The Art of Charm

In today’s episode, we cover happiness and positive psychology with Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. Tal Ben-Shahar taught two of the largest classes in Harvard University’s history, Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership, and now consults and lectures around the world to executives in multinational corporations, the general public, and at-risk populations. Finding happiness in the chaos of life has been a struggle for many in recent years, but what can be done about it, what role do technology and social media play, and how do we help our children navigate the increasing complexity of this world? What to Listen For Introduction Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar and Happiness - 1:20 What two groups of people don’t experience painful emotions and why would you not want to be in either group? What are the biggest myths surrounding happiness and positive psychology? What can 2020 teach us about happiness? What are the fundamentals of happiness and what makes them fundamental? When is distraction a positive thing to have in our lives and when should we avoid it? Building Healthy Habits Around Media Consumption - 10:50 What healthy habits can you develop around media consumption so you don’t drive your mental health into the ground? What are sanity islands and how can you use them to limit screen time and promote moderation? What are the benefits of social media use? What is the biggest contributor to depression and suicide in teenagers and what can we do about it? What are the 3 strategies you can use as a parent to promote healthy mental and emotional growth for your kids in the world of smartphones and social media? The Impact of Tech/Media Consumption on Our Daily Lives - 27:00 Why is it important to be comfortable with boredom and why do we need boredom to come up with our best ideas? How does our addiction to stimulation impact our relationships and what can we do to prevent our relationships from collapsing as a result? How do we overcome the paradox of choice so we can simply move forward with a choice rather than getting stuck trying to choose something? When is it detrimental to our happiness and well-being to have unrealistic expectations and how can you determine when it is ok to have high expectations? What is the most powerful gift we can give to people we care about who are suffering? What is toxic positivity and is it a legitimate concern in society? With mental health issues on the rise in modern society, it seems like happiness is taking a back seat to productivity and profit. Younger generations are experiencing spikes in depression and suicide as a direct result of mass adoption of smartphones and social media. The news is constantly bombarding us with fear and tragic events around the world. What can we do? For one, we can start by limiting our exposure to all the screens in our daily lives. The devices we own and the software on them are all engineered to keep us using them as long as possible. If you want to feel happier, replace screen time with face time, and not the kind of face time that requires a device. Real in-person face time. The same goes for your kids. Children aren’t going to learn social skills by sitting in front of a screen all day. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar’s website Happiness Studies Academy Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover self-awareness with Dr. Tasha Eurich. Tasha is an organizational psychologist, executive coach, researcher, and New York Times best-selling author of Insight and Bankable Leadership. Self-awareness is crucial when it comes to understanding ourselves and the people around us, but how do you go about developing it, what are the biggest misconceptions about it, and what can you do to overcome the blind spots in your self-awareness? What to Listen For What is self-awareness? - 2:50 What are the different types of self-knowledge that make up self-awareness? What is the difference between internal and external self-knowledge and why do you need both? How does the prevalence of smartphones negatively affect our ability to develop our self-awareness? How many people are actually self-aware? How do people with self-awareness use social media compared to those without self-awareness? Why are Zoom meetings so draining compared to normal meetings? Popular Misconceptions Around Self-awareness - 19:55 What is the biggest myth surrounding introspection and self-awareness? What is the most dangerous question we can ask ourselves when trying to develop self-awareness and what question should we ask ourselves instead? What kind of journaling should you avoid if you are developing your self-awareness? How do you journal in a way that is conducive to self-awareness? The 3 Different Types of Blind Spots in Self-awareness - 37:50 What are the 3 different types of blind spots we have and how can we overcome them? Why is it detrimental to your growth if you don’t have a solid feedback loop in your life? What strategies can you use with your coworkers, friends, and family to get the feedback you need to grow and succeed? What are the 3 building blocks of a self-aware team and why is one more important than the others? What can you do to better deal with a lack of self-awareness around you? To grow and develop as a person, you must be willing to acknowledge faults and weaknesses in yourself so you can work on improving them, or at least know how to compensate for them. You must be willing to accept that the people you interact with can have legitimate criticisms you can learn from because you can’t see your own blindspots until they are pointed out. Developing your self-awareness depends on both because you must not only work to understand yourself but also how your “self” exists in relation to others around you. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Tasha Eurich’s website The Future Ready Leader Course by Tasha Eurich American Icon: Alan Mulally and the Fight to Save Ford Motor Company Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover emotional bids with AJ and Johnny. Understanding emotional bids is the cheat code to building great relationships, but what are they, how do you recognize them, and why does ignoring them lead to the end of relationships? What to Listen For Why are Emotional Bids Important - 2:25 Why is it so important to your relationships to be able to recognize them? How can ignoring your partner’s emotional bids lead to the end of your relationship? Why is it important to actively listen for emotional bids when you’re talking to someone? What is an Emotional Bid - 16:38 What is an emotional bid and how do you recognize when someone is trying to get you to connect? Why is it more important to pay attention to the emotions behind the words than the words themselves? How do you make someone want to text you back? What can you do to be unforgettable after one conversation with someone? Common Emotional Bids and the 3 Ways to Respond - 27:30 What is a bid for attention and how should you respond to it? What is a bid for emotional support and how should you respond to it? What does it mean to turn toward an emotional bid and how can turning away from them or against them cause your relationships to crumble? What are the 3 ways we can respond to emotional bids and which one is guaranteed to make your relationship fail? How to Use Emotional Bids to Strengthen Relationships - 48:02 What simple exercise can you use to become aware of emotional bids from the people you interact with on a daily basis? How can a lack of awareness of emotional bids lead to divorce and what can you do to be more aware of them in your partner? Emotional bids are our way of expressing vulnerability without feeling like we’re taking a big risk, so if we can recognize the emotional bids in others, acknowledge them, and respond appropriately by turning toward them, we can make the people we care about feel more comfortable being more vulnerable and connecting with us. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship (AoC Episode 719) Turning Toward Emotion (AoC Episode 720) The Love Lab - Gottman Institute Art of Charm Emotional Bids Cheat Sheet X-Factor Accelerator Mentorship Core Confidence Coaching Program Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover overcoming breakups with Amy Chan. Amy has been writing about relationships, dating, and love for over a decade, is the Editor-in-Chief of Heart Hackers Club, and is the author of Breakup Bootcamp – The Science of Rewiring Your Heart. The end of a relationship can be a traumatic experience for many but it doesn’t have to break you - so what can you do to bounce back as an even better version of yourself, how can you learn from the relationship, and what resources can you rely on to help you move on? What to Listen For How Amy Chan Became a Relationship Expert - 0:21 Breakup Bounce Back and Attachment Theory - 2:19 What can you do to focus on yourself and heal after a breakup rather than blame the ex and other external factors? What is Attachment Theory and how does it teach us to view love as we grow up? What are the 3 main types of attachment that we learn during our childhood and how do they influence our view of love in adulthood? Once you know what your style of attachment is, what can you do to prevent yourself from sabotaging future relationships? How do you set healthy boundaries with friends and family after a breakup if they’re constantly trying to give you advice and project their own issues on you? Learning From the Past for Future Relationships - 21:00 What exercises can you use to recognize red flags with new potential partners if you have a tendency to jump from one relationship to another? How do you identify the baggage that YOU bring into relationships so you don’t let it destroy your relationships? What journaling prompts can you use to heal after a breakup? Why is breaking up from a relationship similar to breaking an addiction and what can you do to make it as brief and painless as possible? Why are rituals important to recovering normalcy after a breakup and what rituals can you start using today? How can we make the right choice when we are overwhelmed by dating options in front of us so we don’t waste our time? What are the 3 secret ingredients in a healthy relationship foundation? What is the Breakup Bootcamp - 44:06 What goes on during Amy Chan’s Breakup Bootcamp? What is limerence and how does it keep us in a vicious cycle of hurt? What is the biggest myth about how men and women handle breakups? The end of a relationship can feel like losing a loved one because your significant other feels like a part of your identity and your future. Losing that part of you, and feeling like a part of your future is ripped out from under you can be a difficult event to recover from, but there are steps you can take to minimize the suffering and move forward as a better stronger version of yourself. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Amy Chan on Twitter Breakup Bootcamp Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart by Amy Chan Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover effective feedback with Therese Huston. Therese founded the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University, has given more than 225 keynotes, talks, and workshops, and is the author of Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower. Giving great feedback is not easy and poorly worded feedback can put anyone on the defensive, so what does effective feedback look like, what can you do to practice giving great feedback, and why is it important to get better at giving feedback? What to Listen For Therese Huston’s Beginning - 0:00 What sparked Therese’s interest in researching the topic of effective feedback? The 3 Different Types of Feedback - 1:49 What are the 3 different types of feedback and how do you put all 3 together to give the best feedback? How do you give genuine appreciation and use it to transition into coaching feedback? What is coaching and how is it different from pointing out what someone is doing wrong? What does it mean to separate the person from the problem when giving feedback and why is it important if you don’t want the person to get defensive? Why does the feedback sandwich receive so much criticism and what is the correct way to use the technique? Cultivating a Growth Mindset Receptive to Feedback - 17:48 What can you do to cultivate a growth mindset in your managers so they can work with their employees rather than against them? Why do you need to state your intentions as a manager when giving feedback? What is the difference between a “me strength” and a “we strength” and why can a deficiency in one lead to a team’s failure? How to be a Better Leader and Team Member - 31:55 What are the different types of listening and why is it crucial to use one instead of the other? What is critical listening and why can critical listening in the wrong situation lead to a breakdown in communication? What can you do as a manager to ask better questions and thus get better results? What can you do to bring out the potential in younger employees? How do you move past unconscious bias in the workplace? What challenges does working remotely introduce into the process of giving effective feedback and what can you do to overcome them? Giving feedback can feel like a delicate balance between being too harsh and being too nice. On one hand, if we’re afraid to hurt their feelings, we might sugarcoat the issues and fail to impress upon them just how important it is that they improve. On the other hand, we want to be clear with people about what we want them to work on and why it’s important they improve, but it can be easy to overwhelm them with what they’re doing wrong and turn them against us. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Therese Huston’s website Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower by Therese Huston Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover flow state with Steven Kotler. Steven is the founder and executive director of the Flow Research Collective, and is the author of nine international bestsellers including The Rise of Superman and Stealing Fire, and has a new book, The Art of Impossible - A Peak Performance Primer, coming out this month. Flow state is an amazing aspect of the human experience that can boost your productivity to untold levels, but why is it also important to our happiness and strength as a community, how do you tap into it in your daily life, and what is the biggest myth surrounding flow state? What to Listen For Steven Kotler’s Introduction - 0:00 What is Flow State and How Do You Get Into It - 10:40 What is flow state and how do you get into it? What is flow state and why is it important for our satisfaction and community strength? What are the 6 core characteristics of flow state? Why does time seem to slow down when in flow state? Are we doing damage to our children by not pushing them to play outside and experience the flow state early on? What happens biologically when we find ourselves in flow state? What are flow triggers and how can we use them to get into flow when we most need it? What is the first rule of improv and why is it integral to getting into flow state in a conversation? The Myth About Flow State - 31:45 What is the biggest myth around flow state? Taking Care of Your Mind When You’re Pushing Yourself - 33:46 What can you do if you are worried about burn out? How are anxiety and flow state connected, and what can you do to manage your anxiety so it doesn’t kill your flow state? Why do affirmations not work while gratitude does work? What is the difference between active recovery and passive recovery and why does one pale in comparison to the other? Entering into flow state used to be something associated with artists and athletes, but science has shown it is accessible to anyone with the ability to focus. Being in a flow state is a result of focusing on a task to the point where you’re not trying to think - all of your thoughts and actions simply flow. But tapping into your flow state, as with anything, requires consistent practice with whatever it is you are doing, and a willingness to focus without distraction. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Steven Kotler’s website The Art of Impossible: A Peak Performance Primer by Steven Kotler Stealing Fire by Steven Kotler Passion Recipe Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover how to conquer addiction with Doug Bopst. Doug is an award-winning personal trainer, author, speaker, and business owner, who turned his life around from felon and drug addict to help countless individuals build the confidence and strength to succeed in life. Substance abuse and addiction goes beyond simply using drugs to experience a temporary high, so what can you do to identify the cause of an addiction, how can you rebuild your life after addiction, and why is physical exercise so important in the recovery process? What to Listen For Doug Bopst’s Story - 0:00 What made Doug turn his life around after being convicted of a felony? How did Doug Bopst’s childhood lead to addiction and crime? Improving Your Life After Addiction - 8:25 (Starts with Johnny saying, “If that energy isn’t channeled…”) What can you do to remove toxic relationships from your life? How do you leave one social circle to build a new one? What do you look for if you want to make new friends that won’t lead you down a path dangerous to your future? Conquering Addiction - 21:50 (Starts with AJ saying, “What I want to talk about is…”) How do you break an addiction without simply ending it and replacing it with another as many do? Why is physical exercise so important when it comes to maintaining a healthy body and mind in addiction recovery? What can you do to build will power so you can build a healthier lifestyle to replace your addiction? Building Relationships After Addiction - 31:55 (Starts with AJ saying, “Absolutely, that deep why is such an important part…”) What can you do to repair the bridges you burned while you were battling addiction? What happened to the cellmate who inspired Doug Bopst to turn his life around and become the best version of himself? The source of addiction is not simply wanting a high, but filling a void that can exist in all of us due to pain, trauma, loss, a lack of love, etc. What this means for those suffering from addiction is that the pain is still there even if you stop abusing the substance in question. Addicts use in order to fill that void, so to properly recover, you must find a healthy way of slowly filling the emptiness with a love for yourself. You must become the source of your own fulfillment and happiness. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Doug Bopst website The Adversity Advantage Podcast - hosted by Doug Bopst From Felony to Fitness to Free: Everybody deserves a second chance AoC Podcast - BJ Fogg | The Biggest Myth About Habit Formation Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover the biggest relationship myths and why dating apps may hinder finding true connections. Learn about emotional bids and the DEEP framework to improve relationships. Develop actionable goals with your partner and work on 4 key skills for a healthy relationship. Explore the importance of communication and understanding differences to strengthen connections.

In today’s episode, we cover the breaking and creation of habits with BJ Fogg. BJ founded the Behavior Design Lab at Stanford University and teaches industry innovators how human behavior works. There are plenty of misconceptions floating around the internet surrounding making and breaking habits, so what is the biggest one, what does the science actually say about habit formation, and what can you start doing today to break those bad habits you’re feeling stuck with? What to Listen For What is Behavior Design and how can you use it to become the best version of yourself? What is the Tiny Habits method and how can we implement it now to start creating long lasting habits? Why is it important to start implementing a new habit by making it as easy as possible? What is the biggest myth about habit formation? Why can habit trackers be detrimental to healthy habit development? What is the secret to promoting positive behavioral changes in your kids? What is the difference between habit and compliance and why is one detrimental in the long run? Why are positive emotions so significant in the creation of new habits and how can we use that knowledge to build better habits faster? What are the 3 phases to getting rid of unwanted habits? What 2 strategies can you use to reduce your weekly screentime and be more present in social situations? Habit formation is not as simple as just doing something for a specific number of days. Many of us know there are things we only had to try once or twice before we started doing them everyday because it only took one or two times to recognize how good doing those things made us feel. Because we as humans don’t fully incorporate behavioral changes unless we want to, we must recognize and feel the positive impacts a new behavioral change will have in order to solidify it. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode BJ Fogg’s website Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world Stanford’s Screentime Genie Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover mindset and determination with Joe De Sena. Joe is the CEO and founder of Spartan and the Death Race, and the NY Times best selling author of Spartan Up, Spartan Fit, and The Spartan Way. Success is never a straight path nor is it attained with ease, so if you want to increase your chances of success and improve your luck on the way up, what mindset should you adopt, how should you treat your body daily, and what can you learn from others who have come before you? What to Listen For What lessons did Joe De Sena learn from a crime boss as a kid that helped him achieve his success as CEO and founder of Spartan and the Death Race? What can you do to attract and keep amazing mentors who can steer you toward success and away from unnecessary failure? What 7 simple steps can you take everyday to live a long, healthy life? How did Joe De Sena’s career on Wall Street lead into his founding of Spartan races? What can you do to stay focused on the success of your business during the early stages when you’re not turning a profit? How did Joe De Sena’s 10 Spartan principles come together? What can you do to stay optimistic when it feels like the world is falling apart around you? Challenge and adversity are not just great for building well rounded humans, but for proving to ourselves how badly we want something. Whether it’s achieving peak physical condition, a world class level professional skill set, building a thriving international business, and anything in between, you must apply yourself consistently over a long period of time to get anywhere close to the goal, and even then there are countless factors out of your control that could knock you down and prevent you from reaching the finish line. You must be willing to push through the days when you’re just not feeling it, everyone is doubting you, and life isn’t giving you a break. But even that mindset is not created overnight, so let’s get to work on building it today. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Joe De Sena’s website Joe De Sena on Twitter Spartan Races The Spartan Way by Joe De Sena Spartan Up! by Joe De Sena Spartan Fit! by Joe De Sena Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices