We sometimes think we have more control than we do. At other times we underestimate the amount of control we have. Knowing the difference is an important leadership competency. Show Notes: Choiceology: Season 4 Episode 1 Keeping the illusion of control under control: Ceilings, floors, and imperfect calibration by Francescas Gino, Zachariah Sharek and Don Moore Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Being able to recognize and respond effectively to emotional sabotage is essential for leading change. Empathy is good, except when it's not. This episode helps to unpack the difference. Show Notes: The following episodes are helpful in further understanding how to respond to sabotage: Episode 19: Self-Regulation–the Key to Being a Non-Anxious Presence Episode 26: How to Handle It When You Are Anxiously Attacked

Emotionally dependent people require others to make them feel loved and validated. Giving in to their demands holds us hostage. Understanding how this works, as well as how self-differentiation is a way forward is an essential leadership skill. Show Notes: Are You Too Emotionally Dependent on Your Partner? by Leon F. Selzer Ph.D. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

This episode is a bit personal. Two recent occurrences reminded me that I'm different. The rise of xenophobia is a global phenomenon. Responding in self-differentiated ways to those who emphasize differences in negative ways is the best chance we have to build a more civil and hope-filled world. Show Notes: Does Fear Motivate Workers — or Make Things Worse? from KNOWLEDGE@WHARTON Fear and Hoping: Adding hope to health messages may motivate better behaviors from Penn State News Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

The emotional triangle is the most stable form of human relationship. This is because most of the time we are not able to appropriately deal with tension or stress in a two-person relationship. This episode gives examples of triangles, explains how they are formed and maintained, and shows you how to deal with being triangled. Show Notes: Episode 19: Self-Regulation--The Key to Being a Non-Anxious Presence Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

"People aren't afraid of change, they're afraid of loss (Sandy Shugart)." Understanding this can help leaders show people how to face the pain of loss directly. This develops strength and results in growth. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

The difference between a challenge and a problem is how we handle it. Anxiety, our own and that of others, is the key factor. Remaining a non-anxious presence will help us and those we lead to rise up to challenges and not make them problems. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

This episode is an example of why it's important to be flexible. My personal travels and a case of stupidity caused it to drop a day late. Here's what I learned from it, and how it can help you. Show Notes: Episode 23: Musings from Thailand on Self-Differentiation Stewart Butterfield's bio Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

As a leader, people want to know where you stand. Learning how to do this in a healthy way creates the possibility for conversations that can lead to effective change. Show Notes: Gun Reform: Speaking Truth to Bullshit, Practicing Civility, and Effecting Change by Brene Brown Trump's Chaos Theory by Lance Morrow What’s Wrong with Donald Trump’s Chaos Theory of Power? by Michael A. Genovese Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

The healthy way to stand up for yourself is to take a non-anxious emotional stand. Avoid reactivity by not arguing and not agreeing. Understanding family systems theory will help you do this. Show notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue by Edwin Friedman Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.