Your Kids Don’t Suck: Cultivating Closeness with your Kids through Non-Coercive, Conscious Parenting

In this paradigm-shifting episode, Cara and Rythea sit down with special guest Vivek Patel to explore the transformative power of parenting as a spiritual practice. Together, they dive into the profound ways parenting forces us to confront our deepest blocks, triggers, and fears. From sleepless nights to moments of deep connection, this episode unpacks how the challenges of raising children can lead to unparalleled personal growth and spiritual evolution. Whether you're a seasoned parent or just starting out, this conversation will inspire you to reframe the difficulties of parenting as opportunities for transformation and collaboration.Key Takeaways:- You can’t avoid the challenges of parenting, but you can learn to meet them with curiosity, compassion, and openness.- By focusing on the essence of your child, you create a foundation of connection, trust, and collaboration.- Spiritual growth in parenting doesn’t mean being perfect; it means showing up authentically, repairing when needed, and learning as you go.- Non-coercive parenting isn’t about "letting kids do whatever they want"—it’s about creating a partnership that honors everyone’s needs.--It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuckBook with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapyBook with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsessionRate & Review: Enjoyed this episode? Leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform! Your feedback helps us reach more parents looking to embrace collaborative, non-coercive parenting.

Do you ever feel like your child makes you become a person you vowed you would never be? Have you noticed that you act like a version of yourself you don’t recognize in regular life? This is because we have parts - internal parts that get triggered by your kids and by feeling helpless as a parent. We go into parts of ourselves from childhood that rear up from our past and cause us emotional responses we often don’t understand. It can be very overwhelming and daunting.In this episode, Rythea and Cara, both therapists and parents, explore how the Internal Family Systems (IFS) parts work model can be applied to parenting. They discuss practical ways to navigate resistance and anger—both in ourselves as parents and in our children when they are triggered.Cara shares her personal challenges with being woken up at night by her child, offering an honest look at how difficult moments can bring up our own parts that need care and validation. Together, they unpack the importance of processing emotions through validation rather than bypassing or suppressing them.The conversation highlights the ongoing work of non-coercive, collaborative parenting: letting go of control, leaning into connection, and leading with validation, empathy, and trust. If you’re looking for ways to show up for your child while navigating your inner world, this episode is for you.Key TakeawaysIFS in Parenting: Using parts work to understand your triggers as a parent can help you show up more calmly and effectively for your child.Working with Resistance: Recognize and validate the protective parts in you and your child rather than reacting with frustration or coercion.The Power of Validation: Processing emotions often requires the simple but profound act of acknowledging and validating feelings—both your own and your child’s.Collaborative Parenting Principles: Letting go, leaning in, and leading with connection and empathy fosters trust and growth in the parent-child relationship.--It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuckBook with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapyBook with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsession

In this episode of Your Kids Don’t Suck, Cara and Rythea sit down with researcher and parent Ash Lowenthal to discuss their PhD work on trauma-informed care and non-coercive, collaborative parenting. Ash shares their passion for challenging systems that perpetuate trauma and explores how these principles can inform parenting journeys.Key Topics:Parallels between non-coercive parenting and trauma-informed care in professional settings.Why traditional "authoritative" parenting often falls short compared to collaborative methods.Evidence supporting non-coercive approaches in fostering resilience and emotional safety in children.Practical strategies for integrating trauma-informed principles into everyday parenting.Research gaps in "gentle parenting" and why it may not always meet its promises.References:Harris & Fallot (2001): Dynamics between service providers and users can mirror abusive relationships. Envisioning a trauma-informed service system: A vital paradigm shift.Lowenthal (2020): Implementation of trauma-informed care in child- and youth-serving sectors. International Journal of Child and Adolescent Resilience.Durrant & Stewart-Tufescu (2017): Defining discipline in the era of children's rights. The International Journal of Children’s Rights.Curran & Hill (2022): Impact of parental expectations and criticism on perfectionism. Psychological Bulletin.Fuentes et al. (2022): Parental warmth without strictness fosters adolescent empathy and self-concept. Frontiers in Psychology.Garcia et al. (2020): Parenting warmth and psychosocial adjustment across generations. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health.For access to these articles (often behind paywalls), email Ash, and they’ll provide a PDF version.Connect with Ash:Email: ash.lowenthal@gmail.comInstagram: @ash.lowenthal

What can happen when two friends (who happen to be therapists) support each other to explore wounds and triggers with the intention of becoming a more loving parent? What does the process of tracking our triggers back in time look like? What does it mean to love the child we once were?In this episode of Your Kids Don’t Suck, Rythea supports Cara as she navigates recent feelings of low-level anxiety, gently guiding her through these sensations using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework. Together, they uncover how Cara’s current worries around parenting link back to her inner child’s past experiences, where autonomy was frequently disrespected. As Cara witnesses her 2 year old now, who was assigned female at birth, growing into an independent young person, she feels echoes of her own confusion, fear, and vulnerability from childhood.Through their candid conversation, Rythea helps Cara see how these unprocessed parts of herself are reawakened in her parenting, leading to worries about her child’s safety and independence that are, in fact, deeply rooted in her own experiences. This powerful episode delves into the complexity of parenting while carrying unhealed parts from our past, revealing how these fears and anxieties often stem from the ways we were left alone or felt afraid in our formative years. Listeners will resonate with the theme of self-compassion as Cara and Rythea explore how parents can become more aware of when they’re projecting past experiences onto their children. They also discuss practical strategies for recognizing and calming these inner parts, helping listeners to parent from a place of clarity and presence rather than reactivity and fear.Key Takeaways:- How IFS parts work can help parents separate their past experiences from their current parenting challenges.- Understanding how unresolved childhood feelings can fuel anxieties about our children’s independence.- Tools and strategies to recognize when fears about our kids are rooted in our own experiences.- The importance of self-compassion and curiosity when exploring inner parts and past wounds.Tune in for an episode that will leave you feeling understood, inspired, and ready to bring greater mindfulness into your parenting journey.--It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuckBook with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapyBook with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsession

Do you struggle with playing with your kids? When playfulness is required to make a difficult moment easier, do you feel blocked, stuck, shut-down, or reactive?In this episode, therapists Cara and Rythea dive into the transformative power of playing with your kids, no matter their age. They explore the why behind play—why it’s essential for healthy development and connection—and dig into the research on the benefits of play in strengthening the parent-child relationship. Through both personal stories and professional insights, they discuss the systemic and emotional barriers that can prevent parents from embracing play and share practical ways to overcome these obstacles. Cara sheds light on how to guide kids through story and play, especially neurodiverse children, drawing from her experience working with families and ND kids. From letting go of perfectionism to using improv skills to meet kids on their level, Cara and Rythea discuss how to become more playful and attuned as parents, regardless of past experiences with play.Tune in to discover how to turn playtime into meaningful, joyful connection time with your kids!Resources from this episode:Rythea's book recommendation: Playful Parenting: An Exciting New Approach to Raising Children That Will Help You Nurture Close Connections, Solve Behavior Problems, and Encourage Confidence by Lawrence J. Cohen, PhDResearch on play referenced in this episode: Brown, E. A., & Dunn, J. (2010). The role of play in social development. Child Development Perspectives, 4(2), 91-95.Fisher, K. R., & Hirsh-Pasek, K. (2012). Playing around in school: The role of play in development. American Journal of Play, 4(2), 155-175.Hakkarainen, P., & Palviainen, T. (2011). Cultural tools and practices in the development of young children. European Early Childhood Education Research Journal, 19(1), 43-56.Harter, S. (2012). The self-perception profile for children: Manual and questionnaires. University of Denver.Kaderavek, J. N., & Justice, L. M. (2013). Shared storybook reading: A new strategy for language and literacy. Language, Speech, and Hearing Services in Schools, 44(3), 245-258.Ladd, G. W., & Burgess, K. W. (2015). Peer relationships and school adjustment. Child Development, 86(3), 720-731.Morris, A. S., et al. (2013). The role of parenting in children’s emotional regulation. Emotion, 13(2), 238-249.Piek, J. P., et al. (2010). Motor skills and developmental coordination disorders. Developmental Psychology, 46(5), 1132-1141.Pizarro, J., et al. (2017). Play therapy for children experiencing stress. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 26(3), 778-785.Shlafer, R. J., & Poehlmann, J. (2010). Attachment and parenting. In Handbook of child psychology (Vol. 3). Wiley.--It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

Sometimes you meet someone online or in person and it changes the course of your life. Dayna Martin’s book called “Radical Unschooling” was part of (co-host) Rythea Lee’s parenting wake up call. She joined Dayna’s support groups and coached with her during a time of deep distress and confusion. Dayna’s loving and articulate allyship of her children and children everywhere helped Rythea turn towards non-coercion and collaboration with her daughter.What are the underpinnings of Dayna’s approach and how does it fly in the face of everything we’ve been taught about teaching and raising children?Join us as Dayna shares more about what stepping out of our society norms did for her children and her family. She shares personal anecdotes on how she handles negative reactions and remains grounded in her values, providing listeners with insight into the resilience required to stand up for unconventional beliefs. Unschooling, for Dayna, is part of a broader social justice initiative. She talks about how giving children autonomy over their learning can challenge and help dismantle oppressive systems, including those that perpetuate racism, sexism, and homophobia. She believes that empowering children to think critically and empathetically from an early age can contribute to a more inclusive and compassionate society.Addressing common critiques—such as concerns that children who unschool aren’t learning or that unschooling parents are neglectful—Dayna shares her responses. She explains that unschooling isn’t about a lack of learning but about transforming how we approach education, highlighting the extensive skills and knowledge her children have gained outside traditional schooling.She gives listeners an inside look at her family’s current dynamics and shares updates on what her children are passionate about, from creative projects to budding interests, illustrating how unschooling has allowed them to pursue what genuinely excites them.Join Cara, Rythea, and Dayna as they explore the powerful intersections of unschooling, freedom, and social change, challenging us to rethink our approaches to education and parenting.Connect with Dayna:https://www.facebook.com/DaynaMartinhttps://daynamartin.comhttps://radicalunschooling.com--It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

We’re back with a brand new season featuring the wonderful Iris Chen from @untigering! Iris shares her personal experiences of transitioning from being a "tiger mother" to a parent who fosters connection, collaboration, and respect with her children.In this episode:- Defining Untigering: What does it mean to be a “deconstructing tiger mother”? Iris breaks down the concept of "untigering" and how it challenges the traditional authoritarian approach, especially within the Asian community.- Non-Coercive Parenting: Cara and Rythea ask Iris about parenting two teens- her journey with non-coercion, unschooling, and creating a family culture of connection.- From Authoritative to Collaborative Parent: Iris shares the pivotal moments that led to this shift and the changes she saw in her relationship with her children. She breaks down the results and positive impact of making this choice. Rythea and Cara chime in on the “A-ha” moments that brought them into this approach.- Biggest Blocks for Parents: Drawing from her coaching experience, Iris discusses the common challenges and mental blocks parents face when making the shift toward non-authoritarian parenting. She offers advice and insights on overcoming these obstacles.- Cultural Resistance: Iris takes a special focus on the Asian community’s unique challenges with authoritarian parenting. She opens up about why it’s hard for some families to let go of strict, obedience-focused methods, and how to create space for healing and transformation.- Unschooling and Its Purpose: Iris talks about her experience with unschooling and how it aligns with her values and mission to foster freedom, autonomy, and joy in learning for her children.Join us for an insightful conversation about parenting, culture, activism, and how we can build healthier relationships with our children by embracing connection over control.Tune in to hear how Iris’s journey can inspire your own parenting transformation!Connect with Iris:Instagram: @untigeringhttps://untigering.comuntigering@gmail.com--It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

In this episode of YKDS, therapists Cara and Rythea delve into a powerful therapeutic process with Rythea, exploring how her triggers impact her parenting choices. Using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy modality as a guide, they help Rythea to identify and understand the different parts of herself that influence her feelings and behaviors and how they come into her parenting, particularly in relation to a painful experience she's currently facing. Rythea explores triggers around being an activist, keeping her and her daughter safe, and how that relates to her childhood.Rythea and Cara introduce working with inner parts, illustrating the deep feelings and beliefs that exist inside of our inner child parts. Through Rythea's process, they demonstrate how to identify different parts within oneself, discovering the reasons these parts emerge and how they influence our reactivity with our kids. This episode provides practical insights for parents, showing how IFS can be a valuable tool for understanding triggers, with examples of parts work in action to improve parenting and self-healing.This episode is particularly valuable for parents seeking to better understand their feelings and actions and to identify what they truly need to do for their internal and external family systems. An episode that directly addresses how our inner work impacts our children, it offers unique insights into improving family dynamics. It's a hopeful resource for parents looking to navigate their emotions and actions towards a more harmonious family life!Check out the book Cara and Rythea refer to on Internal Family Systems (IFS) - No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Dick Schwartz, Founder of IFS: https://ifs-institute.com/nobadparts--It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

In this inspiring and heartfelt episode, hosts Rythea and Cara sit down with Vivek Patel, dear friend and renowned parenting coach, known for his non-coercive, collaborative parenting approach, and his 27-year-old daughter Veets! The conversation dives into the unique dynamics of their father-daughter relationship, exploring how Veets' upbringing has shaped her view of parents and children, friendships, work-life, her family, and her relationship with herself.Vivek shares more on the underlying philosophy of non-coercive, collaborative parenting and the principles he teaches to thousands of parents worldwide. He explains how this approach focuses on mutual respect and understanding, rather than control and compliance. As Veets reflects on her upbringing, she illustrates the profound impact this philosophy had on her whole family as they struggled with the limitations of the world around them. Throughout our conversation, the closeness and honesty between Vivek and Veets is evident, offering listeners a genuine glimpse into their relationship. Their anecdotes showcase the mutuality and deep attunement that is possible when parents focus on equality, attachment, and self-responsibility.Rythea and Cara chime in often, adding their challenges and questions, as newer non-coercive & collaborative parents. Find Vivek on his website http://www.meaningfulideas.com and @meaningfulideas on all socials:http://www.facebook.com/meaningfulideashttps://www.youtube.com/meaningfulideashttp://www.instagram.com/meaningfulideashttps://www.tiktok.com/@meaningfulideashttps://x.com/meaningfulideas--It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

What are the wins in doing the deep work of dismantling coercion and control in our parenting? Why do it? Why work so hard to break generational patterns? What does it give you, your family, your child?In this episode, Cara and Rythea focus on the profound closeness, joy, and harmony that comes from diving into this parenting philosophy. They give examples with their children and partners of breaking through stuck places to mutual respect and flow. Cara has a toddler and Rythea’s daughter is twelve, and both of them are devoted to non-coercion and collaboration with in their family systems. Join us for reports on the undeniable wins with their children.This episode is especially valuable for parents struggling to let go of controlling behaviors, offering a glimpse into how trusting the process can lead to more enriching family relationships. We highlight the importance of appreciating children for who they are, rather than focusing solely on external behaviors and achievements, providing listeners with an optimistic and compassionate parenting mindset.--If you want to be on our newsletter and get an announcement each time a new episode is released, please send us your email information to Rythea@crocker.comGet in touch with Rythea and Cara, buy our books and watch our content at https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuckFind all our episodes at https://rss.com/podcasts/yourkidsdontsuckIt’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck