton Chen, and her husband Michael Chen, who have been married since 2019. Rachael and Michael explore the complexities of unresolvable conflicts in marriage and share their personal insights about navigating these challenging situations. They both emphasize the importance of story work and how it's given them a common ground to understand and engage how they're feeling. They also highlight the importance of returning to one another after the moment to engage those difficult conversations. In doing so, progress can be made, even if it's not immediate or exactly how either of you would envision it. Rachael concludes the conversation by pointing out, "It's not by avoiding conflict or sidestepping it or somehow finding a way around it. It's actually often in the heart of the irresolvable tension that I think the Spirit is making something new. And that really can only be the work of the gospel." Listener Resources: Listen to the episode, "Unresolvable Conflict" with Dan and Becky Allender Learn more about the Marriage Conference, happening this October 13-14 in Park City Utah Discover more marriage offerings from the Allender Center, including our Marriage Online Course * Source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver, 2015

In a world that can feel overwhelming and unsafe, we all long for safe havens in our relationships. But how do we create that safety? On this episode of the podcast, Rachael Clinton Chen chats with Dan and Becky Allender about their journey to intimacy and understanding in their marriage. Dan and Becky have been married for decades, but they both say that the real transformation in their relationship has happened only in recent years. They credit much of this breakthrough to doing story work and understanding their own family of origin stories, as well as each other's. But they also point out that creating awareness alone is just the beginning. Deciding to enter into their relationship with kindness and curiosity has helped them build trust and safety with each other. Rachael points out: "The more we honor one another's need for safety and meet each other there and rebuild a different kind of trust that we're capable of, that it's actually the more risks we can take in our relationship and we can take together. Because there's a trust " If you're seeking ways to build trust and closeness in your most important relationships, we hope you'll find this conversation thought-provoking and insightful. If you and your partner would like to discover more about your stories, grow in kindness and care, and find courage in conflict, we invite you to join us for the Marriage Conference this October 13-14, 2023, in beautiful Park City, Utah. Learn more at theallendercenter.org/marriage

With the arrival of summer, there is an expectation of rest and play. But for many, true rest is elusive. The demands of work, family, and financial responsibilities often hinder our ability to slow down and embrace rest. In our society, busyness is glorified, and we often fear being still, as it may require us to confront our own heartache. However, reflecting on the invitation of Jesus in Matthew 11:28-30, we are prompted to consider the joy and sweetness that can be found when we rest. Dan mentioned in "Sabbath, Explained," a previous podcast episode: "We need a taste of Eden to be able to continue engaging in the issues of a fallen world and our own fallen heart. But in that, it's also a taste of the coming kingdom. A taste of what we are meant to know today and yet we will one day know in fullness." While we may not achieve instant transition from a hectic pace to complete stillness, taking gradual steps towards rest has the potential to bring about joy and transformation. Related Resources: Listen to more Allender Center Podcast episodes about Sabbath Read Sabbath by Dr. Dan Allender

Artists, creatives, and music lovers, join us in welcoming special guests, Daniel and Lauren Goans, the musical duo who make Lowland Hum. In their chat with Dan and Rachael, Daniel and Lauren share a bit of their stories as creatives, talking about their life as artists, their journey of creating music, and the changes they experienced after becoming parents. They reflect on the mysterious and healing nature of singing and songwriting, how music comes through them, and the importance of being present in the moment. The conversation also examines the significance of the passage from Ephesians chapter five, focusing on the invitation to be engaged and connected with oneself and with others, rather than solely pursuing a disembodied spiritual practice. Join us for "The Spirituality of Song" as we explore the artistic journey, some of the complexities of transitioning into new life stages, and the transformative nature of music and the creative process.

From gardening to cooking, acting to playing an instrument, building to writing, painting, and more – there's a profound connection between creativity and the spirituality of crafting. The act of making, building, and tending to something carries a healing and integrating power to our bodies, minds, and souls. In this episode, we are thrilled to have Melissa Dowell and Jordan Dowell as our special guests. Melissa, not only the Allender Center's Product Development Manager but also a talented theater actor, and her husband Jordan Dowell, a graduate of The Seattle School, an exceptional fine furniture maker, and the founder of This Is Urban Made. Joining Dan and Rachael, this creative couple discuss their creative processes and explore the profound beauty, risk, and fulfillment that can come with engaging in our respective crafts. Do you have a craft that resonates with you? If not, don't worry! Tune in to this episode and perhaps this conversation will inspire you to uncover the craft that may be hidden within your own life.

In a world that often prioritizes rationality and intellect over intuition and our bodies' cues, can we really "trust our gut"? In this episode, Dan and Rachael explore the historical and cultural division between body and soul, shedding light on how our Western society tends to overlook the stories held within our bodies. Drawing from a biblical perspective, they challenge the notion of this separation, highlighting the notion that our bodies are good and created in the image of God. By recognizing that the division between body and soul is a consequence of brokenness rather than an intended design, we can embark on a path towards healing, integration, and flourishing.

Shame is a universal experience that can impact our ability to fully engage with the world. It arises when we feel exposed or seen, creating a vulnerable moment where judgment looms, leaving us feeling tainted and unworthy. In this episode, Dan and Rachael explore some of the characters, themes, and settings that have shaped some of their personal stories of shame. This conversation invites us to explore the complex layers of our own stories of shame, as well as how our shame intersects with other people's narratives of shame. As you consider the significant impact shame has on your relationships and your sense of self, we hope today's episode serves as an invitation for greater kindness, blessing, and hope.

"The fundamental question that anxiety poses [to] us is: What is our relationship to suffering?" notes this week's podcast guest, author, theologian, and fellow sufferer of chronic anxiety, Curtis Chang. His new book, "The Anxiety Opportunity," offers a fresh perspective on anxiety as a doorway to spiritual transformation. He challenges the idea that anxiety is an enemy to be defeated – instead presenting it as a path towards personal growth and a deeper connection with Jesus. Curtis points out, "There's an invitation to redemption and that our best self found in Jesus is only found to the extent that we can go through our pain, including our pain of anxiety." If you're ready to think differently about the relationship between anxiety and spiritual growth, we invite you to listen to today's conversation with Curtis Chang, then pick up your copy of "The Anxiety Opportunity: How Worry Is the Doorway to Your Best Self," out this week anywhere books are sold.