Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

Topics discussed include the concept of 'self' and 'personality', combating 'Should Statements', the effectiveness of TEAM without a therapist, and the differences between Positive Reframing and Positive Thoughts. The episode explores self-identity, societal expectations, effective communication, acknowledging feelings, and the transformative journey of moving beyond the self for deeper relationships.

Dr. Matthew May, an expert in ADHD treatment, joins to explore how TEAM therapy focuses on individuals rather than labels. He shares insights on navigating the complexities of ADHD with personalized approaches. The conversation dives into the healing power of humor in therapy, highlighting its role in easing tension. They also discuss the differences between rejection practice and shame-attacking exercises, offering strategies for clients facing anxiety in social situations. This engaging dialogue blends expertise with practical techniques to enhance therapeutic outcomes.

Transgender Issues Featuring Dr. Robin Mathy Emily Dickinson, from Amherst, Massachusetts, was one of the greatest American 19th century poets, and after hearing one of our Amherst professors explain her life and work, I fell in love with her incredible poetry. When she attended Mt. Holyoke College as a freshman, she was obligated to sign up as a “Christian,” a “Non-Christian with hope,” or a “Non-Christian without hope.” She was the only student who had ever signed up as a “Non-Christian without hope,” and she was given one semester to change her registration category. When she refused, she was asked to leave, and spent the rest of her life living in Amherst, baking cookies for children and writing her fabulous poems, which were sometimes included in her cookie packages. Her poetry was all about loss, which was much the story of her life. However, she was not self-pitying, which is part of what makes her poetry so sad and magical. Emily Dickinson always dreamed of visiting the west, but never got the chance to travel much beyond the outskirts of Amherst. She once wrote, To make a prairie, It takes one clover, and a bee. One clover and a bee. And reverie. The reverie alone will do, if bees are few. Tears come to my eyes every time I think about that poem! When I was a student at Amherst, we used to visit her grave, and I once actually knocked on the door of the house where she once lived. I explained I was a huge fan and actually got the chance to look around. I actually found a poem scribbled on a scrap of paper on a window ledge. Today we interview Dr. Robin Mathy, who describes herself as “A human who hopes.” Robin is a well-published expert on LGBTQ issues, with a specialization in transgender research and political activism based on science to debunk hateful myths about sexuality. She is also a new member of our Tuesday training group at Stanford! In addition to studying to become a TEAM therapist, Robin is a Doctor of Social Work student at Tulane University.  She is a researcher and activist who has published four books and more than 50 peer-reviewed articles or book chapters.  She is a beloved member of David and Jill’s Tuesday TEAM CBT group. Rhonda kicked off today’s podcast by reading two very moving endorsements from people who heard part 1 of the live work with Jessica, “Living with Regrets,” which we had published just prior to our interview with Robin. Then Rhonda kicked off our dialogue with Robin by asking if there are any special treatment considerations when you are working with trans individuals. Robin said that there really aren’t—TEAM-CBT is already highly personalized and individualized, so we let the patient set the agenda. Robin emphasized the importance, of course, of being warm, affirming, and supportive. In addition, do not assume that the patient is there because of gender identity issues, or automatically refer them to a support group on that topic, because the patient’s issue may be radically different, and that would amount to stereotyping your patient. I asked Robin for a simplified introduction to LGBTQ, including what these terms actually mean. That’s because I have to admit I never had any good sexual diversity training during my medical school or psychiatry residency, and I suspect that some of our podcast fans, perhaps many, would also appreciate a little enlightenment based on science. Robin pointed out that transgender has to do with identity issues: what is your sense of self? Do you see yourself  more as a woman or a man? And sometimes, this will be quite different from the gender you were assigned at birth. So, for example, you may be assigned as a boy at birth, but your sense of who you are may be a girl, when you are young, and a woman as you develop during puberty. In this case, you would be a trans-gender woman. To be respectful, you should refer to a transgender woman as she or her. And, of course, if you were assigned as a girl at birth, but your sense of who you are is a boy/man, you would be a transgender man, referred to as he / him. Some transgender people are nonbinary, meaning they do not want to be referred to as either a man or a woman, and they do not want to be referred to with either binary pronoun. To be respectful and sensitive, you should always ask someone what pronouns they prefer. In contrast, the terms, LGBQ, do not refer to gender identity, but rather to sexual attraction. So, a lesbian is a woman who is sexually or romantically attracted to women, and a gay man is attracted to men, and so forth. The term, “cis,” refers to your gender that was assigned at birth. According to the National Center for Transgender Equality, When a person begins to live according to their gender identity, rather than the gender they were thought to be when they were born, this time period is called gender transition. Deciding to transition can take a lot of reflection. . . . Possible steps in a gender transition may or may not include changing your clothing, appearance, name, or the pronoun people use to refer to you (like “she,” “he,” or “they”). But it can be a bit more complex. Robin says: A lot of people like me do not actually identify as transgender. I was assigned as a male at birth, but I have always felt like a girl / woman. I think of myself as gender-diverse, not as transgender. . . I remember taking a bath with my sister when we were young, and I realized that I had something that didn’t belong on me. . . . My parents raised me as a boy, but I was always effeminate. As I developed as a teenager, my transition was from being “me” to being “fully me” and completely embracing my identity as a woman. This was freeing to me. We are taught to believe that there are two types of chromosomes that determine our gender: XX for female and XY for male. But this is misleading because there is actually a broad range of chromosomal makeups (sex), sexual attractions as well as gender identities, and gender identity and sexual attraction can be completely independent. For example, someone can be a transgender woman, and be attracted to either men or women or both. Robin pointed out that some transgender women can look like glamorous women, and two transgender women have actually won national beauty contests. "It is cruel," Robin suggests," to insist that transgender women must use men’s bathrooms, just because they have the XY chromosome set." She pointed out that gender identity usually develops by age 7, but in trans individuals the incongruity between their gender identity and sex assigned at birth crystallizes at around age 10 or 11, during puberty. Although many transgender people recall being gender nonconforming and/or identifying as another gender in early childhood, we now know this is not always the case. We discussed the pain of discrimination trans individuals face, and Robin described her own suicide attempt in her early twenties, in part because her male sexual organs and secondary sex characteristics like facial hair “disgusted me.”  Fortunately, she was assigned a very understanding gay psychiatrist in the hospital, and he said that she could start transitional hormone therapy right away if she was interested, and this was a great help. She said that she was a candidate for the Olympic wrestling team, and it was clear that she did not appear feminine to others because of her muscles, and she experienced a great deal of ridicule and rejection when began to transition. This negative bias included some medical professionals she consulted for help. Eventually she was able to obtain gender-affirming surgery. She said she came out as gender-diverse in March 2023 to be an advocate because 24 states in just the past three years have banned gender-affirming medical care for minors. Robin also clarified the meaning of the term, queer, which used to be a pejorative term. Now it is embraced by the LGBTQ community as a term referring to all sexual and gender minorities. Toward the end of our interview, Robin emphasized the importance of hope, and said she had a “glimmer” of hope, even in her darkest hours. To learn more about Robin’s pioneering work, or if you are interested in the science and research regarding transgender issues, Robin warmly invites you to visit her YouTube channel, (27) Robin Mathy - YouTube. She says, “Please feel free to disseminate the information” and wants you to know that “I love comments (positive and negative).” So give her some feedback if you’re so inclined! Thanks for listening today! Robin, Rhonda and David

In this podcast, Dr. Orly Marmur joins Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt to discuss overcoming loneliness. They explore the use of the Feared Fantasy technique to address fear of rejection. They also emphasize the value of genuine connections, letting go of the need to be impressive, and the power of empathy. The podcast concludes with reflections on communication and enlightenment.

Dr. Orly Marmur, a clinical psychologist from Southern California, discusses overcoming loneliness, the impact of past traumas, and the desire for connection and self-acceptance. The speakers explore thoughts on the Daily Mood Dog, the importance of challenging distorted thoughts, and the paradoxical relationship between reducing negative thoughts and experiencing intense emotions.

The Anxious Child— Three Common Errors Parents Make, and How to Avoid Them!  Featuring Dr. Taylor Chesney Today we interview Dr. Taylor Chesney who is the Director of the New York office of the Feeling Good Institute. She specializes in the treatment of children and teens, and today will tell us about the three biggest errors parents make in dealing with anxious kids. Dr. Chesney has been a guest on several of our podcasts in the past (episodes 107 and 263, and Corona Casts 4 and 6) and is a terrific teacher and therapist. She recently taught a 12 week course for therapists working with teens and children (ages 6 to 18) and their parents and brings us some of the highlights today. She always begins treatment by interviewing the child and the parents and pinpoints what they want help with. Then she assesses how hard they are willing to work to bring about that change. The goals may be quite different for the child and the parents. It’s crucial to develop a meaningful therapeutic contract with the children, as well as the parents, as opposed to thinking your role is to “fix” the child for the parents. If the child is less than 11 years old, she meets with the parents first. If the child is 12 and up, she meets with the child first. Either way, she empathizes with the child and encourage them to tell their side of the problem. During or after empathizing, she does Positive Reframing, to show the child what their negative feelings, like depression and anxiety, show about them that’s positive and awesome. For example, if you’re sad about not being invited to a birthday party, it shows that you value friendships, and that you care a lot about other people. If the child is anxious, she will teach them how their anxiety can be helpful. For example, if the child is a good athlete or student, anxiety can be an important motivating force in their success. But sometimes we might get too anxious and feel intensely anxious about something that is not actually dangerous. Then you might experience your anxiety as trouble eating, a belly ache, trouble sleeping, or some other symptom that gets in the way of your optimal functioning. The most important question with parents and children is usually: “Do you want to learn some tools and skills to help you change the way you feel?” She also teaches children and teens what different kinds of emotions are, and the kinds of thoughts that trigger them. For example, if you feel anxious, you’re probably telling yourself that you’re in danger and that something bad is about to happen. If you feel guilty, you’re probably telling yourself that you’ve done something bad, or that you hurt someone you love; and if you’re feeling angry you may be telling yourself that someone is trying to hurt you or take advantage of you. Taylor brings the core cognitive therapy ideas to life with examples that children can understand.  Here’s how she explains the idea, taught by Epictetus nearly 2,000 years ago, that our feelings do not result from what happens to us, but from our thoughts about what’s happening. Let’s say that you got a 90 on a test. How would you feel? You might feel overjoyed if you studied hard and felt like you did a good job and got a wonderful grade. However, if you felt like you had to get a 95 to raise your semester grade in the class to an A, and you even skipped going to the prom to study extra hard, you might feel sad, ashamed, frustrated, angry, and disappointed, telling yourself that you “failed.” Same grade, but two radically different emotional reactions, depending on how you think about your grade. Conclusion: it’s not what happens, but what you tell yourself, that triggers all of your positive and negative feelings. Taylor said that anxiety is incredibly common in her clinic population and that surveys indicate that a whopping 25% of children have an anxiety disorder. She teaches her patients that anxiety in children, teens, and adults results from giving in to the urge to escape from a frightening or uncomfortable situation instead of facing your fears and discovering that the monster has no teeth. For example, Taylor was in the ocean with her 9 year old son, and there were jellyfish in the ocean. Her son was terrified and wanted to get out of the water and back to the shore. Taylor asked him what he was telling himself, and he said he was thinking that the jellyfish were bad. She also told him, “It’s okay to be afraid and to be careful and avoid the jelly fish, but you can also choose to stay in the ocean. Then we can have some fun together playing in the water.” He decided to stay and have fun and felt proud of himself! She described Three Common Mistakes parents make in dealing with an anxious child. Error #1: The Quiet Out Trap She explained that we love our children, and don’t want them to suffer, so we may give them an easy way out. For example, if your child is afraid to go to the party when you are dropping them off, you might say, “If you don’t want to go to the party, we can go home.” This seems like a kind and loving thing to do, protecting your child. However, you’re teaching the child that he or she can escape from anxiety through avoidance, so the child’s fear of social interactions actually increases. It also teaches the child that you don’t think they can handle the situation. An alternate response would be to say, “Let’s go in and sit down together!” She advised against cheerleading or trying to convince your child that they have nothing to be afraid of (e.g. “it’s not that scary” “there’s nothing to be afraid of.”) Instead, you can tell them that it’s okay to feel the fear but do it anyway, and you can often model that together with them. Error #2: The Escalation Trap In this trap, you let your fearful and avoidant child become more and more anxious and demanding, until they freak out and throw a temper tantrum, and then you give in to them. This, again, provides immediate relief, but in the long run you are training them to escalate and throw a tantrum to escape from having to face their fears, and on a broader scale, any time they want to get what they want. Error #3: The Mental Filtering Trap Mental Filtering is one of the ten original cognitive distortions, and it means focusing on the negatives in any situation and ignoring, or discounting the positives. It’s a common cause of depression, but can also be a communication error if you focus excessively on what your child is doing wrong. Instead of pointing out your child’s errors, you might say, “Johnny, I love how you stayed calm when X happened. You’re really getting good at that.” In other words, you can comment on what they are doing right. She said that showing kids how to be successful is more effective than berating them for what they’re doing wrong. This is an effective and low-stress way of reshaping their self-defeating behaviors. David mentioned that this positive style of communicating can also be highly effective in a work environment, and that he uses it a great deal in his interactions with colleagues on the app team. If done in a genuine way, it can quickly reduce conflict and enhance morale and mutual respect. How to Teach Parents David asked Taylor if many parents resist implementing these kinds of changes. Taylor said that if she calmly and clearly teaches the parents what they’re doing that isn’t working, using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, most parents quickly become motivated to grasp their mistakes and change their strategies in dealing with their children. Taylor also “Sits with Open Hands” when making suggestions to parents. She explains it like this: This means that if what the parents are doing works for them, and they aren’t willing to work hard to make changes, I accept this. But if they’re willing to work hard and change, we can work together to help them implement more effective parenting strategies. Getting parents to work together as a team can be very important, but some parents may fight over the best way to discipline and raise their kids. These conflicts between mom and dad are one of the major causes of the unhappiness in the kids and get in the way of change. Taylor emphasizes “Little Steps for Big Feets,” and might set small attainable goals for the parents who are at odds. For example, can they just sit next to each other and perhaps even “fake” a unified front for one conversation? Parents do not have to commit to making these changes “for the rest of their lives,” but make experimental small changes instead, for a small discrete period of time, and then check in and see if the change makes a difference. If it does, they may be motivated to continue to try to implement more changes. Taylor typically works with children and their parents for 12 to 16 sessions and gives them a tool set to change some specific problem they came to therapy to solve. She has worked virtually for the most part since the start of the pandemic, but is now starting to see some people in person again. She offers classes for mental health professionals and also runs a monthly case consultation group on the last Wednesday of every month from 12:30 – 2 pm EST. For more information, you can reach Dr. Chesney at Taylor@FeelingGoodInstitute.com. Every fall, Taylor teaches a 12-week training course for therapists on TEAM-CBT for children and adolescents. You can also check the www.FeelingGoodInstitute.com website for more information on TEAM-CBT training for children and adults. Thanks for listening today! Rhonda, Taylor, and David

Personal Work with Dr. Tom Gedman-- Overcoming Performance Anxiety The Triumphant Conclusion Last week you heard Part 2 of our personal work with Dr. Tom Gedman, which included T = Testing and E = Empathy. This week you will hear the dramatic and inspiring conclusion of the session, including A = Assessment of Resistance and M = Methods. Dr. Tom's beloved pal   Start of Part 2 A = Assessment of Resistance We began with the Invitation Step, asking Dr. Gedman what he hoped to accomplish in today’s session. His list included: Develop some clarity on the direction of my business. Become more authentic in my video recordings promoting my clinical work. Increase in self-confidence. Feel accepted by David and Rhonda. My ability to push ahead during recordings instead of stopping and backing down because it isn’t “good enough.” Dr. Gedman said that he’d gladly push the Magic Button to make his negative thoughts and feelings instantly disappear, but agreed to look at some of the positives in them first by asking these types of questions of each negative thought or feeling. Is there some truth in this negative thought? Could this negative thought or feeling be appropriate or even healthy, given my circumstances? How might this negative thought or feeling be helping me? What does this negative thought or feeling show about me and my core values that’s positive and awesome? Could there be some negative consequences of giving up this negative thought or feeling? The Positives in My Negatives Negative thought: “I can’t be authentic on videos. I look like such s smug phony.” I want to be other-centered, and focused on how I might be able to relieve the emotional struggles and health problems of my patients. I value being authentic and genuine. I want to help people who resonate with my message. I don’t want to hide. I want to be open with my flaws. I value honesty and integrity. I value humility. I value compassion. Negative feeling: sadness I care a great deal about my dream. I don’t want to fail and let my family down. Negative feeling: shame Motivates me to work harder Shows my love for my family. I’m aware that I’m letting down the very people I want to help. Negative feeling: inferior, inadequate Show that I respect and admire the many people who have superior skills at talking live in front of a camera. Shows that I’m aware of what others have accomplished. Shows I don’t feel superior to others. The idea behind the Positive Reframing is to help the patients see that their negative thoughts and feelings are not the expression of what’s “wrong” with them, but what’s right with them. This paradoxically reduces the resistance to change and opens the door to the possibility of rapid recovery. You can see Dr. Gedman’s goals for each of the negative feelings on his Daily Mood Log if you click here. As you can see, instead of trying to eliminate his negative thoughts and feelings by pushing the Magic Button, he has decided to dial them down to lower levels with the Magic Dial. Of course, these are only goals. We will need methods to challenge and smash his negative thoughts so we can reduce his negative feelings. M = Methods Rhonda, Tom, and David used a variety of methods to work on several negative thoughts Tom wanted to work on first, including numbers 1, 2, and 4 from Tom’s Daily Mood Log.. I can’t be authentic. I look like a smug phony. 100% I waste so much time on my videos. I should be quicker. This should be easier. 100% David and Rhonda will judge me for what I’m doing. 80% We used several methods including Explain the Distortions, Survey Technique, Externalization of Voices (with Self-Defense, Acceptance Paradox, Counter-Attack Technique,) and more You can see Dr. Gedman’s end-of-session scores on his nine negative feelings on his Daily Mood Log if you click here. As you can see, eight of the feelings fell all the way to zero, and his feelings of inadequacy fell from 100 all the way to 5. Toward the end of the session, we discussed Tom’s medical and psychological philosophy, which might appeal to some of our podcast fans, especially if you live in England. First, he uses TEAM-CBT in individual two-hour sessions to help help people who are struggling with feelings of depression and anxiety. He finds this work thrilling because you can often see amazing changes within a single session, just like we saw in Tom’s work today. Dr. Gedman also hopes to develop TEAM-CBT groups as well. This can be difficult because you need many referrals, but in my experience, TEAM groups can be incredibly effective, and cost-effective as well. In addition, Tom also has a Functional Medical Practice which focuses on developing healthy nutritional and eating habits, consistent exercise, limiting the intake of toxins, developing loving relationships via the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, and enhancing spirituality. If you would like to contact Dr. Gedman and learn more about his clinical practice, he can be reached at www.DrTomGedman.com. Toward the beginning of these show notes, I reminded everyone of how anxious and insecure our beloved Rhonda felt at the start of our work together, when she took over for Fabrice. And now, she seems to be the poster child for charm, warmth, humor, and charisma. That doesn’t usually happen automatically. Rhonda, like Tom, did her hard personal work, using the Daily Mood Log and several TEAM-CBT methods. But one thing that has been especially helpful to her, after initially “beating” her insecurity, has been the constant exposure work, with hours of weekly podcast recordings. I, too, have had the chance to do constant, ongoing exposure for my own extreme feelings of inadequacy in front of live audiences or cameras, since I teach every week at my Stanford psychotherapy training class, as well as frequent  workshops, In addition, I have recorded almost daily for the Feeling Great App, which should be released in the first quarter of 2024. This exposure work has helped me cement and extend my gains in overcoming my own performance anxiety. I plan to contact Tom to recommend the same. Perhaps in England they have program similar to Toastmasters, where you can have the chance to speak in public frequently and get valuable feedback from peers and colleagues. I want to give a big hug and thanks to you, Tom, for sharing your intensely personal and real personal work with all of us today, and thanks, too, for reminding us of our own humanity and the magic of humility and the “Great Death” of the “Self.” Thanks for listening today! Tom, Rhonda, and David

This podcast discusses performance anxiety, specifically focusing on a British physician struggling with intense anxiety when speaking on camera. They explore the fear of sounding inauthentic and the pressure to entertain. The speaker shares their experience with anxiety and the importance of exposure to overcome it. They also discuss the power of rapid mindset change, group therapy, and the concept of empathy. The struggle with authenticity and self-doubt in creating video content is highlighted, along with feelings of guilt and remorse.

Rhonda Describes the GRIP Program and Interviews GRIP Graduate, Shakur Ross The Guiding Rage Into Power (GRIP) Training Institute serves incarcerated men and women in California.  Their mission is to create personal and systemic change to turn violence and suffering into opportunities for learning and healing. I (Rhonda) was introduced to the GRIP program when two of my dearest friends, Steve Zimmerman and Vicki Peet, invited me to a yearly celebration of the GRIP Training institute.  I was blown away by who I met and what I learned that I wanted to share it with the Feeling Good Podcast listeners.  Thank you, David, for letting me deviate from our typical subjects. The GRIP program is a different subject for the Feeling Good Podcast, because it is not about TEAM-CBT.  What the GRIP Program and TEAM-CBT have in common is that they are both evidence-based programs that incorporate CBT theory and methods into their treatment methodology.  But the main thing they have in common is that people who engage in these two therapies experience profound, enlightening changes in their lives. From their program: “The GRIP program is an evidence-based methodology developed over 25 years of work with 1000’s of incarcerated people and many victim/survivors. Rooted in Restorative Justice principles, the program’s trauma informed model integrates cutting-edge neuroscience research.  Students engage in a yearlong, in-depth journey to comprehend the origins of their violence and develop skills to track and manage strong impulses rather than acting out in harmful ways.  They transform destructive beliefs and behaviors into an attitude of emotional intelligence that prevents revictimization.” The GRIP Training Institute was started in 2011.  As of October 2020, nine years after running its first group, 915 students have graduated.  Of the 915 graduates, 369 were released from prison.  Only 1 graduate in nine years returned to prison, which is a recidivism rate of 0.3%, which is very impressive considering the recidivism rate for California is between 44-46%.  Many, if not all of the graduates, say that GRIP saved their lives.  Something many people who have benefitted from TEAM-CBT echo. At the GRIP celebration, I was standing in line waiting for the buffet.  A man got in line behind me.  It was confusing where the line ended, which was not directly behind me. In another circumstance I might have mentioned to him that the line ended somewhere else, but he was kind of scary looking, big, buff with obvious prison tattoos on his neck so I didn’t say anything.  But the line moved slowly and I was curious so I asked him what his connection to GRIP was.  He told me he was a graduate of the program and then politely asked me the same question. It has been my experience that often people love to talk about themselves more than they are interested in other people so I was immediately impressed that he was as interested in me as I was in him.  When I told him I was a therapist, he asked me what kind of therapy I practiced.  I explained TEAM-CBT, and he was super interested! He told me he loved CBT, and had learned a lot about himself through that kind of therapy because GRIP incorporated it in their program.  I asked him about his experience in GRIP and his tough exterior transformed right in front of me as he talked about how GRIP saved his life. I talked to several other men (so far only men have graduated from the GRIP program because the services have only recently been brought to a women’s prison), and had the same experience.  I met our guest on this podcast, Shakur Ross, who kindly agreed to share his journey of transformation with us. GRIP graduates continue to do the work and live as Peacemakers.  Shakur works for GRIP and returns to San Quentin and other prisons to provide the same lessons that he received. The podcast starts with an interview with Kim Moore, the Executive Director of the GRIP Training Institute, who explains some of the key concepts of the program. Thanks for listening today! Rhonda

In this podcast, Rhonda and the co-host work with Jessica, a mental health professional living with regrets. They explore techniques for overcoming regrets and finding peace and joy. They discuss cognitive distortions, blame, negative self-talk, and the importance of not settling in life. They also delve into the idea of embracing failure for personal growth, gratitude, and self-reflection.