Talk About Talk - Communication Skills Training

Andrea shares the 3 most common personal branding mistakes and misconceptions she sees with her clients: communicating first, scripting, and copying others. Learn why these are mistakes, and what you should do instead to build a strong and effective personal brand.   RESOURCES Other Talk About Talk episodes on Personal Branding: #98 The Power Of Personal Branding #106 “Q&A on Personal Branding” #109 Five Impactful Ways to Reinforce Your Personal Brand Talk About Talk Website: TalkAboutTalk.com LinkedIn: Andrea and TalkAboutTalk Weekly Communication Skills Newsletter – https://talkabouttalk.com/blog/#newsletter-signup   For a transcript of this episode, please email info@talkabouttalk.com.  The post #125 Personal Branding Mistakes appeared first on Talk About Talk.

Forget the rehearsed elevator pitch! Discover a fresh approach that prioritizes personalization, enthusiasm, and authentic engagement. This insightful discussion emphasizes the importance of being prepared for spontaneous conversations with key stakeholders. Learn how to create connections that feel genuine rather than scripted. Enhance your communication skills with simple yet impactful strategies!

There are many reasons to adopt a growth mindset.  Andrea explains why adopting a growth mindset is the #1 most impactful yet underleveraged skill, how thinking about prototyping can help you adopt a growth mindset, plus her three ideas for how you can adopt a growth mindset right now!   RESOURCES Grit by Angela Duckworth Talk About Talk Episode #100: Andrea’s Top 3 Communication Insights Website: TalkAboutTalk.com LinkedIn: Andrea and TalkAboutTalk Weekly Communication Skills Newsletter – https://talkabouttalk.com/blog/#newsletter-signup Email – Andrea@TalkAboutTalk.com   TRANSCRIPT Greetings and welcome to Talk About Talk episode number 123. I’m your executive communication coach, Dr. Andrea Wojnicki (please call me Andrea!). And I‘m so glad you’re here!  Are you an ambitious executive with a growth mindset? Well, then you’re in the right place.  WAIT! What exactly does it mean to have a growth mindset?   If you’ve been listening to the TAT podcast for awhile, you probably know that this is how I open most of the TalkAboutTalk episodes.  I thought it might be wise to take a step back and examine this term – a growth mindset. So, Do YOU have a growth mindset? REALLY. Ask yourself.  Do you have a growth mindset?  Chances are. If you you’re listening to this podcast, you do have a growth mindset. You’re focused on growth and self improvement.  But the truth is many of us can turn up the dial. In the next 20 minutes or so, you’re going to learn what a growth mindset is, why it’s worth thinking about, and three specific ways that you can cultivate or adopt a growth mindset right now.  Are you ready? Before we get into this, I just want to say, if you have a thirst for knowledge, a thirst for growth, I encourage you to visit the TAT.com website, where you’ll find so many resources to help you out. There are online courses, tip sheets, corporate workshops, one-on-one coaching, some new opportunities for live group coaching programs, the archive of this bi-weekly podcast, AND, I really hope you’ll sign up for the Talk About Talk communication coaching newsletter. This is your chance to get a few communication skills tips from me every week. Please sign up for that communication coaching newsletter if you haven’t already. Alright let’s get into this: what a growth mindset is,  why it’s important (particularly for entrepreneurs),  how to adopt a growth mindset.  At the end I’m going to share with you my top 3 simple strategies that you can employ right now to start thinking with a growth mindset. Let me back up. As an exec communication coach, people sometimes ask me what’s the MOST IMPT communication skill for managers.   I used to say listening.  Then I quickly learned confidence.  Then I kept hearing storytelling – which is more like the icing on the cake.  I talk a lot about the 3 superpowers of communication in my PODCAST, Talk About Talk.  This is episode #123. So that’s a lot of talking When I was coming up on 100 episodes, several listeners asked me what I was going to talk about to commemorate Talk About Talk episode #100. I decided to share my top 3 insights after 100 episodes.  These are 3 things that you’ve probably heard before, but that I think are under-appreciated. Do you want  to hear what they are? After 100 episodes, my top 3 insights: Keep it short It’s not about you. Adopt a growth mindset Then – what if I had to choose just 1? If I had to choose one thing that will help us with our communication – with LIFE, it’s that we should adopt a growth mindset. It’s important for everyone in so many many contexts. And that’s why we’re here! We all fail.  Sometimes we lead a meeting and it bombs. Or we make a point in a meeting and it gets ignored. Or we make a recommendation about a course of action and we’re wrong,  There are small failures and big, epic failures. It happens to ALL Of us, I promise.  You’ve probably heard that the most successful entrepreneurs all failed.  It’s almost like a cliche, right? It’s the hero’s Journey. Speaking of entrepreneurs, here are 3 impressive ones. What do they have in common? 3 Entrepreneurs who failed Steve Jobs – Apple 1 and Apple Lisa.  Steve Jobs had multiple failures.  One of the most famous and successful CEOs ever. HE GOT FIRED Sarah Blakely kicked out of stores. Youngest self-made female billionaire. Jeff Bezos. When the company began selling toys and books, Bezos insisted on changing the business model so the company could purchase and store millions of dollars in toys. More than 100 million toys were purchased and warehoused in anticipation of the Christmas season. After the holiday, 50 million toys were left. Amazon gave most of the toys away because of insufficient warehouse storage space. When Amazon first launched, people could leverage a glitch that allowed them to buy a negative number of books and receive a credit from the company. All 3 failed. What else do they have in common? A growth mindset I was thinking as I was pulling this together I realized that as a communication coach all my successful clients have a growth mindset.  There’s a self-selection…. They believe they can change and improve and grow. That’s why they invest in themselves.  And that’s why they’re successful. But that doesn’t mean they succeed 100% all the time. The secret Sauce?  A GROWTH MINDSET. This is grounded in academic research. Let me give you the quick Growth Mindset 101 lecture. Stanford University psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck distinguishes between a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset.  If you have a growth mindset, you’re curious. You improve.  You’re more comfortable with risks.  You’re ok with being wrong. You invest in self-improvement. You LEARN. You know those people who hear “you cant” and who respond: “just watch me?” If you’ve read GRIT by Angela Duckworh…. If you have a fixed mindset, you perceive yourself to have fixed skills, attributes and abilities. You’re less likely to invest in yourself. You’re defensive. You’re focused on self-verification. When you fail, you believe “that’s it.” Sounds imperceivable, but some of you invariably have a fixed mindset. You believe in genetic destiny.   You’re focused on finding the thing that comes easy for you, as opposed to the thing that you want to work on. OK, OK, so why should you care? Research shows significant effects of adopting a growth mindset: increased motivation; lower stress, anxiety and depression, better relationships and improved performance. So ask yourself: REALLY!!! Do you believe things can change? Or are they static? Do you believe people can change? Or are they pretty much set based on their genetics and their upbringing? Last week I was in California at Harvey Mudd College, which is a tiny elite STEM college. The faculty and students there are focused on CS, engineering, math, physics and chemistry, mostly.  Changing the world for the better. I met 18 yr old who spent last summer tagging sharks and dropping waterproof robots into the bottom of the ocean to track the sharks and the effects of global warming – incredible.  I met faculty that I truly believe will inspire students who will change the world for the better. ANYWAY that’s an aside.  But there’s a reason I’m mentioning this. When I was at Harvey Mudd College, I attended a presentation on design thinking and the prototype mindset. 💡 Have you heard of a prototype mindset?  Yes, I was thinking about you entrepreneurs as I was listening to this faculty presentation. Inventors prototype things. Right?  Sometimes explicitly or directly.  You might physically build a prototype. Or you might beta test something. Sometimes implicitly, when you test things.   This is a perfect example of having a growth mindset. Whether you’re creating a technology or an idea, think about prototyping. Prototyping is a fantastic analogy or metaphor for a growth mindset:  try fail repeat => success   Success!!!! So this prototyping mindset, or growth mindset.  Where does it come from? Well, think about how you were raised.  Yes, you might be able to blame – or give credit to – your parents.  Or your teachers Research shows us that children who are told “You are so good/bad at…” end up with a fixed mindset, whereas kids who are told “great effort!” end up being more successful bc they believe their effort will reap benefits so a young student who fails a math test might think “I’m bad at math.” And then decide to move away from all things STEM. So sad.   A student with a growth mindset will say “Hmm.  That’s one piece of information. I guess I need to better prep for these tests. An entrepreneur who makes a pitch and is turned down might say “this is a bad idea.” or “I guess I’m not cut out for this.”   Whereas an entrepreneur with a growth mindset will say “Hmm.  That is one piece of information.  What went well? Why did the investor say no?  What can I do differently next time?” Or if you’re trying to make a contribution at work and your idea gets rejected or ignored, do you think, “I guess that was a bad idea.” Or worse –  “I’m an idiot”  That’s a fixed mindset. If you have a growth mindset, you’ll think “Hmm, I wonder if I need to rework that idea.”  Or maybe rework how you present it. Do you get the idea?  When faced with failure, someone with a fixed mindset will turn away or turn off.   But someone with a growth mindset will take the “FAILURE” as information. SARA BLAKELY, the founder of SPANX, talks about how her father formed her ideas about FAILURE differently than most of us.  This is consistent with a  growth mindset. Richard Branson says it differently.  He says:  “If you don’t succeed at first, there’s no need for the F-Word (Failure). Pick yourself up, and try, try again.” Again, this is a growth mindset. I was thinking about how Yoda from Star Wars would put it: “There is no failure.  Only Learn.” Here’s Mine: “I know what I know and I’m keen to learn more.” 2 parts: Confidence in what I know Always keen to learn more 3 Ways TO ADOPT A GROWTH MINDSET Invest in self-improvement.  (you’re doing that right now. Investing money, sure, but TIME. Read. My clients. ) Andrea’s growth mindset mantra: 2 sides One of the easiest ways to adopt a growth mindset?  Use the word LEARN as much as you can. No such thing as failure.  Imagine failing is what is required to help you catapult. One last thought: You are creating your narrative. I tell this to my clients when they get laid off or to my kids when things don’t go their way.  Whenever we experience a challenge.  When the poop hits the fan, remember, you’re creating your own narrative.  Remember: there is no failure.  Only learning. Alright that’s it! If you’re investing in your growth mindset, you’re keen to learn more, I encourage you to go check out the talkabouttalk.com website. You can find the full archive of this podcast and lots more. While you’re on the talkabouttalk,com website, I hope you’ll sign up for the communication newsletter. That way you’ll get communication coaching from me every week in a simple-to-digest email.  Never more than once per week and no spam – I promise. That’s it for episode #123!  THANKS for LISTENING. Talk soon! The post #123 Adopting a GROWTH MINDSET appeared first on Talk About Talk.

What to wear to work? Your clothing communicates a lot about you, more than you probably think! Andrea shares what some of the research says about how we dress and others’ perception of us. Then she shares some do’s and don’ts  when choosing your outfit. Here’s a question: what’s your most successful, happiest self wearing to work in five years?   RESOURCES Talk About Talk Website: TalkAboutTalk.com LinkedIn: Andrea and TalkAboutTalk Weekly Communication Skills Newsletter – https://talkabouttalk.com/blog/#newsletter-signup Email – Andrea@TalkAboutTalk.com Academic Papers Good looks and good practice: the attitudes of career practitioners to attractiveness and appearance – https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03069885.2016.1237615 Clothes make the leader! How leaders can use attire to impact followers’ perceptions of charisma and approval – https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0148296320307797#b0490 The Influence of Job Candidates’ Physical Appearance on Interview Evaluations – https://econtent.hogrefe.com/doi/abs/10.1027/1866-5888/a000223?journalCode=pps Dress, body and self: research in the social psychology of dress https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s40691-014-0020-7 What to wear? The influence of attire on the perceived professionalism of dentists and lawyers https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jasp.12136 City Employee Perceptions of the Impact of Dress and Appearance: You Are What You Wear – https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0091026013495772?journalCode=ppmd   TRANSCRIPT I have a question for you.  What are you wearing? Or more importantly, what are the clothes you’re wearing signalling or communicating about you?  If you’re listening to this podcast, I’m guessing you believe me when I say that how you dress communicates a lot.  In both personal and professional contexts. But I also bet that you underestimate how much your physical appearance matters.  Here’s the thing. According to research, your physical appearance, which includes your clothing, is the #1 most influential factor in employee selection, more important than other verbal and nonverbal behaviors like the things I just mentioned. If we’re going to be effective communicators, we need to talk about our clothing.  Let’s do this. I’m not a stylist.  I’m not going to tell you what brand of what shirt to wear with what pants and exactly how to style it.  I am going to share with you some factors to consider when you’re dressing yourself for work – when you’re shopping or when you’re looking at your closet and deciding what to wear.  What you wear signals or COMMUNICATES many things  I’m also going to share with you some of what the research says about that.  It’s fascinating!!! First though, let me introduce myself. My name is Dr. Andrea Wojnicki and I’m your executive communication coach. Please call me Andrea!  I’m the founder of Talk About Talk, where I coach communication skills to ambitious executives to help them elevate their communication, their confidence and their clarity, so they’ll get noticed for the right reasons and ultimately get promoted!  That’s my goal here.  I want to help you accelerate your career trajectory. If you go to the Talk About Talk.com website, you’ll find many resources to help you out. There’s information there about one-on-one coaching, online courses, corporate workshops, the archive of this bi-weekly podcast, AND, I really hope you’ll sign up for the Talk About Talk newsletter. That newsletter is your chance to get communication coaching from me every week.  In this episode, I’m going to take you through the research, as I said, in terms of how our clothing affects others’ perceptions. I’m also going to share three things to consider when you’re choosing what to wear at work, 4 things to consider for what to wear in online meetings, and several don’ts.  As in what NOT to wear. As always, you don’t need to take notes because I will summarize everything for you at the end and you can always check the transcript in the shownotes.  SO again, you don’t need to take notes cause I do that for you. You’re welcome. All right let’s get into this. Let me start by saying that how we dress at work is changing a lot.  It’s like work-wear is having a moment.  Partly due to the pandemic and WFH for sure.  But even before the pandemic, people were wearing sneakers with their suit or dress.  And suits are less common. And ties are definitely becoming less common. Then there’s the whole fascination with FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried.  A certified slob.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, try searching “Sam Bankman Fried.”  He’s a criminal and his story is bizarre. But what gets talked about is how much of a slob he is, in terms of how he dresses.  I was gonna share this advice for the very end of this episode, but I think I’m just going to share it right now. It’s advice I learned from my friend Anne Muhlethaler. She’s a luxury brand consultant, also a Yogi podcaster and a very cool human. She worked for designer Christian Louboutin for years and years and even headed up his communications and PR department.  Anne shared this exercise with me that I’m going to share with you now. First, close your eyes. Literally or physically? If you can, or at least get yourself into a state where you can be creative and think deeply. Then I want you to think about -imagine- your happiest and most successful self.  Maybe imagine you are in your office. Standing up at your desk, looking down at some paperwork. Your laptop is on your desk in front of you and. Maybe there’s one individual in your office that you’re having a rather informal conversation with. What’s in the room? What does the furniture look like? What do the walls look like? What do you have hanging on the wall? Is it your degree? Is it art? Remember, this is your happiest and most successful self. This is where you want to be. Now I want you to zoom out and look at yourself. What are you wearing? Think about what you’re wearing on top and on the bottom. What colour is it? How does the fabric feel? What are you wearing on your feet? Are you wearing the watch? What jewelry or accessories do you have? What about a belt? Are you wearing glasses? What kind of glasses? Top to bottom, get yourself in the zone of thinking about your happiest and most successful self. Do you have a vivid image in your mind of what you’re wearing?  Let me tell you what this outfit is for me. It’s an impeccably tailored Navy blue pantsuit. Made of gorgeous fabric that fits me perfectly. I have a very plain white blouse underneath the Navy blue suit. And I have gold chunky jewelry. Earrings a ring. And a big watch, which is kind of weird because I just started. I’ve started wearing an Apple Watch, which I absolutely love, but for some reason I had a big chunky wristwatch on when I was imagining this. I was also wearing a very high quality black belt with a designer gold designer buckle on it. And. Chunky, high heeled. Black leather. Pumps with. Gold hardware. Pretty specific, right?  When I shared this with my friend Anne, she said, Andrea, write it on your shopping list. Go buy the outfit. This is your happiest and most successful self. Go buy the outfit. So again, I ask you, what are you wearing when you imagine yourself in your office as your most successful self? It seems like a no-brainer that this is the outfit that we should be going out and buying for ourselves. Am I right? Now, I’m not encouraging you to go shopping on a major shopping spree after you listen to this episode. And I’m certainly not encouraging fast fashion. In fact, I strongly recommend the opposite. I recommend that you buy things that will last you for years and maybe even decades. A couple of years ago I interviewed the Executive director of Toronto Fashion Week, a talented woman named Carolyn Quinn. I’ll leave a link to that episode in the show notes. It was a long time ago. That was episode #16 and we’re now on episode 122 period. Anyway, Carolyn shares a lot of helpful advice. One thing that really stood out for me was she said that if you’re shopping and you pick up a piece of clothing that you can’t imagine wearing in 10 years, then put it back on the rack and walk away. WHY IT’S IMPORTANT – WHAT THE RESEARCH SAYS Whole slew of research on the impact of uniforms.   Not talking about that.  We’re focusing on when you get to choose what you wear, top to bottom. At least within a dress code nonverbal signals like clothing, hairstyle, facial expression, gestures, and mimicry, as well as on verbal cues regarding the content and manner of speech  Clothing is an easily accessible form of self-presentation and is strongly incorporated into our daily routines  Yes, it matters! Affect people’s perceptions of you. Sometimes you might not care so much about that, but sometimes people’s perceptions matter a lot.  Like when you’re gunning for a promotion, or selling something, or making an important presentation. Or maybe when you’re interviewing for a new job. Here’s the thing. According to research, your physical appearance, which includes your clothing, is the most influential factor in employee selection, more important than other verbal and nonverbal behaviors like the things I just mentioned. By the way, I had a lot of fun reading up and doing the research for this episode.  Like I said, I’m not a stylist, but I enjoy clothing and colour and fashion. And certainly I care about how I look.  SO imagine how I felt when I read the research showing evidence of a clear relationship between one’s emphasis on appearance and two things: extraversion (yes), I’m an extrovert! And neuroticism.  Wait – what? OK,  Anyway, it turns out that focusing on your physical appearance and your clothing choices is a smart thing to do. Research also shows that people judge all sorts of things about us based on how we dress. It also affects how we feel about ourselves.  Have you ever noticed how your mood changes when you get dressed up?  Or even when you get dressed down into your comfy sweats.  How we dress can signal or communicate social values, desire for conformity, ambition, rank (as in your professional seniority) and of course social status,  If you want to feel and act professional, then dress professionally. I read one study that looked at two factors: gender and clothing formality for dentists and lawyers.  So, this was in the context of professionals.  Think of it as a two by two matrix. You have gender on one axis and formality on the other. You’ve got 4 conditions. You have females that are dressed casually, females that are dressed formally, males that are dressed casually, and males that are dressed formally. Can you guess which condition in this two by two matrix was judged as more suitable, capable, easier to talk to and friendlier than all the other conditions? Of course you can. It’s the men who were dressed in more formal professional attire who won. I’m hoping as gender dynamics evolve, the results of that study will also change. I could go on about this but let me get back to some other research that you might find interesting.  One research study I read demonstrated that neatness and formality signals conscientiousness and  extraversion. Hmm.  That extraversion factor again. Another study demonstrated that flashy and neat clothing impresses strangers at first glance.  This is the antithesis of what FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried wore. Sam was infamous for wearing boring t’s or baggy sweatshirts, with sloppy walking shorts, black socks and tattered shoes. Not flashy and not neat. When I think neat, I think Steve Jobs in his impeccable black turtleneck.  Not so flashy though. Flashy and neat would be the impeccably tailored suit, maybe in bright red. The reminds me, one of my favourite outfits to wear when I’m doing a keynote or a workshop is a bright turquoise Argent blazer.  Very well-tailored, fits me well, and the colour is bold.  Bold colours are an easy way to add some flash.  I’m going to highlight for you more of the research as we go along with some do’s and don’ts.  But I just wanted to establish first that what you wear really does matter.  It is an effective and relatively easy way to reinforce your personal brand to others AND to yourself. And don’t worry, just because you pay attention to your wardrobe, it doesn’t mean you’re neurotic.  I’d say you’re being smart. FACTORS TO CONSIDER For when you’re shopping or when you’re looking at your closet and wondering what to wear to work. I have three general suggestions. The first is WRT FORMALITY: If you’re not sure, dress up, not down. The research in this is pretty conclusive.  If you want to be perceived as a leader and as competent, trustworthy, intelligent (yes, were judging that by your clothing, scary, right?), then you’d be well-advised to dress formally, In many cases, that means in a suit. This is consistent with that advice for dressing for work that I’m sure we’ve all heard: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.  Need some evidence for why?  One study showed that people attribute higher intelligence to students and to teachers when they wear more formal clothing.  If you’re a therapist, you should know that research shows your clients are more likely to return if you wear more formal rather than casual clothing.  I guess as a coach, I should keep this in mind! Research shows that simply putting on a suit, or if you’re in an online meeting, a blazer or suit jacket will communicate power, status, and rationality. Speaking of online meetings, the pandemic has been a catalyst for a lot of change in many different contexts. One of those contexts is what we wear at work. The culture of suit and tie has evolved to business casual to sometimes frumpy.  For example, one thing that’s changed is how men are wearing ties less frequently.  Of course, when they’re going business casual, but even when they’re wearing a suit. They’re leaving the tie at home.  And the short from dress shoes to sneakers is pretty widely accepted. Often now those sneakers cost a lot more than dress shoes! Generally, though, our attire, our work wear is becoming less formal, more casual. There is research out there showing that wearing less formal or even casual attire leads to feelings of friendliness and creativity.  Both of those are good things.  But I encourage you, whenever you’re wondering how formal to go, err on the side of formality. Especially if traits like competence, trustworthiness, intelligence, power, status and rationality are things you want to be known for. I also encourage you to Be prepared for the unexpected: keep a basic blazer on a hanger in the back of your door that you can put on when you have an unexpected meeting with a client. INTEGRATE HOW YOU DRESS WITH YOUR PERSONAL BRAND We talk a lot about personal branding on this podcast. So how exactly can you integrate how you dress with your personal brand? Well, remember your PB is comprised of prioritized themes that describe you in a way that is positive, unique and relevant to you.  The same can go for how you dress.  And you can make some part of your style, how you dress into part of your personal brand.  For me, it’s all about turquoise. I love turquoise. It makes me happy. It’s a vibrant, energetic colour.  And people often tell me that they appreciate my energy.  . Some of my colleagues have even made comments when they see me after not seeing me for a while if I’m NOT wearing turquoise!  So, it could be a signature colour.  Or it could be a brand that you love.  Or a classic piece that you often wear, like Steve Job’s black turtleneck, or maybe it’s flashy neckties.  Or gorgeous shoes.  Or silk scarves.  You get the idea. I’m thinking about a woman I know who wears a lot of green because it looks gorgeous with her green eyes. It’s part of her personal brand. Another woman I know always has long, impeccably manicured nails. That’s part of her brand. Another who purposefully dresses in bold colours.  She tells people that her clothing matches her personality, which is big, as opposed to her stature, which is small. I love how she dresses for her personality, and she calls it out, explicitly. Lori, you’re a star. Then there’s the chair of one of the boards I was on who was known for having high quality impeccably pressed, or starched, dress shirts. Not a bad thing to be known for,  Remember the research I was telling you about at the beginning?  Imagine how being known for wearing perfect dress shirts would impact people’s perceptions and assumptions of you as an executive Are you feeling inspired?  Maybe you’re wondering how exactly you integrate your personal style with your personal brand? I’d start with something you love.  It could be a colour or a style or a particular piece of clothing or an accessory.  Then ask yourself what someone with your expertise, your ambitions, and your values would do with that.  Then go for it and have fun.  Make it part of your identity.  Make it part of what people remember about you. SO that’s the 2nd thing to think about. The first is formality.  The second is integrating how you dress with your personal brand.  The third is an adage that I learned from a  friend of mine who IS a fashionista. I, talking about YOU, Tania! Tania was a model in her teens.  I met her when we were both in our 20s.  We talked a lot about fashion.  She shared this adage with me that I still think about.  It’s this: Hair, hands, and feet. When we pull together an outfit, we typically think top and bottom.  Shirt and pants.  But we need to pay a lot more attention to 3 other things: our hair, our hands, and our feet.  If you want to look really pulled together, you need to look after your hair, you need to have presentable hands (that means your nails and possibly jewelry, and you need clean, polished shoes.   Footwear makes a big impact, but in my opinion, footwear is underappreciated.  Literally last night I went out for dinner and made this mistake…. I went out for dinner with some girlfriends.  I put on my favorite black wool dress pants and a lovely sweater.  I remember spending some time choosing my jewelry. My footwear didn’t cross my mind until my friend rang my doorbell and was standing in my front hall.  In retrospect, my boots kind of wrecked the outfit.  So, I need to step it up when it comes to pulling together my outfit in terms of my footwear.  Again, Hair, hands, and feet. The one time your footwear might NOT matter at work is you’re in online meetings.  You can wear your comfy slippers or even get your dogs out, as my kids might say. I have a list of four suggestions for what to wear in online meetings. Are you ready? WHAT TO WEAR FOR ONLINE MEETINGS 1. Solids – not patterns.  Solids just look better on camera.  So, no stripes, no plaid, no florals, no geometric designs.  Keep it solid when you’re online.  Then, when you go into the office, bring out the patterns and prints. 2. Blue. Wear blue.  Apparently blue looks great on camera. I think that’s true,  Sometimes browns and greens and other colours can look off on camera.  Blues are safe.   I happen to love blue, but that could be part of the point here too.  Blue is more people’s favourite colour than any other colour.  So, if you’re wondering what colour, choose blue. 3. Dress quietly.  What – what? I’m talking mostly about jewellery or other accessories that might clang and make distracting noises. Like big earrings that clang on your air pods or a watch or bracelets that clang on your desk. If you’re wearing corded earbuds, make sure your speaker, on the wire, isn’t brushing against your clothing.  That’s super annoying. Watch jewellery and accessories that clang!  Quiet accessories. I heard a news reporter on the radio a few days ago who clearly had something rubbing against his microphone.  SO annoying.  OK, so when you’re in online meetings, dress quietly.  Especially take care of your accessories.  The next thing, number 4 is really for your sake. Its: with clanging… 4. Wear something that’s comfortable for sitting. Of course, remember what I said at the beginning. You’re not just signalling to others, but also to yourself. If you want to feel professional and productive, then dress that way. But balance that with the fact that you’re sitting, and you want to be comfortable.  So those are the 4 points about what to wear for online meetings.  Now we’re shifting gears and I’m going to get into the fun stuff.  What NOT to wear. DON’Ts: WHAT TO AVOID WEARING The first thing I have to say  Don’t violate the dress code: If there’s an event dress code and you don’t know what it means, maybe google it. Or even ask the organizer. These things are fluid as our culture changes, so too do dress code definitions.  Trust me, what my daughter and her friends wear to a semi-formal is very different from what I wore to a semiformal when I was her age. Similarly, what qualifies as cocktail dress or even work casual isn’t always clear,  Don’t be afraid to ask! So there’s the event dress code.  There’s also your firm’s dress code. Your firm’s dress code may be formalized, with rules written out.  My son had a summer job last year at a tech company that had a surprisingly strict dress code.  It was written out Other firms have dress codes that aren’t written out, They are implicitly understood.. Regardless, look around the successful senior folks and it should be pretty clear what’s acceptable. Some firms and industries also have written or unwritten rules about what to wear for different types of activities.  Like when you’re in internal meetings versus meeting with clients.  That’s important.  My suggestion is to Be prepared for the unexpected: keep a basic blazer on a hanger on the back of your door.  And maybe a pair of black leather shoes that you can use to dress up an outfit. When it comes to dress codes, there’s also a sort of a code by season, isn’t there? What’s ok to wear in the summer is different from what’s acceptable in the winter. One violation I read about again and again when I was reading up for this episode was how easy it is to mess up with summer wear. It can be easy in the summer to get more casual, perhaps too casual, and also to show too much skin for some contexts.  Alright, so were talking don’ts.  Do not violate the dress code.  What else? Never ever wear anything that’s dirty or stained.   Also, don’t wear anything that’s torn or frayed.  That should also go without saying, but I see a lot of torn and frayed clothing, especially pants, and especially jeans.  Torn, frayed jeans may be stylish (are they anymore? I’m not sure,  I lost track) Regardless, they send the wrong message. And as for messages, watch those graphic t’s. That should also go without saying.  Watch what your clothes are saying.  Sometimes literally. Oh – here’s a DON’T.  Not exactly clothing, but it’s something you wear,  Fragrance.  Whether it’s cologne or perfume or aftershave, don’t wear it at work. Scent allergies are a real thing.  And you might be sending the wrong message.  Save the fragrance for your day off. Next, avoid clothing that’s too revealing. Short shorts and short skirts are a no no. And no bare midriffs, despite what they show in the fashion layouts. Hey – if you’re the CEO, maybe you can make the rules and show off your six pack. But until then, cover your belly.  I read somewhere that sleeveless is definitely a nono for men. Short sleeves are ok in the summer if the shirt has a collar. And for women, sleeveless is ok if it’s a well-tailored top and as long as you’re not showing too much skin elsewhere.  That reminds me: Footwear. No flip flops.  (And of course, no Crocs – please.  DO I have to say it?).  Those rules stand.  But the good news is that footwear is getting a lot more comfortable.  As long as they’re clean and crisp, you can get away with sneakers with a dress or a business suit.  Bare toes? That’s less clear. The advice about open toed pumps is inconsistent.  A few articles I read said strappy, toe revealing sandals are ok for women, but more of them advised against it. My recommendation is cover our feet. You can find some cute pumps that cover your toes.  Plus, as some of you may know, I have three teenagers.  And lately I keep hearing them talking about how feet are disgusting. Not MY feet. We’re talking feet in general. Have you heard this? Of course, they get it from social media. They call people’s feet their dogs.  And if you see bare feet, or even toes, they’ll say “EEEWWWW! Your dogs are out. Yo. Whose dogs are these? Put those dogs away! I guess it’s a thing.  Don’t show your dogs.  Cover your toes. And that feels like a good place to stop.  We’ve covered you now from the top of your head – your hair, down to your toes. Now, as promised, and as I always do, let me briefly summarize. As I got through this list, I hope you’ll consider a few pointers that will help you next time you’re staring at your closet and feeling uninspired. CLOSING MUSIC – NOT TOO LOUD SUMMARY We started with what the research says about how what we wear affects or signals how we are perceived – by others and by ourselves.  your physical appearance, which includes your clothing, is the most influential factor in employee selection,  How you dress impacts people’s judgment of you in terms of extraversion, neuroticism.  social values, desire for conformity, ambition, rank ,  social status, charisma, conscientiousness, and extraversion.  So, what look should you go for? Three suggestions: 1. FORMALITY – There’s tomes of research pointing to formality.  That said, what qualifies as formal is evolving. But if you’re not sure, dress up, not down. 2. Integrate how you dress with your personal brand.  If you want to be known for your energy, try bold colours. If you want a job, dress the part. If you have a favourite colour or a favourite accessory, you love scarves or ties, go for it, and make it part of your PB. 3. HAIR HANDS & FEET – it’s not just what you’re wearing on top and on the bottom.  Consider your hair, hands and feet.  And especially your footwear. Four suggestions for online meetings: Solids – not patterns Wear blue. Dress quietly – watch your jewellery and accessories for noise Wear something that’s comfortable for sitting.  What not to wear.  These are the don’ts: Do not violate the dress code. It could be an event dress code, it could be your firm’s dress code. , or it could be the code of what’s acceptable by season. Never ever wear anything that’s dirty or stained or torn or frayed.  watch the messages on those graphic t’s. avoid clothing that’s too revealing – we got into a lot of detail there. And last:  Footwear. You can have fun now, wearing sneakers . But no flip flops.  No Crocs, and  – please, no bare toes.  Put those dogs away. TRY EXERCISE AGAIN. Now one more thing before I let you go. Remember at the beginning of this episode, I took you through the visualization exercise.  I encourage you to try it again.  Now that we’ve talked about some of the research on clothing and how what you wear affects specific judgments of you.  We’ve talked about formality and your personal brand and hair hands and feet. And more. So, I ask you again.  Imagine yourself in 5 or 10 years.  You are your most successful self.  What are you wearing?  That outfit belongs in your closet NOW, not just ten years from now. Got it? OK, that was fun.  Before you go, I’m wondering whether you have any questions or suggestions for me. Perhaps you have a suggestion for a future podcast topic? There are two main ways you can contact me.  You can email me at andrea@talkabouttalk.com or go to the talkabouttalk.com website and leave me a recorded message there. While you’re on the website, please please sign up for the weekly communication coaching newsletter. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn.  And if you enjoyed this podcast episode, I hope you’ll share it with your friends who might also be seeking to improve their communication skills. Thanks for listening.  And talk soon! The post #122 What to WEAR at Work appeared first on Talk About Talk.

How self-aware are you? Andrea shares the definition of self-awareness, different types of self-awareness, and how we can improve our communication effectiveness by being more self-aware.   Resources The 3 Point Body Language Scan Podcast Episode: https://www.talkabouttalk.com/96-3pt-body-language-scan/   Talk About Talk Website: TalkAboutTalk.com LinkedIn: Andrea and TalkAboutTalk Weekly Communication Skills Newsletter – https://talkabouttalk.com/blog/#newsletter-signup Email – Andrea@TalkAboutTalk.com The post #121 SELF-AWARENESS & Communication appeared first on Talk About Talk.

Andrea shares several suggestions that she and her clients use to adopt improved communication habits. Whether it’s a new philosophy, words you’re trying to use (or avoid), or different body language, simple tactics to cue these new habits will help you succeed.   Resources ATOMIC HABITS by James Clear: https://amzn.to/3IVBEo8   S.M.A.R.T. Goals:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria Doran, G.T. (1981) “There’s a S.M.A.R.T. way to write management’s goals and objectives,” Management Review 70(11) 35-36.   Talk About Talk  Website: TalkAboutTalk.com LinkedIn: Andrea and TalkAboutTalk Weekly Communication Skills Newsletter: https://talkabouttalk.com/blog/#newsletter-signup Email: Andrea@TalkAboutTalk.com The post #120 From Intention to Real Change – How to Improve Your Communication Habits appeared first on Talk About Talk.

In this BONUS episode released on #BellLetsTalk Day, Nicole German, founder of The Maddie Project, shares her experience and thoughtful advice to parents, family members, coaches, teachers, anyone who interacts with youth. Youth mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression are common. We need to step-it-up with awareness, empathy, and advocacy. “Anything we can do is goodness.” Doing little things and doing big things will make an impact, potentially saving a life. Shine bright! Note this is a re-release of Talk About Talk episode #36.   REFERENCES & LINKS Nicole German & The Maddie Project  The Maddie Project – http://www.themaddieproject.ca/ Donation Page – https://my.charitableimpact.com/campaigns/the-maddie-project-0350d836-cf47-4735-8602-a57990626e03 Maddie’s Healing Garden at North York General Hospital – https://nyghfoundation.ca/news-and-publications/north-york-general-opens-first-of-its-kind-outpatient-mental-health-centre-for-youth/ Email – info@themaddieproject.ca Twitter – @nicgerman and @maddie_project Instagram – @maddie_project Facebook-https://www.facebook.com/themaddieproject Other Mental Health Resources Kids’ Help Phone – https://kidshelpphone.ca Children’s Mental Health Ontario: https://www.cmho.org/ Suicide Prevention Lifeline – https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ CAMH – Centre for Addiction & Mental Health – http://www.camh.ca/ Huffington Post – “Frame of Mind” Series – https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/news/frame-of-mind/ Other articles: https://projects.nj.com/features/depression/index.html https://www.fastcompany.com/90414436/mental-health-symptoms-reported-by-60-of-employees-study Talk About Talk & Dr. Andrea Wojnicki “Beyond Condolences: Supporting Your Grieving Friends” podcast episode – https://talkabouttalk.com/19s2-supporting-our-grieving-friends-with-psychotherapist-grief-counsellor-andrea-warnick/ Website: TalkAboutTalk.com LinkedIn: Andrea and TalkAboutTalk Weekly Communication Skills Newsletter – https://talkabouttalk.com/blog/#newsletter-signup Email – Andrea@TalkAboutTalk.com TRANSCRIPT   Welcome to this bonus episode, where we Talk About Youth Mental Health.  I’m releasing this episode on January 25th, which in Canada is Bell Let’s Talk Day, a day when one of Canada’s largest telecoms encourages everyone to TALK about mental health. I’m in no way affiliated with Bell, but I love this initiative. And I was thinking this would be an ideal opportunity to re-release an important Talk About Talk podcast episode from a few years ago, episode #36, when I interviewed the incredible Nicole German. I emailed Nicole a few days ago and she agreed a this was a good idea.  You’re in for some impactful insights – I promise. It was almost eight years ago when Nicole lost her beautiful teenaged daughter to suicide. Madeline Grace German Coulter, fondly named Maddie, struggled with anxiety and depression. Since then, Nicole started The Maddie Project, – to support youth struggling with depression and other mental health concerns. In this podcast episode, you’ll learn a lot – I promise. Whether you’re a parent, an aunt or uncle, a coach, a teacher, however you interact with young people, the lessons coming out of this episode can have a significant impact, and possibly even save a life.  As Nicole and her sons Zachary and Sawyer like to say, big things and little things – everything can help.  Let me formally introduce Nicole German. Nicole is a force.  I truly don’t know how she does it. Amongst other things, Nicole is a proud mom to her sons Zachary & Sawyer, a global-tech marketer, a business strategy executive, and also the founder and executive director of The Maddie Project. As I mentioned, Nicole started The Maddie Project in memory of her daughter, Madeline.  I hope you’ll take a moment to check out The Maddie Project online at www.themaddieproject.ca. So The Maddie Project is all about raising awareness, improving access to mental health care, and raising money to support youth mental health facilities  THANK YOU, Nicole, for your relentless work on these important goals.  To date, the Maddie Project has engaged millions of people in active conversations around youth mental health and has raised almost $3.5 million to enhance youth mental health services in support of North York General Hospital Foundation, Stella’s Place,  Lumemus / Skylark Children, Youth and Families, Outward Bound Canada and DAREarts. Nicole has been recognized with many awards for the impact of her work. She’s been volunteering for decades. I met Nicole when we both served as governors of the North York General Hospital foundation, where she now serves as chair of the board.  And if that wasn’t enough, Nicole is also the Chief Marketing and Digital Experience Officer at Tangerine Bank, Canada’s #1 digital bank. Wow, right? I could go on and on.  But instead, it’s time to let you hear Nicole’s voice and her insights on Youth Mental Health.   TRANSCRIPT  Dr. Andrea Wojnicki: Thank you so much, Nicole, for taking the time and sharing your story with us today. Nicole German: Great. Thanks for having me. AW: So I thought it would be nice if you could start by telling us a bit about Maddie. NG: Sure. So I’m the mom of three kids. And Madeline, who we also call Maddie, was my oldest daughter. And so she was one of the easiest babies you could ever imagine. Actually, she was very easy going. And then when she had two younger brothers, she really became the nurturer. So typical big sister looking out for her two younger brothers. And then as she progressed through life, I would say was definitely on the spectrum of high performance, whether it was academically or through sports. And very social, very well liked. And as she approached adolescence and puberty, some things started to really change for her. And I think as first time parents, we weren’t really sure whether this was just things that were from a puberty perspective, or there was really more to it. So  she progressed into middle school and high school. She started to struggle with,  not being able to get her homework done, or not wanting to go to sports to compete, sometimes not going out with friends. And the reality was that we thought it was just a phase. But in fact, what we learned over time was she had anxiety and pretty severe anxiety. And so, the thing with anxiety is that it’s really hard to focus when you have anxiety. And when you can’t focus, it’s hard to do homework and then when you don’t do homework, you don’t do well in school, which makes you feel terrible. And it becomes really this vicious circle and so in essence, that was really the beginning of a journey for Madeline and her struggling with anxiety and in essence depression. AW: Can you tell us a little bit about The Maddie Project? NG: Sure. Madeline struggled with depression for a number of years and it got more challenging over time. And it really came to the point where she passed away from depression. So she took her own life and at that moment when we had to communicate to people that she had died and why she had died, it was like these floodgates opened up. There were so many families, actually, from grandparents to parents to teachers and coaches and even youth themselves that came forward and told their story that either they had a sibling or a child or a parent that either they had lost to suicide and depression but never spoken about it, or that they were in fact struggling. And so what became very apparent was that it was sort of this hidden disease that nobody really wanted to talk about, AW: would you say taboo? NG: Definitely taboo. And I think there was a there was a shame and so when Madeline was sick, she was in hospital and she really said, “Mommy, don’t tell anybody that I’m here.” And so we really were living these two lives where, at the end of work every day, we were rushing to the hospital to be with her, but nobody knew,  outside of very close family and a few friends.  You kind of equate it to say,  if my child has  cancer and was in hospital for cancer, there would be no question that we would talk about that. But because she was there because she had attempted suicide, it was taboo to speak about and fear that she would be judged. Right. AW: So do you feel like that is changing a little bit? NG: Yeah. So I mean, I think it’s a spectrum, if we kind of think back to kind of the  One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest kind of perspective, we’ve made huge strides. I would say that the youth now that I see are speaking more openly about mental health, which I think is great. I think when it comes to, youth and their parents, if you’ve kind of lived it, people are more open, but there’s still a real hesitancy or sort of a judgment on how to even respond to that, right? Because it’s complex, and it’s also hard to relate to it. As my youngest son would say, it’s really an invisible disease. And you don’t really know when it’s going to show up right… AW: invisible disease. That’s, that’s amazing. I did a podcast episode with a grief counselor a couple of months ago. And she was just talking about how even death itself is taboo. So it’s almost as if there’s a second layer then, right? Because you’ve experienced a death, of a very close family member. Yeah. And it was through suicide. NG: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, I find, when Madeline was struggling, it was it was very hard for me to relate and understand, because I very much grew up in the world of: if you get up and have a shower and wash your face, you’ll feel better. But the reality is that depression isn’t like that. Like when you say you can’t get out of bed. It’s truly because you can’t get out of bed. And now having lived through a tremendous tragedy, and experience, grief. It’s very relatable. The notion of saying I don’t have the energy to get out of bed, and it’s incredibly frustrating. I mean, there were moments and – there still are, I mean, it’s a number of years later, where I don’t have the energy to drive my boys to sports because I just I physically don’t. And you know, calling in that favor without kind of explaining why… it’s challenging, and some people think, sometimes you feel like oh, I’m not being a great parent. But again, grief has some of those symptoms that are similar to things like depression and in that way, right? AW: Even like PTSD? NG: And even PTSD, exactly right. And so I think, having that self-awareness of saying, it’s okay, it’s okay that today’s a day that you need to just be okay to yourself and allow others to help you. AW: Part of that is what you’re doing here today – being on this podcast and hopefully encouraging other people to have open conversations – whether they themselves are experiencing mental health issues or talking about mental health concerns. NG: Right and I think we all have mental health. It’s really a spectrum you have your up and days down. I used to say to Madeline that everybody has these challenges and some people have different levels of resilience at different moments in their life. And so the complexity of  whether it’s everything from nutrition to biology to heredity to social to just environments,. And so I think we all have good days and bad days. And so you can equate it to that. Right? And it’s very much a spectrum. AW: So does it help to equate it to our physical health? I mean, it sounds as if what you’re describing are symptoms of someone who is physically exhausted or maybe has the flu. Right? NG: Exactly. I mean, everything, just for clarity. this is always my own perspective. I’m not a professional. And I believe that mental health is like nutrition, we should wake up and think about it every day, right?  And where are we on our scale? And so there are physical symptoms, but sometimes there aren’t. Sometimes it’s literally something that might trigger you to react in some way. We have to really have our eyes wide open. I’ll give an example of Madeline in particular, when she was 11. She had these severe stomach aches Everything else was she was functioning perfectly well doing well in school sports, everything. And I took it to every doctor under the sun. And we had all of these tests, not a single one said anxiety, because everything else in her life seemed perfectly A-Okay. And I know now in hindsight, for sure, that was anxiety and it went away over time. And so she got she got better with her stomach aches. But again, it was just like not kind of having the eyes-wide-open to sort of say, maybe there is more to this and maybe it is something like anxiety.  When she was young she was a perfectionist. She wouldn’t do her printing at Montessori because she wanted it to be perfect. And so if she couldn’t do it perfectly, she didn’t want to do it at all, right? So again, like when you kind of look,… AW:   it’s always hindsight is 20-20. NG: Of course, but I think those are the things that are for all of us. And any adults that are exposed to kids are just like… the kids that go on are starting to go off the rails. Or acting differently than when they were children, those are the kids that we actually need to empathize with. Rather than label them, say, Oh, that’s the bad one, I don’t want you hanging out with that child anymore because they’re a bit of a troublemaker, but actually, you know what? They are not intentionally bad, there’s more to their story. And so, I always tell parents – that’s when you need to invite them over for the family dinner, and sometimes getting out of their own family space to kind of make sure that they’re ok. AW: So, as parents and caregivers and teachers, we’re always constantly monitoring children for their physical health ailments, right? It’s like this mental health spectrum needs to be assessed and we need to be aware of it. It’s just awareness. Right? NG: Absolutely. It’s awareness and it’s empathy. It’s realizing that the kids are under a lot of pressure to perform these days and to really race through life. And the reality is, is that there’s no hurry, and there’s no rush. But also to kind of coach them through these types of scenarios. And so if they don’t do well on a test, let’s sit down and help coach them through that, right, the more that we can kind of teach them at a young age to get through those challenging times, but also just those basic resilience or, mindfulness or, when I’m feeling stressed, how do I breathe? Or how do I think? Or how do I take a moment to … really consciously give them those life skills to kind of take them on, throughout the course of their life? AW: It’s like resilience training, but getting it really down to physically and mentally – what’s going on? NG: Exactly. AW: Do you have advice for parents and maybe someone who’s listening to this? And they’re thinking, Oh, my gosh, my son or my daughter sounds like that. And maybe it’s been in the back of their mind and maybe because it still is, to some extent a taboo in our culture. They haven’t done anything about it. Whereas if it was a physical ailment, they would have called their medical doctor, can you recommend what they should do? NG: Yeah, for sure. Unfortunately, at least in Canada, and lots of countries around the world, it’s very hard to get access to care whether it’s paid or not paid or through health care. It’s a challenge because there’s such a great demand. So number one is that as a parent, you need to advocate for your child’s health care, first and foremost. So don’t wait. As soon as you start to see signs, speak openly with the child to let them know that if something’s not feeling, right, that’s okay. They don’t need to know why that just that they need to kind of check in to explain that and then bring in that community or that circle of care. Yeah, it’s really for kids to articulate if they’re feeling off. AW: They don’t have to know the answer why, right? NG: Or if they’re feeling tired, or they don’t feel like going out with their friends, or they can’t focus.  Really, the first step is allowing those kids to put their – encouraging those kids to put their hand up for help. And whether that’s with a parent or an adult that’s trusted. But often cases, there may not be a solution out of the gates. But just to know that someone’s there for you is incredibly important, especially,  at early stages. AW: So in addition to encouraging kids to put their hand up, as you said, to say something’s wrong, even if they don’t know why, what else can parents do in terms of helping their children? NG: So the first step is going to your family doctor. Letting them know, see how they can help to triage and really do some assessment. And then the next part of that is really looking within your community in terms of what access to care there is. So in some cases, there are walk-in clinics or resources at school. So really, look within the community of care to see what’s available and continue to pursue, even if there are waitlists. But to continue to, of course, put yourself on the waitlist, but keep calling back, especially if it’s a more severe scenario. In the case of acuteness, or if you’re worried about suicidal ideation or what have you, don’t take it lightly. Definitely go to your local hospital. I think that’s something where, even if kids are talking about that, it’s not something that we should take lightly. And then there’s a number of triage centers, like Kids Help Phone can help. There’s the navigation program that can really sort of say, I’m in this situation now, based on what you’re hearing,  what, what are those best solutions? AW: So really be looking for access to care that way and being a proactive advocate? NG: Absolutely proactive. And so to the degree that you can, making sure that their teachers, guidance counselors, even coaches and close friends of parents are aware that, they’re struggling. Because I think the greater that community of care is, the more supportive they will be of the child, whether it’s your own kid or someone else’s. AW: I love that point. NG: Yeah, exactly. And I think for the kids too. We talk a lot about never leaving anybody behind. And even just having that notion of, it’s sort of basic principles but like treat everyone the way that you would be wanting to be treated. Because you don’t always know what’s going on behind the scenes. So if someone’s kind of off on their own or seems to be struggling, you don’t have to be best friends with them. But just  saying hello or being there or, walking down the hall with them. I think it’s really encouraging as well. AW:  Nicole, honestly, when I pick my kids up from school today, I’m going to be talking to them differently because they always tell me stories about quote unquote bad kids. NG: Yeah. AW: Yeah. And instead of saying, oh, man, just what was that kid thinking? It’ll be: What do you think’s going on? NG: Exactly. And I think, when you lose someone or you’ve been close to, dealing with someone struggling with pretty severe mental health challenges, it changes your perspective completely. For me it’s still feels very irrational and how you can lose someone that way? But it’s an illness, right? And so it’s not like they intended it.  Typically when you see someone in public environments, you know, whether they’re on the street or whatever, each of those individuals have a story, right? So even if it’s a young child and they’re being at quote unquote bad kid,  maybe there’s more to it. Right. I think I think that’s,  the way that we should look, especially for young people, because, they’re just still little AW: and they’re still learning. NG: Yeah, exactly. AW: Learning to deal with the world and also with themselves. NG: Exactly. AW: So when I was preparing for this interview, I read something that you wrote that’s online, and you said, doing little things and doing big things to help. Can you describe what that means? NG: When The Maddie Project was sort of formed, and we had great community engagement, we worked together with North York General Hospital to support Maddie’s Healing Garden. So we pledged to raise a million dollars – which for me, well, it was a legacy for my daughter – was a big monkey on my back to have to raise a million dollars and  not being a fundraiser … and so it was momentous. And we had incredible support to make that happen, and it’s been fully funded and open now, which is amazing. But what I realized is that anything that we can do is goodness, right? And so whether it’s $20 at a bake sale, or just wearing a T shirt with The Maddie Project or Shine Bright on the back.  People say, Oh, what is that? and saying, Oh, it’s,  for Youth Mental Health, just having that conversation is so critical. And my sons are engaged in their school communities and speaking. And we say, if you touch one kid in that audience, and they go home and tell mom or dad or their trusted adult, that they’re struggling, like, you’ve saved a life, potentially, right? Like you’ve made a huge impact. So just as we say, just by sparking conversations, we’re making change. AW: Wow, that is incredibly inspiring. Is there anything else you want to say to parents in particular, again, perhaps coaches or teachers, about mistakes, from your perspective that you see them commonly making or things that you wish they knew? NG: I think the biggest thing there is empathy. I think to the point around, we all have rules and regulations. But when you see a kid that particularly – you’ve known in the past is acting differently. Just that notion of eyes-wide-open is not to judge based on their behavior at that moment, but just know who they are. Or that,  we as humans are all good people. So I think particularly these kids, they’re up against such different environments, and  20 years ago, the pressures that they live, and so I think that would be one point, but most importantly, is to have an open dialogue about mental health at the dinner table, with friends, kids’ friends around the table, just making an open conversation. So people aren’t afraid to talk about or aren’t ashamed of speaking about it, not feeling off or having to get extra help from a therapist or  whatever they’re needing to take some days off of school. I think it’s really important that we can just be speak openly .And not to judge. AW: That’s great advice. I want to change gears here a little bit and ask you about the role of social media in adolescent mental health. So we’ve all heard horror stories about kids that have been bullied online, and then they’ve become anxious or depressed or both. And I wondered if you had any perspective on that to share? NG: Yeah, for sure. my professional life is surrounded around social media and social media marketing. And so,  the platforms exist. I think there’s a lot of good, there’s a lot of opportunity around creating connections amongst people, but it’s really exposed a challenge for our kids and a distortion to reality, not just for children, actually for everyone, and in fact, sort of addictions. And so I think the idea of having open conversations around like what reality is, and what isn’t, and then the notion of watching your kids for what they can handle and what they can’t. Because that I idea of posting the perfect picture – or you know – who engaged with it and who didn’t? It’s not even bullying but can be perceived by a young person is feeling like I didn’t  get as many likes or… AW: The like count thing is huge. NG: Yeah, even if there are comments made, it’s not the same as a conversation. What I used to say with Madeline is that when you interact with a person face to face, they would never engage with you in the way that they did online. And so I think every family is different. They chose to how to how to manage and monitor social media for their kids and their families. I think the idea is just again, to be aware of how much time they’re being spent and how it’s actually impacting them in their behavior, right? Because I don’t know that it’s going to go away. And so we just need to make sure that we equip our kids with the right tools on how to engage and how to live with that in their life. AW: I think it’s a very fair point about it being a personal decision about how you how much you monitor. A couple times I’ve sat down with my kids to go through their phones with them. And actually, based on this conversation now, I will try to do that more frequently, but in a different way. Like we would look at people’s posts and say, Why do you think they did that? NG: Yeah. AW: And yeah, do you think there’s a filter on there? And what do you think their goal? Was it to get likes? Or was it to shame someone else? Or – and I love your point about, they would never say it to your face, but they’ll type it there. NG: Exactly. AW: Yeah, I’ve read two pieces of research recently, like within the last two months, I would say, that are interesting. In this context, one said that for teenagers, there’s a simple correlation between hours spent on social media and depression. Full stop. NG: Yeah, I mean, it doesn’t surprise me. I mean, the statistics are there for sure. And I think not just for kids, right? Even for adults. We’re all subject to using that as a primary form of receiving content. So it’s hard to kind of step away and walk away. The idea of  both my boys go off to wilderness camp in the summer and the idea of not having any device around ….so that they actually learn to communicate and articulate. AW:  imagine! NG: Yeah, like, like for multiple days over a month. It is really actually – it’s really important. It’s fundamental. I think again, another point to be eyes wide open is really to understand the statistics. I mean, even after we lost Madeline, I was astounded by the statistics. So,  one in five kids will struggle, only 25% will get access to care for mental health care, and suicide in youth is the second leading cause of death. And so those statistics are real, right? And they’re horrifying, frankly. And I’m a huge believer that if we don’t help these kids today, we’re not going to have a workforce in the future, right? Or we’re not, because I mean, these are our future, or they’re the future workforce. And I think we, whether it’s the government, corporate Canada, and we in the communities, we have to help these kids make sure that they have the tools and the monitoring,  to make sure that their mental health is stable, for the long term. AW: Right. And I just wanted to add the other research that I read said that children’s anxiety goes up when they have their phone in their room – when they’re trying to sleep. And I felt like, well, again, this is not just kids, adults should have their phone outside of their room. Then you’re not thinking about all the texts or whatever the comments that you’re missing from your friends online. You’re just sleeping. Your phone’s beside you, when you’re in bed. You’re not freaking out. My daughter, when I sent her to bed the other night, she said, Mom, if you could see my phone right now, my friends are all chatting. And I’m like, well, maybe three of the 10 are but they’re exhausted. And frankly, you need the sleep. NG: Yeah. Well, and I think while the utility of a phone is amazing, because it frankly does everything for us – you could do grocery shopping and you can interact with people across the world. And so often we have it by our bedside, right? Whether it’s for your alarm or,  make sure that the older teenagers get home on time and things like that. It’s a challenge. Right? And I think Arianna Huffington has done some great research about how do you shut down in the evening right? It’s more around adults – but I think the same practice lies with the, with our young people to realize what is healthy behavior? I get it used to be – in our day – not watching TV. AW: Right! Exactly. NG: Not falling asleep with the TV on in your room or whatever that is. So I think again, it’s the same kind of behavior is really forcing yourself to decompress without that. So that we can get a healthy sleep and kind of clear the mind of, of any types of anxiety. AW:  what helps me a lot is to remind myself that our jobs when we were teenagers was to push boundaries against our parents and it’s the same thing. Now our kids are pushing. It’s their job to seek access to their phone or to try to stay up later and it’s our job to set boundaries that are healthy for them, right? Mentally and physically? NG: Absolutely right. I find it’s challenging. I know in our family, we had discussions of what is age appropriate to get a phone. Once we got to the third child from him having a phone, it gave us a little bit more independence because we knew that he could not only interact with us, but also with his siblings, if you know they were going somewhere together, what have you, and so… AW:  also taking an Uber! NG: Yeah, exactly. Right. So I get it. Back to you can do anything from your phone. But yeah, the notion of boundaries is really important. But again, I think it comes back to like the articulation of why. It’s not just like, you can’t have your phone after 10 o’clock, or whatever the time is. It’s like really? Let’s talk about it right? Like why does this make sense? Or maybe on a Friday night, it’s okay or whatever that is, because they can sleep in or I’m not sure. Again, but just you have to – each person and each kid is so different. AW: I feel like the question of why is a bit of a meta-theme here, with this discussion. You said earlier, that we should be encouraging our children to come to us when they have issues or challenges. Even if they don’t know why, and then we talked about also when someone’s misbehaving, you shouldn’t just accuse them of being bad. You should question why. Why might they be acting that way? Right? NG: Yeah, I think that’s a really good point. And we always jump to the conclusion or versus really looking at – what are the symptoms?  Is there a rationale? What’s going on? I mean, even for teachers, right, I think, again, schools have to have their rules and the regulations. But not every kid has a diagnosis of anxiety. And I mean, I have a great little story about Madeline. She was in grade nine that she started a new school. The policy was that if you didn’t show up for a test or an assignment, you got zero. And so she had a classroom presentation of which she went to the bathroom because she was having an anxiety attack. So she didn’t show up for the presentation. And so I went into the teacher the next day, not asking for her to … I was really good. I was really asking her, can you bring her in on a one-to-one, let her do the presentation and tell her what she would have gotten? I wasn’t asking her to not give her a zero. And she said, No, she didn’t show up. She gets a zero. And I said, I understand that. But I’m asking you to kind of, throw her a bone. And I said, I said, she was in the bathroom with an anxiety…. She had an anxiety attack. And she said, Well, she didn’t, she didn’t tell anybody. And I said, well, because she’s anxiety, she’s horrified to let anyone know. And she said, Well, she doesn’t have a diagnosis, for anxiety, and I said, and I didn’t actually say this, because I didn’t want to drag her into my life. But I was like, that’s because I’ve been waiting on a waitlist to see a psychiatrist for six months. So I, like, again, it was that vicious notion of a vicious circle again. And just the idea of the empathy to say, I had a kid who’s struggling and she’s not a bad kid, she had an anxiety attack. Why don’t we bring her in and just show her that she’s capable of doing a great presentation or coaching her through it, versus these are the rules, the rules are zero. It was very, it was black or white, and I think, again, and as a parent, I mean, I was sitting there emotionally,  trying to not ask for a bending of the rules for my child, but having a bit of empathy and … AW: so next time she wouldn’t have that anxiety attack because she would know that she could do it! NG: Exactly. But even just knowing like, I’m capable of doing it right. And so again, it’s just the challenge of like, there is a lot more to that story than her just not showing up to do her presentation. AW: Right. NG: And so I think,  we can all we can all work better on that. And give people the benefit of that. AW: So is there anything else you want to add? Especially, I think in terms of parents talking to kids? NG: Yeah. I mean, I think our mission is really to help raise awareness around youth mental health to reduce the stigma, first and foremost. And the second is about creating uninhibited access to care. It’s really kind of breaking down the barriers so that families and their kids can get their  foot in the door. And so, I think coming back to what can all of us do is just be opening the conversation about mental health. When you see somebody acting differently or being off, it’s just to ask, how are they doing? Is everything okay? Right? And to let them know that you’re there for them. You don’t have to be a solution or, but just to know that you’ve got a support system, I think it’s so important. AW: That’s is almost identical to what I heard from the grief counselor, in terms of how to speak, how to support your friend who’s in mourning or who’s grieving – is you don’t have to provide solutions. You don’t have to provide answers. You just need to know that you’re there for them. NG: Exactly. Yeah. It’s amazing. Yeah. AW: Okay. This is a bit of a rude transition. But now, let’s move on to the five rapid fire questions. I hope you can have fun with these. NG: Yeah. AW: Okay. The first question is, what are your pet peeves? NG: Leaving all the cupboard doors open! You walk in the kitchen and all the cupboard doors are open. I think I would go with like the front hall clutter. I can handle it if it’s out-of-sight-out-of-mind from that perspective. And I think committing to your word. So when people sort of say, Well,  I’m going to get together on Friday and then like never deliver on that and they keep rescheduling,… AW: okay, second question. What type of learner Are you visual, auditory kinesthetic, or maybe some other kind of learner? NG: Definitely visual. So I’m a visual, I would say experiential learner, I absorb content and information or just like, especially culturally, when you’re traveling somewhere just like sitting in a space and just really taking it all in. I think for me, I’m very much a visual learner, AW: and how does that affect your communication? NG: It’s interesting because I do a lot of virtual work. So I definitely prefer things like video conference and leveraging that as a form of  virtual meetings and online but more interactive. So work in progress. So rather than waiting for kind of a final result is really having iterative work in a collaborative way. AW: Next question, introvert or extrovert? NG: I was born an introvert, but I’ve been coached to be an extrovert. I would say I remember as a child being incredibly shy, standing almost behind my mother, at family parties and being very, very shy. I think over time just through work, cultural experiences. I’ve kind of I’ve pushed myself to be more extroverted. AW: Well, I’ve seen you on stage behind the podium talking about The Maddie Project, and you are phenomenal. NG: Yeah, when is it when it’s something you’re incredibly passionate about, it comes a lot easier, that’s for sure. I’ll say when you have to stand in front of really anybody to talk about something that is incredibly challenging, it takes a ton of courage and a ton of energy and vulnerability. AW: Right. NG: And so I think that has definitely taught me a lot about who I am, but also understanding that when you have big presentations, particularly around The Maddie Project, that you give yourself some downtime, after the fact. Because I’ve spoken with other parents that have are strong advocates for youth mental health, that have lost their kids, and the level of exhaustion kind of when you come through it. It’s amazing. AW: I can’t do imagine. That would be exhausting. Okay, communication preference for personal conversations? NG: So for me, in person is always the best, of course, otherwise it’s FaceTime. So I use FaceTime a lot a lot. I travel a fair amount, and so I’m not always here. And it’s interesting because even my youngest son won’t text or call, he’ll just FaceTime me. So doesn’t matter what time of day or what have you. It’s just something that is more of his thing. And so definitely… AW: maybe he’s like you and he’s visual as well. Right? NG: Maybe? Yeah, it could be. It could be that, it could be that. AW: Okay, last question. Is there a podcast or a blog or an email newsletter that you find yourself recommending the most? NG: So this one, I would say no. I would call myself a content junkie. I love podcasts, but I really focus on the topics and I have a kind of a broad range, but I actually love and I find myself spending a lot of time listening to podcasts about people talking about their life stories. AW: So autobiographies? NG: Autobiographies, or just famous people or business leaders that are sharing their journeys. And it’s amazing to really see the correlations of people sharing very challenging times in their lives, but they continue to progress and move forward. And so there’s no one podcast per se, but right now, podcasts are my medium of content. I used to run listening to music and now actually I run listening to podcasts. AW: Amazing. So how can listeners connect with you if they want to ask you about The Maddie Project or anything else? NG: Yeah, so we’re almost on every channel online. So things like Facebook, Instagram, AW: not surprising NG: Yeah. And so that’s the best way. We’re small and nimble. So we really try to respond where,  again, really community based. We’re trying to connect people with either resources, or other parents that are going through similar situations, but living true to our mission is that we’re just there. To be of whatever support and offer kind of a listening ear for those that might be struggling. AW: That’s great. Thank you so, so much Nicole, for sharing your story and your insights. I really appreciate it. And I know a lot of people do as well. NG: Yeah. Well, thanks for shining a light on us and on mental health. This has been great.   THANKS for listening – and READING!     ***When referencing resources and products, TalkAboutTalk sometimes uses affiliate links. These links don’t impose any extra cost on you, and they help support the free content provided by TalkAboutTalk. The post BONUS EPISODE: Let’s Talk About Mental Health appeared first on Talk About Talk.

Andrea shares best practices for texting, email, phone, virtual and in-person meetings. This is beyond the basics! Of course, you need to be courteous and punctual. These tips will elevate your communication effectiveness across various media. RESOURCES “COMMUNICATION MEDIA: Which medium is best for your message?” PODCAST EPISODE: https://talkabouttalk.com/118-which-medium Talk About Talk  Website: TalkAboutTalk.com LinkedIn: Andrea and TalkAboutTalk Weekly Communication Skills Newsletter: https://talkabouttalk.com/blog/#newsletter-signup Email: Andrea@TalkAboutTalk.com   The post #119 MEDIA BEST PRACTICES – Beyond the Basics for Text, Email, Phone & Meetings appeared first on Talk About Talk.

Do you know when to text versus email versus pick up the phone?  What about virtual versus face-to-face meetings? Andrea encourages you to think beyond your default media and consider the WHO, the WHAT and the WHY when choosing the ideal communication medium. RESOURCES “MEDIA” or “MEDIUM”? https://grammarist.com/usage/media-mediums/ Dr. Andrea Wojnicki & Talk About Talk  Website: TalkAboutTalk.com LinkedIn: Andrea and TalkAboutTalk Weekly Communication Skills Newsletter: https://talkabouttalk.com/blog/#newsletter-signup Email: Andrea@TalkAboutTalk.com   ***When referencing resources and products, TalkAboutTalk sometimes uses affiliate links. These links don’t impose any extra cost on you, and they help support the free content provided by TalkAboutTalk. The post #118 COMMUNICATION MEDIA: Which medium is best for your message? appeared first on Talk About Talk.

How many emails do you have in your inbox? Need some tips to help clear out your inbox? You can increase your productivity and reduce your email anxiety by doing 3 things: make behavioral changes; employ technology hacks; and effectively managing our sent mail. Let’s clear out your inbox!   RESOURCES   Dr. Andrea Wojnicki & Talk About Talk  Ask Andrea a question Free 20min consult – Book Andrea  Website –  https://talkabouttalk.com Communication Coaching Newsletter – newsletter-signup LinkedIn – Andrea https://www.linkedin.com/in/andreawojnicki/ LinkedIn – TalkAboutTalk – https://www.linkedin.com/company/talkabouttalk Books “Unsubscribe: how to kill email anxiety, avoid distractions, and get real work done” by Jocelyn K Glei –  https://amzn.to/2Qm4HYt “Predictably Irrational” by Dan Ariely – https://amzn.to/30dxJhi “Because, Internet: Understanding the new rules of language” by Gretchen McCulloch – https://amzn.to/2QkZqAo “Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity” by David Allen – https://amzn.to/31KRfP2 The GTD Workbook –  https://amzn.to/31HI02b Podcasts TalkAboutTalk ep.21 TRUST with Baron Manett – https://talkabouttalk.com/trust-with-per-se-brand-experience-president-baron-manett/ TalkAboutTalk ep.29 Q&A episode: https://talkabouttalk.com/29/ Tim Ferriss Interviews Drew Houston, co-founder and CEO of DropBox.: https://tim.blog/2018/08/29/the-tim-ferriss-show-transcripts-drew-houston/ Gretchen Rubin  – Happiness guru & advocate of the one minute rule – https://GretchenRubin.com Email History & Statistics Raymond Tomlinson (inventor)  https://www.internethalloffame.org//official-biography-raymond-tomlinson https://www.radicati.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Email-Statistics-Report-2019-2023-Executive-Summary.pdf Statista: https://www.statista.com/statistics/911592/frequency-consumers-checking-work-emails-outside-work-hours/ eMarketer: https://www.emarketer.com/Article/Please-Dont-Unsubscribe-Why-Consumers-Email-Fatigue/1015219 LifeWire: https://www.lifewire.com/how-many-emails-are-sent-every-day-1171210 Expanded Ramblings: https://expandedramblings.com/index.php/email-statistics/ Adobe Consumer Email Survey: https://theblog.adobe.com/love-email-but-spreading-the-love-other-channels/  NewYorker “Was Email a Mistake?” https://www.newyorker.com/tech/annals-of-technology/was-e-mail-a-mistake Tips On Conquering Your Inbox HBR: https://hbr.org/2014/04/8-ways-not-to-manage-your-email-and-5-tactics-that-work https://hbr.org/2019/01/how-to-spend-way-less-time-on-email-every-day FastCompany: https://www.fastcompany.com/90379441/how-to-manage-email-so-that-it-doesnt-control-you Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2012/10/08/6-ways-to-be-more-productive/#23676df55605 Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnhall/2018/06/03/8-simple-tips-that-will-improve-the-way-you-use-email/#24d6b637115e Inc.: https://www.inc.com/david-finkel/12-email-tips-to-increase-your-productivity.html Getting Things Done: https://gettingthingsdone.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/GettingEmail.pdf Unpacked on Inbox Zero: https://unpacked.mailbutler.io/2019/01/09/gtd-email-inbox-zero-flowchart/ City A.M.: https://www.cityam.com/inbox-anxiety-how-regain-control-email/ Technology Canned Responses for Gmail & G-Suite: https://google.oit.ncsu.edu/core/gmail/canned-response/ Superhuman: https://superhuman.com/ https://techcrunch.com/2019/06/27/my-six-months-with-30-month-email-service-superhuman/ Spark: https://sparkmailapp.com/ Slack: https://slack.com/intl/en-ca/ https://techcrunch.com/2013/08/14/say-hello-to-slack-the-newest-enterprise-social-network-and-the-latest-effort-from-flickr-co-founder-stewart-butterfields-tiny-speck/   ***When referencing resources and products, TalkAboutTalk sometimes uses affiliate links. These links don’t impose any extra cost on you, and they help support the free content provided by TalkAboutTalk.   The post #117 Clear Out Your EMAIL Inbox appeared first on Talk About Talk.