The Courageous Life

Have you ever said yes when you really wanted to say no?Has saying no ever been a challenge for you?These are such common experiences that today’s guest, Dr. Vanessa Patrick has written a powerful new book that addresses them head on: The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life. Dr. Patrick researches what she calls the empowered refusal, which is a way of saying no that stems from your identity, who you are, what you care about, and how you want to show up in the world. Today we'll unpack the art and science of the empowered refusal. Or put more simply - how to say no effectively.In this episode Vanessa will share: More insight from her research about why so many people say yes, when they really want to say noCommon fears and obstacles that get in the way of saying no effectivelyHow to get clarity about what really matters to you and leveraging to say no from an empowered placeThe importance of how you say no, including powerful insights about the importance of aligning body language, facial expression, and tone to communicate a more effective no.How the empowered refusal can actually strengthen your reputation. Vanessa will also share language that can be helpful for saying no, including her practice of creating what she calls personal policies.And we'll get into a conversation about good work, and why learning to say no effectively creates the opportunity for work that leads to greater meaning and fulfillment. Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:Gentle Power: Shifting the Way we Define True Strength | Dr. Elisabet LahtiLetting Go of Perfectionism and Finding Happiness | Tal Ben-ShaharEnjoying the show? Please rate it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Thanks!More about Vanessa:Dr. Vanessa Patrick is a Professor of Marketing and the Associate Dean for Research at the Bauer College of Business at the University of Houston. She has a PhD in Business from the University of Southern California and an MBA in marketing from Bombay University in India. Patrick has published dozens of research articles in top-tier academic journals in psychology, marketing, and management, and popular accounts of her work have appeared in the New York Times, TIME, The Wall Street Journal, NPR, LA Times, Business Week, Forbes and others. In her research, she investigates strategies to achieve personal mastery and inspire everyday excellence in oneself and others. You can learn more about Vanessa at vanessapatrick.netSupport the show

How can we meet the storms in our lives (both big and small) with greater balance, courage, wisdom, and love?It’s a huge question, I know. And the list of practices and answers is long, varied, and personal. I certainly don’t have "the answer" for you. What I do have are some observations and practices I’ve found to be particularly useful. Today I will offer 3 simple practices that can increase our innate capacity to meet storms in these ways. As always, the invitation would be to try on whichever practices seem like they may be useful for you. To test them, exploring how they might work in your own life, and to leave behind whatever is not useful.Thank you for your practice. I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!-JoshuaLooking for more practice opportunities? Check out:Free Meditation Events - 60 minute community gatherings with Joshua held 2x a month over zoom.The FREE Practice LibraryThe Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge and The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge. And for more on meeting storms from a place of balance, calm, courage, and love, check out this conversation with Mark Nepo: Finding the Strength to Meet AdversitySupport the show

Today’s conversation has been 5 years in the making. In 2018 I sat down with Mark Nepo, one of the great spiritual teachers, authors, and poets of our time. During our conversation he posed a question to walk with. Inviting me (and those tuning in) to live into the answers over time.When my heart begins to close, how do I open it again?For 5 years I've been exploring this question with some of the world's leading thinkers, and doers. And today Mark and I will dive deeper into this theme, as we discuss the practice of opening the heart, in the midst of some of the storms we are facing: political polarization, climate change, gun violence, etc. How do we open the heart in the face of a storm? How do we follow our heart and engage in the practice of being real as we make the courageous journey toward wholeness? And, how do we meet adversity, and challenge from a place of love vs. fear? These are the three chapters of our conversation, and the big questions we will engage together. If this conversation sparks your curiosity and you’d like to explore these themes further, I would highly encourage you to pick up a copy of Mark’s book Surviving Storms: Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity. About Mark Nepo:With over a million copies sold, Mark Nepo has moved and inspired readers and seekers all over the world with his #1 New York Times bestseller The Book of Awakening.  Beloved as a poet, teacher, and storyteller, Mark has been called "one of the finest spiritual guides of our time," A bestselling author, he has published twenty-five books and recorded sixteen audio projects.  Mark was part of Oprah Winfrey's The Life You Want Tour in 2014, has appeared several times with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday and was also chosen as one of OWN's SuperSoul 100, a group of inspired leaders using their gifts and voices to elevate humanity. He has also been interviewed by Robin Roberts on Good Morning America and In 2017 Mark became a regular columnist for Spirituality & Health Magazine. Mark devotes his writing and teaching to the journey of inner transformation and the life of relationship.  He continues to offer readings, lectures, and retreats. For more on Mark, please visit marknepo.comDid you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:Reflections on Living With an Open Heart | Parker PalmerFinding the Courage to Live Without Regrets | Dr. Sunita PuriIntroducing - The Practice PassInterested in practices that support the art of living well? Check out The Practice Pass. Joshua's annual membership that features robust on demand guided practice experiences. Learn more at joshuasteinfeldt.comEnjoying the show? Support the show

Dr. David Treleaven is a a writer, educator, and trauma professional whose work lies at the intersection of mindfulness and trauma. At the heart of David’s work is the notion that mindfulness is more powerful when combined with an understanding of trauma.Part of what’s behind this is the growing realization over the years that mindfulness meditation isn’t all good. There are a number of potential pitfalls that have been increasingly documented over time. One of which is that mindfulness can exacerbate symptoms of traumatic stress. As a result David has focused on offering mindfulness providers the knowledge and tools they require to meet the needs of those struggling with trauma.In today’s conversation David and I will explore a few big questions:What is the relationship between increasing our capacity to be with discomfort and a meaningful and fulfilling life?How can we increase our capacity to tolerate distress and discomfort while staying regulated, and responsive in the process?When we are working at the edge of our comfort zone, or are working with the more difficult aspects of our experience how do we know when to keep going, and when to back off?This is one of my favorite conversations on the show over the years. Partly because David is such a skilled teacher, and partly because the framework we'll discuss together (called the window of tolerance) is one of the most practical I  have come across for answering these big and nuanced questions about how to meet life from a more responsive and regulated place. Quick note: This conversation is a “long lost episode” of sorts. David and I originally sat down and recorded in 2021 during COVID, but due to a number of challenges during that time, I  didn’t get around to publishing it till this year, and I  am so happy to be sharing it with you now. Interested in taking David's flagship Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness Course? As a listener of The Courageous Life you can get $400 off. To receive the discount: 1. Head to: https://davidtreleaven.com/trauma-sensitive-mindfulness-complete/2. Upon checkout enter the coupon code: courage400More about David Treleaven:David is the author of the acclaimed book Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness and founder of the Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness (TSM) Community—a group of practitioners committed to setting a standard of care through mindfulness-based practices, interventions, and programs. For more visit: davidtreleaven.comDid you find this episode inspiring? Here are more conversations we think you'll love:Meeting a World in Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love | Oren Jay SoferTrauma-Sensitive Mindfulness | Dr. David TreleavenEnjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts!Thanks for listening! Support the show

In her new book, Seeing Others: How Recognition Works, and How it Can Heal a Divided World, author and acclaimed Harvard sociologist, Michèle Lamont, makes the case for reexamining what we value to prioritize recognition—the quest for respect and dignity—in an age that has been defined by growing inequality and the obsolescence of the American dream.  In today's conversation we'll explore themes from Michèle's new book, and powerful insights from her nearly 40 year career as a researcher, including:An overview of the landscape of recognition including how, and why, the American Dream has become out of reach for most people. How younger generations, including Gen Z, have begun to create a new dream that centers around a more inclusive society. Inspiring stories of change agents, young adults, and cultural icons who are creating new narratives that have helped contribute to a greater sense of dignity and inclusion for groups that have been historically stigmatized. Narratives: what they are, how they work, and the power they hold to shape our culture and societal views . Why working with implicit bias - a well-intentioned strategy that corporations often focus on to foster more inclusion, often fails.  Why focusing on reducing stigma may be a more effective path (than focusing on implicit bias) to creating inclusive cultures at work, and beyond. The power of shifting our focus to what we have in common, while also actively working to recognize the diverse ways one can live a life, can be catalysts for  healing a divided world. More about Michèle:Michèle Lamont is a Professor of Sociology and of African and African American Studies at Harvard University, where she is also the Robert I. Goldman Professor of European studies. She served as the 108th President of the American Sociological Association and her research has received numerous awards, including honorary doctorates from six countries. The author or coauthor of over a dozen books, she can be found on MicheleLamont.org.   Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts. Did you find this conversation inspiring? Here are other episodes we think you'll love:The Future of Work: Love, Safety, and Belonging | Leah Weiss and Jerry ColonnaFinding Our Way Home to Belonging | Jerry ColonnaThanks for listening!Support the show

We all want to belong. But to do so, we must first face our own need for belonging and how that need is often thwarted. In his new book Reunion, Leadership and the Longing to Belong, today's guest Jerry Colonna argues that only through radical self-inquiry can we come home to ourselves and others and, in doing so, create systemic belonging—homes—for everyone.In today’s conversation Jerry and I will dive deep into themes from Reunion as we explore how reunification with the disowned parts of ourselves, the myths and truths of our ancestors, as well as a deeper connection with those most affected by systems of exclusion can foster greater belonging and inclusion for all.  Our conversation will include 3 chapters (or parts): Chapter one is about LookingJerry and I  will explore the ways in which he invites those he works with to look unflinchingly at the full picture of their current reality (individually and collectively), what we casually refer to during our time together as the “the full mess” of our experience as humans. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it.  And how this looking is a prerequisite for meaningful change and positive transformation at an individual and collective level. Also as part of our exploration of Looking, we will talk about how Jerry leverages a process he calls radical self-inquiry - inviting challenging and important questions for us to grapple with. Questions like: “How have I been complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?”And then broadening that question to: “How have I been complicit in, and benefited from, the conditions in the world I say I don’t want?” And, more importantly:“What do I need to give up that I love in order to have the systems of belonging that I want?”Jerry will share openly about how he has grappled with these questions for himself, and how in part that led to him writing Reunion.Chapter two of the conversation is about RememberingJerry and I will explore the work of remembering our ancestors, both the myths and the truths of their experience (something he focuses on in Reunion). He will share more about what he’s learned about his own ancestors, and how this process of remembering can help transform our ancestors from ghosts that may haunt us, into wise elders - whom we can learn from.Chapter three is about WholenessWe will discuss the topic of wholeness, the difference between wholeness and authenticity, and the importance of integrating all aspects of who we are so that we might become better people, and better leaders. Did you find this conversation inspiring? Check out other conversations with Jerry:The Future of Work: Love, Safety, and Belonging Leadership and the Art of Growing UpAbout Jerry:Jerry Colonna is the CEO and co-founder of Reboot.io, an executive coaching and leadership development firm dedicated to the notion that better humans make better leaders. For nearly 20 years, he has used the knowledge gained as an investor, an executive, and a board member for more than 100 organizations to help entrepreneurs and others to lead with humanity, resilience, and equanimity. Prior to his career as a coach, he was a partner with JPMorgan Partners (JPMP), the private equity arm of JP Morgan Chase.  To pick up a copy of Jerry's books or to learn more about his work visit Support the show

When the rain is falling, it’s dark out, and the storm seems unrelenting, Above the clouds the sky is blue and the sun is shining.All things are true.Someone’s last breath is met across time and space with the sounds of an infant crying,The signal of a new arrival.All things are true.As divorce papers are approved and a marriage meets an end,A preacher announces, "you may now kiss the bride."It is this bittersweetnessThis possibility of joy and sorrow coexistingOf finding expansion within contractionIt is these 4 simple wordsThat line the very fabric of our human experience.All things are true.Recently I spent 4 days on retreat with spiritual teacher and renowned poet Mark Nepo. And he kept reminding us of this.The idea, that in his words, all things are true.From my perspective part of the practice of living well is increasing our capacity to hold them all.To make space and strengthen our ability to be with both/and, (not either/or)How might your life shift if you were able to recognize more often that all things are true?While exploring the possibility of holding them all (the both/and) with a greater degree of compassion, wisdom, and love?Allowing whatever is here to simply be here as it is.This is the final practice of 2023. Thank you for practicing together this year. I look forward to continuing together in 2024!Till then take care,-JoshuaSupport the show

What if there is a possibility of tapping into a heightened awareness of the world around you and your place in it? A possibility of moving from an achievement orientation, where so often the questions center around what do I want and how can I  get it?To a more expansive, open and receptive way of relating to our experience as human beings? Today’s guest will is Dr. Lisa Miller. She’s a psychologist, a scientist, and a professor at Columbia University, and in her extraordinary book The Awakened Brain, she explores these questions and ideas in-depth. What she will reveal in this conversation (and more thoroughly in her book)  is that humans are universally equipped with a capacity for spirituality, and that our brains become more resilient and robust as a result of it. Through her wonderful storytelling (which you will hear a lot of today) she will offer profounds insights into the surprising science of spirituality, and how to engage some of the lessons from her groundbreaking work practically in our lives.Today's conversation is deep, wide-ranging, and may be the most personal I’ve had on the show yet.In the first half of the episode: Lisa will share some of her story of trying to have a child. She will openly  describe many of the struggles  her and her husband faced with infertility, and a most unexpected, but beautiful turn of events that led to ultimately adopting their son. I will also share some of my own story of being adopted, as well as the challenges my wife and I  faced with having a child of our own.From a planned perspective this interview went off the rails as we shared our stories back and forth for the first 25 minutes or so, and you’ll hear us laugh about that later in the conversation, but as Lisa so aptly reminded me many times - so often plans can go awry and letting them do so, by loosening the grip of trying to control things, is actually a step toward awakening. In the latter part of the interview you'll hear more about:The two modes of awareness (achieving and awakened awareness) that Lisa has mapped in our brains through her fascinating work in neuroscienceHow to tap into awakened awareness and be in dialogue with your lifeThe many ways of knowing (logic, empiricism, mysticism, and intuition) and the validity of them allHow adversity can often be the doorway to growth and transformation.The role of spirituality in medicine, clinical treatment, and healing A guided meditation she’s used with thousands of people. If you’d like you can participate yourself during the episode. Or if you’d prefer to do the practice later you can find it here: Practicing Courage #15: Being in dialogue with your lifeAnd more!More about Lisa:Lisa Miller, Ph.D., is the New York Times bestselling author of The Spiritual Child and a professor in the Clinical Psychology Program at Teachers College, Columbia University. She is the Founder and Director of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute, the first Ivy League graduate program and research institute in spirituality and psychology. Her innovative research has been published in more than one hundred peer-reviewed articles. Dr. Miller speaks and consults around The Awakened Brain and The Spiritual Child for the US Military, businesses, personal development, faith based organizations, schools and universities, and for mental health and wellness initiatives. For more, visit: lisamillerphd.comEnjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to podcasts. Thanks for listening!Support the show

Is it possible to turn beneficial states like gratitude, joy, calm, courage, grit, and compassion into enduring traits?And if it is, how do we go about doing it?I remember hearing these questions many years ago when I first came across the work of Dr. Rick HansonAt the time he was making a research-backed argument that said...yes, indeed we can and then provided a road map for practice.Here's the gist of what he shared:As we begin training our mind to cultivate these internal strengths (gratitude, resolve, patience, calm in the face of challenge etc), Over time, and with practice, our brains can change.And as our brains change it supports more frequent (and on-demand) experiences of these beneficial states.Today I would like to offer the essence of this practice with you, a practice that I have learned from Rick over the years as I've studied with him. He calls it "Taking in the Good."In this episode you will hear a clip from a past conversation with Rick on the podcast where he will offer an introduction to his HEAL framework. HEAL stands for: Have a beneficial experience Enrich it Absorb itLink it to 'negative material'In essence this practice involves having a beneficial experience like calm in the face of challenge, and then really feeling into it and staying with it (enriching and absorbing the experience) which helps to install it in the brain. Over time this can lead to transformation. The practice itself will center around these questions: 1. Can we pursue our work, or our aspirations in life without attachment? 2. Is it possible to approach our goals, priorities and tasks seriously while also holding them lightly? The invitation as always would be to listen, test out the practice, and see how it works (or not) in your own experience.Till next time,-JoshuaSupport the show

Humans are universally equipped with a capacity for spirituality and our brains become more resilient and robust as a result. In Dr. Lisa Miller’s book The Awakened Brain she highlights groundbreaking research, including MRI studies genetics research, epidemiology, and more. All of which illuminate a surprising science of spirituality and how to engage it in our lives. This week I  will release our conversation together on the podcast and you will hear more from Dr. Lisa Miller including her introduction to the two modes of awareness which she mapped in the human brain through cutting edge studies she conducted in neuroscience.The first mode is achieving awareness. A simple way to think about this is:What do I want and how do I get it? Achieving awareness is the awareness we often engage as we pursue goals and accomplishments.The second is awakened awareness, which involves being in dialogue with your life.It is the awareness that is more about asking questions like what is life revealing to me nowThe awareness associated with your inner wisdomThe awareness that may come online as you get quiet and listen deeply And the awareness that illuminates the ways in which everything and everyone are connected. To thrive we need the 2 types of awareness to be in harmony, or to be balanced. Over indexing on one or the other tends to have downsides. Today's practice will explore the question:How do we cultivate awakened awareness? Via a clip from the conversation with Lisa, she will introduce you, and guide you through a practice that has helped thousands of people she has worked with both as a clinician and as a leader in this field. Thanks for practicing with us!Till next time,-JoshuaSupport the show