Elis James and John Robins

“I just feel ashamed and sad now.”John’s in a bad mood. He has made this patently clear he wants nothing to catch him off guard. That’s great news for Elis when he’s got a big fun surprise for John that he’s put a load of work into. Wish him luck.Because it’s a huge milestone week for Mr Johnny JR Robins. Two decades on the circuit. And in that time innumerable regional arts centres have felt his comedic touch in that time. So many times has John won. Again. And Again. Thus now is the time to cast a wistful eye back on 20 years of John Robins stand up, warts and all. For This Is Your Stand Up Life.We also circle back around to sex clubs again. This time on The Wirral.Premium bonds are like truffles in the earth. Got any truffles that you prime hogs have dug up and now stand attentively next to, waiting for us to gather? Well send them in to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

John’s currently penning something which will change global culture. But what if we lift the bonnet of his genius? That is what we find out on today’s show.For in that bonce is a V8 plucking words from the ether with such vim and vigour, and combining those words to make phrases, clauses and sentences. Word constructs which then combine to make reflections and musings that will make people go “huh, that’s profound” like nothing before.The ease with which John hammers out words at such a pace would make Jilly Cooper, professional blush causer, blush. Pages churned out with an efficiency that if this were Bob Cratchit doing office based tasks then Scrooge would offer him a raise.Elsewhere, there is combat over the combativeness of features and where the blame for that lies, whilst once again Elis is unreasonably put under time pressure to think of things. Plus, have you ever just snogged someone constantly for an hour?If you’d like to pen your own novellas (emails / texts) then get in touch through elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

John has eaten some chocolate just before recording and now he’s all glum. So it’s up to Elis and Dave to get him out of his funk. Their options: 1. Take his trousers off. 2. Give him a wedgie. 3. Let him tell his anecdote about going to a folk gig and sitting in front of an annoying couple. One wonders which they’ll pick?After the chunk funk (chocolate funk) has subsided, there’s more premium bond chat, and after Elis’s poor showing around Valentine’s Day last week, dating expert LalalaLetMeExplain stops by to impart some romantic wisdom.If you have any of the following: some tips for Elis’s love life, a mad dad, or a story about winning loads of money, then we want to hear from you. Send all your guff to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Brace yourselves, because John is about to discover something massive LIVE on the podcast. This could be significant. This could change the game. This could mean that Project 2032(TM) has come early. It’s a potentially life-changing day for Robins, and somewhat like an episode of 24, it all plays out in real time. Strap yourselves in, folks. And with John’s attention elsewhere, could this also be a game-changing day for our Elis James? Will the sense of excitement that’s pervading the studio seep into Elis’ attempt to connect to a random Welsh caller? Is a tap in on the cards for Made Up Games? It’s certainly all to play for. So sit back and enjoy some textbook Elis and John badinage, featuring a welcome return of #HotChat, and a Made Up Game that features so many brand names it’s taken the production team 2 days to fill out all the forms. Send in your reactions to John’s potentially life-changing news to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Love is in the air and it’s really setting Producer Dave’s pulse racing. And not just because he’s madly in love himself. Rather it’s because Elis and John are leaning into topical content in a natural fashion without prompting. Something to get any commercial radio producer excitable.For yes, it’s Valentine’s Day. Romance is making the studio a thick humid erotic soup. Elis will send Isy a text saying “well done”. And John’s Love Heart that says “new love” on it has broken in half; a sign that pagans would have interpreted as coming crop failure.But John is in love. In love with a new beau... the Top Shows Podcast Chart. He’s also had the greatest match with a woman of all time… his mortgage broker. In less romantic affairs we ask “could you wake a baby for £25,000?” and there’s a clash of two ingredients that were just made for each other: Mad Dads and sat navs.Contact us right now you sexy lovers on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp if you’re more of a direct message sort of person.

What do the people want? Wordle Live. What do they not want? The Cymru Connection. That’s the opinion of John Robins. Just John Robins. You thought that we were out of the Wordly woods. But no, the more concern you have for the woods the more trees John will plant. PLANT being a good starter. John wants a feature substitution and he'll wage this war on Elis, listeners and production staff alike until he gets it.Failing that, what about a daily Wordle podcast? Guys. Guys! GUUYYS!?! Don’t run off. It can’t happen anyway because they’re hard to promote and you can’t get a commercial midroll advert in if they’re too short. So it’s all fine. That door is closed.Anyway there are larks aplenty today on the show, and not the avian sort. For Richard Herring and his singular ball are in today to talk about someone who looks like Tim Key. Plus there’s a Made Up Games which really will make TV commissioners *finally* sit up and listen to the ideas machines.If there’s any format that you think has the potential to make the boys boat loads of cash then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022.

In a lively conversation, the hosts celebrate John's good mood after interviewing his musical idol. However, his lightheartedness quickly leads to a flurry of humorous sackings. They dive deep into shoes, discussing everything from shoelaces to unforgettable footwear faux pas. Nostalgic tales of childhood games and amusing train encounters add flavor to the mix, while a listener's retirement saga prompts discussions on purpose and isolation. Social media quirks and quirky family anecdotes further enrich this entertaining tapestry of reflections and laughter.

There’s some big goals targeted on today’s show. Firstly, ‘legacy’ is on the lips. What permanent impact can Elis and John leave?Secondly, what can help achieve Project 2032 and allow John to retire in just 7 years?Finally, Dave just wants to create some vaguely entertaining content and keep John busy.The proposed options are numerous to reach the above goals. Well, everything from pottery and doing a food safety certificate. Can any of the ideas achieve all three? Absolutely not. Not even the tantalising prospect of a thousand lovely ladies or John Robins: Deal Dog.Speaking of deal dogs, there’s a Made Up Game which lasts as long as an episode of Eastenders and really gets JR's juices flowing - Elis is also there. Also expect Elis’s questioning to be questioned... once again.Got any suggestions for things that John could do? Well send them to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp them in on 07974 293 022.

Some of you wanted less not more Wordle chat. You pleaded even to the production team. But the team were scared. For there were Wordle emails that had come in. What if Emperor Robins found out they’d been squirreling such content away from him. It would displease him so. Thus he was presented with it all. And like a labrador at the bowl, he could feast. Feast until unwell.So what of the pleas? With his 3.6 average word score laurel perched on his head, he peered down from his chaise longe. As the fickle thumb of fate turned down, and he yelled ‘No!’. And rather than getting less Wordle, it’s more. It’s double Wordle. Another 20 minutes 30 seconds of it all across two doses.This’ll teach the complainers. The rioters. Eat your wordy gruel and be happy with it. Might assess ‘gruel’ as a potential for new starter words actually. Dave write that down. Elis was not consulted on today's content.Anyway, aside from that there’s also non-etymological issues at play including Adrian Chiles’ pants and the rather frightening thought of ‘what if John was the second coming of Christ’.Remember to subscribe on BBC Sounds for bonus Sounds Bites / Bureau de Change of the Mind every Saturday morning. And if you’ve got Wordle-based content for the Emperor then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

Someone’s put 50p in Johnny JR today. And it’s incredible what such loose change can enact. For since the wee hours he’s been cackling into his notebook at the output of his terrifyingly fervent mind at work. So fervent in fact, that he almost struggles to get through his own twisting creation. Strap in from the off, because when he’s in top gear it’s a mind quite unlike any other.Beyond the bubbling crevasses of John’s imagination there’s Elis James to deal with. Because once again it’s time for his own progeny to skewer him in increasingly damning ways.What have you got for us? If it’s worth the paper / pixels it’s written on then send it to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp on 07974 293 022.