Beat Your Genes Podcast

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses in detail "Where does the evidence for evolutionary psychology come from?" Our first question from a listener begins, " I am incredibly fascinated by EP and feel that I have learned so much from the show. I do wonder sometimes though when the questions get answered, what evidence/research is it based on? Assuming the conclusions are inferred... there obviously isn't a set of randomized control trial which provides the answers. I ask for my own interest but also as to provide additional weight to my recommendations to friends/family to learn about this area as I have been doing for the last couple of years. " Question # 2 from a different listener:   "What personality traits correlate with people who seek continual simple pleasures in place of higher achievements, even if their community values higher achievements? Such as people who choose alcohol over the success of their career or relationship, or who shirk responsibly because it feel "too hard" or "too much" for them?"   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                               Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us To schedule a consultation with Dr. Lisle, visit www.EsteemDynamics.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus     Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Why do women fall in love with villains in romance novels? I was reading through my girlfriend’s provocative novels and the men in these books are not noble or kind, they are dark, twisted, cruel, violent criminals, stalkers, vampires, demons or devils. The sex scenes are aggressive and violent. An example I will never forget is the love interest, who is a stalker, violating the woman with a loaded gun and knife. Is there an evolutionary reason why women would like this? If this is what my girlfriend likes, I don’t even understand why she’s with me. I am exactly the opposite of these men. I am in a relationship with a divorced man who is 15 years my senior, with two adults (or nearly adult) children. We've been together for about two years, and he just communicated that six months ago, he kissed a close friend of ours in our shared home. He said it meant nothing (they had a previous relationship) and the kiss was intended to signalize "closure" - that it was the first and last time that something like this has happened in our relationship. He has a history of adultery (his prior wife left him because of serial cheating). Should I trust that this is a one-off thing, or trust my intuition and take a painful step to end the relationship? Afraid of being threatening to others, especially other women, I dress down, don’t wear makeup, don’t bother with my appearance, am obese. Is this a form of self preservation/protection? I always had poor social skills and to not get hurt, I isolate and dress down etc.  Don’t know why I have poor social skills, I may be slightly autistic or asocial. Given that people with less conscientiousness have more children, would it stand to reason that people in general are less conscientious than in the past?  I would presume this might hold true in other areas -- for instance, wouldn't people with less intelligence also have more children?  So over time, wouldn't we see less conscientiousness and lower intelligence in the population at large? Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast Host: Nathan Gershfeld                               Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D. Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss artifical intelligence and some of their fears for the future.  Then at 26:15, the discussion turns to answering these listener questions:  1. I am a frustrated serial monogamist female looking for my magic 10%. For the past six years, I’ve been in several long-term relationships. I enter every relationship with the hope that he is the one and the desire and dedication to make it last. However, after a year or so, I gradually realize that the person isn’t right for me, become disillusioned and fall out of love with him, and then am poached out by the next prospect. However, I never mean for this to happen, and it is painful every time.  I am truly pair-bond oriented, but I am worried that my “inability to settle down” is sending casual mating signals. I am a very demanding person in all areas of life, including this one, which inadvertently makes me fall out of love with someone because they don’t meet my standards. I was like this even before discovering evolutionary psychology, but especially now. However, this has led to accusations from my parents of being unable to be satisfied by one man - crassly put, that I’m a whore. And I’m worried that future male partners will see it that way.  How do I continue dating and exploring relationships in order to find that magic 10% without ruining my reputation? Should I avoid being intimate with someone for many months until I’m sure that they meet all of my standards? How do I avoid leading both myself and the other person on, and not trick myself into thinking that this will last forever? How do I cope with the fact that I may never find someone who makes me happy forever in that fairytale way? 2. My 35 year old daughter refuses to grow up, get a job and move out. She has a university degree but she doesn’t want to use it. It also seems like she doesn’t have any goals for herself. She says she wants to live with me forever. She also doesn’t want to get married or have children. It doesn’t bother me that she lives with me, but I feel like she’s wasting her life. How do I help her? What do I do? Please don’t tell me to kick her out or charge rent because I won’t do it. I love her too much and am too conscientious and agreeable. 3.My husband and I currently live in New York but want to move somewhere that better fits our values and lifestyle. We feel “politically homeless” and would like to avoid the insanity of either end of the political spectrum. We work remotely, are college-educated, vegan, plan to homeschool, and are non-religious… we know that no place is perfect, but would love to hear your thoughts on whether this warm, friendly, community-centered place exists, or if we are just looking for a unicorn.   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast Host: Nathan Gershfeld                Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D. Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Howk discuss the following questions: 1.  Has the team discussed how information overload impedes progress and making changes to one's health? I'd assume one can overdo information gathering, whether it's from podcasts, books, or blogs. As a clinician, how can we help clients get out of this stagnant, noncommittal place? Also, it seems to cause people a lot of stress and anxiety when they have too many thoughts going on in their heads. I have to imagine it gets to a point where it's harmful? 2.  It was recently mentioned on the show that there isn’t any relationship that isnt a trade. I was hoping the doctors could discuss the trade aspect of a mother child relationship specifically from the mother’s perspective… as in what is she getting? I understand its the hormones that dictate the bond and that she is saving her genes.. is there more to it though like at some level is there also an awareness of gains from the children when they are adults in the future? 3.  How much does a woman's income and occupational status matter to the typical man's nervous system in regards to pair-bonding? I've seen men express desire for high-earning women with high-status careers but am not sure if it is because these traits inspire pair-bond "love" feelings in men or if they are just viewing potential long-term relationships in a utilitarian way. For the upcoming True to Life seminar, visit:  www.TruetoLife.us   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast Host: Nathan Gershfeld                               Interviewees: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, PhD www.BeatYourGenes.org Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Howk discuss the following questions:   1. Jordan Peterson mentioned briefly in a video that increasing oxytocin can increase agreeableness. He also gives advice that agreeable people can become more disagreeable by "waking the circuit up" if it's laying dormant in you. He thinks we have a wide range of genetic propensities, some that are switched on and it's possible to switch other propensities on. Is there evidence to support either of these theories?   2. Could the doctors talk about “social climbing”? I have family members who spend much of their free time and resources trying to networking with higher status people. They join different country clubs, go to fancy fundraisers, and will cancel plans with people they have known for years if an opportunity with a fancier new acquaintance arises. They often bring up income and status in conversation, which I find a bit off putting. I can’t decide if this is pseudo esteem seeking, personality cancer, or a legitimate way to make real connections that matter for extroverts. Can this pursuit lead to meaningful relationships?

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following listener questions: How do you square the notion that there is "no 1 mate" (or job, friend etc) with the jealousy/abuse/ stalking (and worse) that happens in relationships. What type of general education on this concept could be offered to attempt to mitigate such costly stone age behavior.  Related, can u talk about the treatment of battered women in your practice, how they do or don't escape?  Buss claims one contributing cause of such behavior is patriarchal culture and institutionalized male dominance.  Any truth to that or is this just genetic like everything else? I have a frenemy (that is, a friend who was really an enemy) who I’ve long lost touch with, but whom I still irresistibly stalk on social media. She was very competitive with me in college, although I drastically outperformed her at the time (I was the dux and she was upper-middling). Nevertheless, she went on to similar feats as me, getting her PhD from Yale (again, the same as me). I see her subtweeting things about me occasionally and I wonder why, after not being friends for so long, we both harbour a malevolent obsession about each other? What is the evolutionary good of this? Neither of us stands to gain anything from this and we’ve both achieved what we wanted, showing that it wasn’t the zero-sum game we might’ve thought during our early college years. She has become a tenure-track professor while I started a very successful company and am now a millionaire. Why do we ruminate so much about enemies/frenemies, and how can be finally move on from them? I was wondering what over population does to a society. I understand nothing is changing genetically but was curious how lived experiences differ between populated densely packed cities and villages/ towns. Is one better than the other for mental health?

In our 300th episode (actually episode 301, but we wanted to save it for Dr. Howk),  Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk take a break from solving listener problems and answering listener questions and instead turn towards answering some fun, personal questions.      

Upcoming seminar Sun, Feb 19:  True to Life Seminar - visit www.TrueToLife.us to register.    In this show, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. I am still trying to figure out genetics and evolution (I wasn't taught it), so I might be way oversimplifying this. If you get a set of genes from your parents and they get a set of genes from each of their parents, wouldn't you be able to track a certain genetic trait as being from either one of your parents or one of their parents? 2. You have previously explained borderline personality.  Can we have a refresher on this, and do you have a better moniker it? 3. If you had to map out the very best way to get on the right track or stay on the right track for my health, What would be the best things for me to do? 4. My organization is constantly trying to access and improve 'group performance' and there are a variety of corporate tools marketed to optimize the effectiveness of work Teams. Is this bunk or does this have any relevance. More broadly, what do you think of "Organizational Psychology?" and does this relate? 5. My wife and I recently moved to a very exclusive neighbourhood. It’s a small, rich neighbourhood and we thought before we moved here that we would enjoy a lot of privacy and that people would keep to themselves. However, we have discovered to our horror hat we have extremely nosy, over-friendly, and slightly interfering neighbours. What can I do to enforce boundaries without falling out with them and potentially creating even bigger issues?

1. I am curious about an unpopular subject: systematic eugenics.  Has "random” selection in the mating market already produced the best possible human genes combinations? Could we generate humans with drastically higher IQ, strength, size, speed, athleticism, beauty, etc? What do you think is the hypothetical limit of human genetic potential for outlier individuals and for the average of a population?  This kind of discussion is often obscured by the obvious practical and ethical problems, rather than what it could theoretically achieve. 2.My husband's daughter is extremely disagreeable, low conscientiousness, low IQ, highly introverted, open to drugs and alcohol and unstable. She is in constant crisis and is constantly threatening suicide. My husband and I have really tried to be there for her and never miss a call, but her constant cries for attention are draining and have taken years off our lives. I don't want to discount anything that she is feeling but my and my husband's mental health are really suffering and we don't know what to do.  3.How do you respond to a child who has no recognition of their limitations? i.e. on the verge of being fired because they constantly call in "sick," show up late, don't do their job. Or the child who barely passed chemistry but says they are going to med school? Even if we say "That's great, but I understand med school is a lot of work" she gets mad and tells us and all her friends that we told her that she was a loser and a failure and because of us, she isn't going to med school anymore and instead she's stuck in a minimum wage job. Then she gets depressed at what might have been if we hadn't held her back. But if we say nothing, then she tries and fails (or fails to try) and becomes depressed and that somehow becomes our fault too.   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast Host: Nathan Gershfeld                               Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D. Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following question: Given that depression is inherently demotivating (because it is failure feedback that tells you to stop what you're doing), how might one 'bootstrap' oneself into more positive, motivated mood states? I wonder what people in the Stone Age village would have done to bounce back from failure feedback; it makes most of us want to curl into a ball and die. How does depression actually end up benefiting and motivating us? Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast Host: Nathan Gershfeld                               Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D. Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus