The Art of Charm

Tim Urban (@waitbutwhy) of Wait But Why tells us how to build good patterns for defeating chronic procrastination and gain control over our own lives. The Cheat Sheet: Telling someone afflicted with chronic procrastination not to procrastinate is like telling someone with clinical depression to just be happier: it doesn't work. The chronic procrastinator experiences a constant struggle between their inner rational thinker -- who sees the future and understands the value of goals and hard work -- and an Instant Gratification Monkey that only lives for what's easy and fun today. Even when the inner Rational Decision-Maker knows there's an impending task that needs to be completed (whether it's a thesis or preparation for a TED Talk), the Instant Gratification Monkey will seize every distraction at hand to frustrate that task's completion (until another entity -- the Panic Monster -- awakens). How does the Procrastination Matrix compare to the Eisenhower Matrix, and what tasks does a present-day procrastinator put off for their future self? Learn the different types of procrastinator -- the disastinator, the impostinator, and the successtinator -- and what it takes for the Rational Decision-Maker to overcome the incessant shenanigans of the Instant Gratification Monkey (without having to rely on the intervention of the dreaded Panic Monster). And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/tim-urban-wait-but-why-episode-522/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jocko Willink (@jockowillink), commander for the most highly decorated special operations unit of the Iraq War, joins the show to talk about taking responsibility, discipline, intensity, and leadership to the next level as outlined in Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win. The Cheat Sheet: When making a decision, worrying about variables that can't be controlled is a waste of time. A better outcome is likely if we learn to focus otherwise wasted effort on factors that can be controlled. Understand why taking ownership of your mistakes, personal issues, and outcomes always gets better results than trying to pass blame to someone else. What does discipline = freedom mean? How do you stop small weaknesses that sometimes permeate discipline from having a negative impact on significant decisions? Is there such a thing as a natural leader? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jocko-willink-extreme-ownership-episode-521/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the fifth episode of Minisode Monday, where we'll talk about testing our assumptions! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Here's what's up today: The Cheat Sheet: Give someone who remembers WWII an iPod or comparable modern media player and they may not be able to wrap their brains around how it can store so much music and other content. Maybe because they used to have a record collection that took up half the basement, they have assumptions about how much space it takes to store that much media based on past experience that haven't been updated to account for modern, unfamiliar technology. No matter our age, we all carry around assumptions -- right or wrong -- about the way the world works. As we get older and the world changes around us, many of our assumptions naturally become archaic. But how many of our assumptions are fact-based or purely opinion? It's our programming that causes us to make these assumptions before our conscious mind can intercept them -- not just with technology, but with people, too. This week, whenever you catch yourself making assumptions about something or someone, put it to the test: is the guy at the deli with all the tattoos really a scary person? Is the movie theater ticket clerk really just an aloof teenager? Did someone snub you on purpose, or are they maybe distracted with their own issues? Some of the programming that triggers these assumptions may need rewiring -- and if you're ready to make that happen, here's a good place to start. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or email jordan@theartofcharm.com (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-5-testing-our-assumptions/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: If a partner is going through therapy and the 12 steps for recovery from alcoholism -- and doing well -- is it reasonable to worry they might have a relapse because of their "proven" addictive personality? What causes someone not to take an opportunity -- even when they have an offer that would vastly improve their lives sitting right in front of them? A listener writes in to give us more great ways for long-distance couples to stay connected. Would you rather get a direct but short reply from a busy person, or a longer reply from someone who's been outsourced to answer that busy person's mail? As painful as breaking up with a romantic partner may be, it at least has social precedents to follow. But how do you break up with a friend -- or nip a one-sided friendship in the bud? (Check out our recent episode with Sam Harris for some insight into dealing with difficult truths over intellectual dishonesty. Foreign language hacks are a dime a dozen. So here's a triple foreign language hack that might help you learn a new language while putting those idle hours you spend on Facebook to good use. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-66-unfriending-in-real-life/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hines Ward (@mvp86hinesward) is a two-time Super Bowl champion and MVP of Super Bowl XL. He joins us to talk about how, in spite of just turning 40, he's just getting started. The Cheat Sheet: Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. By carving out his own niche in the game of football, Hines Ward proved he didn't have to be the tallest and fastest in the NFL to excel. How can someone in the spotlight stay positive even when faced with bouts of external negativity? In preparation for life post-game, Hines explains how he networked instead of playing Xbox all day like some of his contemporaries. What theme song "inspired" Hines during the swimming part of his Ironman triathlon? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/hines-ward-do-the-dirty-work-episode-520/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ryan Holiday (@ryanholiday), author of Ego Is the Enemy, talks about how learning to put our higher goals above a desire for recognition leads us to true accomplishment. The Cheat Sheet: What is the ego? When does the ego go from being a fundamental part of our existence to an all-destroying enemy? What are the downfalls of ego (and how can we avoid them)? Learn how aspiration, success, and failure are influenced by ego. Understand the delicate relationship between ego and envy. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/ryan-holiday-ego-is-the-enemy-episode-519/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the fourth episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. The Cheat Sheet: Off the top of your head, think of something for which you're grateful. It can be anything -- from a passion for teaching others to having a strong circle of friends to having a good job to loving where you live. Anything. In what ways does this thing for which you're grateful make your life better? Now think back to when and how you came upon whatever makes you grateful. Chances are pretty good another person was responsible for bringing the object of this gratefulness into your life. No matter how long ago this happened, track down and thank that person (thanks to social media like Facebook, it's easier than ever to do this). Let them know how grateful you are for this thing, but more important: how grateful you are to them for introducing you to it. Remember: it's never too late to be grateful. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or email jordan@theartofcharm.com (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-4-never-too-late-to-be-grateful/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kimberly Seltzer, featured in Toolbox for Women episodes, joins the podcast to tackle tough dating situations. Topics include when to disclose a herpes diagnosis, alternatives to "just be yourself" advice, dealing with pushover friends, being the perpetual second choice, and whether it's possible to be too attractive.

Raj Raghunathan, author of If You're so Smart, Why Aren't You Happy?, discusses why happiness eludes smart and successful people. Being mindful intensifies positive feelings and mitigates negative ones. The podcast explores the hindrances to happiness posed by education systems and the concept of medium maximization. It also explores the potential positive outcomes of negative events and reasons for the lack of attention to happiness in the past.

Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant), author of Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World, revisits the show to explain how defying conformity gives us the power to change the world instead of just accepting it as it is. The Cheat Sheet: Great creators don't necessarily have the deepest level of expertise. Question the default instead of taking the status quo for granted. Learn how to triple the number of ideas you generate. Procrastinate strategically. Balance your risk portfolio. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/adam-grant-originals-move-world-episode-517/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices