Becoming Me

Episode 156In this episode, I delve into three factors that facilitate spiritual abuse, especially within the experience of many Catholics. Reflecting on a personal experience during a silent retreat, I explore how complex trauma, disembodied faith, and cultural influences create environments where spiritual abuse can easily occur. I share insights on recognising these dynamics and discuss the importance of becoming trauma-informed to foster authentic spiritual maturity and embodied faith. This conversation aims to support individuals on their journey of healing and integration, helping them understand the systemic and personal elements contributing to spiritual abuse.Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction06:02 Three Factors in the Set-Up for Spiritual Abuse11:25 Cultural Influences on Spirituality14:20 Silent Retreat Experience25:48 Understanding Spiritual Maturity28:05 The Role of Dreams in Spiritual Direction28:57 Unknowingly Primed for Spiritual Abuse31:30 Complex Trauma and Authority36:25 Disembodied Faith43:21 Recognising and Addressing Spiritual Abuse49:43 Final Reflections and EncouragementSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 155In this episode, Paul Fahey joins me in a pivotal conversation about spiritual abuse within the context of evangelisation and church communities. We share our journey from years of traditional evangelisation to a deeper understanding of the Great Commandments and how they relate to the Great Commission. We examine the importance of truly loving others as Christ loves us and how our distorted images of God can impact our relationships and evangelisation efforts. We address the often-overlooked emotional and psychological abuses by those in spiritual authority and discuss what a healthy use of authority should look like. We also delve into the critical role of personal integrity and humility for those in spiritual leadership. This episode offers crucial insights into the ways we can foster a more loving and respectful approach to faith, evangelisation and discipleship.Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.RESOURCESPaul Fahey's Spiritual Abuse Workshop (Fall 2025)Read Paul's excellent reflection: "One cannot proclaim God in a way contrary to God himself: Spiritual Abuse and Evangelisation"Sherry Weddell’s book Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus Catechesi Tradendae Dignitatis Humanae Pope Francis’ address to the Indigenous Peoples and Members of the Parish Community Sacred Heart CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction03:29 Spiritual Abuse in Evangelisation05:52 Introducing Paul Fahey09:43 Personal Experiences and Reflections14:18 The Role of Trust in Evangelisation25:29 Coercion in Evangelisation30:48 Subtle Forms of Coercion44:45 Preferential Option for the Institution50:26 Defining the End of Evangelisation53:16 The Importance of Dignity and Freedom55:23 Evangelisation vs. Proselytism56:52 Intellectual Conversion vs. True Discipleship58:15 Lack of Self-Awareness in Evangelisation01:01:25 Corporate and Individual Responsibility01:04:33 Historical Context of Church Authority01:18:35 Healthy Use of Spiritual Authority01:24:07 ESupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 154As I round off Season 10 of the Becoming Me podcast, here’s an overview of how my content has evolved together with the progression of my interior journey and some updates to address inquiries about my coaching offers. As I take a break from the podcast to recalibrate, I invite you to explore past episodes and continue engaging with my content on my other platforms. God bless and happy becoming!Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction and Season 10 Wrap-Up00:30 The Journey of Becoming Me02:10 Exploring Trauma and Spiritual Abuse05:13 Developmental Stages and Personal Growth08:23 Challenges and Evolution in Coaching10:01 The Quest for Self-Understanding15:07 Integrating New Learnings18:38 Conclusion and Future PlansSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 153In this special episode about being securely loved by God the Father, I sit down with Isaac Wicker, a Catholic licensed therapist from Minnesota with a decade of mental health experience and host of the 'Whole Human' podcast. Isaac shares his unique upbringing in a deeply Catholic family in the Communion and Liberation Catholic movement, his transformative experiences, and his innovative 12-week program, 'Known: embraced by the Heart of the Father,' which integrates psychology and Catholic faith.This conversation is an invitation to explore the security and ease that come from being securely loved by God the Father. I see myself and Isaac as representing two very different kinds of paths towards a secure attachment with God the Father - Isaac was blessed with the experience of secure attachment in childhood while I had to learn to have an “earned secure attachment” from deep healing and integration. May this episode bring hope to listeners who struggle to feel safe with God the Father, even as it provides a glimpse of the freedom that being securely loved by the Father brings.Isaac’s website | Known: Embraced by the Heart of the FatherIsaac’s Podcast | Whole HumanWatch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS[00:00] Introduction and Overview[01:21] Meet the Guest: Isaac Wicker[07:32] The Importance of Big Questions[18:17] Isaac's Childhood Memories and Family Dynamics[30:25] The Importance of Secure Attachment in Repentance[38:37] Embodying Faith Organically as a Therapist[51:31] Focusing on Loving vs Fixing Someone[58:32] The Journey of Becoming[01:00:14] Operating Outside the Boxes of Psychology and Religion[01:14:38] The Known Program: Healing with God the Father[01:22:50] The Importance of Showing Up and Being Honest[01:31:40] Conclusion and Final ThoughtsREFLECTION PROMPTWhat has been your relationship with failure and repentance? Do you tend to move toward sorrow and repair, or get caught in shame? Where do you think that pattern comes from?If you could sit with God the Father today, what would you say or ask, with no pressure to have it together?Support the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 152  In this deeply personal episode, I explore the impact of Pope Francis' recent passing, especially how he became a bridge of trust during my period of intense interior deconstruction. Over the past decade, I've grappled with my Catholic faith, my relationship with the church, and undergone a profound journey of inner healing. I share how Pope Francis’ actions and witness offered me a path through complex trauma and relational betrayals, both familial and institutional. This episode is dedicated to my fellow trauma survivors who struggle with their faith, relationships, and especially with the institutional Church. RELATED LINKS:Pope says he is 'deeply sorry' to Indigenous Peoples in CanadaPope Francis did the right thing when others would not, says residential school survivorWhy Pope Francis may be hesitant to rescind the Doctrine of DiscoveryPope Francis’ Address to the Indigenous Peoples: First Nations, Métis and IntuitJoint Statement of the Dicasteries for Culture and Education and for Promoting Integral Human Development on the “Doctrine of Discovery”, 30.03.2023Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS[00:00] Introduction[00:48] Personal Struggles and Deconstruction[02:28] Pope Francis' Impact[05:30] Journey of Healing and Integration[07:50] Struggles with the Church[09:58] Uncomfortable with Pope Francis 2013-2015[13:38] Not In Touch with My Exiled Parts[18:45] Awakening to Dysfunction and Abuse[29:16] Trauma and Betrayal in the Church[36:05] Father Wound Re-triggered[38:06] Compassion in Secular Spaces[40:41] Pandemic Retreat Experience with Gabor Maté[42:09] Indigenous Trauma and Residential Schools[44:58] Seeking Apology from the Pope[48:57] Personal Reflections on Fatherhood and Healing[58:38] Pope Francis' Apology to the Indigenous People of Canada[01:03:55] Repudiating the "Doctrine of Discovery"[01:09:16] A Church That Doesn't Repair[01:13:37] Hope for the Church[01:18:28] ConclusionREFLECTION PROMPTHave you ever found yourself reevaluating something you once felt certain about? What helped you feel safe enough to explore those thoughts?Support the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 151 (Bonus)  In this special bonus episode for Holy Week, I share a deeply personal and vulnerable story about my journey through spiritual trauma and healing. Last year, I wrote an open letter on my personal blog, disclosing the challenges I've faced and continue to face as a complex trauma survivor within the Catholic faith. From experiencing physical symptoms of distress during Mass to grappling with deeply ingrained religious guilt, I invite you to witness my journey towards understanding, acceptance, and integration. I hope my story resonates with others who struggle with similar feelings during Holy Week, providing language, comfort, and a sense of solidarity. Additionally, I offer practical suggestions for seeking support, emphasizing the importance of trauma-informed care within spiritual and therapeutic frameworks. God meets us exactly where we are, and this episode is an invitation to take that first step towards healing.Read My Blogposts:To My Fellow Complex Trauma Survivors Who Struggle with Holy WeekA Good Friday Confession (I Don’t Feel Anything)Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction02:21 A Vulnerable Self-Disclosure07:41 The Letter Begins13:55 Waking Up to Anger and My Body Saying "No"16:49 Trauma Mingled with Faith19:42 Dying (To Ego) Into Authentic Love21:27 Entering Christ's Wounds Through My Wounds23:12 Why Holy Week Can Be Re-traumatising for Trauma Surviors26:00 Letting God Love Me Through Self-Love28:30 New Trauma-Informed Wine Skins Needed29:54 What Can Trauma Survivors Do To Support Ourselves?33:13 Final Thoughts36:02 ConclusionSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 150  In this heartfelt conversation, I sit down with Paul Fahey, a limited licensed professional counselor, retreat leader, and catechist from Michigan, USA. Paul shares insights from his work in pastoral counseling for Catholics who have been spiritually abused and his efforts to educate ministers to be more equipped in their ministry. We delve into the complex nature of spiritual and religious trauma, the importance of language in healing from trauma, and the profound teachings of the Catholic Church on human dignity. Through personal stories and shared experiences, we explore the critical theme of dignity, how trauma affects our understanding of love and self-worth, and the necessity of creating safe spaces within or away from the Church for healing and authentic connection. This episode offers a rich and thought-provoking discussion on how we can reclaim our dignity and experience God's chaste, non-controlling love in the midst of a fallen world.Visit Paul Fahey’s website here.Documents quoted by Paul:Dignitatis HumanaePatris CordeFratelli TuttiRead my newsletter post Lament, Hope & Healing: Resources on Spiritual Abuse.Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS00:00 Introduction to Paul Fahey01:12 Discussing Trauma and Spiritual Abuse05:53 Exploring Human Dignity in Church Teachings10:32 Understanding Spiritual Authority and Coercion35:51 Chastity and Non-Possessive Love47:33 Healing from Spiritual Coercion53:45 Struggling with Faith and Depression56:14 Journey Out of Depression58:29 Role of a Catechist and Therapist59:50 The Importance of Experiencing Non-controlling Love01:01:40 Experiencing God's Reverence01:04:00 The Concept of Theosis01:11:51 Challenges in the Church01:15:44 Accompanying Ourselves in Healing01:32:03 Forgiveness Demands Justice for the Victim01:37:22 Wrestling with the Lack of Safety in Church01:42:24 Reality is Greater than Ideas01:44:35 Final Thoughts and GratitudeREFLECTION PROMPTHow have I experienced coerciSupport the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 149  In this episode, I delve into the unique challenges that Catholic and Christian trauma survivors face in their healing journeys. Drawing from my own experiences and observations, I outline five specific reasons why faith can often complicate trauma recovery for believers. From the difficulty of accepting abuse within 'good' religious families, to the guilt around naming harm and the complexities of forgiveness, I discuss the psychological and spiritual hurdles that can impede healing. Join me as I explore how religious convictions, while deeply meaningful, sometimes inadvertently obstruct the path to recovery.LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Ex-Missionaries of Charity allege culture of abuse and neglect"The Turning" : The dark side of Mother Teresa's order, according to nuns who leftReport: Jean Vanier’s L’Arche Hid ‘Mystical-Sexual’ Sect for Decades'Confusion, control and abuse': Report offers new details about Jean Vanier's secret sect and sexual exploitationWatch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS[00:00] Introduction to the Podcast[00:04] Challenges for Catholic and Christian Trauma Survivors[02:15] Reason 1: Difficulty Admitting Abuse in Religious Contexts[11:36] Reason 2: Unrecognised Abusive Dynamics[17:12] Reason 3: The Pressure to Forgive[22:37] Reason 4: Guilt in Naming Harm[27:09] Reason 5: Distrust of Secular Resources[34:43] The Impact of Religious Convictions on Healing[35:58] Conclusion and Invitation to ReflectREFLECTION PROMPTDo you resonate with any of these reasons outlined in this episode? If yes: Which reason(s) do you resonate with? What do you observe about its impact in your healing journey? If no: How did you feel listening to this episode? Are there other reasons you can identify from your own experience?Support the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 148   In this episode, I address a profound question from a long-time podcast listener and religious sister in Southeast Asia regarding her healing journey. We explore the intricacies of feeling productive and empowered at times, facing moments of deep uncertainty and doubt at others, and when questions of authenticity, accountability, and integrity become overwhelming. I break down the layers of her experience from a coaching perspective, discussing the sensation of overwhelm, life scripts centered around productivity, internal family systems (IFS) theory, and the stages of faith development from the Critical Journey model. This episode is rich with insights into the interior journey of healing and integration, emphasising the importance of giving oneself permission to feel, pause, and go at the pace we need in the interior journey.RESOURCESBook on AmazonThe Critical Journey, Stages in the Life of FaithYouTube / Podcast Stages of Maturing Faith: Insights From "The Critical Journey”Personal Vocation Discernment through the Stages of Faith Watch this episode's recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS[00:00] Introduction and Listener's Question[00:38] Context and Background[01:04] Reading the Listener's Question[02:25] Breaking Down the Question[03:53] Observations and Insights[05:43] Understanding Overwhelm and Productivity Scripts[11:30] Internal Family Systems (IFS) Explanation[20:03] Stages of Faith Development[31:08] Final Thoughts and EncouragementREFLECTION PROMPTHow would you describe your relationship with (i) Productivity and (ii) Uncertainty? What are some scripts that you might have in moments of overwhelm and uncertainty? Which stage of the Critical Journey is currently the most prominent for you in your journey?Support the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Episode 147   In this episode, I discuss a common challenge faced by complex trauma survivors: the notion that those who harmed us did the best they could. I emphasise why it's crucial not to accept this idea too early in the healing process. We need to focus on acknowledging the harm and injustice inflicted upon us before considering the limitations and reasons why our abusers acted the way they did. This is a journey of radical honesty and acceptance, facing uncomfortable truths without bypassing our emotions. Join me as I explore why truth is essential for healing from trauma and how to reframe our understanding of love and compassion.Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS[00:00] Introduction[02:00] Internalising Dissonance and Self-Blame[03:13] Scripts and Roles for Survival[04:37] The Capacity for Love and Attunement[08:07] Holding Opposing Truths[10:06] The Importance of Radical Honesty[18:21] Navigating the Healing Journey[24:36] Radical Acceptance vs. Resignation[27:52] Concluding Thoughts and EncouragementREFLECTION PROMPTNotice if there were any particular sensations in your body as you listened to this episode. Which segments might they have been in response to?What relationships in your life might you have noticed difficulty in holding opposing truths, or may have been told or thought that those who had harmed you “did their best”?Support the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.