"They Did Their Best" Can Harm More Than Help

Episode 147   

In this episode, I discuss a common challenge faced by complex trauma survivors: the notion that those who harmed us did the best they could. I emphasise why it's crucial not to accept this idea too early in the healing process. 

We need to focus on acknowledging the harm and injustice inflicted upon us before considering the limitations and reasons why our abusers acted the way they did. This is a journey of radical honesty and acceptance, facing uncomfortable truths without bypassing our emotions. 

Join me as I explore why truth is essential for healing from trauma and how to reframe our understanding of love and compassion.

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

CHAPTER MARKERS
[00:00] Introduction
[02:00] Internalising Dissonance and Self-Blame
[03:13] Scripts and Roles for Survival
[04:37] The Capacity for Love and Attunement
[08:07] Holding Opposing Truths
[10:06] The Importance of Radical Honesty
[18:21] Navigating the Healing Journey
[24:36] Radical Acceptance vs. Resignation
[27:52] Concluding Thoughts and Encouragement

REFLECTION PROMPT
Notice if there were any particular sensations in your body as you listened to this episode. Which segments might they have been in response to?
What relationships in your life might you have noticed difficulty in holding opposing truths, or may have been told or thought that those who had harmed you “did their best”?

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