Interior Integration for Catholics

Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving.  This is episode 40, released on November 2, 2020 -- we made it to forty together.   Thank you for being here with me.  Steep learning curve -- starting to find my groove now, not nearly as rough and awkward as when I started.  and it is the fourth episode in our series on shame.  and it is titled: Rape, Incest, Shame, and Silence: A True Story Reexamined, Part 1This is the first of three or four highly experiential episodes -- these episodes are opportunities for experiential learning -- to learn a lot about yourself and your history.  Pushing the envelope of what is possible for learning from our experiences in an interactive podcast.  Review Series on shame is vitally important. Most people can't define shame -- if we can't put what shame is into words adequate, we can't think about it clearly, we can't engage our intellect and our willDeficits even in experts' definitions -- they can be very incomplete -- even Brene Brown's definitions are incompleteReally critical to understand what shame and guilt are and what they cause, what they do to us.  More than just natural life and death -- also spiritual life and death.  We have been really exercising our deductive reasoning skills so far in this series on shame. Deductive reasoning Start by understanding basic principles and general concepts And reasoning from those, arrives at specific observations and conclusions Top down approach Starting from the general, and getting down to specifics Clarified definitions of shame and guilt -- really necessary Three episodes ago, in episode 37, we introduced shame as the silent killer who stalks us from within Defined shame -- I drew from many sources Conceptual exploration -- understanding a much more complete picture of shame as not only an emotion, but also a bodily response, a signal, a self-judgement and an  action. Two episodes ago in episode 38, I invited you to see the signs of shame in yourself and others, to recognize shame in ourselves and in others, becoming better able to detect it, because shame very often, almost always, remains hidden and unrecognized from what it really is.     Last episode, Episode 39 we discussed shame and guilt conceptually -- multifaceted aspects of guilt, three aspects -- guilt as a moral state, guilt as a legal state and guilt as an emotion. Comparing and contrasting shame and guilt -- conceptual distinctionsBut a lot of us struggle to learn that way -- with deductive reasoning, staring with generalities and drawing specific conclusions from them.  Seems so intellectual, so conceptual, it can be hard for some of us to see it --   we need concrete examples, something we can see, feel, sense, something tangible that we can wrap our minds around.We need a story -- preferably a true story with real people who did real things, said real words, and who had real experiences.  That kind of thing helps me understand the overarching principles. Stories and case histories help us with inductive reasoning -- going from the specifics of a real, given situation to general conclusions. Sometimes called bottom-up reasoning. Our Plan with the Story Today, we are going to start with a true story, a real story, chock-full of trauma, shame and guilt. And we will go through this story multiple times to really flesh it out. We will begin with the facts, the particulars, we will be getting into the detailsAnd from those specifics, we will work our way upward toward clarifying the general principles by studying them in a real-life context Can think of the principles we've learned about shame and guilt as the first broad strokes in a drawing, the outline of shame -- now we are going to bring in specifics, we will bring in details in color and this drawing will come alive in the story That is what we are doing today.  We are start with a story.  And eventually we will review what we have learned about shame and guilt, the conceptual ideas and we are going to put bring those concepts into this real-life situation.  Preparation So the last three episodes provide the conceptual foundation for understanding shame and guilt in the natural realm, in the psychological realm.  If you haven't listened to them and you are a conceptual thinker, you like the principles and ideas first, I would encourage you to listen to Episodes 37, 38 and 39 -- lots of conceptual meat in themFor those of you who learn through examples and stories, those three conceptual episodes may make a lot more sense once we work through this case history -- you can go back and listen top episodes 37, 38, 39 after hearing out this story, get a lot more out of those conceptual episodes the second time around.  What is our plan with this story -- delicate material, no surprises Brief go over some cautions about this story, how to listen prudently Next I will go through some training with you as to how to listen to this story to really engage with the story and apply it to your experience -- this is a really important part of your work, so I hope you'll tune into the section that is coming up on how to listen to this story.  Then, I am going to introduce the main figures in the story -- today in this episode, number 40  Next , in this episode, I will give a little bit of the context and the back story behind the story, things I was able to find out and pull together about the story. And in this episode, I will read the story as it was originally published -- this is in the public domain, it's fairly easy to find -- you can google it.  The published version is quite short -- 4 paragraphs, about 680 words more or less, depending on the versionWhile there is detail and substance, the story is not told in a particularly psychologically-minded way -- it's more like a news report focused on the facts -- the behaviors of the characters, not as focused on their internal experiences and their relational connections. 

Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 39, released on October 26, 2020 and it is the third episode in our series on shame.  and it is titled: The Real, Radical, and Resounding Differences Between Shame and Guilt.  Two episode ago, in episode 37, we introduced shame as the silent killer who stalks us from within.  Last episode, episode 38, I invited you to see the signs of shame in yourself and others, to recognize shame in ourselves and in others, becoming better able to detect it.     That's important, because shame pulls us to allow our shame to remain hidden, unobserved, unrecognized for what it is.  Shame is tricky, it's slippery, it loves to camouflage itself. Encourage you to listen to those last two episodes, very rich, RCCD community members discussing listening multiple times, really working on understanding.  Now that we have a much better understanding of shame from the last two episodes, we are going to take the next step. This episode will stand alone, I will give you the context.  Today, in Episode 39.  We are going to understand much more deeply the difference between shame and guilt. Many people use them interchangeably they don't recognize a difference.  I feel bad with both of them because something is wrong. Shame vs. Guilt  Distinction.  I asked about this in intake evaluations.  Five negative emotions.  Anger, Sadness, Fear, Shame and Guilt.  What's the difference between shame and guilt.  Most people could not tell me the difference.  Rare that someone could give me a good answer.     Do you know the difference between shame and guilt?  Do your siblings know the difference? Does your spouse or significant other, do your friends, your kids, your siblings.  As we will see, it a crucial distinction -- because the upshot is that we work with them in very different ways.   focusing today recognizing the difference between shame and guilt Important psychologically Important spiritually Not just an idle curiosity, the kind of thing philosopher like to debate about But a real world concern Brene Brown: I believe the differences between shame and guilt are critical in informing everything from the way we parent and engage in relationships, to the way we give feedback at work and school. Bernard Williams (1993) claims that guilt and shame overlap to a significant degree and we will not understand either unless we take both seriously. Catholic guilt or Catholic shame.  Review.  Shame has been very difficult to define.  Most definitions have been inadequate and very contradictory.  Shame mentioned only once in the entire Catechism of the Catholic Church. CCC1216 on Baptism: Baptism is God's most beautiful and magnificent gift. . . .We call it gift, grace, anointing, enlightenment, garment of immortality, bath of rebirth, seal, and most precious gift. It is called gift because it is conferred on those who bring nothing of their own; grace since it is given even to the guilty; Baptism because sin is buried in the water; anointing for it is priestly and royal as are those who are anointed; enlightenment because it radiates light; clothing since it veils our shame; bath because it washes; and seal as it is our guard and the sign of God's Lordship. Shame not mentioned in Fr. Hardon's modern Catholic dictionary or in the Traditional Catholic Dictionary or in the 1917 Catholic encyclopedia.  Shame also not listed in the American Psychological Association's Dictionary of Psychology.  Ooops.  Brene Brown: I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.Shame has five dimensions: shame is a primary emotion, shame is a bodily reaction, shame is a signal to us,  shame is an internal self-judgement, and shame is an action -- a verb (review).  Shame as primary emotion--  primary emotions are those that we feel first, as a first response to a situation. They are unthinking, instinctive, automatic emotions that we have.   Heartset Can be conscious or unconscious Held by a part of us. -- part of us burdened with shame.  Doesn't just come and go in waves Also a self-conscious emotion Also a moral emotion. Shame as a bodily reaction not under bodily control -- bodyset Hyperarousal -- this is where our sympathetic nervous system revs us up, gets into fight or flight mode in response to shame Heart starts racing Breathing quickens Pupils dilate Blood rushes to arms and legs Face can flush red Get ready to defend ourselves or attack or run away Hypoarousal, when the parasympathetic nervous system shuts us down -- freeze response, like a deer in the headlights Shut down.  Numb out.  Dissociate Head drops Breaking off eye contact Tightening up of muscles, curling up in a ball (spine) -- hunching to protect vital organs.  Making one's body smaller, less visible Feeling like ice water in the veins, cold freezing sensation Fluttering in belly. Shame as a judgment  -- a negative, critical, global judgment of who I am as a person. -- mindset  Part of me holds this disparaging perspective of myselfPart of me accuses me of being incompetent, inadequate, worthless, unlovable, bad or even evil,A judgement about who I really am originally picked up from the perspective of an important other who was perceived as critical or rejecting. Shame as a signal

Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 38, released on October 19, 2020 and it is titled: Seeing the signs of shame in yourself and others. We are going to understand much more deeply the nature of shame, where shame comes from and how it manifests itself inside of us, and how it is expressed.  We are focusing today on learning more about shame and recognizing it -- recognizing it in ourselves and in others, becoming better able to detect it.     Remember parts of the dynamics of shame include shame remaining hidden, unobserved, unrecognized for what it is.  Shame is tricky, it's slippery, it loves to camouflage itself. We are in a series of episodes about shame.  In future episodes we will get to how shame affects our spiritual lives and we will also focus on how to heal from shame, how to break out of the vicious shame cycles in which we find ourselves spinning.   So Let's start by Circling back -- review of shame from the last session and then adding some real depth and nuance as we review and expand upon what we covered in the last episode, Episode 37.  Shame is: The primary problem we have in the natural realmThat gives birth to so many secondary problems -- we tend to focus on the secondary problems, the problems that are further downstream -- so we are not getting to the root.  Drawing heavily from Kathy Steele, Suzette Boon, and Otto van Der Hart -- trauma clinicians and researchers who have worked with real clinical population, real people, not just academicians. Also drawing from Richard Schwartz and Regina Goulding -- Mosaic Mind.   Be open to really learning about this this can be challenging take what suits you -- can slow way down.  If this is really activating for you, consider psychotherapy -- Souls and Hearts course on how to choose a therapist. If you can resolve your dysfunctional shame -- have a deep sense of being lovable and loved, by God, others and yourself, you've solved most of your psychological issues on the natural level.  Shame has five dimensions: shame is a primary emotion, shame is a bodily reaction, shame is a signal to us,  shame is an internal self-judgement, and shame is an action -- a verb (review).  Adding today behavioral expression of shame These behavioral expressions of shame are not shame itself, but they are intimately linked with shame and some of the best indicators of unrecognized shame.  Shame is more than most people assume.  We tend to have very limited, very primitive understandings of shame -- very unidimensional.  Let's review the five dimensions of shame.  Shame is a primary emotion -- heartset Primary emotions are those that we feel first, as a first response to a situation. They are unthinking, instinctive, emotions that rise up spontaneously More nuanced.  Just because you're not feeling shame in the moment does not mean that it's not there.  Consider how a wave of anger feels.  You feel normal, fine, then something happens and there is this intense anger or even rage, and then it passes, the anger goes away again.   That how we typically think of these emotional experience. That how we make sense of them.  But that's not how it is.  That is a dangerous illusion.  A falsehood.  A pipe dream.  The anger didn't just come and go, just like that.  And you know this at some level, because sometimes you ask yourself -- why am I so angry about that little thing, why did something so minor just set me off?  The emotional reaction is disproportionate to the trivial event.    A wave of shame -- feels like it wasn't there, and then something happened, like a negative review from your boss it was there in all its intensity and you're just trying to hold it together through the rest of your performance review, and then the shame passes and you're not feeling it anymore.  If I don't feel it, it's not there.  Seems reasonable, right?But what if, what if that wasn't what really happened.  What if the same amount of shame was within you the whole time -- it was just latent, outside of awareness.  And rather than the shame coming and then going, what if it was your awareness of your shame and anger that changed.   What if you at first where disconnected from your shame out of touch with it.  Then your defenses were overrun and you were overwhelmed with shame, and then your defenses were able to come back online and you no longer felt the shame. What if the intense shame was there the whole time?   That's a whole different model  Let's say that you were disconnected from unresolved shame.  A high level of shame or anger can endure within us and be intensely felt only on rare occasions when our defenses open up, when they dilate and we can see and feel the shame or anger.  In other words, all that anger or shame generally resides in the unconscious.  Unconscious The term was coined by the 18th-century German Romantic philosopher Friedrich Schelling  -- Schelling suggests that there are two principles in us: “an unconscious, dark principle and a conscious principle” later introduced into English by the poet and essayist Samuel Taylor Coleridge 1797, who read the 18th century German idealists.Freud.  Unconscious  Mind is like an iceberg  10% above the water -- visible -- that is consciousness -- what we are aware of in the moment.  The vast majority of the iceberg is below the water, outside awareness  -- what you sense is what you get.  In North America, we largely don't act as if we believe in the unconscious.  I think all of us, because of original sin, the sins of others, our own personal sins, the fallen world we live in and our fallen natures -- we have deep reservoirs of shame.  We know we need redemption.  We can sense it at a primal level, and we have ways of distracting ourselves from that reality, from defending ourselves from that reality.  Richard Schwartz on parts -- we are not just single unitary personalities  Understanding Parts Separate mental systems each with their own Emotions Expressive style Abilities Roles in the system of the person God images 

1.      Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving.  a.       Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 37, released on October 12, 2020 b.      and it is titled: The Silent Killer Who Stalks You From Inside.  2.      I want to talk with you about the silent killer, the worst adversary I face clinically, the greatest rival, the greatest opponent to love and life that I have ever met within another person or within myself. 3.      This one is a very stealthy, effective, ruthless killer -- often hidden beneath the surface of our consciousness, in the murky waters deep below where we can see.  But then at times it surfaces, Powerful, moving.  And maybe you think I'm being dramatic -- but I'm not.  I've seen it kill other and I've been seriously wounded by it myself.     a.       Killer on the natural level and also on the spiritual level.  This assassin slays not only hearts, minds and bodies but also souls.  A very comprehensive murderer, very complete, this hitman does his work often slowly but very thoroughly.  b.      Who is this killer?  High blood pressure?  No.  Stroke?  No.  Heart disease?  No.  Diabetes?  No.  Cancer? No.  These can and do kill bodies, but as serious as they are, they are nowhere near as deadly to most people as our silent killer.  c.       Who is this killer?  The devil you say?  Satan?  No.  Not Satan.  Satan cherishes this killer, and prizes the stealthy sneaking, clandestine work.d.      No, it's not Satan because this killer lives within us in a way that demons ordinarily do not.  This killer has a pass to roam within us, to move in our being.  Satan doesn't, unless we are possessed.  Besides, Satan does not have permission to slay us, or to harm us unless God permits it, at least with His passive will, and only then for our greater good.  e.       This killer seems meek and modest, but when it whispers its messages in our ear, it evokes in us fear, anxiety, depression, and efforts to do more and more, and it can also provoke us to anger, aggression, and violence.  Unchecked, this killer can bring us all the way to helpless, despair and suicide.  f.        Some of us try to numb ourselves to distract ourselves from this killer by using alcohol, drugs, food, binging on Netflix, hours of social media, masturbation, porn, shopping, compulsive exercise, gambling, surfing the web, video games, sleeping the day away, dissociating and even cutting and burning our bodies, all in an attempt to escape.g.      Who is this killer?  It is absolutely vital for us to know -- is it guilt -- no.  Depression -- no, Anxiety, Fear, Anger -- no, no, no.  Is it pride?  No, not pride.  But this killer has a close and intimate relationship with pride.  The killer feeds pride and is nourished by pride.  Who is it?  Take a moment and really think about it.  We need to know this killer, this adversary.  And we will.  Today we will be getting to know this silent killer.  But not yet.  We've got to look beyond the killer for a moment.  4.      There is one thing that disarms this killer.  One thing.  And that one thing is Love.  Real authentic Love.  Charity.   Love rescues us from this killer.  It transforms us, makes us immune to the silent killer who no longer has power over us.  So let's talk about love.  5.      Shifting gears.  Two great commandments -- a.       Matthew 22:35-40    And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question, to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” And Jesus said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.”b.      Main task is to love God and love our neighbor.  With all of ourselves.  All your heart, all your mind, all your soul.  All of us.  c.       And we need to love our neighbor as ourself.  Think about that.  Love our neighbor as ourselves.                                                                                 i.            Jesus doesn't say we need to love our neighbor more than ourselves -- it could be implied, but I wonder about whether that's possible.  d.      So that means we need to be loved                                                                                i.            Reflecting on last week's episode --  Why we flee from real love.  the capacity to receive love --                                                                               ii.             We discussed fear, avoidance, anger                                                                             iii.            We went into how real love burns, it requires us to give up dysfunctional coping mechanisms                                                                            iv.            It can require us to give up good things that are lesser than love.                                                      &n...

Episode 36: Why We Flee from Real Love        October 5, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being love and to loving.   Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 36, released on October 5, 2020 and it is titled: Why We Flee from Real Love.   1.      Getting right into it today, not reviewing, no listener questions, so buckle up.  This is a critically important topic2.      Three main reasons.  Pain, fear and anger -- all rooted in misunderstanding and distortions.  a.       We want to avoid all these things.  Natural instincts.                                                            i.            Freud's pleasure principle:  is the instinctive seeking of pleasure and avoiding of pain to satisfy biological and psychological needs.3.      Tolerating being loved -- deliberate use of languagea.       No, I just want to be loved -- what they are saying is I just want to be emotionally gratified.  What we want                                                          i.            Hallmark Card Commercials                                                         ii.            Hallmark Movies                                                     iii.            Romance novels.  Easy love that just come naturally.    Emotional Junk food that nourishes illusions.  b.      Easy to be loved when you are a baby-- natural openness and receptivityc.       Negative experiencesd.      Fallen natures in a fallen world                                                          i.            Slings and arrows -- attachment injuries, relational wounds                                                       ii.            More significant trauma                                                     iii.            Sense of vulnerability, it's not safe.  1.      Fear2.      Avoidance3.      Adam and Eve in Genesis 3                                                      iv.            We are familiar with the disorder, the dysfunction -- our ways of coping. e.       People who want to focus on loving, not being loved.                                                            i.            More "noble"                                                       ii.            Focus is on the other                                                     iii.            But so limited.  Doing good things for the other, not "being with."   6.      Real love burns -- it hurts -- a.     Gratification and Frustration.  b.     Perfection of God's love has an impact -- burning, purifying effect -- refining of silver and gold                                                                            i.            1 Peter 1:7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.                                                                         ii.            Isaiah 48:10 Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.                                                                         iii.            Zechariah 13:9 And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’”                                                                         iv.            Proverbs 17:3  The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the Lord tests hearts.                                       &...

Episode 35 Being Both Big and Small        September 28, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you to be your host and guide.  This podcast is part of our Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being love and to loving.   Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 35, released on September 28, 2020 and it is titled: Being Both Big and Small.   Ok, so it’s time for questions from our listeners from the last couple of sessions.  But only I got only one question from the last session in the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem! community, and she essentially answered it so well herself in our RCCD discussion boards that I don’t have a lot to add.  So I am going to make up a question – from an imaginary listener who wants to remain anonymous, so I am going to call him Johnny Hind:    The good thing for a host about making up questions is that you can have them be exactly what you want them to be, and that’s what’s happening now.   From Johnny Hind:  Dr. Peter, what about responsibility?  What about being grown up?  I’m confused about how, the challenges of this world, I’m supposed to be mature, wise, virtuous and so on.  That doesn’t sound like being a baby or a toddler.  I can’t just curl up in a corner suck my thumb and wait  for God and Mary to rock me to sleep all the time.  I have responsibilities!  How do I be both small, childlike, trusting and but also grow to the fullness of manhood or womanhood?   Those are our questions for today.    So for the last five episodes, numbers 30 to 34 we have been discussing being small, being like little children, going beyond just accepting our absolute dependency on God – but embracing it.   following the words of our Lord Jesus Christ:   Matthew 18 1-4  At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them, and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 19 13-15  Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people;  but Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” And he laid his hands on them and went away.Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. John 15:4-5   Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 1 Peter 2: 2-3 2 Like newborn infants, long for the pure, spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow into salvation— Now we are going to look at the other side of the coin.  Maturity, Responsibility St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. Ephesians 4:15  Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ Sirach 15 Do not say: “It was God’s doing that I fell away,” for what he hates he does not do.  Do not say: “He himself has led me astray,” God in the beginning created human beings and made them subject to their own free choice. If you choose, you can keep the commandments; loyalty is doing the will of God. Set before you are fire and water; to whatever you choose, stretch out your hand.  Before everyone are life and death, whichever they choose will be given them. CCC 1730-1738  Freedom and Responsibility.  So here we have the two demands.  To be childlike and to be mature.  To be small and to be big.  These demands, to be small and big can become extremes.  And in the spiritual life, there are two heresies that reflect these two extremes:  Quietism and Pietism.   Two extremes:  Quietism  The Spanish theologian Miguel de Molinos developed Quietism.  From his writings, especially from his "Dux spiritualis" (Rome, 1675), sixty-eight propositions were extracted and condemned by Innocent XI in 1687 Catholic Encyclopedia.  Quietism in the broadest sense is the doctrine which declares that man's highest perfection consists in a sort of psychological and spiritual self-annihilation.  and a consequent absorption of the soul into the Divine Essence even during the present life. In the state of "quietude" the mind is wholly inactive; it no longer thinks or wills on its own account, but remains passive while God acts within it. Quietism is thus generally speaking a sort of false or exaggerated mysticism.   Passivity in therapy.  Psychopathology-ectomy.  Want a general anesthetic, and for me to remove all the dysfunction and problems while they rest.  With my psychotherapy scalpel.  You’re the doctor, you’re supposed to be able to do this.   Pietism is a movement within the ranks of Protestantism, originating in the reaction against the highly intellectualize and reified Protestant theology of the seventeenth century, and aiming at the revival of devotion and practical Christianity. Its appearance in the German Lutheran Church, about 1670, is connected with the name of Philipp Jakob Spener – German Lutheran Theologian, Father of pietism.  His sermons, in which he emphasized the necessity of a lively faith and the sanctification of daily lifeIt is primarily one’s own individual achievements, the way a man as an individual lives up to his religious duties and moral commandments, the way a woman imitates the "virtues" of Christ, that ensure them justification. Spiritual growth is an individual self-improvement project that minimizes the role of the Church, mystical body of Christ and all believers.  In therapy, pietists have to do it all by themselves.  Unwilling to receive help. Suspicious of it.  Might reduce the magnitude of their own achievements,  They have to be captains of their own ships, bootstrappers.  The quietist says, “Do nothing for yourself.”  God does it all.  I’m totally passive.  God takes all the action.  The pietist says, “Do every...

Episode 34        Radical Receptivity       September 21, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 34, released on September 21, 2020 and it is titled:. Radical Receptivity.  Radical spiritual receptivity.  We’ve been building up to this topic over the last few weeks, so before we get into radical receptivity, let’s just cast a glance back where we’ve been over the last few episodes: In the last episode, episode 33, we explored openness in the natural realm·         Because Grace perfects nature, we often start with the natural realm·         looked at how psychologists define openness o   Openness as one of the big five personality traits§  Along with neuroticism, extraversion, agreeableness and conscientiousnesso   open individuals are curious about both the inner and outer worlds, they have experientially rich lives compared to closed individuals.  o   Lack of conventionality, willingness to question authority, prepared to consider new ethical, social, and political ideas.·         we looked at the six domains within openness:  o   fantasy, aesthetics, feelings, actions, ideas, and values (repeat) Today, we’re going to look at openness in the spiritual life, in the spiritual realm.   Receptivity: ·         I often use the word receptivity to capture a sense of openness in relationship with God and Our Lady, our spiritual parents.  And not just openness – but more than openness.  o   having the quality of receiving, taking in, or admitting.o   able or quick to receive knowledge, ideas, etc.: a receptive mind.  Mindseto   willing or inclined to receive suggestions, offers, etc., with favor: a receptive listener.  Mindset:o   What about taking in relationship, connection – relational receptivity.  o   Radical openness.  Toddler, infant – taking in almost everything he has.   So in this episode, we’re going into radical openness in the spiritual life, what I am calling radical receptivity to emphasize how we need to take in to receive from God and our Mother Mary.    Remember, the primary developmental task of the infant and toddler is to learn to trust.  We discussed this in episodes 30 and 31.  Our primary task is to learn to trust.  And remember that we’ve identified that the one essential thing for a Catholic to be resilient is that childlike trust, that absolute confidence in God.  Psalm 22: Yet it was you who took me from the womb;     you kept me safe on my mother’s breast. 10 On you I was cast from my birth,     and since my mother bore me you have been my God. 11 Do not be far from me,     for trouble is near     and there is no one to help. You kept me safe on my mother’s breast.    If we have that childlike trust, that absolute confidence in God, nothing stops us from being resilient.  We can fall down, and we can get up, because we have a deep awareness, in our bones, that we are deeply loved, cherished, that God and Mary delight in us.  But this childlike trust, this absolute confidence is the primary area where we fail.   Listen to the way that St. Peter refers to us as Christians, as Catholics: 1 Peter 2: 2-3 2 Like newborn infants, long for the pure, spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow into salvation— 3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. Listen to St. Paul:  But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children.  1 Thessalonians 2:7But I, brethren, could not address you as spiritual men, but as men of the flesh, as babes in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food; for you were not ready for it; and even yet you are not ready, for you are still of all the flesh. (1 Corinthians 3:1-3)The Church, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and God’s tender care, like a mother.  Isaiah 49  “Can a woman forget her nursing child,     that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget,     yet I will not forget you. Rejoice with Jerusalem, and be glad for her,    all you who love her;    rejoice with her in joy,    all you who mourn over her;    that you may suck and be satisfied    with her consoling breasts;    that you may drink deeply with delight    from the abundance of her glory. (Isaiah 66:10-11) As a clinician, I see this so much psychological baggage around trust, so many psychological impediments around this absolute confidence in God, and these stemmed from negative experiences we’ve had.  It doesn’t have to be abuse or neglect, can also be just the common attachment injuries that we sustain, believe us to be guarded, careful, and cautious.  We bring these into our relationship with God our father, and with Mary our mother.  And it’s not just in my clients, this is ubiquitous it’s everywhere it is in all of us.   Isaiah 40:11 He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather together the lambs with his arm, and shall take them up in his bosom, and he himself shall carry them that are with young. 28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28 The only reason we don’t experience this is because we don’t let God in. Because we’re afraid, guarded, self-protective, and we don’t know.   Review of how Mary is our primary Mother.   Fr. Emil Neubert, my ideal: Jesus son of Mary, part one, chapter 4: Mary is even more truly your mother then your earthly mother.…  She loves you – you, all imperfect and ungrateful as you are; she loves you with a love that surpasses in intensity and in purity the motherly love of all the mothers in the world.  Above all, she is more truly your mother because of the nature of the life which she has given you. RCCD member Jonathan is putting together a book club in the RCCD community.    O1 Openness to Fantasy: vivid imagination, active fantasy life, daydreaming as not only an escape, but a way of creating an interesting inner world for themselv...

Episode 33. –  Being Open and Coping Well          September 14, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 33, released on September 14, 2020 and it is titled: Being Open and Coping Well Today we’re going to explore openness in the natural realm.  And as a special bonus, we will explore closedness.   Abierto Cerrado.   Review:  Episode 32:  Ways to increase trust, especially given the negative experiences.  0-24 months.  Exercise – popular.  Need more of that.   Episode 31  The One Thing You Must Have to Be Resilient.  The one thing that you need, the one prerequisite.  Absolute childlike trust There is one thing that separates those who are resilient from those who are not.   Childlike Trust (particularly in God’s goodness and his Providence for me in particular) separate those who are resilient from those who are not.  Absolute confidence in God.     Episode 30: discussion of why we mistrust God so much, and it is because we are trying to be way too big.  Trying to make it on our own we don’t feel safe.  Trust is faith in action.   We hate and fear the dependency required to be in a real relationship with God.  Reciprocal relationship between openness and trust.    Why do I bring in Non-Catholic ideas:   What makes me different.  Not closed to new ideas.   Catholic with a small c  -- universal.St. Augustine:  On Christian Doctrine (De Doctrina Christiana)  CHAP. 40.—Whatever has been rightly said by the heathen we must appropriate to our uses. Paragraphs 60 and 61  Branches of heathen learning … contain also liberal instruction which is better adapted to the use of the truth, and some most excellent precepts of morality; and some truths in regard even to the worship of the One God are found among them. Not only natural learning, but we can learn truths regarding the worship of God.  Freud.  How many times have I heard Freud being dismissed out of hand by Catholics because of his views on religion.  I get it.  Freud:  God as an illusion, we’re like infants who need a big, strong father to keep us safe and secure.  A big daddy in the sky.   Religion had its uses to keep the unwashed masses subdued so that civilization could develop.  We needed something to help us restrain violent impulses and keep life on earth from turning into an episode from Jerry Springer.  But now we have reason and science.   Reason and Science.   I travel in a lot of traditional Catholic circles, I attend the Latin Mass, love the beauty of the ancient Mass.  Not a lot of traditional Catholic psychologists.  Consulted nationwide, coming to Indianapolis, lot’s of suspicion.   Lots of rejection of psychology But listen to what Freud is saying – we need a father.  We have an infantile need for a Father. He says it more clearly than a lot of Catholic speakers do – which Catholic media personalities have you heard really driving home the point that we are little, like todders, like infants in our need.  Freud found part of the Truth.   Pope Francis.  Not to bash the pope.  Not about that in Souls and Hearts or this podcast or the RCCD community.  September 8, 2017 New Yorker    The Pope’s Shrink and Catholicism’s Uneasy Relationship with FreudPope Francis Sought Psychoanalysis at 42,” the Times headline read. Other outlets treated the news more salaciously—“Pope Reveals,” “Pope Admits.” Some noted that the psychoanalyst in question was Jewish, or that she was a woman. Below the headlines, though, the stories were the same: a French sociologist named Dominique Wolton had published a book of interviews with the Pope, and, buried on page 385, amid discussions of the migrant crisis and the clash with Islam, America’s wars and Europe’s malaise, was the four-decade-old scoop that had made editors sit up. “I consulted a Jewish psychoanalyst,” Francis told Wolton. “For six months, I went to her home once a week to clarify certain things. She was very good. She was very professional as a doctor and a psychoanalyst, but she always knew her place.”Almost immediately, the news drew venom from the Pope’s detractors. A writer for the Web site Novus Ordo Watch, a mouthpiece of the ultra-conservative Catholic fringe—its slogan is “Unmasking the Modernist Vatican II Church”—insisted that Francis’s treatment by a “female Jewish Freudian” was “a really big smoking gun,” incontrovertible evidence that his “mind is saturated with Jewish ideas.”Jorge Mario Bergoglio appears to have undergone such an experience before he became Pope. When he started psychoanalysis, he was in the last year of his tenure as provincial superior of the Jesuits in Argentina, 1979. The military junta’s Dirty War was raging, and it had put Bergoglio to the test. “I made hundreds of errors,” Francis told an interviewer, in 2013. “Errors and sins.” He described the period as “a time of great interior crisis.” Lucky him that he found a therapist who, mostly with the acutely focussed and patently empathetic listening that characterizes a good analyst, could enable his return to wholeness. “She helped me a lot,” he told Wolton.Biology we learned about the double helix structure of DNA.  Beautiful. that James Watson and Francis Crick discovered the double-helix structure of DNA in 1953.  1962.  Nobel Prize James Watson:  Very anti-Catholic.  Anti a lot of things.  Racism, anti-semitism.  .   He also said that while he wished the races were equal, “people who have to deal with black employees find this not true.” Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory Infanticide   “If a child were not declared alive until 3 days after birth, then all parents could be allowed the choice only a few have under the present system. The doctor could allow the child to die if the parents so choose and save a lot of misery and suffering. I believe this view is the only rational, compassionate attitude to have.” Raised Catholic, he later described himself as "an escapee from the Catholic religion."  

Episode 32. – Trauma, Trust, Treatment and Truth     September 7, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where with God’s help you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 32, released on September 7, 2020 and it is titled: Trauma, Trust, Treatment and Truth.  Today is a deep dive into the effects of trauma and attachment wounds on Trust.  And then we will discuss how by God’s grace and with his help we can experience God as he is, not our distorted God images, rise out of the ashes of our experiences and our injuries.   Very specific techniques to help. Era of Coronavirus – call to trust God and Mary.   Reviews  Episode 30: discussion of why we mistrust God so much, and it is because we are trying to be way too big.  Trying to make it on our own we don’t feel safe.   We hate and fear the dependency required to be in a real relationship with God.  On my terms, on my conditions, within my vision, within my understanding.  We’re going to meet as equals.  We are going to be partners, like equally or almost equally yoked.  God is my co-pilot bumper sticker.  Becoming small so that God can be big.  Episode 31  The One Thing You Must Have to Be Resilient.  The one thing that you need, the one prerequisite.  Absolute childlike trust There is one thing that separates those who are resilient from those who are not.   Childlike Trust (particularly in God’s goodness and his Providence for me in particular) separate those who are resilient from those who are not.   In both those episodes, we look at the critical period from age 0 to 24 months, when the major developmental task is to resolve the conflict between trust and mistrust.  Almost every development will psychologist points to this as the critical developmental work in this stage of life.   We also discussed how so much of the developmental work in this during the ages of 0 to 24 months is done not by the infants or the toddler, not by the little child, rather by the parents.  We don’t expect infants and toddlers to be listening to self-help tapes and engaging in self-improvement classes.   They are far from the age of reason.  So in this issues of trust, God and Mary do the main lifting.  We allow ourselves to be changed, to be formed.   What little children, what infants and toddlers have is a great capacity for receptivity and a freedom from self-consciousness.  They have a natural humility.  They don’t worry about their self-image so much.  They are flexible.  They use their imaginations.  They don’t fear failing.  They don’t degrade themselves when they’re trying new things.  They can be learning to walk, falling down, and laughing at themselves.  They can make mistakes, they can try things out. No one expects perfection from a little child. Most therapies have focused on greater maturity, greater self-efficacy, being a more effective agent in the world, growing up. List of therapies and their goals These therapist have trouble when there is complex trauma, especially when that trauma goes back to the first two years of life.  Recent protocols developed.  Bootstrap therapies don’t work.  Very low success rates.   1.      Focus on complex trauma –2.      Complex trauma: a.         is usually interpersonal i.e. occurs between people usually people who know each otherb.        involves being or feeling trappedc.        is often planned, extreme, ongoing and/or repeatedd.      often has more severe, persistent and cumulative impactse.        involves challenges with shame, trust, self-esteem, identity and regulating emotions.f.        Results in different coping strategies. These include alcohol and drug use, self-harm, over- or under-eating, over-work etc.                                                                          i.      emotional dysregulation                                                                        ii.      changes in consciousness – dissociation                                                                      iii.      negative self-perception – shame, inadequacy                                                                      iv.      problems in relationships                                                                        v.      distorted perceptions of others, including abusers                                                                      vi.      loss of systems of meaning – losing my religion REM 1991g.      affects emotional and physical health, wellbeing, relationships and daily functioning3.       Complex trauma is trauma that occurs repeatedly and cumulatively, usually over a period of time and within specific relationships and contexts.” Examples include severe child abuse, domestic abuse, or multiple military deployments to dangerous locations.Single incident trauma occurs with `one off’ events. It is commonly associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Single incident trauma can occur from a bushfire, flood, sexual or physical assault in adulthood, or from fighting in a war.  Dyadic resourcing is typically a five step process:  1.       identifying a nurturing adult resource,2.    &n...

Episode 31. -- The One Essential You Must Have to Be Resilient     August 31, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 31, released on August 31, 2020 and it is titled: The One Thing You Must Have to Be Resilient.  The one thing that you need, the one prerequisite.  Absolute childlike trust. Repeat.  Absolute confidence in God’s providence.  But to have that absolute confidence, you have to be like a infant or toddler, a parvulum if you’re a guy or a parvula if you’re a gal.     Jesus told St. Faustina, “The graces of My mercy are drawn by means of one vessel only, and that is — trust. The more a soul trusts, the more it will receive. Souls that trust boundlessly are a great comfort to Me, because I pour all the treasures of My graces into them. I rejoice that they ask for much, because it is My desire to give much, very much. On the other hand, I am sad when souls ask for little, when they narrow their hearts”. (Diary 1578)  Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska  Freewheeling1.      Up until the last episode Scripting – more like a formal presentation – some moments when I broke out and riffed.  2.      Now much more natural, more conversationala.       I like this better anyway, to be with youb.      Getting used to not seeing you physically, but I can see you in my mind’s eye3.      I’m learning to trust in this process, that God and our Lady will be present and guide me, I am working on being small with this and having fun with it, much more childlike way.4.      That the episode doesn’t have to be perfect, and that it’s better to leave room for spontaneity and inspiration5.      Saves time – 6-7 hours, a lot of it fretting about wording.  a.       I can put the time back into the community in other ways.6.      Thank you to the RCCD community members for the feedback – Jonathan, Martha, Ann, and John it  helps me with my growing edge to keep trying new things.   Best Spiritual Reading Book Chapter Title ever --  Chapter 2 of Life of Union with Mary – Fr. Emile Neubert Take Only what Applies to You”   Review: spiral back to Episode 30 – Why do we have so much difficulty trusting God – it’s because we are too grown up.  We’re too big.   Eric Erickson 1902-1994 1.      Emphasized social development rather than resolution of sexual issues2.      Developmental Tasks that need to be resolved in each stage3.      Birth to 18 month the main conflict and developmental task is trust vs. mistrust.4.      This is the most important phase of life.  Shapes our view of the world, in addition to our personality.  a.       Can I trust those who care for me, those who are near me?  b.      Task is Hope – if this phase is adequately resolved, the result, Erickson said, is a sense of hope and confidence that relationships are beneficial, they are good.  A sense of personal competence.  c.       If successful in this, the baby develops a sense of trust, which "forms the basis in the child for a sense of identity." Failure to develop this trust will result in a  deep pervasive fear and a sense that the world is inconsistent and unpredictable. Parallel in attachment theory – John Bowlby 1907-1990 psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst  Infants and toddlers instinctively turn to their parents in distress unless there is disorder – what Bowlby and Ainsworth found.   The formation of early healthy emotional connections to mother and father is central to identity development.  Relationships are crucial, and challenged Freuds ideas about the primacy of psychic energy.  Security is dependent on healthy relational bonds.   Erickson and Bowlby said that the first and greatest challenge, the first and greatest task in the natural human development is to learn to trust, to be able to trust in relationship, it’s the foundation for all other development.  Gotta get that straight.  I argue that the first and greatest task, the first and greatest challenge in the spiritual life is to trust God.   There is one thing that separates those who are resilient from those who are not.   Childlike Trust (particularly in God’s goodness and his Providence for me in particular) separate those who are resilient from those who are not.   We are resilient not because of our own efficacy, our own ability, our own strength, our own intelligence, our own resources, our own knowledge, our own skills, talents, money, possessions, but Catholic resilience depends on connecting to and sharing in the love and power and omniscience of God, sheltering under His wing.  And if we are spiritually small in our relationship with God, when we fall, it’s not that far to the ground. We won’t get hurt.    Effects of the Fall – psychological devastation.   However the infant and the toddler will always be disappointed and wounded by the parents, because mom is not perfect, and dad is not God.   Often this is totally unintentional.   Paraphrased From Nancy McWilliams (2011) Psychoanalytic Diagnosis (second edition).   Men may easily underestimate how intimidating they are to their young daughters; men’s bodies, faces, and voices are harsher than those of either of girls or their mothers, and they take some getting used to.  A father who is angry seems particularly formidable, perhaps especially to a sensitive girl.  If a man engages in tantrums, harsh criticism, erratic behavior, or sexual violation, he may be terrifying.  A doting father who also intimidates his little girl creates a kind of approach-avoidance conflict; he is an exciting but feared object.  If he seems to dominate his wife, as in a patriarchal family, the effect is magnified.  His daughter will learn that girls and women are less valued than boys and men. Oldest daughter Grace, married earlier this month, “the practice child.”  Grace and me.    There are parts of us that think we are going to be annihilated if we are small, if we are vulnerable again.  This is terrifying for us.  Think about the differential  6 foot tall and   1600 lbs, 12 ft. tall.   Able to lift a ton  worse than getting in the wrestling ring with Andrew the Giant.   <...