47 Shame and Redemption: St. Peter and You

Dec 21, 2020

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Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth right now, in these days, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. This podcast is about transformation -- a radical transformation of self, overcoming anything that gets in the way of us loving God our Father and Mary our Mother with the trust and dependence of a little child. This podcast is all about real love in real relationships and it's messy. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor -- This is episode 47, released on December 21, 2020
1. and it is titled: Shame and Redemption: St. Peter and You
1. it is the 11th episode in our series on shame.
1. Thank you for being here with me.
1. This episode stands alone
1. Episodes 37, 38 and 39 lay out the conceptual foundations on shame
1. Last episode we discussed how shame can lead to tragedy in the story of Judas Iscariot.
1. Continuing to illustrate shame and related concepts with stories
  1. Now we are going to look at an story of intense shame and redemption.
    1. The story of the Apostle Peter
    2. Really going to look inside of Peter's mind, heart, body and soul today
    3. Really focus on understanding what happened in his life
      1. Making sense of his decisions, his choices
    4. 1. I share his name. I connect with him, he makes so much sense to me. Very similar parts.
2. 1. In our fallen world, in our fallen human condition, all of us have elements of what Peter struggled with.
    1. We can learn from Peter's redemption
Profiling St. Peter
1. Teaching you to recognize parts in other, parts in yourself
1. I am an IFS therapist -- really interested in parts of people
1. Understanding parts really helps us grow in the understanding of ourselves and others
  1. Socrates: Know thyself
2. 1. Jesus: Removing the beam in your own eye
3. 1. Recognizing, identifying your parts and the parts of others is really helpful for loving the other person. Why?
4. 1. Loving a person means accepting loving all their parts. All of them.
    1. It is really helpful to know a part in order understand what it needs.
    2. Doesn't mean affirming every action
    3. Doesn't mean agreeing with every opinion
    4. Doesn't mean endorsing every desire
    5. Doesn't mean encouraging every impulse
1. See what you resonate with
1. What are parts?
  1. Discrete, autonomous mental systems, each with own idiosyncratic range of emotion, style of expression, abilities, desires views of the world.
    1. Modes of operating
    2. Subpersonalities
    3. Orchestra model
    4. Focus is on integration.
2. 1. Get forced into extreme roles -- attachment injuries and relational traumas
3. 1. Three roles
    1. Exiles --
      1. most sensitive -- become injured or outraged. Threatens the system, external relationships
      2. Exploited, rejected, abandoned in external relationships
      3. Want care and love, rescue, redemption
      4. shame. Need for redemption
  2. 1. Managers
      1. Protective, strategic, controlling environment, keep things safe
    2. 1. Obsessions. Compulsions, reclusiveness, passivity, numbing. Panic attacks, somatic complaints, depressive episodes, hypervigiliance.
  3. 1. Firefighters
      1. Stifle, anesthetize, distract from feelings of exiles
    2. 1. No concern for consequences
    3. 1. Binge eating, drug/alcohol use, dissociation, sexual risk taking, cutting
4. 1. Parts can take over the person
    1. Like in Pixar Movie Inside Out -- anger taking over the control panel of the main character Riley
  2. 1. We call it blending.
1. IFS on the Self -- (recorded)
  1. Self defined as the seat of consciousness
2. 1. Self can be occluded or overwhelmed by parts
3. 1. When self accepts and loves parts, those parts transform back into who they were meant to be
4. 1. Self-led mind is self-righting.
5. 1. self -- Active inner leader -- more than mindfulness
6. 1. Parts find the relationship with the self very reassuring
    1. But to reap the benefits they have to unblend from and notice the self
  2. 1. This is frightening can challenging to parts
  3. 1. Agency in the parts -- parts are making decisions about unblending in IFS model
7. 1. Intrinsic qualities of the self
    1. Curiosity
  2. 1. Compassion
  3. 1. Calm
  4. 1. Confidence
  5. 1. Courage
  6. 1. Clarity
  7. 1. Creativity
  8. 1. Connectedness
  9. 1. Kindness
8. 1. The self can be easily occluded, obscured, hidden by protective parts who take over in response to fear, anger or shame
1. St. Peters Parts -- or modes of operating
  1. Boldness, self confidence Overconfidence
    1. Manager Part.
  2. 1. Fisherman who owned his own boat
      1. A part that wants to be big.
    2. 1. Have to make quick decisions
    3. 1. Dangerous occupation
  3. 1. Respected in Galilee, a leader
  4. 1. Courage, Fortitude
  5. 1. Leads to forgetting the teaching of Jesus
  6. 1. Established, married.
  7. 1. Defends against a shame exile.
2. 1. Spontaneity/Impulsivity
    1. Manager leaping in
    2. Quick reactions -- this part leaps into action instantaneously
      1. Man of action
    3. 1. Courage here too
    5. Trusted his instincts.
    6. Capable of intense emotion
    7. Driven by that emotion
      1. Seizing opportunities as they arise
        See opportunity, seize opportunity
        No dithering
    8. 1. Can lead to ra...