Interior Integration for Catholics

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemTitle:  JR’s Story: What Happens When You Listen to Your Body  Episode 11:  April 24, 2020Welcome to our podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem.  Let us seize this day!  This twice-weekly podcast helps us rise up.  It helps us embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis.  And our podcast does this through being thoroughly grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  It is great to be together with you, thank you for tuning in.  This is Episode 11 and its April 24, 2020.  This one is called JR’s Story: What Happens When You Listen to Your Body.  I am super excited about this episode, because we’re going to do a deep dive into the experience of JR, who is one of us in this podcast community, and what he discovered about himself in doing the guided reflection in the last episode. But first, a quick review:We have been discussing our Catholic bodies in times of crisis, and how we can increase resilience through a better bodyset.  Remember that when I use the term bodyset, I’m referring to how our body affects us, how our physical reactions impact us and our dispositions and inclinations.  We are embodied beings, composites of body and soul.  Our physical bodies have a huge impact on us.   The state of our body, our relationship with our body, that’s bodyset.So as I discussed with you last time, the main message about bodyset is that we need to listen to our bodies and respond in love to our bodies.  Last episode we focused on listening to our bodies and at the end, we did an experiential exercise where we did some really focused listening, to hear the messages from our bodies that we may otherwise be ignoring.  And that brought in some great responses from some of you, our podcast community members.  Nothing brings me as much satisfaction as hearing you really engaging with this podcast, taking in the information, doing the exercises, discovering new things about yourselves, and growing.  That is what this is all about.  So before I share these emails, I’m going to suggest that if you have the time and the inclination, go back to the last episode, episode 10 titled Your Catholic Body and this Crisis:  Bodyset and listen if you haven’t done so already.  Go back to the last episode and really experience that exercise, truly listen in to your body with our guided reflection together.    Then come back and listen to the story of JR in Indiana, and what he experienced as he did the exercise from the last episode.  Whenever I share these kinds of stories on this podcast, because they are so deep, and meaningful and personal, I always ask for permission from the person, out of respect.  If the person is not willing to allow me to share it on the air, that is totally understandable.  I really value your privacy.  These stories, though, illustrate the experiences that I so much want all of you to have, they show the possibilities of what you can learn and how you can change by deeply engaging with this podcast and with our community. This is also a clear example of what this podcast community is all about.  It’s not about me, lecturing to a microphone off in my makeshift studio far away, and you, just listening alone, a passive recipient.  No.  This podcast is about engagement, it’s about relationship, it’s about connection, it’s about community and it’s about being pilgrims together in these hard times, in this valley of the shadow of death, Yes.  Be we are also together on the road to salvation.  I have responded to every one of you that has reached out by phone or by email, we’re a small enough community that we can do that together and that is a top priority for me.So I want to start by thanking JR in Indiana for his openness and his willingness to share his experience from the last episode with all of you.  Thank you, JR.  I am going to read this as JR wrote it, because he expresses himself so well in his own words.  He emails me last Monday, four days ago:  My back is physically out of shape due to lack of exercise (and I was diagnosed with some arthritis in my lower back a couple of years ago). Also, I have had to perform some physical home chores recently that I thought might be the cause of the pain.I have been working hard at self-care: stretching, walking, a lot of time on my back with my legs elevated. Usually, this self-care would have worked by now; but not this time. I can move; but, not without pain.This morning I followed your guided meditation and asked my back pain what it wanted to tell me. It said, “Slow down.”I replied, “SLOW DOWN? I am on my fricking back and can’t move—I can’t go any slower. I am isolated—i can’t go any slower. I can’t find meaningful work—I can’t go any slower. I can’t engage with the Body of Christ—I can’t go any slower!I have no idea what “slow down” means; but, I will take the suggestion to prayer and further meditation. I write to him:  I suspect that the pain has some deeper meaning.  I definitely think you are on the right track with taking the message to prayer and further meditation.  I also would check in with your pain again.  See what more it has to tell you.  You can do that on your own, or it might be helpful to play the relevant section in today's podcast over again if you want a little guidance on checking in.  But approach that pain and its message of "slow down" with curiosity, openness, acceptance if you can.  I get that part of you is frustrated with all the inconvenience of the pain.  See if that part can give you a little room to understand what's going on with the part that is in pain.Dr. Peter,Over the past twenty-four hours since my first meditation which gave me the words “slow down”. I have done meditation two more times--late last night and this morning.The following may be more than you expected; but here goes:.1)      Here is what I think I learned after the first meditation:My unconscious, in the form of the little child in me, was saying slow down. The little child, still wounded, was trying to stop my chronological age by slowing me down physically.  It would take me longer to reach old age (death); If I couldn’t move as fast.  With the slowing down, then I would have more time for things to occur; i.e., healing, etc. (and I wouldn’t die!).Let’s stop for a second here.  This is a great realization.  This is an example of how unconscious parts of us can work.  JR has identified a part of himself that was connected to his back pain.  When he focused in on that pain during the guided reflection, he discovered a part of himself that seems like a little child.   This is so common.  I firmly believe that we all have these parts of ourselves, parts that are young and often neglected or exiled.  These parts of us get trapped in the past, and they think and feel like children do.  Sometimes we condemn these parts of us as “irrational” but I’m going to tell you something.  It’s really important.  I wouldn’t say this part of JR is irrational.  This little part of him is trying to protect him from death, trying to help h...

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemTitle:  Your Catholic Body and this Crisis:  Bodyset Episode 10:  April 20, 2020Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem.  Seize the day!  This twice-weekly podcast helps us rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  It is great to be here with you.  This is Episode 10 and its April 20, 2020, entitled Your Catholic Body and this Crisis:  Bodyset.  Today we are focusing on the body.  Your Catholic body.  Does that sound weird to you?  That your body is Catholic?  I bet it does.  Why?  Is your body not Catholic?  We’re going to get ito all at that body stuff in today’s episode.[cue music]ReviewWe’re in the middle of a program about building resilience in this crisis, so that we are ready to take advantage of the opportunities God is giving us to grow, to grow spiritually of course, but also to grow psychologically, to grow in faith, but also to grow in our human formation, in the natural realms.  Episode 4 – the Four Pillars of Resilience  Mindset, Heartset, Bodyset, Soulset.  That episode introduced the four major domains, the four major parts of us.  Mind, Heart, Body, Soul.  We need these four areas of our lives ordered so that we can be resilient and adapt well in a crisis.  If you’re new to the podcast, you can listen to each episode in its own, it can stand alone, but remember they all hang together into a program to strengthen your resilience to live out our duties of state, to live our your vocation.  So if you have the time and interest, it’s great to go back to episode 4 and work your way up to this one.  In Episodes 5 and 6 we got into mindset.  Our mindset is the position of our intellect, and how we habitually apply reason to our situation, to our experiences.  In Episode 7 we moved into heartset.  Our heartset consists of the dispositions or the orientation of our heart, the emotional and intuitive ways of our heart.  We discussed the huge mistake of neglecting our emotions, the costs of that neglect, and how to get in touch with our emotions again.  In Episode 8 we had a brief detour and we discussed reconciling psychology and Catholicism, and I shared the story of how I got into the field of psychology.In Episode 9 we got back into heartset, with another huge issue, the issue of being overwhelmed by emotion, and how to prevent that and with that we wrapped up our initial look at heartset.  So now we’re continuing and we’re working with a new pillar – our bodies.   How do our bodies impact our capacity to cope in a crisis.  That’s the deep dive for us today.  So just a review from Episode 4 – what is bodyset again, Dr. Peter?  Glad you asked.  Bodyset is how our body affects us, how our physical reactions impact us and our dispositions and inclinations.  We are embodied beings, composites of body and soul.  Our physical bodies have a huge impact on us.   The state of our body, our relationship with our body, that’s bodyset.  Here is the main message:  We need to listen to our bodies and respond in love to them.  What does that mean, Dr. Peter?  We need to listen to our bodies?  Aren’t we supposed to subjugate our bodies?  Aren’t we supposed to control them, keep them from leading us into sin?  Are not our bodies the “flesh” that St. Paul condemns so often in his letters?And this business of loving our bodies?  What does that mean?  Sounds fishy.  Sounds dangerous.  So let me back up a bit and tell you how I as a psychologist got interested in the body.Episode 8 – told you a bit of my story.  Pretty unimpressed with the clinical training I was getting, really uncertain about how to ground psychotherapy in a Catholic worldview.  And that was so central to me.  I never wanted to lead anyone astray morally or spiritually Program not helpful at all.  I also was far from convinced that psychotherapy was really effective.  So I clinically I got into health and rehabilitation psychology  -- I could see the benefit in that.  Pain control, helping people stop smoking, weight loss stuff. Helping people sleep better, helping people recover and cope with traumatic bodily injuries.  But it was all about symptom management and habit control.  And I was interested in the meaning of the bodily symptoms and the body habits that troubled people.  Nailbiting  Symbolic meaning.  Anger.  8 months.  Here is the main message:  We need to listen to our bodies and respond in love to them.  Why.  Because our bodies are us.  My body is a part of me.  Because we tend to be down on the body.  Lots of people hate their bodies.  Body getting a bad rap – the flesh.  Jansenism, Manicheanism  The good part is the soul (which is composed of light) and the bad part is the body (composed of dark earth).  JPII Theology of the BodyThere are many references to “the flesh” in the New Testament, especially in the letters of St. Paul. The phrase is confusing to those who think it synonymous with the physical body. While Scripture many times uses the word “flesh” to refer to the physical body, when it is preceded by the definite article, it usually means something more. Only rarely does the biblical phrase “the flesh” refer only to the physical body (e.g., John 6:53, Phil 3:2, 1 John 4:2).From Mgsr. Charles Pope:  What, then, is meant by the term “the flesh”? Most plainly, it refers to the part of us that is alienated from God. It is the rebellious, unruly, and obstinate part of our inner self that is always operative. It is the part of us that does not want to be told what to do. It is stubborn, refuses correction, and does not want to have anything to do with God. It bristles at limits and rules. It recoils at anything that might cause one to be diminished or something less than the center of the universe. The flesh hates to be under authority or to yield to anything other than its own wishes and desires. It often wants something simply because it is forbidden.OK Dr. Peter, so I have the distinction between the flesh and the body.  St. Paul was not condemning our physical bodies when he discusses the flesh.  We need to listen to our bodies?  And this business of loving our bodies?  What does that mean?  Sounds fishy.  Sounds dangerous. Recognize what my body is saying.  Poker Tells (my knee, jaw clench, high neck pain, low back pain)  GI problems, headache, yoke pattern on neck and shoulders.  Symbolism.  Psychodynamic work.  Caring for your body.  Neglecting it.  Not showering, fuzzy bunny slippers, shaving. Personal hygiene.  Being good to the body. Somatic therapy— Diane from Maryland who emailed me.  Internal Family Systems, EMDRExercise to listen in:  If that body part could speak, what would it tell you.  What does it want you to know.  

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemTitle:  The Flip Side of the Huge Mistake We Make with our Emotions in a Crisis Episode 9:  April 17, 2020Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me. This is Episode 9 and its April 17, 2020, entitled The Flip Side of the Huge Mistake We Make with our Emotions in a Crisis.  In Episode 7, last week, we discussed how some of us make the huge mistake of neglecting our emotions, disregarding them, disconnecting from them.  We discussed the costs of that neglect.  Today, we discuss the flip side of that mistake – the mistake of being dominated by our emotions.  Heartset is the dispositions or the orientation of our heart, the emotional and intuitive ways of our heart.  Heartset is essential our emotional state and the positions we take because of our feelings.  One of the four pillars of psychological resilience,  Episode 4  -- introduced all of them.Emotions are not morally right or wrong.  We often believe they are – we don’t always say it that way.  My sadness is sinful.  We have an innate sense of right and wrong.  But we also learn what is right and wrong by what our parents reward and punish.  And frankly, parent like pleasant feelings in their children and the don’t like unpleasant feelings.  So anger, disappointment, sadness, fear – parents sometimes don’t tolerate these emotions well in their children.  Anger as an example.  A lot of parents do not allow their children to express anger in any way.  No expression of anger is well tolerated.  IF you’re a kid an every time you are angry, you get punished no matter what you do, it’s very easy to assume that the anger is wrong.  Let’s face it:  Kids are not very nuanced.   I hate you mommy you’re a bad mommy.  So the child learns not to express anger in any way.  Anger is dangerous.  Keep it inside.  Deal with it silently.  So it wells up and explodes.Some parents can’t handle children’s anger well – they fear their own anger coming up.  So it’s somewhat protective.  You parents know this.  Sometimes it feels like you just can’t take the kids’ fighting any more, the arguing and bickering in anger, and you drop the hammer.  There are no people on earth better able to confront parents with their inadequacies than their children. So kids bury them.  And they ping pong back and forth.  Beach ball under water.  Emotions can come rushing back.  That’s why we want our emotions integrated.    Banning words like hate.  Because we don’t like the thought that hate is there.  Such a strong word.  But there are strong emotions.  Burning the map doesn’t destroy the territory.  How I learned not to ban words. Telling a story Big brown eyes.  Banning the word Stupid.  Children have a way of really getting under parents’ skin in ways no one else ever can.  I have seven children.  Oldest was about 8.  Calling each other stupid.  Like kids do.  Another way.  Or parents may simply allow all kinds of emotional expression.  In this very laid back acceptance of all emotions, the child learns to accept all his emotions, all the emotions are validated, so they all must reflect truth. Temperaments of children matter, too.  This stuff is really complex.  Two ways to be dominated by our emotions:1.       To be overwhelmed by them, to be driven by our passions, to lash out in anger or to flee in fear when we shouldn’t  2.      To give them too much weight in our thinking – for example consider how you might hold a grudge against someone – harboring resentment.  Interpret that person’s behavior through that lens of bitterness.   We’re not overwhelmed with emotion.  When we allow ourselves to be dominated by emotions and when we assume that our emotions just reflect reality, our heartset leads us to a mindset of subjectivism.  My subjective experience is what matters.  If I feel it, it must be true.  I have my truth, you have your truth, and they can contradict each other.  So we want emotions integrated and we want them regulated.  Breathe, Holy Names, Confide, Listen.  Four-step plan to calm emotions down.  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.So about this podcast.  I way underestimated how much work this is.  And I was very optimistic.  Building an ark.  Not working out the way I expected.  Very optimistic.  Yeb dub dah.  Flfalg.   Very used to talking with people – presented for years, but I could always watch the reactions.  Is this any good?  Not much response.  Can’t go with what is gratifying.  Turning away potential clients.  Worried.  Does anybody even care.  Some days March 14 no one listens.  Started asking – brilliant.  Connections with you:  Worried initially.  Calls coming inLetter writing Now super excited.  Big ideas about how to bring people together.  I am now convinced we have a core.  Looking at RSS feeds.  We’re just going to do what needs to be done.  And I’m not alone.  You are with me.Prayers are flowing in.  We are coming together.  Working on a forum for how we can connect.  Send me ideas.    Not a huge fan of FaceBook privacy issues.  Working on a forum for our website.  Private or Public Also working on setting up groups that can connect around this podcast and within Souls and Hearts.  Champions – Committed people.  Volunteering.     Call to Arms  4 qualities.   1.       Devoutly embrace Catholic Faith – Life of prayer and sacrifice.  2.      Convinced of the important of psychology – not just dabblers, not just interested in it, but see it as essential in this day and age.  Human formation, not just spiritual formation.3.      Willingness to change to grow – to apply these things.  Not just some lecture, some dry information.  Yes, some conceptual learning Experiential learning.    4.      Willing and able to use technology and our online platform.  Engage remotely.   Too many of you have been siloed – isolated from others that meet these four requirements.   Christine, Jane, Sylvia, Bridget, Joyce, Diane, Julie, Hrvoje and more that have come in, thank you!  Thank your for telling me your stories and what  Thank you for the appreciation. Like building an ark.  My he...

Dr. Peter discusses some of his journey to harmonize psychology with Catholicism and invites listeners to get in touch with him as we form a community of Catholics who are committed to both human and spiritual formation and who are willing to put in the work to grow, even in this time of crisis and especially in this time of crisis.

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemThe huge mistake we make with our emotions in a crisisEpisode 7:  April 10, 2020Let’s get right to it.  Today we are discussing the one huge mistake that we human beings tend to make with our emotions when we are in a drawn-out crisis situation. One major mistake that we all are prone to make when we are stressed.  And we’re going to also not just discuss the remedy to that huge common mistake – but also we are going to practice that remedy.  I will walk you through an experiential exercise to help you rise above that common mistake and help you know yourself better.  So stay with me, here we go…Cue musicWelcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem where together we embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth during this pandemic, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts.  Thank you for being here.  So what is the great mistake that many of us make with our intense emotions in a crisis?  In one word the answer is:  Neglect.  We neglect them.  We disregard them.  We don’t pay attention to them.  We avoid them.  We defend against them so that in an emergency they don’t keep us from being able to act.  And that is helpful in the short run.  Imagine firefight on a battlefield where a soldier’s legs are wounded by shrapnel and he can’t move.  His buddy moves quickly and efficiently to stop the bleeding and is carrying him back to the medic for care.  It would not help his buddy to get overwhelmed with emotion, fear, or a sense of loss, or to remember in that moment all the good times they had together on base.  Temporarily, his buddy can keep out of conscious awareness all those memories and all that emotion to be able to focus on the demands of the moment.  And that is a gift from God.  We naturally have defenses that keep some of our internal experience out of conscious awareness so we can function under stress.  We call them defenses because they defend us, they protect us against internal experiences that otherwise would overwhelm us, swamp us with their intensity.  Some clinicians call these defenses coping mechanisms.  So what are these defenses?  You’ve heard of many of them – denial, repression, avoidance, dissociation – I have a list of about 50 of them that I consider when I’m doing psychological evaluations. The function of all of these defenses is to protect us from being overwhelmed by our experience, particularly intense emotional experiences.  The problem is that over time, these defenses all have costs.  There is a price to pay for using a defense.  The costs is often part of the defense itself – for example, getting hung over after drinking too much.  But a cost common to all defenses is that are not as in touch with our emotions.  In general, people only deal with what they consciously experience and they assume that this is all that there is.  If I don’t feel it, it’s not there.   If a defense is working effectively, it keeps all or at least part of an emotion out of our awareness.  And when we don’t know what we are feeling we are at a disadvantage.  For example, we can’t share those experiences with other people or bring them to God in prayer.  We are not integrated, connected with emotion.  Let me make comparison to the body.  There are some people with rare genetic condition who cannot feel physical pain.   It’s called congenital analgesia And it’s thought to be related to a genetic mutation that interrupts the normal functioning of pain messages in the central nervous system.  They don’t feel it when they burn their mouth with hot coffee, they don’t feel pain when they injure themselves in any way.  Some people might wish to have this condition – to live a pain free life!  But they tend to have short lives.  They don’t have the warning system to protect themselves.  So an example.  Let’s say that you are angry with your spouse, but you have defended against that anger.  It’s likely to come out in your behavior, in ways that you intellect and will can’t address as effectively.  We call that enactment or acting out.  It’s a way of discharging some unconscious emotion through action.  Have you ever had the experience where you where pretty sure someone felt something toward you, but they weren’t aware of it?  Or how about the guy who insists in a frustrated, angry tone, that he is not angry.  “I’m not angry, why do you keep telling me I’m angry?!”  Often people believe what they are saying in those moments.  They are not in touch with their experience.  .  Floyd at the work.  He’s the last one – never complained. He’s enacting.  So now we are weeks into this crisis.  It’s dragging on.  We’ve had time to build up emotions about it.  The problem is not that we have some temporary disconnect from intense emotion.  But when we don’t seek to understand ourselves, when we stay unaware of what we are feeling – then problems come in.How can my emotions influence my actions when I am not feeling them?  Emotions signal important things going on within us.  They inform us about our experience.  And when they are kept out of awareness by defenses, there is a God-given pull for the trouble to come to the surface.  The more we repress and refuse to acknowledge an emotion, the more that emotion tries to get to the surface.  It’s like trying to keep a beach ball under the water.  Or think about it this way.  Have you ever been in the presence of compassionate person and then all of sudden had an insight about what you’re really struggling with – a realization.  The love of the other helps the defenses to relax so the problem can come to the surface without overwhelming you.  Remedy: Experiential exercise.  Not therapy.  Sounds really simple Importance of Gentleness with self.  A very important aspect of heartset:  Willingness to look inside and own what is there.  Seek and ye shall find.  Slow down.  You can find out.  Create the conditions.  Mindset of acceptance of all your internal experience.   Be willing to own your emotions.  If we are, we are going to see things we don’t want to see.  Impulses, desires, attitudes, but also emotions.  Shame, grief, anger,  First and second moral acts.   Saints:  Discuss wretchedness not their wonderfulness?Set asideTime to feel.  Space to feel.  Relationship to feel Note your reactions.Drawing or doodling. Writing down in a journal – putting thoughts and feelings into words allows us to engaging the will and the intellect. Let me know how this exercise goes for you.  Email me at     crisis@soulsandhearts.com Let’s stay connected. If you sign up at soulsandhearts.com for this podcast you will get the Wednesday morning email with extra tips and insider information, including sneak peaks.  For example, I will send you a list of the names of 50 or so defenses that I consider in evalu...

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemA Call To Arms: Rise Up, Red-Blooded CatholicsEpisode 6:  April 6, 2020Look, I’m going to get right down to it.  We are in a real crisis with this virus.  You’ve seen the news – New York City’s hospitals are overwhelmed and infections and deaths are accelerating exponentially.  We’re facing shortages of some basic items and supply chains are breaking down.  We’ve never experienced anything like this.  And I believe we are in it for the long haul.   The bottom line is this:  The Catholic Church now, more than ever needs heroes to rise up.  The Church needs you to be an unsung hero in your vocation, in your duties of state.  Other souls need you to be clearheaded, calm, effective, thoughtful, patient, generous, and resilient.  They don’t just need you to be a holy man or woman.  They need you to be well-formed on a human level, well integrated, soul, heart, body and mind.  Other souls are looking to you for safety, security, guidance, direction.  Are you up for that yet?  Are you equipped to handle whatever may come? Cue music Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. This is Episode 6 and its April 6, 2020, entitled A Call To Arms: Rise Up, Red-Blooded Catholics. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.   The stakes are high.  Yes, there is life and death on the line.  But there is more than just life and death.  There is salvation and damnation for souls on the line.  Our parishes are shuttered, we’ve lost the Mass and many of us have lost access to confession unless we are in danger of death. We’ve lost access to the Eucharist.   Now is the time – now is the time for red-blooded Catholic men and women, drinking deeply of God’s grace, to rise to the challenges of these wild times.  There has never been a better time for you to rise up and seize the day. If you are willing to take on this mission, this mission of rising up and shining like a beacon for others, I am here to guide you, step by step and this podcast is for you. I’m here to be with you and walk you through an entire program of human psychological formation to help you triumph in the challenges you are facing, the stresses that confront you.  I am looking for probably less than 1% of Catholics, those that really get that grace builds on nature, the supernatural builds on the natural, and that know they have to work not just on their spiritual life, but also their psychological life.  I’m looking for just a few Catholics, maybe 100 committed souls, maybe more, who want to join me in our online community where we can mutually support each other in becoming unsung heroes in our daily lives.   I’m looking for red-blooded Catholics who want to feast on the nourishing Word of the Gospel as it is, and live it out to the max.  I am looking for Catholics who are tired of the limp-wristed, narrow, timid, lukewarm, worldly approach to our Faith we see all around us.   I am looking for Catholics who are tired of spineless, risk-averse approaches to the faith, masquerading as prudence.  I want Catholics to join me who are ready to be creative, think way outside the box, to find real solutions to real problems, who are willing to make great and small sacrifices, but who just need some guidance, who are looking for some guidance grounded in the perennial teachings of our beloved Church.   And not because we’re great – we’re not great -- but because we want our Lord to live and act through us.   If you engage seriously with what I offer you, my bet is that many of you will grow much more resilient and much better equipped to carry out your mission to answer God’s call for you.  So you might ask: Who are you, Dr. Peter, to volunteer to lead us and why should we follow? My whole career has been focused on bringing people closer to God and Mary through shoring up the natural foundation.  I almost left the field in grad school because I was struggling with how to ground the practice of psychology in an authentic Catholic worldview.  I have decades of experience working with clients, helping them through crises of various kinds.  And I have a wealth of information to share with you.  My spirituality is essentially Carmelite and I’m focused on removing psychological barriers to contemplative union with God.  You can look up my bio on Soulsandhearts.com but this is not really about me.  It’s about you.  If you really engage with what I have to offer you, you’ll know by the fruits you see if this is helpful or not.   So if I commit, how does this work – how are you going to guide us? So we have this podcast, which is twice per week, Mondays and Fridays.  Every week.  You know, a lot of Catholic websites have shut down or reduced the frequency of their offerings.  We’re ramping up and adding resources four or five days per week at Soulsandhearts.com. In each episode, I’ll share some inside information, the same kinds of information that has been helpful to me in and helpful to my clients and friends.  We don’t do psychotherapy.in this podcast or in any of our offerings at Souls and Hearts, but we do share much of the same information.  So there is a teaching element. Often in the podcasts, there will be an experiential part – where I guide you through a process to understand yourself better.  We did one in the last episode, Episode 5 on discovering more about your mindset when you were in your dark place.  The experiential exercises in this podcast are where we learn by doing.  So we have the educational information, we have the experiential exercises – what else?  We will discuss specific challenges that many people face in resiliency in crisis, in seizing the day.  And I will give you specific guidance on how to overcome those challenges.  You see that at the end of this podcast.   If you register for this podcast on the Coronavirus Crisis Carpe Diem page at Souls and Hearts.com you will get a bonus email on Wednesday with some insider tips, sneak peeks at what’s coming up and other resources.  It’s really worth getting that email.   Once we get enough people registered, I will be offering webinars for the registered listeners in our community, in which we have time to go into much more depth into a particular area.   I will make recommendations for reading from time to time – nothing lengthy or academic – no, usually short passages.  We keep it really clear and to the point.   I’m also working on a self-assessment instrument for you to help you identify your relative strengths and weakness is facing crises, and I’m planning to be able to give tailored recommendations as your guide (again it’s not psychotherapy) for how best to change and grow.   We are also working on community resources on our webpages – getting the discussion boards up so we can communicate and connect with each other. &nb...

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemYour Catholic Mind and Resilience in Crisis Episode 5:  April 3, 2020Mindset.  What is a mindset and how can I understand my mindset?  These are the questions we will be addressing in depth in this episode.  And to help us, I’m inviting in Denethor II, Steward of Gondor, in his moment of crisis.  Here you go, you Lord of the Rings fans.  In the Return of the King, the third volume of the Lord of the Rings series, Denethor is in an extremely difficult position    He is the leader of the kingdom of Gondor. And Gondor is one of the few kingdoms left standing against the evil Sauron his army of Mordor.  ·         Gondor in a strategic position to defend against Mordor.  But now the vast, powerful army of Mordor laying siege to the gates of Denethor’s castle and the situation looks very grim.·         But let’s rewind just a bit.  Who is Denethor?  And what was his mindset?Denethor is ·         Hardheaded, traditional, old-fashioned·         a grim political realist – pessimistic·         lonely – his wife has long since died·         Self-reliant -- Denethor relies on his own resources to resist the powerful evil ruler  Sauron.  .  ·         Denethor is a father of two sons.  ·         Beloved Elder son Boromir has diedo   This increasing his distance, bitterness and detachment·         secretly uses a the seeing stone – the palantir -- to gather information,·         Seeing stone or palantir is a ball of indestructible crystal, used for communication and to see events in other parts of the world, events from the past or future.  Some might describe it as a crystal ball.  ·         Denethor believed he that he could control the seeing stoneo   The seeing stone could only show him things that were true – real object or events, but o   The seeing stone is not a reliable guide to action – it’s unclear whether events shown are in the past or in the future, and it doesn’t show everything.  o   Sauron biased what the seeing stone showed Denethor, selectively choosing real events and positioning the presentation to convey a lie.  In the moment of crisis, the vast, evil horde of Mordor is arrayed outside the castle walls, and Denethor’s younger son Faramir is brought in on a stretcher – Faramir is pierced with arrows and looks like death.  In the darkness of his hopelessness, Denethor says this to Gandalf: “I have seen more than thou knowest, Grey Fool. For thy hope is but ignorance. Go then and labor in healing! Go forth and fight. Vanity. For a little while you may triumph on the field, for a day. But against the Power that rises there is no victory. To this City only the first finger of its hand has yet been stretched. All the East is moving. Even now the wind of they hope cheats thee and wafts up the Anduin a fleet of black sails. The West has failed. It is time to depart for all you would not be slaves.”Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem where together we embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.   This is episode 5:  Your Catholic Mind and Resilience in Crisis and it is Friday, April 3, 2020. We are one week away from Good Friday.   Mindset is one of the four pillars of resilience in crisis for Catholics, and this episode builds on the last one, in which I introduced you to the four pillars of resilience.  These four pillars are critical for you being able to not just survive, but to thrive in times of crisis like this moment we find ourselves in now.   Now we are going much more in depth on mindset.   So what is mindset?  Our mindset is the general position or attitude of our intellect. Mindset captures how we habitually apply our thinking to the situations we face.  It’s the soil in which our cognitive processes grow.  Mindset is not our thinking per se – it’s the mental attitude from which our thinking flows.   So here’s a simple example to clarify.  A person with a pessimistic and bitter mindset looks at a glass, sees it as half-empty and considers how he doesn’t really want water.  He wants iced tea.  With a twist of lemon.  He thinks about how he never gets what he wants.  A person with a providential mindset recognizes that four ounces of water is what he needs right now, and gives thanks to God for the gift of water.   You can think of mindset as filter through which we perceive our situations, other people, and ourselves.  Our mindsets can range all over in terms of the accuracy of their perceptions and the quality of the thinking they produce.   Think about it.  You’ve seen this in others, when they totally misunderstand you in a situation.  And if you’re honest with yourself, you can probably remember times when your perceptions of situations have been really misguided by your mindset.    And reminder of what we discussed in the last episode, our mindset greatly influences not only our thinking but also our behavior.   It’s much easier to act well when we have a healthy mindset  So now, back to Denethor.  Let’s discuss his mindset.  What was Denethor’s mindset?  Think about it for just a second.  Was it despair?  Well, he did move to mindset of despair but only at the very end.  Remember that mindsets can change and flux.  Denethor was in trouble with his mindset long before the host of Mordor gathered at his doorstep, long before the battered body of his son Faramir was hauled back to him in the castle.  So what was the original problem with Denethor’s mindset?  It was this:Denethor believed that he needed only to rely on himself.  He was a man of great capacity, many talents and strong will.  He pursued the good as he understood it to the limits of his strength.But was self-reliant.  He tried to carry out his mission alone and isolated.  And that mission was greater than any one man could face alone. None of us has the strength in our own will and in our own character to face our challenges without help.  Relying on our own strength is a prescription for disaster.    I empathize with Denethor – parts of me really want to be self reliant as well, want to be independent, not rely on anyone else.  That resonates with some of you as well.  So I get Denethor’s mindset, and the temptations he faced.  There was...

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemThe Four Pillars of Psychological Resilience for CatholicsEpisode 4:It’s the late 7th century BC in Judah.  The northern kingdom of Israel has already been destroyed by the dominant Assyrians, 200 years ago.  The whole northern kingdom lost forever, 10 tribes gone, utterly ruined.  The little southern kingdom of Judah survived, two tribes left, Judah and Benjamin, but those two tribes are surrounded by powerful enemies, idolatrous nations running rampant.   The ruling Assyrians are brutal, even by the standards of the day.  But by this time Assyria is in a late-stage empire collapse.  Assyrian nobles are jockeying for power and position, with palace intrigues and dirty dealing.  Betrayals and internal power plays are the name of the game.  Insurrections are on the rise, civil disturbances are breaking out as factions consolidate under rival warlords.  The political situation was very dangerous and rapidly changing.   The conquered peoples under the Assyrian’s harsh rule – the Medes, Persians, Babylonians, Chaldeans, Scythians, Cimmerians became increasingly restive and hostile.  These subjected nations, all much more powerful than little Judah smelled the Assyrians’ weakness like blood in the water.  They sharpened their swords and were bided their time for payback.  And little Judah, powerless, weak, vulnerable --  little Judah finds itself riding a red tricycle in a demolition derby.  And in 616 BC it happened, like rolling thunder, real rebellions break out from the simmering tensions.  By 613 BC, the Babylonian army has broken free and with a vengeance is headed for Nineveh, the capital of Assyria, the biggest, most powerful city of the world.  The Medes, Persians, Cimmerians and Scythians all join in with the Babylonians and pile on.  It’s payback time for the brutal years of subjection.  The Assyrians have ruled for centuries and they are not rolling over.  It was a clash of titans.  The battle for Nineveh lasted months, with hand-to-hand fighting from street to street and house to house.  The city finally falls in 612 BC and the victorious armies sack, loot and burn Nineveh.    Now we have a huge power vacuum.  The political and military situation was highly fluid, very unpredictable and really dangerous the cars crashed and burned in the derby and little Judah rode on.   Cue the Prophet Habakkuk:   I hear, and my body trembles,    my lips quiver at the sound;rottenness enters into my bones,    my steps totter beneath me.I will quietly wait for the day of trouble    to come upon people who invade us So why am I sharing with you the story of the fall of Nineveh and the words of Habakkuk?  Because the book of Habakkuk is all about a wild, tumultuous time, and there is great psychological wisdom in it.  Those wild, unpredictable and dangerous days are also a great rea-life historical backdrop to this five episode series on resiliency.  In the next five episodes I am giving you a mini-course on psychological and spiritual resilience in our own current crisis.   I’m sharing with you the four pillars of internal, personal resilience in the face of crisis.  These are the four critical elements that distinguish among those that thrive in hard times, from those that survive, from those that don’t make it and fall into despair.  I call these mindset, heartset, soulset and bodyset.  I draw from the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview.  And I also draw in references from CS Lewis’ Screwtape Letters and JRR Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings.   So four pillars of resilience.  What are these four pillars?  Mindset, Heartset, Soulset, Bodyset.   I’m going to start with the most important pillar – guess which one it is.  Mindset, Heartset, Soulset and Bodyset.   All of you who guessed Soulset – you’re right!  Soulset is Pillar 1.  But were are not starting with Pillar 1.  We’re starting with Pillar 3.  Yeah.  Pillar 3 is Mindset. Because people are more familiar with mindset.   Pillar Three:  Mindset is essentially a frame of mind. Our mindset is the position of our intellect, and how we apply reason to our situation and our experiences.  For example, a person could have a pessimistic mindset or an optimistic mindset.  That person filters the perception of the world and our thinking through that mindset.  More intellectual, analytical people weigh mindset much more heavily in their decision making.  A classic example is Mr. Spock from the original Star Trek series, or the character of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. Here’s the thing – our mindset is dynamic and changes – we can have a very positive outlook at one point in time and a very negative one at another point in time and look at the same set of circumstances.  Our mindset greatly influences not only our thinking but also our behavior.  If we give free rein to our behavior, it will partially flow from our mindset.  It’s much easier to act well when we have a good mindset.   And one more thing – our mindsets can range all over in terms of their accuracy of perception and the quality of the thinking they produce.   Pillar Two:  Heartset.  Heartset is the dispositions or the orientation of our heart, the emotional and intuitive ways of our heart.  Heartset and Mindset can be in opposition.  For example, if a mother can have a solid mindset to go forward with cleaning the gravel out of her son’s skinned knee, while her heart breaks for him and doesn’t want to cause him pain.  St. Therese of Lisieux in correcting the novices under her charge felt great pain in her heart about reproving them in her heartset.  But she knew in a deep and clear way that this was right and true in her mind, her mindset.  Mary Magdalene was heavily influenced by her heartset in how she loved God with deep emotion..  Dr. Bones McCoy of Star Trek also was very influenced by his heartset, which was part of the conflict he had with Mr. Spock, who was moved much more by his mindset.   Heartset is even more dynamic and changeable for many people than mindset.  And it very much influences our mindset – makes sense right, that our emotional states influence how we think.   Pillar One:  Soulset.  Soulset is essentially our attitude of soul.  It is the disposition of our spirit, or how our souls is oriented.  Our attitude of soul.  It can operate independently of mindset and heartset.   Our soulset reflects how we see God, and how we see ourselves in relationship with God, how we see God viewing us.  Our soulset very much depends on our level of security in our relationship with God. Now here’s the kicker – our soulset is also very dynamic.  It changes too, often rapidly for some of us.  Think about the orientation of your soul when you were in a spiritual high – how confident your soul was in those moments, the deep and abiding sense of well-being in God’s grace.  Now think about your soulset when you are in you are in a bad spiritual place.  How your soul is closed up and has moved aw...

Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe DiemGrief over the Loss of the Eucharist Episode 3March 27, 2020Mary Magdalene saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” John 20.  Who resonates with Mary Magdalene’s lament? They have taken away my LordThe reactions of faithful Catholics to our churches being shuttered are not getting much press.  But grief comes up a lot, a lot in conversations, with tears: Committed Catholics are grieving the loss of access to Our Lord in the Eucharist.  And there are many other emotions as well.  So we know the reasons that are offered for the closing of the parishes.  On March 16, the White House guidance to avoid gatherings larger than 10 people.  In response, almost all dioceses closed the churches and cancelled public masses and gatherings of all kinds. Even confessions are to be postponed unless there is risk of death.  No reasonable person wants to arbitrarily increase the death count from the virus.  What has gotten much less attention is the real pain and loss of those of us dedicated and devoted to the Eucharist.  The impact of that loss.  And this is a place where we can acknowledge that pain and the weirdness of it all.  It is weird to watch Mass on TV or a computer monitor on Sunday morning.  Mary Magdalene yearning for Jesus outside the tomb would not have been satisfied by watching a video of Jesus on the angel’s iPhone.  Remember, this podcast is all about embracing the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this virus crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.We are always embracing the situations we find ourselves in and the people we find ourselves with, in deep confidence that all things work together for the good for those who love the Lord.   All things.  All things.  Including our losses of access to the Eucharist.   So ask the question:  How in God’s Providence can this situation be good for my spiritual life right now?It’s really important to ask the question.  Many people won’t seek the answer, and won’t find it.  Some Catholics will cover their grief with anger, and rail against the present circumstances, suffering like rebels. Others will endure their grief without imbuing it with spiritual meaning, suffering like Stoics.   We have another option.  Action item for this episode.  Ask the question:  How is this loss of the Eucharist best for me?  How is it best for me, right now, that I’ve lost access to the Blessed Sacrament, the Mass, Eucharistic adoration, Confession? It’s vital that each of you who is struggling with the loss ask that question, and not just accept answers from other people, including me.  And you need to turn it into a prayer, not just asking yourself, but asking God.  Because there are reasons for the loss.  God allowed it out of His love for you..  And those reasons vary from person to person, depending on our needs.  I want to give some possible answers, not so you can just accept them, because they may not fit you and your needs right now, but to serve as examples.  1.       One possible answer for some is to increase our thirst for the Eucharist.  Maybe you’ve stared to take our Lord’s presence in the Eurcharist for granted.   Psychologically, we tend to desire things more once we are deprived of them.  So if this is going on for you, you can ask for the love for Our Lord in the Eucharist to increase 2.      The loss of the Eucharist may help you to become in touch with some experience of abandonment or betrayal from your past.  There is a psychological technique called an affect bridge – that is where you work to remember when in the past you felt the same way you do now.  For many of you, grief or anger over the loss of the Eucharist may tap into some other unresolved loss in your life.  You can check that out.  In your prayer, your quiet time, go back through your life to the times when you have felt the same way as you do now about the loss of the Eucharist.  Is there something there, unresolved that you should know about?  Something that God is allowing to surface in you now, so that you can take it to him for healing?  3.      For me, I’m finding out how dependent I have been on my routine.  I rely on my routines.  For me this is about not relying on my spiritual plan of life and my regular spiritual routine.  It’s about relying on God moment to moments and maintaining the Presence of God, recollection, rather than just during my prayer time.  It’s about coming back to deepening the relationship, and embracing my dependency.  I don’t need daily Mass or an hour of Eucharistic adoration to do that.  In this situation, I can embrace the idea that it’s better that I don’t have them.  As hard as it is for me to say that.  I need God, and He is not bound by my lack of access the Eucharist.  Again, it’s important that you for yourself ask how this loss of the Eucharist is best for you.  And if you are so moved, share it – let me know.  Get in touch with me,  Send me an email at crisis@soulsandhearts.com.  And if you want to learn more about your personal psychological reactions in this crisis and how they interfere with your spiritual life, I am developing a short assessment and some limited-space webinars now. Sign up on our website at soulsandhearts.com on the coronavirus crisis: Carpe Diem page if you want to be notified when they are available.   

Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe DiemOur Stress Responses:  Discovering, Understanding and Improving Them Episode 2March 25, 2020Introduction:Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem where together we embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.Today we’re going to talk about how our stress responses give us very valuable information about ourselves, our psychological functioning and also our spiritual development.  So stress responses are the things we habitually do when we are stressed.  They are ways of coping, ways of trying to adapt to the situation.  You may know your stress responses or you might not know them.  Here are some examples of stress resposnes:  ·         Raiding the Fridge (chocolate)·         Biting nails·         Caught up in video games solitaire·         Online shopping·         Obsessive exercise·         Staring into space·         Starting arguments with the spouse·         Cleaning·         Baking·         Viewing pornography onlineSo now we’re going to explore our stress responses?  Why do that?  Why should we care?  Because they tell us what we need, or at least what we assume we need at some level.  And when those stress responses are maladaptive, we can fight them head on and sometimes we have to.  But if we can find the underlying need, we can address it in an entirely new and healthy way.  My stress response is __________________Next, let’s ask, “What does your stress response do for you?”  How is that response trying to meet an assumed or real need?If you listen in, you might find the answer.  You may already think you know the answer, and you may be right.  But let’s go deeper together.    Let’s have an open mind and an open heart toward ourselves on this one.  We may have an insight if we are open to it.  The big theme:  Our stress responses show us our growing edges, the areas in which we need to receive grace and help.  OK, so here’s the final part.  Let’s bring those needs into the spiritual life.  In a crisis like this, the need often has to do with being secure or having a sense of safety.  As Catholics, our need for security and for safety can’t be met by maladaptive stress responses.  They don’t work.  Chocolate can’t really make you safer.  Nailbiting can only temporarily cover stress, not resolve it.So to recap:  First, Let’s recognize which of our behaviors are stress responses.  Let’s name them and acknowledge them, own them, be real about them.  So for me, that stress response  is way too much internet surfing and study both of the economic and political news.Second, Let’s then reflect and be open to the needs or assumed needs we have that drive them.  In my case, an assumed need to predict what is happening and to control it.  My real need though, is for a sense of safety and security.Third, taking those assumed needs and real needs into the spiritual life in some way that is helpful to you.  In my case, bring the need for safety and security to God the Father and to Mary.  Ok, so we are winding it up for today.  Subscribe to this podcast and become a regular listener.Email me at Crisis@Soulsandhearts.com and let me know what was helpful and what was not. Sign up for our upcoming assessment and limited-space webinars that will help you learn more about your reactions in a crisis at https://www.soulsandhearts.com/coronavirus-crisis.Let me know what you need from this podcast.  Check out Soulsandhearts.com .  Dr. Gerry has just launched his course for married couples who are recovering from the discovery of porn use – porn use is a stress response for many people.  Let’s pray for each other.  Our Lady, Untier of Knots:  Pray for Us.  St. John the Baptist  Pray for us.