Becoming Me

Episode 163In this episode, I dive into one of the most challenging aspects of deconstruction: trying to explain it to others who haven't experienced it themselves.I respond to a thoughtful question from a follower about how to remain committed to the church while being honest about its limitations during deconstruction. But as I share, this question itself reveals the gap between those observing deconstruction from the outside and those living through it.What I explore in this episode:Why deconstruction can't be fully understood from an intellectual or conceptual level aloneHow trauma plays a central role in the deconstruction processWhy it's impossible to "hold onto the good" while deconstructing—and why that's okayThe difference between critiquing the church and actually deconstructing your faithWhy deconstruction feels like drowning, like having your entire container of faith fall apartHow my own journey with family trauma mirrors my faith deconstructionDeconstruction is disorganised, chaotic, and impossible to neatly explain even to ourselves. If you're going through this process, I hope you feel seen. If you're trying to understand someone who is, I hope this gives you compassion for how difficult it is to put into words.Watch this recording on YouTube.CHAPTER MARKERS0:00 Introduction6:22 Unpacking a Follower's Question11:21 Reading the Question16:25 Deconstructing the Container, Not Just the Content18:18 Seeing the Harm in Church Structures37:22 You Can't Hold On While Letting Go45:13 My Family of Origin Story55:39 God Wants Freedom for Us57:47 External Critique vs. Interior Journey1:02:00 Closing ThoughtsSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 162Welcome to my first episode of 2026! After a six-week break, I'm returning with greater clarity and readiness to share about a topic I've been living through: deconstruction.In this episode, I'm opening up about my personal journey through deconstruction—not as an outside observer, but as someone who has walked (and is still walking) this difficult path. What I Cover:• Why lived experience matters when discussing deconstruction—and why resources from those who haven't gone through it often fall short• The crucial connection between deconstruction and trauma that's often missing from conversations• Why deconstruction is an embodied, multidimensional experience that can't be reduced to intellectual analysis alone• The mystical dimension of deconstruction and what it means to leap into the abyss with no guarantees• How deconstruction relates to spiritual midlife and the transition into the second half of life• Why I had to be willing to let go of everything—even my identity as a "good Catholic"—to follow where Christ was leadingThis is the beginning of a season exploring deconstruction from multiple angles. I'll be addressing questions listeners send me and diving into the many facets of this complex, painful, and ultimately transformative journey.If you're going through deconstruction yourself, I hope this offers you some companionship and validation. If you're trying to understand what someone you love is experiencing, I hope this gives you insight into the depth and sacredness of this process.Watch this recording on YouTube.CHAPTER MARKERS0:00 - Introduction: Why Now?9:37 - The Importance of Lived Experience21:01 - Deconstruction and Trauma29:42 - Trauma-Informed Lens to Reactions Towards Deconstruction38:01 - The Integrative Lens44:24 - The Mystical Dimension51:57 - No Guarantee in Deconstruction56:45 - The Second Half of Life1:01:25 - Closing ThoughtsSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 161What if the reason spiritual abuse is so rampant yet unrecognised in the Church is because these kind of dynamics have always been part of the way the Church existed in the world?In this deeply personal episode, I talk about my journey awakening to and grappling with the legacy of spiritual abuse and trauma within the Catholic Church. I share the story of how I was led in my interior journey into deconstructing my old Self, the way I related to my family of origin and eventually my understanding of and relationship with my Catholic faith. I share how learning to recognise trauma, harm and abuse led me to wrestle with the integrity of what I believed and how that faith is embodied in the world.This reflection offers an honest, bold and nuanced discussion on the complex interplay between faith and coercion in the 2,000 years of the history of the Church and how that impacts the way we live our faith out today. How can we as Church continue to undergo conversion from the legacy of coercion and spiritual abuse that has made up such a huge part of our intergenerational, collective and systemic trauma within the Catholic Church? Join me in this thought-provoking sharing!Watch this recording on YouTube.CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction and Personal Journey01:14 Deconstructing Faith and Identity03:52 Family of Origin and Trauma09:10 Anger and Frustration with the Church14:43 Historical Context of Church Coercion19:21 Reconciling Faith and Church Authority22:58 The Role of Conscience in Faith24:15 Spiritual Abuse and Church Culture46:03 Hope and Transformation in the Church51:29 ConclusionSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 160We know we’re called to holiness, that we’re called to be saints. But have we really grappled with what holiness means? With what becoming saints really mean? In my latest podcast episode I share how I have come to ask these questions in much more earnest after learning about how even canonised saints commit great harm to people, and how some of these harmful actions are even considered by many as part of holiness.I dive into the concepts of sainthood and holiness, especially in light of personal experiences with trauma and spiritual abuse. Reflecting on the stories of saints like Padre Pio and Mother Teresa, I explore how their actions and the narratives surrounding them can impact our understanding of holiness. I encourage viewers to question and reconsider what it means to be holy, particularly from the perspective of embodied spiritual and emotional health. Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.RESOURCESThe Turning: The Sisters Who Left “The Turning”: The dark side of Mother Teresa’s order, according to nuns who leftCHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction00:30 Spiritual Abuse and Its Prevalence02:07 Saints and Holiness: Personal Experiences02:53 Padre Pio: Reverence and Controversy11:41 Questioning Holiness and Spiritual Abuse23:02 Mother Teresa: A Complex Legacy33:56 Holiness, Love, and Abuse44:24 Final Thoughts and EncouragementSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 159In today's episode, we explore the intersection of enmeshment trauma and spiritual abuse. If you're new to the concept, enmeshment trauma occurs in families that are too close to the point where individual boundaries and self-identity are compromised. This episode delves into the signs and impacts of enmeshment trauma, such as poor boundaries, lack of self-identity, feeling overly responsible for others and constant seeking of approval. I also discuss how these dynamics can lead to spiritual abuse within both families and faith communities, particularly through the misuse of authority and abuse of conscience. Offering insights and personal experiences, this episode aims to help you recognise and heal from these harmful patterns especially when they are cloaked in beautiful and ‘holy’ language such as ‘accountability’ and ‘fraternal correction’.Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.RESOURCESHoly Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing (Book)Holy Hurt (Podcast) Understanding Enmeshment Trauma Enmeshment in Family: Breaking Free from Unhealthy Closeness  CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction00:11 Understanding Enmeshment Trauma02:33 Healthy Intimacy vs. Enmeshment05:27 Spiritual and Religious Trauma09:56 What is Enmeshment Trauma?13:01 Personal Experiences and Cultural Context13:47 Signs of Enmeshment Trauma19:09 Impact of Enmeshment Trauma25:54 Enmeshment in Faith Communities32:19 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 158In this episode, I continue the discussion on spiritual abuse by focusing on Abuse of Conscience. I share my personal journey of discovering this subtle yet pervasive form of abuse, how it affected my life, and my path to recognising my own role in it. I discuss how my own spiritual trauma and distorted image of God fuelled my participation in this form of spiritual abuse and share how experiencing God's unconditional love has been crucial in my healing process both as a survivor and perpetrator of abuse of conscience. Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.RESOURCESWhat is Abuse of Conscience? (Podcast by Paul Fahey)Abuse of Conscience (Presentation by Paul Fahey, Q&A with Fr Boniface Hicks)Respecting Conscience in Catholicism (Paul Fahey with Amy Grey)Conscience Invaders The Place Where You Stand Is Holy Ground: Recognizing and Preventing Spiritual Abuse in the Catholic Church CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction01:23 Resources on Abuse of Conscience05:50 The Challenge of Accepting Abuse08:47 Conscience in Catholic Teaching14:01 Freedom and Consent in Moral Actions17:41 About Mortal Sin24:35 Personal Stories of Conscience Abuse32:08 The Impact of Fear on Faith42:13 Healing and Repenting from Abuse of Conscience49:05 Final Thoughts and Invitation to ReflectSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 157In this episode, I build on my last episode’s discussion of how culture, disembodied faith, and trauma contribute to an environment conducive to spiritual abuse. I delve into the responsible use of power and influence, sharing personal insights and experiences. I discuss how, even with good intentions, we can unintentionally harm others by imposing ourselves and violating the sacred freedom of another person’s conscience that even God respects. I offer tips for exercising influence in a non-coercive and respectful manner, emphasising the importance of honouring each person's freedom and dignity. Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction05:36 Personal Influence and Power Dynamics09:54 Why So Hard to Recognise Spiritual Abuse20:20 Tips for Respecting Others' Freedom35:14 Conclusion and ReflectionSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 156In this episode, I delve into three factors that facilitate spiritual abuse, especially within the experience of many Catholics. Reflecting on a personal experience during a silent retreat, I explore how complex trauma, disembodied faith, and cultural influences create environments where spiritual abuse can easily occur. I share insights on recognising these dynamics and discuss the importance of becoming trauma-informed to foster authentic spiritual maturity and embodied faith. This conversation aims to support individuals on their journey of healing and integration, helping them understand the systemic and personal elements contributing to spiritual abuse.Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction06:02 Three Factors in the Set-Up for Spiritual Abuse11:25 Cultural Influences on Spirituality14:20 Silent Retreat Experience25:48 Understanding Spiritual Maturity28:05 The Role of Dreams in Spiritual Direction28:57 Unknowingly Primed for Spiritual Abuse31:30 Complex Trauma and Authority36:25 Disembodied Faith43:21 Recognising and Addressing Spiritual Abuse49:43 Final Reflections and EncouragementSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 155In this episode, Paul Fahey joins me in a pivotal conversation about spiritual abuse within the context of evangelisation and church communities. We share our journey from years of traditional evangelisation to a deeper understanding of the Great Commandments and how they relate to the Great Commission. We examine the importance of truly loving others as Christ loves us and how our distorted images of God can impact our relationships and evangelisation efforts. We address the often-overlooked emotional and psychological abuses by those in spiritual authority and discuss what a healthy use of authority should look like. We also delve into the critical role of personal integrity and humility for those in spiritual leadership. This episode offers crucial insights into the ways we can foster a more loving and respectful approach to faith, evangelisation and discipleship.Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.RESOURCESPaul Fahey's Spiritual Abuse Workshop (Fall 2025)Read Paul's excellent reflection: "One cannot proclaim God in a way contrary to God himself: Spiritual Abuse and Evangelisation"Sherry Weddell’s book Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus Catechesi Tradendae Dignitatis Humanae Pope Francis’ address to the Indigenous Peoples and Members of the Parish Community Sacred Heart CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction03:29 Spiritual Abuse in Evangelisation05:52 Introducing Paul Fahey09:43 Personal Experiences and Reflections14:18 The Role of Trust in Evangelisation25:29 Coercion in Evangelisation30:48 Subtle Forms of Coercion44:45 Preferential Option for the Institution50:26 Defining the End of Evangelisation53:16 The Importance of Dignity and Freedom55:23 Evangelisation vs. Proselytism56:52 Intellectual Conversion vs. True Discipleship58:15 Lack of Self-Awareness in Evangelisation01:01:25 Corporate and Individual Responsibility01:04:33 Historical Context of Church Authority01:18:35 Healthy Use of Spiritual Authority01:24:07 ESupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 154As I round off Season 10 of the Becoming Me podcast, here’s an overview of how my content has evolved together with the progression of my interior journey and some updates to address inquiries about my coaching offers. As I take a break from the podcast to recalibrate, I invite you to explore past episodes and continue engaging with my content on my other platforms. God bless and happy becoming!Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction and Season 10 Wrap-Up00:30 The Journey of Becoming Me02:10 Exploring Trauma and Spiritual Abuse05:13 Developmental Stages and Personal Growth08:23 Challenges and Evolution in Coaching10:01 The Quest for Self-Understanding15:07 Integrating New Learnings18:38 Conclusion and Future PlansSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.