The Art of Charm

In today’s episode, we cover the science of small talk with AJ and Johnny. Small talk can feel like a chore these days, but why is it important that we make small talk with people throughout the day, how do we make it fun and engaging, and why is it detrimental to our relationships and community to avoid or ignore small talk? What to Listen For The science of small talk and acknowledging others - 0:00 What are the benefits to making small talk and why does avoiding small talk erode the strength of relationships and community? Why do people go to extreme lengths to have their existence acknowledged? Why is it detrimental to think of small talk as useless or a waste of time? Why is small talk stopping you from being successful - 8:22 Why do people think small talk is boring and how is that mindset hindering them? In what way does small talk satisfy one of our most basic needs as humans? How can we use small talk as a jumping off point for engaging conversations? What pitfall do we need to avoid when making small talk? Why is it so important for us to make small talk - 16:00 Does small talk require you to be positive and bubbly? What is small talk really about? What can you do to be more likeable? What negative signals are you conveying when you ignore the attempts others make at small talk? What one word can you add to make your small talk more fun and conversational? Small talk is one of our more important tools in initiating engaging conversations. You can make it fun, but at times it can be awkward. That discomfort at the thought of awkward small talk leads people to opt out altogether in the age of smartphone proliferation. It feels much safer to stare at your phone than strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know. Unfortunately, this is leading to a lack of any small talk, even with friends and family. Over time, this leads to a total disconnect within communities as neighbors don’t talk to each other, friends sit on their phones when they’re out to dinner, and families resort to texting rather than calling each other. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Is Efficiency Overrated?: Minimal Social Interactions Lead to Belonging and Positive Affect Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover leadership with Brad Lomenick. Brad is a leadership consultant, speaker, founder of BLINC, and author of The Catalyst Leader and H3 Leadership. He writes about leadership, the next generation, creativity, innovation, social media, teamwork, and personal growth. Effective leadership is built on a few powerful traits anyone can learn, but what are they, what is the difference between an effective leader and an ineffective one, and what can you do to be an effective leader without being in a leadership position? What to Listen For Brad’s Journey & Strategies for Conquering Burnout - 3:34 What are the different levels of burnout and what can you do if you’re feeling burnt out? What can you do as a leader to encourage your team to hold you accountable for your faults and blindspots? The Biggest Leadership Myths & How to Assume Leadership - 9:59 What are the biggest myths about leadership? What are the two types of people who want to be leaders and why is one not cut out for the role? What can you do to be a leader if you are regularly jumping from one company to another? What can you do to be proactive about being a leader rather than waiting to be recognized as one? Ineffective vs Effective Leadership - 21:08 How does social media identify and highlight the ineffective leaders, placing poor examples of leadership in front of people around the world? How can a leader exemplify the hustle mentality and powerful humility? How do you build trust with your team when you are brand new and your team doesn’t know you? It seems as if the loudest “leaders” get the most attention, but getting someone’s attention or drawing an audience do not make someone a leader. The most effective leaders can lead from a place of trust and humility. They get buy-in from those around them by getting to know them and building a genuine relationship. If you want to be an effective leader, you must be willing to listen to the people around you and open up to them so they can connect with you. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Brad Lomenick’s website H3 Leadership by Brad Lomenick Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover networking as an introvert with Matthew Pollard. Matthew is an internationally-recognized consultant, speaker, author, serial entrepreneur with five multi-million dollar business success stories under his belt, and the author of his newest book The Introvert’s Edge to Networking. Networking when you’re an introvert can feel like a daunting task, so how do successful introverts do it, what advantages do introverts have when it comes to networking, and what can you do to be unforgettable? What to Listen For Why do introverts make the best networkers? - 0:00 What is the failing networking strategy many introverts adopt? Who are some of the more famous introverts and what can you learn from them? What’s the difference between extroverts and introverts when it comes to networking? How do you come up with a plan for networking? - 9:20 What is the best way to get other people interested in what you have to say or sell? What is a unified message and why do you need one to grow your network effectively? How important is it to be passionate when networking and what can you do to find the passion in what you do? What should you lead with when meeting new people to make sure they don’t forget you as quickly as they met you? What mindset will set you up for failure in a networking environment and what mindset should you adopt instead? How do you excel at networking online? - 36:18 Why is it more important to have a clear message when networking online than it is offline? What are the challenges you face when networking online and what strategies can you use to overcome them? What mistaken strategy do introverts tend to use when networking online and how does it lead to burnout and failure? Networking is typically associated with extroverts but that doesn’t mean introverts can’t be fantastic at it. Networking is all about building connections with people, and since introverts tend to seek deeper connections than extroverts, introverts have an inherent advantage they can leverage. The key for introverts when it comes to networking is to prepare - find out who will be at a networking event and decide who you want to meet. Do some research into what they do and what you might have in common so you can show genuine interest when you meet them instead of struggling through the initial introduction and conversation. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Matthew Pollard’s website The Introvert’s Edge to Networking by Matthew Pollard Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover the power of music and listening with Panos A. Panay and R. Michael Hendrix. Panay is a Cypress-born entrepreneur and educator, Hendrix is an American graphic designer and entrepreneur, and both are the authors of Two Beats Ahead: What Musical Minds Teach Us About Innovation, featuring interviews with some of the top creative geniuses of our time. Some of the best music humans create comes from collaborative work between artists, but why is collaboration so important, what should you avoid when collaborating with others on any project, and why is it important to focus on the process of creating something just as much as the end product? What to Listen For The Power of Listening - 0:00 What is the difference between hearing music and listening to it? Why is the silence between notes more important than the notes themselves? What creative acts do design and music have in common? What are you NOT doing if you feel like you run out of things to talk about in a conversation? The Power of Collaboration - 16:45 What great approaches to collaboration can you use in your life and business to come up with new ideas? Why are trust and respect so important when pursuing collaborative opportunities with individuals and groups? What is missing from project based learning that can lead to a total failure for the teams working on the projects? What can you do if you find yourself on a team with people you don’t like or get along with? What conversation are professional organizations and businesses not having and why is it killing the effectiveness of project teams? Process Focused vs Outcome Focused - 29:38 Why is it more important to focus on the process of creating something rather than just the end result? How do you work with individuals who refuse to compromise when working on collaborative projects? What mistake do many companies make when trying to find collaboration opportunities? How do you bring out the individuality in your team members to get the best of the collaboration? Humans have likely been creating music for as long as we have been around. And the process of making music can teach us about the values that define humanity. The value of not just the notes, but the silence between them - both contribute to the sound of the music we love and hate. Similarly, it’s important for humans to have periods of rest in between periods of effort because in those periods of rest and boredom are when we come up with some of our best ideas. Those periods of rest between intense workouts are when our bodies get stronger. We cannot live fulfilling lives by simply resting all the time nor can we by working all the time. Balance is important in all things. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Two Beats Ahead: What Musical Minds Teach Us About Innovation Michael Hendrix’s website Panos A. Panay on Twitter Sonic Bids Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover superhero therapy with Dr. Janina Scarlet. Dr. Janina Scarlet is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, author, TEDx speaker, and a full-time geek who immigrated to the United States at the age of 12 with her family and later, inspired by the X-Men, developed Superhero Therapy to help patients with anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Effective therapy can come in many forms but superhero therapy is certainly one of the more interesting approaches we’ve come across - but what is superhero therapy, what can we learn from the heroes and adventures which inspire us, and how can you build an environment conducive to the life you want to lead? What to Listen For Dr. Janina Scarlet’s Origin Story and Using Stories to Heal - 0:00 How did Dr. Janina Scarlet get started using superhero stories to help patients with the mental health difficulties they’re facing? How can we reframe challenges we face using stories and characters in order to overcome them? How can you use fiction to gain insight into the challenges you face? What is a stress hormone and how does one in particular make it difficult for us to get out of bed in the morning? Building a Life that Supports Your Heroic Journey - 17:30 Why is it important to surround yourself with people who support you on your recovery journey? How can we use superhero stories to get our friends and family excited about helping us while also opening up about the challenges they’re facing? How do you construct an environment conducive to the life you want to lead and the person you want to become? How can you use fictional characters like superheroes to identify your core values in order to guide your decisions to build the life you want? What can we learn from our Heroes? - 31:28 What are the benefits to reading fictional stories and what can we all learn from the heroes of said stories? Is it more important to fake confidence until your confident or to be comfortable with your flaws and insecurities? What is Dark Agents about and what can it teach us about PTSD? What are the biggest misconceptions surrounding PTSD? How can you recognize when you or someone you know is struggling with PTSD and what can you do to seek help or get help? Can we experience trauma in life without realizing it until years later? The idea of finding a therapist and going to therapy can feel intimidating even though mental health is becoming less of a taboo subject. But therapy can come in many different forms and some of those forms can feel much more approachable and relatable. Superhero therapy is one because many of us grew up reading comic books and many more got hooked on the superhero movie craze that erupted two decades ago. It’s easy to be inspired by individuals who perform heroic acts yet still experience many of the same insecurities and flaws we normal people go through daily. As a result, the heroes and their stories have an incredible amount they can teach us if we’re willing to pay attention. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Dr. Janina Scarlet’s Website Superhero Therapy Podcast Harry Potter Therapy Podcast Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover happiness and positive psychology with Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. Tal Ben-Shahar taught two of the largest classes in Harvard University’s history, Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership, and now consults and lectures around the world to executives in multinational corporations, the general public, and at-risk populations. Finding happiness in the chaos of life has been a struggle for many in recent years, but what can be done about it, what role do technology and social media play, and how do we help our children navigate the increasing complexity of this world? What to Listen For Introduction Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar and Happiness - 1:20 What two groups of people don’t experience painful emotions and why would you not want to be in either group? What are the biggest myths surrounding happiness and positive psychology? What can 2020 teach us about happiness? What are the fundamentals of happiness and what makes them fundamental? When is distraction a positive thing to have in our lives and when should we avoid it? Building Healthy Habits Around Media Consumption - 10:50 What healthy habits can you develop around media consumption so you don’t drive your mental health into the ground? What are sanity islands and how can you use them to limit screen time and promote moderation? What are the benefits of social media use? What is the biggest contributor to depression and suicide in teenagers and what can we do about it? What are the 3 strategies you can use as a parent to promote healthy mental and emotional growth for your kids in the world of smartphones and social media? The Impact of Tech/Media Consumption on Our Daily Lives - 27:00 Why is it important to be comfortable with boredom and why do we need boredom to come up with our best ideas? How does our addiction to stimulation impact our relationships and what can we do to prevent our relationships from collapsing as a result? How do we overcome the paradox of choice so we can simply move forward with a choice rather than getting stuck trying to choose something? When is it detrimental to our happiness and well-being to have unrealistic expectations and how can you determine when it is ok to have high expectations? What is the most powerful gift we can give to people we care about who are suffering? What is toxic positivity and is it a legitimate concern in society? With mental health issues on the rise in modern society, it seems like happiness is taking a back seat to productivity and profit. Younger generations are experiencing spikes in depression and suicide as a direct result of mass adoption of smartphones and social media. The news is constantly bombarding us with fear and tragic events around the world. What can we do? For one, we can start by limiting our exposure to all the screens in our daily lives. The devices we own and the software on them are all engineered to keep us using them as long as possible. If you want to feel happier, replace screen time with face time, and not the kind of face time that requires a device. Real in-person face time. The same goes for your kids. Children aren’t going to learn social skills by sitting in front of a screen all day. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar’s website Happiness Studies Academy Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover self-awareness with Dr. Tasha Eurich. Tasha is an organizational psychologist, executive coach, researcher, and New York Times best-selling author of Insight and Bankable Leadership. Self-awareness is crucial when it comes to understanding ourselves and the people around us, but how do you go about developing it, what are the biggest misconceptions about it, and what can you do to overcome the blind spots in your self-awareness? What to Listen For What is self-awareness? - 2:50 What are the different types of self-knowledge that make up self-awareness? What is the difference between internal and external self-knowledge and why do you need both? How does the prevalence of smartphones negatively affect our ability to develop our self-awareness? How many people are actually self-aware? How do people with self-awareness use social media compared to those without self-awareness? Why are Zoom meetings so draining compared to normal meetings? Popular Misconceptions Around Self-awareness - 19:55 What is the biggest myth surrounding introspection and self-awareness? What is the most dangerous question we can ask ourselves when trying to develop self-awareness and what question should we ask ourselves instead? What kind of journaling should you avoid if you are developing your self-awareness? How do you journal in a way that is conducive to self-awareness? The 3 Different Types of Blind Spots in Self-awareness - 37:50 What are the 3 different types of blind spots we have and how can we overcome them? Why is it detrimental to your growth if you don’t have a solid feedback loop in your life? What strategies can you use with your coworkers, friends, and family to get the feedback you need to grow and succeed? What are the 3 building blocks of a self-aware team and why is one more important than the others? What can you do to better deal with a lack of self-awareness around you? To grow and develop as a person, you must be willing to acknowledge faults and weaknesses in yourself so you can work on improving them, or at least know how to compensate for them. You must be willing to accept that the people you interact with can have legitimate criticisms you can learn from because you can’t see your own blindspots until they are pointed out. Developing your self-awareness depends on both because you must not only work to understand yourself but also how your “self” exists in relation to others around you. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Tasha Eurich’s website The Future Ready Leader Course by Tasha Eurich American Icon: Alan Mulally and the Fight to Save Ford Motor Company Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover emotional bids with AJ and Johnny. Understanding emotional bids is the cheat code to building great relationships, but what are they, how do you recognize them, and why does ignoring them lead to the end of relationships? What to Listen For Why are Emotional Bids Important - 2:25 Why is it so important to your relationships to be able to recognize them? How can ignoring your partner’s emotional bids lead to the end of your relationship? Why is it important to actively listen for emotional bids when you’re talking to someone? What is an Emotional Bid - 16:38 What is an emotional bid and how do you recognize when someone is trying to get you to connect? Why is it more important to pay attention to the emotions behind the words than the words themselves? How do you make someone want to text you back? What can you do to be unforgettable after one conversation with someone? Common Emotional Bids and the 3 Ways to Respond - 27:30 What is a bid for attention and how should you respond to it? What is a bid for emotional support and how should you respond to it? What does it mean to turn toward an emotional bid and how can turning away from them or against them cause your relationships to crumble? What are the 3 ways we can respond to emotional bids and which one is guaranteed to make your relationship fail? How to Use Emotional Bids to Strengthen Relationships - 48:02 What simple exercise can you use to become aware of emotional bids from the people you interact with on a daily basis? How can a lack of awareness of emotional bids lead to divorce and what can you do to be more aware of them in your partner? Emotional bids are our way of expressing vulnerability without feeling like we’re taking a big risk, so if we can recognize the emotional bids in others, acknowledge them, and respond appropriately by turning toward them, we can make the people we care about feel more comfortable being more vulnerable and connecting with us. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship (AoC Episode 719) Turning Toward Emotion (AoC Episode 720) The Love Lab - Gottman Institute Art of Charm Emotional Bids Cheat Sheet X-Factor Accelerator Mentorship Core Confidence Coaching Program Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover overcoming breakups with Amy Chan. Amy has been writing about relationships, dating, and love for over a decade, is the Editor-in-Chief of Heart Hackers Club, and is the author of Breakup Bootcamp – The Science of Rewiring Your Heart. The end of a relationship can be a traumatic experience for many but it doesn’t have to break you - so what can you do to bounce back as an even better version of yourself, how can you learn from the relationship, and what resources can you rely on to help you move on? What to Listen For How Amy Chan Became a Relationship Expert - 0:21 Breakup Bounce Back and Attachment Theory - 2:19 What can you do to focus on yourself and heal after a breakup rather than blame the ex and other external factors? What is Attachment Theory and how does it teach us to view love as we grow up? What are the 3 main types of attachment that we learn during our childhood and how do they influence our view of love in adulthood? Once you know what your style of attachment is, what can you do to prevent yourself from sabotaging future relationships? How do you set healthy boundaries with friends and family after a breakup if they’re constantly trying to give you advice and project their own issues on you? Learning From the Past for Future Relationships - 21:00 What exercises can you use to recognize red flags with new potential partners if you have a tendency to jump from one relationship to another? How do you identify the baggage that YOU bring into relationships so you don’t let it destroy your relationships? What journaling prompts can you use to heal after a breakup? Why is breaking up from a relationship similar to breaking an addiction and what can you do to make it as brief and painless as possible? Why are rituals important to recovering normalcy after a breakup and what rituals can you start using today? How can we make the right choice when we are overwhelmed by dating options in front of us so we don’t waste our time? What are the 3 secret ingredients in a healthy relationship foundation? What is the Breakup Bootcamp - 44:06 What goes on during Amy Chan’s Breakup Bootcamp? What is limerence and how does it keep us in a vicious cycle of hurt? What is the biggest myth about how men and women handle breakups? The end of a relationship can feel like losing a loved one because your significant other feels like a part of your identity and your future. Losing that part of you, and feeling like a part of your future is ripped out from under you can be a difficult event to recover from, but there are steps you can take to minimize the suffering and move forward as a better stronger version of yourself. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Amy Chan on Twitter Breakup Bootcamp Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart by Amy Chan Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover effective feedback with Therese Huston. Therese founded the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University, has given more than 225 keynotes, talks, and workshops, and is the author of Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower. Giving great feedback is not easy and poorly worded feedback can put anyone on the defensive, so what does effective feedback look like, what can you do to practice giving great feedback, and why is it important to get better at giving feedback? What to Listen For Therese Huston’s Beginning - 0:00 What sparked Therese’s interest in researching the topic of effective feedback? The 3 Different Types of Feedback - 1:49 What are the 3 different types of feedback and how do you put all 3 together to give the best feedback? How do you give genuine appreciation and use it to transition into coaching feedback? What is coaching and how is it different from pointing out what someone is doing wrong? What does it mean to separate the person from the problem when giving feedback and why is it important if you don’t want the person to get defensive? Why does the feedback sandwich receive so much criticism and what is the correct way to use the technique? Cultivating a Growth Mindset Receptive to Feedback - 17:48 What can you do to cultivate a growth mindset in your managers so they can work with their employees rather than against them? Why do you need to state your intentions as a manager when giving feedback? What is the difference between a “me strength” and a “we strength” and why can a deficiency in one lead to a team’s failure? How to be a Better Leader and Team Member - 31:55 What are the different types of listening and why is it crucial to use one instead of the other? What is critical listening and why can critical listening in the wrong situation lead to a breakdown in communication? What can you do as a manager to ask better questions and thus get better results? What can you do to bring out the potential in younger employees? How do you move past unconscious bias in the workplace? What challenges does working remotely introduce into the process of giving effective feedback and what can you do to overcome them? Giving feedback can feel like a delicate balance between being too harsh and being too nice. On one hand, if we’re afraid to hurt their feelings, we might sugarcoat the issues and fail to impress upon them just how important it is that they improve. On the other hand, we want to be clear with people about what we want them to work on and why it’s important they improve, but it can be easy to overwhelm them with what they’re doing wrong and turn them against us. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Therese Huston’s website Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower by Therese Huston Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices