Relationship Alive!

Welcome to Episode 2!  Here is today’s question:  How’s your SEX LIFE?  Is it giving you the kind of connection with your partner that you want?  My guest today is Diana Richardson, a leading sex educator with over 20 years’ experience in teaching about “slow sex.”  She has authored several books on the subject of Tantra and how to develop deep intimacy with your partner, and she teaches numerous workshops in Switzerland with her partner, Michael.  Her teaching is completely transformative and focuses on how to radically shift your thinking about sex and sensuality.  You WILL learn something new from Diana!  Join us! Diana discusses the following topics: Tantric sex is about awareness, connection, and containing and sustaining sexual energy.  It’s about being in awareness during sex, instead of “striving to reach the end moment.” Conventional sex typically doesn’t give women the time they need to “be ready.” Ultimately this creates sexual problems in a relationship - the BODY will actually lose interest and close down. However, in slow sex, you work with what naturally allows a woman's body to be open to sex. Conventional sex disregards the natural polarity (positive pole/receptive pole) of the male and female bodies. Do you know where the energy center is for your partner? It might not be what you think. For a woman, her positive sexual pole is actually in the breasts - not the clitoris! Focus attention there to help a woman open to the flow of sexual energy. As a woman, can you experience your breasts from within? This isn't about "stimulating" the breasts - it's more about melting into them, sending warmth through them. This is something you can do at any time of the day! Conventional sex overrides the potential for sexual energy transmission between male and female.  (Hint: the “electric current” metaphor will help make this clearer.) You want to be in the flow - not building up tension only to discharge it. Conventional sex is full of tension and pressure—and sometimes even trauma--for both males and females. Try not to focus on EXCITEMENT - which actually creates tension in the body. Instead, focus on relaxing into the moment with each other. How do you actually FEEL after you have sex with your partner? As you switch to the slow sex approach, notice how that changes...how does it feel to have had an orgasm - vs. how does it feel if you shift to non-orgasmic sex, instead focusing on the sensations that you experience with your partner. When you have non-orgasmic sex, what kind of energy do you carry within you during your day? How does it affect the way you feel towards your partner during the time after? Is sex a source of conflict for you with your partner, in terms of levels of desire, or timing of sex? Make a date (or an appointment) to make love with your partner. And take the TIME that you need to truly connect with each other. Tantric sex teaches you to have understanding, feeling, communication, and being “present” in the moment with your partner. Fall back into yourself - your body, your awareness, your breathing, your sensation - and that opens you up to something happening between the bodies. Learn how to transform your sexual practice into a journey that's not about having orgasms - that's actually about diving more and more deeply into the feeling that you have with each other. Feel what is present within you during sex. Sex should more than a mechanical process, but should be deeply healing and cleansing. If you slow down and focus on awareness, you will sensitize yourself to the more subtle flow of what's happening between you and your partner. The more mechanical your sex, the more you're desensitizing yourself to that dynamic flow. Tantric sex can revitalize a tired and boring relationship.  It’s constantly generative and expansive as it deepens and changes. You are pulling yourself off of the continuum of tension - and discharge - and instead putting yourself onto a continuum that allows you to create deeper connectedness with your partner. Even more amazing tidbits in this episode - please listen to experience the magic that is the teaching of Diana Richardson! Are you intrigued and wanting to explore further? The good news is that there will be a Part 2 to this interview, so you can look forward to even MORE information from Diana.  Links and Resources: www.livinglove.com  (Diana’s website) Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation - by Diana and Michael Richardson The Heart of Tantric Sex - by Diana Richardson Text PASSION to 33444 to download the pdf version of this episode guide. If you download the guide within the first week of this episode's airing, you are automatically qualified for a chance to win a signed copy of "Tantric Sex for Men" from Diana Richardson. Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook www.neilsattin.com/tantra   (My website has links to Diana and her work.)   Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!

Welcome!  My guest today is Dr. John Gottman, one of the world's leading experts on how to have an amazing relationship.  He and his wife Julie currently operate The Gottman Institute in Seattle, offering numerous resources and training.  Join us for a deep dive into their work! Dr. Gottman’s findings are largely based on the conclusions he has made over many years of research and observations of couples. He and his team have how to be a master (and avoid being a disaster) at relationship. Dr. Gottman discusses the following topics: “The Sound Relationship House” - what is the foundation for a relationship that lasts? Learn the importance of having high expectations in relationship, and also uncover ways in which what you'd *think* would be good for your relationship is actually counterproductive. Dr. Gottman identifies Styles of Confronting Conflict:  Volatile, Validating, and Conflict-Avoiding. All of these conflict styles can lead to successful relationships. Learn what to do if you and your partner are mismatched in your conflict style. Dr. Gottman discusses “bids” we make with our partner as an attempt to connect. Are you a "yes" to your partner's bids? Are they a yes to yours? “Bids” that fail are often the beginnings of conflict. How do things change if you start paying attention and responding to your partner's bids in a positive way? Mindfulness is the key to noticing these bids and avoiding conflict. “Small Things Often” - a reminder to turn toward these bids in the small moments of life. Dr. Gottman's concept of startup is a way of thinking about what you bring to your interactions with your partner. Do you start in a place that's already positive, and thinking highly of your partner? Or do you start in a place where you are suspecting the worst of your partner? Build up your emotional bank account with small compliments (deposits). According to John, there are three phases of any relationship:  Falling in Love (initial), Building Trust (middle), and Cherishing Your Partner (long-term intimacy). What phase are you in? The key to success is using strategies that are appropriate for where you are in your relationship. The key to more sex is having the freedom to say "no" without being punished for it. If refusing sex can actually have a positive payoff, then it will actually lead to a couple having a more satisfying (and frequent) sex life. Do you ever wonder how to make a good relationship GREAT? Focus on cherishing your partner. What if YOU are the only partner who wants to make changes?  Can you make a difference?  Absolutely. Learn how shifts in your approach can have a profound affect on your relationship. The key to success in a relationship isn't that nothing bad ever happens. It's how well you as a couple learn how to repair after those things occur. John discusses how you can learn to repair, and the positive effects that has on long-term relationships. Do you know how to decide if you’re in a bad relationship?  When you're with your partner, are you at your best? Or are you veering off towards your worst? Gottman offers this simple guideline for how to know whether to stay or go. Also what to think about BEFORE you decide that you're on the wrong path. Join us for these topics and more.  Dr. Gottman has practical information that can improve your relationship TODAY!  Links and Resources: What Makes Love Last: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal by Dr. John Gottman The Gottman Institute, Seattle www.gottman.com   www.neilsattin.com/gottman    (visit to download a .pdf of this episode guide along with John Gottman's "Dreams in Conflict" exercise to help couples who seem to have irreconcilable differences. You can also text “PASSION” to 33444 for instructions on how to download the guide. If you download the guide within the first week of this show's airing, you will also qualify for a chance to win a free signed copy of Dr. Gottman’s book "What Makes Love Last".) The Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!