Comparing ourselves to others often results in envy. This sometimes drives us to get better, but has significant downsides. Understanding how envy and empathy work can help us have healthy emotional connections in the systems in which we function. Show Notes: Feeding the Green-Eyed Monster: What Happens When Envy Turns Ugly from Hidden Brain Schadenfreude (Merriam-Webster) Empathy Is Tearing Us Apart by Robert Wright (Wired) Identity and Emergency Intervention: How Social Group Membership and Inclusiveness of Group Boundaries Shape Helping Behavior by Mark Levine, et. al. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

The most effective leaders do a year-end review. Here are three approaches, including the one that I use. Doing a year-end review will take you about an hour. It will not only help you make the most of your 2019 experiences, it will help you prepare to get a great start in 2020. This month's theme in The Non-Anxious Leader Network is "Reflection." If you're not a member, join our free community to reflect on 2019 and focus on what matters most to you in 2020. Show Notes: Forget New Year’s Resolutions and Conduct a ‘Past Year Review’ Instead by Tim Ferriss Advice for Entering the New Year: The Yearly Review by Matt Perman Reviewing the Past Year & Looking Ahead to the Coming Year by Kathy Paauw One New Habit, One Big Goal: Change Your Life in 10 Weeks by Jack Shitama Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Sharing "origin" stories and family narratives makes a family stronger. The holidays are an especially good time to make this happen. Whether you're asking the right questions or sharing your stories, doing this will help everybody relax and connect with each other. Join the Non-Anxious Leader Network (it's FREE). Show Notes: The Psychology Behind Superhero Origin Stories by Robin Rosenberg The Stories That Bind Us by Bruce Feiler Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Yuval Noah Harari maintains that the greatest threat to freedom is the myth of free will. This episode examines free will to understand how we can better self-regulate in anxious situations. Join The Non-Anxious Leader Network (it's completely FREE) Show Notes: The Myth of Freedom by Yuval Noah Harari

Effective leaders are able to say what they believe while giving others the freedom to disagree. The Gottman Institute offers four rules to guide political discussions. Arthur C. Brooks offers these to help end what he describes our culture of contempt. This episode unpacks these from a family systems perspective, as well as takes another look at President Donald Trump's leadership style in the midst of an impeachment inquiry. Join The Non-Anxious Leader Network (it's FREE) Show Notes: Gottman’s Four Rules for a Better America by Michael Fulwiler of The Gottman Institute Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from Our Culture of Contempt by Arthur C. Brooks Episode 35: Sabotage and Empathy (What Works and What Doesn’t) Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling are signs that a relationship is going downhill. Maintaing self-differentiation and a non-anxious presence can turn things around. Show Notes: The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling by Ellie Lisitsa of The Gottman Institute The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes by Ellie Lisitsa of The Gottman Institute Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Trust is a key leadership competency. Developing a culture of trust requires trusting self, then trusting others. Show Notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue by Edwin Friedman The Fundamental Attribution Error Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath The Moral Molecule: How Trust Works by Paul J. Zak Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Bill Selby is the founder of the Center for Pastoral Effectiveness for the Rockies. He has been training clergy for 20 years to apply family systems theory in their leadership. In this segment, he discusses how to stay connected to anxious people, how to avoid isolation, and the impact of change. Show Notes: Center for Pastoral Effectiveness of the Rockies Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Bill Selby is the founder of the Center for Pastoral Effectiveness of the Rockies. In this segment, he talks about how to deal with sabotage in the context of a church meeting. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Bill Selby is the founder of the Center for Pastoral Effectiveness of the Rockies. He has been training clergy in how to be a non-anxious leader since 1999. This is part one of a three part interview. In today's segment, Bill shares the importance of staying connected, process and content, and identifying healthy leaders. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.